Effective Monday, my new on-air schedule will be as follows...

Mondays And Wednesdays: 1-3 PM with Robbie the Rascal in the Rumpus Room.

Tuesdays and Thursdays: 9-11:30 PM with George at G-Max in the Morning.

Hope this helps. =)

Joyous...

.:Nyahahahahaha!!!:.

I know you're in class right now and you're not listening, but if you just try and text in to WAVE your full name and “Master And Commander: The Far Side Of The World”, you'd end up winning two tickets to the movie premiere of Alien Vs. Predator!

Needless to say, Carl won those tickets today... along with a two-day VIP pass to Bodyworx Fa and Spitness Club in West Avenue...

.:Hilarity Ensues:.

Kathy deserves more credit than she gets when it comes to reading people. She read certain guys like the back of her hand, from intentionalities to actual motivations. In any case, when I got to Sacha's house, it was quite apparent that she was still processing a lot of papers for her to get to Japan, so she wasn't around yet. Peppy and I were the earlybirds, and Kathy decided to ask us to take her to Eastwood as she wanted to re-negotiate her contract with Carlo, whom she actually found cute (But was not her type...).

While she was getting some stuff before heading out, I tried twirling the empty tube of Lay's Stax to get the hang of a reverse weave, and Peppy observed it with amusement...

Marcelle: It's a lot easier when it's stiff...

Peppy: I'm sure it is.

Marcelle: That's not what I meant, Peppy!!!

Peppy: What're you talking about?

Marcelle: The smile on your face...

Peppy: ... Lets me know that you need me?

.:Bargaining Power:.

We headed out to Eastwood and got there in good time. Soon enough, Dominique arrived and he got briefed on how the renegotiations were being planned. Dom was particularly looking like a genuine lawyer of sorts, and I found it impressive and all. Nonetheless, by the time Dominique got on the negotiating table, he was just tossing out terms that sounded risky, but he pulled them off. For instance, he upped the asking price of each performer to 1000 instead of 800 each, and Carlo didn't even bat an eyelash. It was as though he was lapping it all up or he deliberately spaced out on us.

Nonetheless, it didn't take long before we realized that while we're doing really fine, it's very likely that we won't end up getting a better deal for this month. It's still all good, though. When we left, Kathy started talking about introducing us to some “cute girl in Urdaneta” (I'm merely quoting her...), then steps back and says “you're not single”, and yet not referring to me. Oh, well. In the end, I didn't quite find the hype to be good enough... but I digress. All that talk of “go straight” was particularly amusing, though.

.:The Birthday Girl:.

What's not to like about this picture?

When we got back to the Chua residence, things were beginning to get interesting. Sacha was there, and then tried on her Cheongsam, which was nothing short of gorgeous on her... nonetheless, Peppy and I ended up chopping the potatoes in lieu of Sach, as she sure wasn't dressed for that particular task. It was just fun, really. So there we were, conversing, and all, and then we suddenly just had to eat, as Mr. Chua decided to call it mealtime already. For the record, I loved Kathy's stew, though it obviously could've used some more spices, though that stuff was out of her hands already. Honestly, it's only now that I've been feeling rather at ease with Kathy. She's a genuinely great friend, who's street-smart and witty and brilliant in her own right.

Soon enough, Sean got there, then so did Carl, Erick, and Zeus. Dominique was the last to arrive, but he was the first to show up for the day, truth be told . I already had my present for Sach, although not quite the most expensive or brand-new present I could come up with, but certainly something I was certain she'd appreciate. Dinner was interesting, with varying topics of conversation, before we decided to go and grab some ice cream after a while. The cake was good, too. Sacha was exceedingly giddy over the sugar flowers...

We didn't make it to Cash and Carry as it was closed already when we scooted over there, but we passed by a Mini Stop and got ice cream from there instead. Sacha was mighty pleased. Ice cream has that effect on her. After a while, ice cream was served, and it wasn't long before Zeus then Dominique left (Sean already left after dinner...). This was of course after a special meeting with Mr. and Mrs. Chua regarding the future plans regarding spinning, especially the safety practices and the publicity we hoped to generate for the group. The discussions were particularly interesting, and then we started practicing with the poi again.

Yes, I can do the corkscrew consistently now, and I can also do the reverse weave now! Yay. Took me long enough to learn that trick...

.:The Moment:.

So after a while and some downtime in between all the storytelling and the spinning practice, I asked Sacha if she wanted to get her present already. While she was indeed getting a letter from me for her birthday, I decided to give her a little something more, and I went with her to my bag to get her the present. It was my copy of “I, Robot”, which I'm sure she appreciated, especially since she's an Asimov fan, and she's seen the movie with me already.

Then we just had a moment that seemed to last an eternity. I was really happy that she liked the present, and it was fun how she kept on commenting that I was too tall. Nonetheless, it was really memorable, and by the time we went back down to the studio, it was as though nothing happened. But we know better...

What else is there to say? Sacha is simply a special friend who has made an indelible impact in my life... Little has been left unsaid, and I like it that way.

.:Spinning And Shooting:.

After more downtime, Sacha and Erick started trying to do a back to back spinning thing, where they lean back on one another. At one point, Erick nearly fell over Sacha because he was leaning too far back already. Soon enough, they just started doing all these athletic tricks like Chinese getups (My favorite trick. If I could do that, I'd be so happy.), cartwheels, and jumping over one's own leg. It was really fun... I was calling Erick a “mutant” for all of that... Sach then proceeded to dizzy herself several times while spinning around doing alternate forward and backward weaves. We had to hold her in place a couple of times...

The topic shifted to air guns and “Gotcha” or something similar, eventually. The cruelty to animals bit from Carl sort of freaked me out, but it was okay. I ended up having to console Sacha when Carl started talking about how his uncles spent their time shooting at stray cats... heh. Still, the shooting the rooster story was even worse, and worse than that was the empty air gun that Erick nearly blew his head off with. Apparently, the compressed air was so powerful, it took half of a chicken's face clean off when he shot it instead of himself... crazy people.

So why did Carl do that mean thing to the rooster? Well, this isn't revenge...

Oh, Gee.

.:Ish Her Birthday:.

Happy birthday to Ms. Sacha Chua!!! Hopefully, she’ll be having a really good day today… I greeted you on air, jabroni. =)

.:It Wasn’t Eternal…:.

So Grace and I didn’t get to watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind last night in Centerpoint simply because it wasn’t showing there. Nonetheless, we threshed out several issues that needed to be resolved, and hopefully, things would go a bit smoother from this point on…

While we don’t expect forever, it’s high time doomsaying was put to a stop…

.:Spoonerisms…:.

We’re giving away a two-day VIP pass to Bodyworx Fa and Spitness Club…

Omigosh. I cannot believe I just said that on air… heh.

.:Radically Realigned:.

So I managed to catch the documentary film about life on the railroad tracks entitled “Riles” yesterday. This was actually the second time I’ve seen it, as I have seen it last schoolyear as a requirement in Mr. Bulaong’s class. What made this viewing more interesting than the first one was that this time, the “stars” of the film were there right outside the classroom, and yet nobody noticed until the final moment (Except for me and Camilo, unless I’m mistaken.) that they were. Even the director of the film was there in the vicinity, all the same.

In any case, after the film, Dr. Ibana interviewed them both, and it was quite refreshing to hear their points of view on life. They had an outlook that was really pragmatic, yet sagacious all the same. I guess experience is a far better teacher than the ivory towers of the academe, after all…

.:Conversations:.

Sacha and I had an interesting discussion last night. We were mostly talking about how she was and all, and I guess I realized in some regards my expendability last night. It did occur to me that I happened to be a third-string running back in a football game, or in more familiar terms to myself, the twelfth man in the basketball team. I’d love to be of help, but I guess there’re better options than I. But I digress so by delving into this.

Anyways, I told Sacha about the interesting conversation Kathy and I have had during the day, as well as some things I managed to read about people I’ve been dealing with. While Sacha scoffs at reading people, I feel that it is integral to my anticipating how best to deal with them, instead of rushing into dealing with them without a clue to help me along. It’s not a tool for judging people: I hate being judged, and I likewise hate passing judgment on people.

The conversation had a distinctive edge, though, and I figured that while it’s uncharacteristic of her anyways, a giddy Sacha is still something I’m far from accustomed to. It’s something I’ve been noticing about her quite a deal lately, to the point that whenever we talk about the night’s dominant topic face to face, there’s an unmistakable twinkle in her eyes that tells me she’s got it bad (An expression, of course.). Well, what works for her apparently doesn’t quite work for me… my feelings are too fleeting. My patterns are too dehumanizing, and I realize that it’s ultimately flawed. One is not as good as the other.

The best and only advice I can give her? For her to relish the moment. So long as she’s not hurting anyone (At least, not intentionally…), I see no reason for her to hold herself back from anything.

.:The World Of 9:00 PM On A Tuesday:.
A Non-Fiction Monologue by Marcelle T. Fabie

Six in the evening. The bell rings, signifying class time. I’m so tired and sleepy, but I will myself to go to Heidegger class, anyway. That article on “The Origin of the Work of Art” is anything but easy, and on my way to class, a colleague tells me that it’s “heavy stuff”. Obviously, the understatement of the decade.

We sit in class and Dr. Barbazza begins to lecture on what makes a work of art a work of art. Heidegger’s loopiness is actually amusing yet anything but pleasant. I look around me throughout the class, and notice people with varying levels of interest in the discussion. Martin Heidegger is such a complicated man.

”What is the one important thing for Heidegger?”

Dr. Barbazza speaks of how all thinkers have just one thing in mind throughout their careers, and he asks the class what Heidegger’s focus was.

"Hannah Arendt?"

A female undergraduate student cracks a joke, which elicits a chuckle from the class. In truth, the good doctor was looking for an answer about letting being unfold itself as such. Nonetheless, the discussion continues, and soon enough, he begins to talk about the disparity between the Earth and the World.

The terminologies were worthy of scratching your head to: what was the disparity to begin with? Apparently, Martin Heidegger has a terrible predilection to making up new meanings for commonly understood words, and as one would put it, good old Heidegger really makes one feel like he’s “swimming in wet sand”. More like sinking, actually.

And the discussion is thusly: the Earth is that which we stand upon. It is the keeper of our secrets, that which is our shelter. It is not the planet Earth of Science. Rather, it is our Earth. This Earth we speak of translates to beyond just terra firma: the Earth of a stone sculpture is the stone. The stone keeps the secrets of the sculpture until this work of art manages to unconceal it. The Earth is the status quo that we tend to ignore. How many people gush over the kind of wood used in making a chair, yet gush over the choice of lumber in a wooden carving of a lion?

And where does that leave the World? Only human beings have a genuine world. Non-living things don’t. Plants and animals are World-poor. This World that we speak of is that network of meaning we find in our lives in anything. The Earth of Nazism is long gone, but whenever racism arises, the World of Nazism opens up all over again to those who have gone through it and even to some who have not. The Earth of the stone sculpture is stone, but this stone, when allowed to be seen for what it is, opens up a World to the one who beholds this work of art.

Such a deep disparity, yet I felt that it was ultimately of no use to me.

And then the bell rang.

I walked out the classroom in Faura, and took my usual route. Nine o’ clock in the evening. And then the realization hit me.

The Earth has moved on. But the World remains. I walk eastwards, thinking about what the World of 9:00 PM on a Tuesday means to me. Trudging along, a blunt and numbing realization hits me: the World remains. The World Worlds for me, inasmuch as the baker bakes and the runner runs. And yet the Earth refuses to acknowledge this World. I’m not going to find what my World has found in the Earth now. No more of those fond conversations and deep realizations. No more of the wonderful food and ice cream nightcaps. No more of the second best hugs I've ever had in my life. No longer. It’s over.

Before I hurt myself any further in letting that World open itself up to me all over again, I turn back and head westwards, in the direction of the LRT. It’s time to go to my house. Not my home. Because for a glorious while, every 9:00 PM on a Tuesday home was eastwards. But no longer. The World of 9:00 PM on a Tuesday, the Earth tells me, is a thing of the past. How foolish of me to expect otherwise.

The Earth has moved on, but the World remains. And now, I’m swallowed by the strife between the Earth and the World.

So come next week, I shall dread that bell once again-- Because the World of 9:00 PM on a Tuesday will still be there to haunt me.

.:Ph33R I\/I3!!!:.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

.:Cat Attack!:.

Sacha's cat, Neko, was running around their house last night, and I had the unenviable task of getting her back. I had to run up and down the stairs, and endure a severe scratching across my palm that required Sach to put a band-aid on my hand... it was pretty fun, though, and if it's any consolation, I heard Dom was attacked by that cat a bit more... viciously.

I should be thanking my lucky stars, then. Heh.

.:Quote For The Day:.

I'm afraid that when I come back, they'd forget about me...

If it's any consolation, here's one person who won't.

.:Doc Gus:.

Dr. Rodriguez is officially my favorite professor this semester, with his sheer dynamism and sense of humor. When we were talking about Socrates in class, I ended up suggesting that if they really wanted to get him out of prison, they could’ve kidnapped him instead. I’m sure he couldn’t have put up much of a fight…

Then, in the department, while we were having ice cream (Choco Crinkles and Coffee Crumble! Yay.), he started talking about how Heidegger’s metaphysics was a dead end so long as Dr. Barbazza wasn’t in the vicinity. If he were, then it’s no longer a dead end: it’s a possibility. Joy and JC were having problems reviewing, and then when I asked them about Metaphysics…

Joy: Oh? Well, Fr. Que’s metaphysics is good…

Dr. Gus: So you’re saying that Mr. Callassanz doesn’t teach Metaphysics well? I’ll let him know… *pretends to call out to Mr. Callassanz* Hoy, taba!!!

A while later, they started talking to sir Jomel about the new cute girl in the ORP, and how it’s time they started going there more often. Doc Gus then thought that if this were the case, then they should’ve taken the new girl instead of sir Jomel as the other secretary of the Philosophy department… heh. Pretty funny stuff.

Conversations about getting people drunk also abounded… oh, well.

.:It’s A Kind Of Magic:.

After hanging out in the department for a while, I headed off to Ayala to meet up with Sacha as I wanted to talk to her about some things that I needed to get off my chest already, as it was just becoming too much for me to handle on my own. I stayed in Neutral Grounds while waiting for her, and I got a lot of the cards I needed for my deck. Blue cards, in fact, for my new deck concept… I just need four copies of Smokestack, though.

So I was getting a bunch of cards here and there, and then soon enough Sacha arrived in Neutral Grounds, and I just threw my game against some guy already as Sach seemed to be in a hurry. We headed off to National Bookstore to buy her ribbon for her party invitations.

I had to ask her to ignore me during my moments of weakness, knowing all too well that I’d be setting myself up for the fall if she entertained me at that point, and she understood. I’m glad she did. It’s too difficult to explain.

She’s a great friend, pretty, affectionate, and brilliant. I’m sure she’d make someone happy as someone’s girlfriend, but It’s more than good enough that she makes me very happy as her friend. I really have no right to ask for anything more than that.

I voiced out my promise to her, and put it on the record: I will be around for her in a Platonic capacity when she starts trying to get into relationships. I know things won’t be perfect for her, and the only thing that I can promise her is that I’d be there for her. I’m glad she appreciated it.

In the end, we worked things out, and she suddenly got a call for an emergency poi session in Roxas Boulevard for a video audition. We headed off to Park Square to buy some tapes, and then she relented…

.:Fire Emergency:.

So Sacha and I were picked up by Kathy and her mom to have an emergency poi session for a video to submit to an audition. We had fun in Roxas, though the kids there were annoying than usual. I was just a bit miffed, though, since they apparently didn’t get to record my part, to think it was a relatively good set that I had… oh, well. That can’t be helped.

I liked Sacha’s mom’s comment about wanting to know what her children are up to, and supporting it so long as it’s not illegal or immoral… it was a very nice perspective on things.

In any case, the poi session last night was great. I guess I could use some more work on stuff, but it was funny when Sacha lent us black shirts, and I ended up wearing an “Open Source” shirt, which looked weird on this non-geek…

But… but… Bill Gates is my god!

That comment made Sacha raise her eyebrows… heh.

Now, if she lent me a pair of pants, I could officially say that… draw your own conclusions, jabronis.

.:Smoothly:.

I’ve been improving my rapport with George today. We had a lot of fun plugging the poi thing again, and I’m pretty sure that things are going to be going fine from this point on, as far as my show with her goes. I suppose I have to cut down on chatting, though, as it helped me keep focused all throughout the show, as I noticed. I have to keep that fact in mind… ah, well.

It appears I owe someone an apology.

For things that were disclosed that were far too personal for public consumption, for things I said that may have been taken in a bad light, I'm sorry.

I've been far from a great friend/listener, Delamar, and I know it. But I have to say that I honestly meant no harm in the things I said. I was wrong, and I admit it. The last thing I would want to do is to put down or offend you and Chico, if not for the Radio 1 training, then more importantly for having known you and regarded you as a friend for over six years already.

I'm sorry. And I still thank you both for everything.

.:The Hot 10:.

This was the first Hot 10 I managed to top for the longest time... I forgot to mention it, actually...

In any case, the topic was: The Hot 10 things you'd say to someone who is about to kiss you. My answer...

I won't kid myself that this will mean to you as much as it will to me.

Sigh...

.:Sugarfree Fun:.

So I was pretty tired and all after all the stuff we've been up to last Friday night, but I was pretty much loaded last Saturday all the same. I decided to go and see how the Sugarfree Concert Series in the Mall event turned out, as I wanted to kill some time before heading off to Eastwood for showtime.

I ended up running into Abby, Bro, and Tita Alma (Abby's mom.) while making my way around the mall in anticipation of the mini-concert. Everyone who knew me, from Bro to the other DJ's on RX, were ribbing me over wearing my RX cap, for obvious reasons. I reasoned that I didn't have any other cap...

Nonetheless, I had a nice time talking to the three of them. It's been a while since I've seen them all, and it was pretty good to be able to talk to them without any tension or worries. Unfortunately, it simply highlighted the fact that a transfer of sentiments occurred at some point after our graduation. This time, however, I think that things have made quite a turn. Still, it was fun hearing Sugarfree again after the longest time. I missed “Mariposa” and “Burnout”. It's obviously not in the WAVE playlist... heh. Abby found the new ADMU ID with the Church of the Gesu in the background quite amusing...

Kim was surprised that we now have the same timeslot on board. Truth be told, prior to getting used to it, so was I...

Anyways, I really loved the mini-concert... Sugarfree, without a doubt, is one of my favorite local bands of all time.

After the whole thing, I was offered to hitch with them en route to their destination, as they were going to pass near Eastwood. Incidentally, the Eastwood thing was going to happen at around 7:00 that evening, and yet we left Galleria at around 6:00, so by the time they dropped me off, it was only 6:15... they dropped me off near Culture Club...

Bro: Hanggang dito na lang, Marcelle. Liliko na ako dito, eh.

Marcelle: I have until seven to get to Eastwood, Bro. I have all the time in the world.

.:Preliminaries:.

I was just hanging around the Plaza area in Eastwood, waiting for the fire spinners to show up. I ran into Eden (Again.), and Chrissie, one of my batchmates. After a while of waiting, they finally arrived, and since I was at the other end of the plaza “fountain”, I tried to see how long it would take them before they realized that I was actually just in front of them. I think it took around five minutes before Sacha noticed. And then I headed off to their direction, and she seemed genuinely less stressed than she did the previous night.

Apparently, the anxiety came from the fact that she was supposed to go and talk to somebody, and she was worried about what might happen there. I guess I really can't blame her: lots of people have been making a mad scramble to have a moment with her before she leaves. Still, I understood well enough why she felt so bad...

Sacha was in a tizzy, as she didn't know who to pick. I told her that it's a bridge she should only cross when she gets there. Why does she have to choose right now, when she can't guarantee that person a relationship? All she can give is false hope, and a part of her knows it.

I made a promise to Sacha, the details of which I am not at liberty to divulge here. Suffice it to say that my conscience cannot allow myself to make things more complicated for her, nor can it allow me to let her foray into it without a friend to count on as a respite.

I fully intend to keep that promise.

.:The Heat Is On:.

Fire dancing was extremely enjoyable last Saturday night. The roll call: Dom, Krizette, Sacha, Kathy, Erick, Peppy, Carl, Pan-M, myself, and the latecomers: Herbz and Jeff.

I was having a hard time and all, as I was trying to do a lot of new tricks, especially with only one poi. It was pretty fun, and I lit up so many times that night for me to keep count. I hit myself a bunch of times over while my poi were on fire, but no big deal, really. Carl was ribbing me about my RX cap all the same, especially since lots of pictures were taken during the night. I also had this rewinding trick I do when I wrap the chain around me, whether around my neck (When it's not on fire.) or around my waist (Snapback while the poi is lit.).

Soon enough, my mom arrived, and I made the requisite introductions. I noticed that the donation jar that night was getting quite a lot of money, and from what I heard, we broke even and made more than a thousand bucks in donations. I did my regular spiel about gasoline prices and then had that input about the origins of poi from Kathy, and if it weren't me doing the announcements for the next show, it was Sacha. My mom found it amusing that the clumsiest member of the family was doing fire spinning, and she found Sacha “graceful”.

The rain was getting really bad, though. The floor was somewhat slippery, and I slipped down the stairs at one point. Ah, well. Am I glad not too many people noticed.

Erick and I were having fun doing the single poi tricks. I think we were the only ones who really specialized in it, though I of course would concede that Erick was a lot better than I was when it came to that, though the nice new stuff I learned to do was good enough... I can now do the isolation. Yay.

I ended up having a huge red welt on my neck over wrapping the poi around my neck, though. It doesn't look too good, and my mom, of all people, was suggesting that someone did it to me... three guesses who. And your first guess is wrong.

After a little while longer, the rest of my family arrived, and Mrs. Chua, while talking to me, heard that my mom was there. She wasn't around when I introduced my mom to the other people in the group. I don't think they actually ran into one another at all that night...

My brother, Jericho, was extremely amazed at my fire spinning skills, limited though they may be... heh. My stepdad just smiled on. Probably the same sentiment as my mom about my being the clumsiest in the family...

As an aside, I realized that our soundtrack that night was pretty amusing... it suspiciously sounded like “Aling Ria”, but that's just me.

I really enjoyed that night. Carl and Pan-M also lit up for the first time that night, so that night was quite a night of first. I was exceedingly happy at that point, and most of us were generally in high spirits. Sacha even hugged me at one point there. I'm glad that she managed to get all those worries of her chest soon enough. We even had a photo op after the whole thing, and looking at everyone, I realized the need to wear black, considering how often I hit myself with the poi...

.:Business Matters:.

It looks like we won't be signing that contract with Eastwood, after all. There's an exclusivity clause in the contract that really is restrictive to us, as it prevents us from performing anywhere else for the duration of the contract (At least, Kathy specifically. But what's the point of performing without her, anyway?). Afterwards, the extension clause of the contract specifically states that our compensation will be on the same terms as the first contract, ergo, no chance for a hike. Unless those two things are taken off the contract, forget it. We're better off in Roxas Boulevard, all things considered.

.:Mortality:.

Today's service in Union Church (Yes, I'm Catholic, yes, I know that Union Church isn't a Catholic church, and no, that's irrelevant to me.) was on a topic that really caught me off guard and really made me feel uneasy... it was about death, and what happens after it. I look at myself right now, and realize that I cannot expect myself to keep on doing the things I do at present indefinitely. The thought of an end to my mortal life does frighten me. I've learned to respect the temporal just as much as the eternal, and as such, learned to regard the body with as much esteem as the soul, unlike most people with dualistic thinking that speak of the realms of the flesh so derogatorily.

With that in mind, it becomes a difficult pill to swallow for me, thinking about the end of the line. People we'd want to be with forever, people who mean so much to us, at one point or another, the end will come inevitably. It scares me. I am nearly too petrified to wonder what happens when my temporal self is over and done with.

.:A Sonnet Of Eternal Love:.
A Sonnet by Marcelle T. Fabie
(Inspired by the Trina Bellamide song, “Happy Valentine's Day”)

Fairer than fairest, beauty that knows no end.
My angel, my strength, my greatest Godsend.
You walked into my life so unexpectedly.
I was stunned, smitten, struck, and anxiety
Filled every day that passed, pining for you.
And so I loved, oh! A love so blissfully true!
But through it all, I never even knew
That you felt quite the same way for me too.

We loved so much more than words can say.
We promised one another forever and a day.
But now you’re gone, and it drives me insane.
I know you’re happy now, but it’s not the same
Someday we’ll meet again, but now I’m alone.
As I lay these flowers upon your gravestone.

.:As Expected:.

... Sacha is officially going to Japan. As expected.

I’m happy for her. Really, I am.

.:Slow…:.

My day was a slow one for the most part, as after classes, I just went online until I felt like going to Hobby Haven, where I played a bunch of Magic games. Soon enough, I ended up heading off to Sacha’s house in anticipation of going to Roxas Boulevard. Grace was a bit miffed over my accidentally answering her missed call, but it was all good.

So I got there around 6:15 in the evening, and I was a bit out of sorts, but otherwise fine. Sacha was trying to figure out what was up with me, and she was trying to find out why I was acting that way. I decided to shrug off the rest of the conversation, as I didn’t particularly want her to feel down and all. I appreciate that she’s worried and she cares, but I’ve gone through this before. It’s just a matter of time before I somehow manage to regain my bearings and move on with my life.

Dom lent me the Zsazsa Zaturnah comic book, and I finished it already. Kathy asked us to try her hot sauce over dinner, and while it was good, I didn’t quite find it a match with the food… Dominique liked the sauce a lot, though.

.:He’s On Fire!!!:.

It was my first go at lighting up last night, and despite some inevitable misses here and there, I managed to acquit myself well.

So I learned how to do the corkscrew last night as well, and I was running up quite a nice collection with the people at Roxas Boulevard. I was designated as the alms-solicitor while I wasn’t lighting up, and I think most of the audience got a kick out of me asking for money because “gasoline prices are going up”. As usual, the same people were there: Dom, Carl, Erick, Jo, Krizette, Sacha, Cathy, and Herbz. Grace showed up fairly late into the evening, but we still managed to teach her a few of the basic moves for spinning. It’s funny how she was starting off, as she was essentially having the same problems as I was having when I was starting: my off hand wasn’t capable of keeping up with my other hand…

I lit up a total of three times last night, and I must say that I enjoyed myself. I was fairly surprised that I did things right for the most part, and I was actually rather competent with the stuff I’ve been trying. I still can’t do the reverse weave or a genuine butterfly, but the tricks I’ve been managing have been quite good, for the most part. Not bad for a beginner such as myself.

Grace is a fast learner. She was doing the weave already by the end of the night, although she couldn’t keep it up for long enough…

.:The Ride:.

After the whole deal, we began planning what we could be doing beyond this once we’ve managed to train well enough. The moment we’re qualified, it appears we’ll be literally going places, what with Singapore as part of the most immediate plans (Sometime in November.)… I’m particularly overjoyed, given that prospect.

However, I noticed that Sacha was rather perturbed that evening. I could tell when she’s putting on a smile for the sake of pretenses, and last night, if her smile got any weaker, Pee Wee Herman would become the Incredible Hulk. There seemed to be something off with her, and on the way out, I told her that I may be wrong in my assumption, but she seemed a bit sad. I hoped she would be fine, and as if to confirm my assumption, she said that it wasn’t about me. That’s irrelevant to the point. I just hope she works things out soon enough.

On the way home, Grace and I boarded a taxi with Jo, Carl, and Erick. Erick was wondering why Grace wouldn’t sit on my lap so that the taxi wouldn’t get too cramped, and then I offered to let him sit on my lap instead. He then started to pretend being gay, and sang along to some Toto love song playing in the radio while holding my arm. Even I got freaked out, and that’s saying a lot. We then started joking around with Love Radio, as I told Jo that he could try and work for them, as they always seem to have an opening, anyway. That was funny…

We’ll be doing this again tomorrow, this time in Eastwood. And starting next week, we’ll be doing all this only at Eastwood…

.:Revel:.
a Freeverse by Marcelle T. Fabie

When your heart skips a beat at her very sight
It’s a rush of emotions that envelops your being
When you toss and turn, thinking of her at night
The feelings swamp you; intoxicate you completely
Joy. Excitement. Affection. Infatuation. Obsession
Perhaps even just the slightest hint of Lust.
Afford yourself the luxury of feeling this way
Falling in love doesn’t always happen to people

It’s an emotional high that makes your heart smile
Each waking moment spent thinking about her
Each sleeping moment spent dreaming about her
O, you deserve it: everyone deserves to be loved
Everyone needs someone, even just for a while
So relish the moment! Don’t forget how it all feels
You’d be surprised how fleeting all of this is in the end

Revel, my friend: in falling in love, revel
It’s a feeling that won’t last, no matter how novel
Falling in love is far from true love, after all
Once the high is over, you snap back to reality
For a glorious while, you deluded yourself perfectly

.:Paalam:.
Isang Tula ni Marcelle T. Fabie

Dumating na rin ang takdang panahon
Na ang ating mga landas ay magkakahiwalay
Ngunit kung nais ng tadhana’y di rin maglalaon
Na malalampasan din natin itong matinding lumbay

Hindi ko akalaing ganito na lamang nagtatapos
Ang paglikha ng mga ala-ala ng pagsasama natin
Nabali ang kasunduan; Katwira’y naghikahos
Kinasusuklaman ang nababatid sa salamin

Paalam sa iyo. Ito na ang katapusan
Ng isang samahang di-mapapantayan

Hindi ko maaaring kalimutan lahat ng nagdaan
Masakit ang paghihiwalay ng iisang diwa
Isang hagupit ng lagito; isang malalim na hiwa
Paano ba ang pagdadalmhati maaaring maibsan?

Paalam, Katwiran: nawa’y ang iyong tahakin
Ay mas maging maginhawa kaysa akin
Alam kong di magtatagal iyo ring lilimutin
Ang ngalan ko, ang iyong kaibigan, Damdamin

Paalam sa iyo. Ito na ang katapusan
Ng isang samahang di-mapapantayan

Mr. Callassanz: See? These people don't want to admit they're artists. Except Marcelle. He's proud that he's an artist...

Eh? Where'd that come from?

So... I've done some editing for this, but I know it could use some more work. As you can tell, I skipped the twists and turns for this attempt I wrote four or so years ago... just thought I'd ask what you jabronis think could be done to work on this...

.:The Heretic:.
A Short Story by Marcelle T. Fabie

Look at me. Yes, I'm talking to you. Look at my burnt carcass still emanating with a macabre scent that sends shivers down people's spines. Look at my eyes-or whatever else is left of them. Do they not speak of the utter guilt that I harbor towards the Mother Church? Look at my hands and feet; bound to this stake I fear and revile so. Look at my mouth; wide open in awe at the realization of my iniquities. As you examine whatever remains of my ashes, you will discover much about me. In fact, I even wonder why I became a Protestant in the first place. Or do I?

I am known to most as a heretic. An enemy of the Church. He who has cast down his belief in Romanism and embraced the teachings of Martin Luther. Now, I despise him and his teachings for he has caused me to go against what I was taught to believe. Or do I?

The moment that they sentenced me to death at the stake for heresy, I fell to my knees in grief, only then understanding the full extent of my crime. I have gone against the Holy Mother Church! She who has become the most exalted on Earth! She who has led me to the blessed Mary, our Mother. She who has brought me closer to the saints who I pray to for intercession. She who I have learned to love for her lessons in life! How I wish I could turn back time and do what I should have done! Or do I?

How I wish I weren't there by the church at Wittenberg that early morn in 1817. Had I not shown myself there, I would have not even known about all these "wrong-doings" that Luther was lamenting about. How I wish that I were more closed-minded to the truth, that perhaps then I would have stayed blind to what was otherwise a Christianized circus of paganism. Then again, each person has the right to his own opinions, and on that day at Wittenberg, I was captivated by what Luther had to say. The man had a charisma about him back then that seemed so irresistible. Despite that, he has led many of us to our deaths, and hundreds, perhaps thousands, are sure to follow in the next days to come.

Bah, who am I kidding? What Luther spoke of made so much sense back then, and it still does to this moment. He spoke of the fallibility of the papacy. He spoke of indulgences and idolatry. He spoke of Mary Worship and paganism. Why, he even spoke of things Catholics would fear to know about! Even though he was talking about a very sensitive matter, he carried it with ease. It seemed to everybody that he was a man who will enlighten the people to find the right church; the true church that will lead all into salvation. He spoke against the ways of the Catholic church which he believed were nothing but lies meant to blind people to the truth. He captivated my heart with the determination to show these Romanists the error of their ways.

That was the day when I decided to renounce my Catholic faith. Muttering a short but heartfelt prayer, I prayed to God to help me enlighten the people to the truth. We moved from one town to another all over Germany, preaching about the truth. We felt a sense of fulfillment in each convert we brought into the fold. On the other hand, it was a crushing blow to us whenever one of our members would fall back into Roman Catholicism.

I was so young; so idealistic. It seemed as though I were a human dynamo filled with energy. My zeal and relentlessness were unparalleled except by Luther himself. The occasional debate from stalwart Catholics resulted in their utter devastation as I crushed each of their arguments. Within a span of five years since the first time I saw those ninety-five theses nailed to the door of the Wittenberg church, I have devoted myself to preach the truth to all my fellow Germans. I took it upon myself to do this for I felt that it was my moral duty. After five years in Germany, Luther took notice of my work. It was then that I started evangelizing the rest of Europe.

Traveling all over Europe was no easy task. I started my journey by going to France, where I managed to convert a good number of people to the Protestant faith. It was then to my dismay that one ofmy closest colleagues, Antoine LeBlanc, was then reconverted to Catholicism, following an embarrassing trial that forced him to recant his teachings. I was dismayed at the loss of a good man, but more so at his weak faith for forsaking what he believed all too soon. Had he gone on and continued his work, perhaps he would be remembered as one of the key figures in the French Protestant Revolution all throughout time. It was sad to see that one of the leaders of the French Protestants would stoop so low. Needless to say, many of his followers abandoned the Protestant Church and returned to Catholicism with open arms. Within a few months' time, it was the best occasion to move to England.

England was the setting for my first run-in with the Inquisition. During one of our secret gatherings, what seemed to be an entire platoon of priests stormed into our room, arresting all those that they could. It was the first time I saw a priest in years, and it was anything but a joyous encounter. In the rush, I was able to go out the rear exit without their noticing. Up to that point, they could not attach a face to my name, perhaps one of their most despised adversaries. I was fortunate to have escaped, but to my dying day, I still bear the guilt of leaving behind those people. We never saw them again after that incident. Some rumors flew around that they became monks. We knew far better than that.

Despite all my precautions since that day, I was arrested in Italy almost fifteen years after my conversion. I may have been careful, but it was not enough for me to avoid being betrayed by a disgruntled former colleague whose brother was killed in the French incident. It was foolish of me to realize that his desire for revenge would cause my undoing. After three days in a dark cell without food and little water, I was taken to what seemed like a dark room filled with hooded priests that looked upon me menacingly. I have never been scared of priests any more than that moment. Only a small lamp lighted the entire room, as they hovered over me as though they were vultures.

They asked me to recant, but I never did. I received at least sixty lashes every three hours from them, but I never relented to their demands. I never flinched for even a moment when they began explaining to me what their reasons for arresting me are. They called me a heretic, and I even found that to be a compliment, coming from them. I was infuriated that these people claim to be "holy" men, yet they were acting no better than swine! They condemned Protestantism and Martin Luther for "leading souls into the gates of Hell". They accused me of going against the Mother Church, and for dishonoring Christ and Mary. I found that ludicrous as questions began coursing through my mind.

"What does Mary have to do with this?" I asked myself.

To me, it was nothing but a way for these Romanists to actually be able to convert pagans, playing upon their belief that the mother of God also, by logic, becomes God. I debated for hours on end with these priests, and they wore me down, but not my convictions. I believed I was right and they were wrong. I believed that they had no right to ask for money for indulgences. How dare they put a monetary price to salvation? Most importantly, I believed that their church was not the true Church. I saw their church as the "Whore of Babylon" that John spoke of in Revelations.

They started using worse methods to make me recant. With each day I was subjected to the torture rack, and despite writhing in agony, I never for one moment thought about recanting. It was a wonder how I survived that diabolical device. Then they started working on making my fingers useless with what they called "thumbscrews", another one of their fiendish methods of making a person capitulate. In spite of all the torture they subjected me to, I never did.

They finally gave up on converting me. They instead decided to do away with me once and for all, to serve as an example to those who would go against the Catholic church. Not the least bit satisfied with branding me a heretic, they accused me of witchcraft and produced fabricated evidence to prove their allegations. They wanted to show that Protestantism is a Satanic religion; one that is the heart of witchcraft. Lies! All lies! But then, who am I to prove them wrong? The trial lasted a mere two days, and the verdict was already made apparent from the first day: death by burning.

It was only then that fear and regret began filling the depths of my soul. I felt like a wretch, all of a sudden wishing that I had recanted. It felt as though all my work fell to naught. Words could never convey the sorrow that came across me when the sentence was passed down; albeit I was already anticipating it. I tried to fool myself that my will was strong enough to overcome a mere matter of the flesh, but I realized that I was still human, in spite of everything I've achieved.

In less than a week, I was to be burned to a stake. There was no chance to be spared from the sentence anymore, for I was given enough time to recant. Then again, maybe there still was, but I was simply too filled with pride to take it.

It was a fine, warm Sunday morning. Perfect for an execution. As the priest recited the Extreme Unction, I prayed for a miracle. Would some fellow Protestant emerge from the crowd and rescue me? My heart sank when the torch lit the straw and no miracle came. Feelings of fear and regret flowed through me far more quickly than the flames consumed the straw. Each second was witness to a growing, rising flame, going up to my feet. I screamed in agony as the flames ate through my clothes and started singeing my skin.

I wanted to recant at that moment, but my shock overwhelmed me. I tried speaking, but nothing came out. Soon enough, I realized that the ashes I were seeing already had a part of my body amongst them.

It was a grisly sight to see my own skin melting as though it were candle wax. The searing flames that scorched my entire body were nowhere as painful and humiliating as the jeers from among the crowd as they callously looked on as I burned to death. Not a single tear was shed for me. By a minute's time, I couldn't feel a thing anymore. I was fading fast, my consciousness giving way to my unconsciousness. Finally, I fell to a deep slumber.

A deep, permanent slumber.

And so I burn. But not in Hell.

Or do I?

.:Random Tidbits:.

Carl and Dom were planning on watching a specific film (The title escapes me right now...), and I found it funny if it just so happened that only the two of them went. That'd be soooo sweet.

I was at the shop yesterday (Instead of going with Sacha to Ayala to watch the Imperial Circus…), and aside from a bunch of Magic Games I played, there was this funny bit of dialogue that happened...

Chicco: Okay din ito si Ron, ano? Pag dumaan ako sa likod niya, hindi talaga ako makikita sa laki niya!

Marcelle: Doesn't happen too often to you, does it, Chicco?

Chicco: Loko 'to, ah!

.:Weekend Plans:.

This Friday, we'll be in Roxas Boulevard for some poi spinning again. This Saturday, after the Sugarfree concert (Abby reminded me of the fact...) in Galleria, I plan to have more poi spinning in Eastwood this time... guys interested should be at these places in the evenings on these days...

.:Mate?:.
A Story Fragment by Marcelle T. Fabie

Kier and Mina locked eyes intently. This was now personal. Kier gritted his teeth as Mina looked at him unblinkingly. It was an intense moment, and you could cut the tension with a knife, and even fillet it some more. The atmosphere was simply electrifying inside the bedroom now that the two of them are alone.

It would only be a matter of time before things got too hot to handle.

”So you think you're good enough to take me on?”

”Quit goading me into this, Mina. I'm experienced. I know precisely what I'm doing.”

"Really? Then pray tell... why did this guy, Ric, get lucky with me last night? You always thought he was nothing compared to you, but apparently, he's much better than you are. I don't think you can... perform half as well as he can, dearie."

"Oh. Is that so? Well, you're just trying to get under my skin to get me all hot and bothered, but it's not going to work, Mina. I'm on top of you every step of the way."

Throwing all caution to the wind, Kier makes his move.

"Pawn King-Four. Check, Mina."

Mina smiled casually at Kier's risky gamble. She knew what was coming, and she knew that very moment in whose hands the game would end up going to...

She then rolls her eyes, gets up without another word, and turns. He stares at her as she walks away, completely aghast.

Checkmate, Kier.

No primer this time... however, SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

.:Film Review: Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind:.

Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
No hype. All substance. You can't forget to remember this movie.

This star-studded film is one of the most brilliant and most introspective films I have ever had the pleasure of viewing in a long, long time. “Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind” is riddled with so many twists and intricacies that never fail to keep the audience guessing what would happen next.

Starring Jim Carrey, Kate Winslet, Kirsten Dunst, and Elijah Wood, “Eternal Sunshine...” is the story of a couple, Joel and Clementine (Carrey and Winslet.), who meet in a train and get to know each other for the first time... or so it seems.

The two of them hit it off so well for a first encounter. They have a date, and they end up getting really close. Then things begin to come full circle.

Joel and Clem have known each other in the past. They used to love each other, but things have happened that made them want to forget the things they've shared. Clem ended up going to Dr. Howard, the inventor of a radical new device that enables him to eradicate her memories of Joel from her mind. It didn't take long before Joel found out about it, and one of Dr. Howard's assistants, Paul (Elijah Wood.), ended up falling for Clem, and the moment Joel gave all his personal effects that had to do with Clem to Dr. Howard, Paul eagerly used this information to woo Clementine.

At the same time, Dr. Howard's secretary, Anna (Kirsten Dunst.), has a terrible crush on Dr. Howard. Little did she know that they were once together, and she had her memories of him deleted herself. This rather odd romance comes to a head when Joel himself undergoes the eradication process one night.

The sheer drama is how everything comes full circle. As Joel runs from memory to memory with Clementine, he realizes that he doesn't want to forget about Clem after all. But it's too late. In a poignant moment, he ends up holding onto Clem until the last possible moment in his mind before she finally disappears. Clem had one final message to him before they were meant to part forever...

... and then they meet in a train: the very fruit of that final message.

Everything is back to square one. Now, here are two people who once loved each other, realizing that they're falling all over again. As Anna has decided to reveal to all of Dr. Howard's patients what they have forgotten, the two realize what has happened to the both of them. They now end up asking themselves if this is worth a second try, and we never quite know the answer from them for sure.

The film was brilliantly written, and it really hit a spot with me emotionally. I really felt the anguish Jim Carrey was putting forth as he struggled to hold on to every memory he had of Clementine by trying to keep her in his mind through various means possible. Jim Carrey's acting was nothing short of sublimely subdued. He didn't need to ham up his acting the way he usually does, and he simply managed to get his point across every single time a scene required him to make the audience feel for him.

Kate Winslet was unsinkable as the wild child Clementine, as her persona simply translated to sheer power onscreen. She knew precisely how to set the tone for any scene that she comes into play.

Kirsten Dunst as the mildly obsessed fangirl was splendid. While she did her regular braless scene (Does she always have to do that?), I can err... overlook that as to how she managed to do a slow burn with Dr. Howard. Her interaction with the doctor was sheer magic, especially when she found out that they used to be together. She and the doctor sort of reminded me of two people I know... but I digress.

All in all, if you want a film with some gray matter for a change, this is the film for you. The special effects are all great and within reason, and I must say that I immensely enjoyed the pacing of the story and the depth by which it carried itself. The film's mere premise itself is worth a whole semester of philosophizing, and I really cannot help but sometimes wonder how much better or worse life can be if memories could be deleted just like that...

Would erasing someone from your mind somehow enable you to erase that someone from your heart as well? Or would the universe have some funny way of making everything just come full circle, the way it has for Joel and Clementine? Is it really the answer, or is it just a quick fix that would forever remain an invisible wound that festers in your core?

Is life simply a collection of memories and events? Then why does one choose to love someone to the end, despite the fact that the one they love is afflicted by Alzheimer’s and has ceased to remember who he was? Is one’s being merely a historical event that can be whisked under the rug given advanced enough technology? Or is there more to life than just chasing down every temporary high to satisfy one’s self?

Catch this film if you can. I only wish there was more hype for this film, because it is officially one of my favorite films of all time now...

Marcelle's “Fun” Evaluation: A+
Marcelle “Critical Evaluation: A+

.:Sweeto!:.

Today's boardwork was fun. I was working with Jda again... and we still managed to do things right for the most part, despite being disoriented with having to follow all the new rules in WAVE (e.g. No mentioning of song titles on air, no ad libs beyond 20 seconds in length...).

I was having lots or problems with the computers and all, but I was glad I managed to work things out in spite of it. I somehow memorized certain spiels and AOB's already, so when my comp conked out on me in the middle of an announcement, I managed to recall what came after it. Quick thinking helps.

We also talked about "Eternal Sunshine", and she was joking about my being on a "date" for it last night... ah, well.

And of course, while off the air, I demonstrated to her my primitive skills with poi spinning...

Not much today, really. It's just funny to note that apparently, George tends to break a lot of the rules, which is why me and Jda weren't quite gelling too well, as Jda was religiously sticking to the rules... heh. But still, not bad, really.

.:Sigh...:.

I love this song.


Mahal Naman Kita
by Jamie Rivera

talaga yatang wala ng pag-asa
upang akoy iyong ibigin pa
pano mangyayaring gayong
akoy di mo pansin
pano mo malalaman sayoy may pag tingin

lagi na lamang saking isipan
sana itoy iyong maramdaman
masabi ko na sana na minamahal kita
don mo lang malalamn
pag ibig koy hangan

pangarap ka na lang ba
o magiging katotohanan pa
bakit may mahal ka ng iba
ngunit di bale na
kahit mahal mo sya
mahal naman kita

kung totoo ang lahat ng yan
sana akoy nangangarap na lang
masayang man,
yan ay pangarap lamang
di naman ako gano masasaktan

pangarap ka na lang ba
o magiging katotohanan pa
bakit may mahal ka ng iba
ngunit di bale na
kahit mahal mo sya
mahal naman kita

Sigh... Again And Again...

.:I Tried To Be Productive…:.

… But apparently, the binary god refused to. There go my ideas about my paper, about Heraclitus, and then the hypothetical (There’s that word again.) possibility of saving Socrates from the hemlock if Plato managed to elucidate about the world of Eidos before he was convicted…

.:A Word Of Wisdom:.

Sir Jon, I'm off to Seeker, then to meet up with the usual suspect.

Good luck. On second thought, not too much luck.

But I want to get lucky... ::winks::

Not too much luck, Marcelle. Remember the mesotes.

.:Seeking The Seeker:.

On the way to Ayala, I ran into Ram, formerly of Radio 1. Ah, well. It was nice talking to him, really. He more or less concurred with me on the persona of a certain on-air personality in RX. I guess I have proof for my “allegations” then.

Cyril and I met up soon after, and we were supposedly going to go to meet up with the editor-in-chief of Seeker Magazine, in order for him to scan some images of some RAW Deal cards I have just so he can show them for the magazine in the near future. Unfortunately, he completely forgot about meeting up with me, so by the time we got there, we were hoping that someone just played a sick prank on him, because the door was locked from the outside by padlocks, which essentially meant we wasted our time for the most part...

Cyril and I have been talking about Magic quite extensively, although what surprised me was that he had no idea what the Trinistax deck is all about. Ah, well. I'm sure he'd find out for himself soon enough...

.:Taunted:.

So it wasn't long before the both of us got to Sacha's house, and at that point, we started talking to her about random stuff. It's been nearly five years or so since Cyril last went to Sacha's house, and they were mostly having some talks here and there about people like Carlou and how I was being reputed to have been digging up too much information about history lessons and all. It was all good, really, although I felt a bit sorry for Sach as she burned her hair the night before while spinning some pois. Ah, well. That's too bad for her... but she had a haircut to work on it shortly afterwards...

While things were okay for the most part, she then started taunting me about something. I was riding along with her, as I felt honestly happy for her, as I felt she was genuinely happy about it, and she's in like, anyway. Fact is, just a little more, and I think she'd already be playing MU Online, soon enough. The trend of netgames...

Sach was presuming I was going to be hypothetically depressed because of what she was telling me. While she somewhat had a point, I was telling her that I wouldn't really be reacting so violently about it, as opposed to certain other people I know of. But then, apparently, some things just don't match up quite well all the time...

Every time we managed to change the subject, she apparently felt the need to bring the topic up again, in hopes of making me squirm and all. I think it's a bit frustrating that she knows how to push my buttons, yet somehow has a good range of the limits of my patience. She doesn't quite leave me any room to lash out at her if she were to go overboard, as she's been playing it safely enough to not do so...

.:Pois And Glamor:.

Apparently, I can now do a new trick with the pois. I'm really improving now, although I've been hurting myself quite a bit with all my miscued motions and all. Still, it's all good. I've been improving a lot, and I should be capable of impressing Grace when she watches me on Friday (On which I hope I could light up...)... ended up going home via taxi along with Carl and Dominique after the fact. Ah, well.

.:I Need To Review This Film...:.

It’s a kind of ma-geek.

So Sacha decided to ask everyone to watch the under-hyped yet wonderful film entitled “Eternal Sunshine For The Spotless Mind”. I really loved this film (Jim Carrey, Kate Winslet, Elijah Wood, Kirsten Dunst.), as it simply made me think about the possibilities of memories being just a commodity to do away with when things aren't going too well. The cast was star-studded, and I was genuinely surprised that there wasn't enough hype for it... The roll call? Dominique, Sean, Carl, Cyril, myself, and Sacha. Again, the only rose among the thorns…

The film was great, and I’m sure to write a review for it. It’s A+ worthy in my book, if only for how deep the movie can get… to me, the film was a milestone in subtle yet powerful acting. I am left to wonder if this is Oscar material, but then again, Jim Carrey can’t quite eclipse his Truman Show and Man On The Moon stints…

In any case, the premise of the film was brilliant: a couple who ended up making a turn for the worse go for a new technology that allows them to erase each other from their memory. The struggle to forget, and the regret in hopes of keeping something to remember was simply brilliant.

Ever wanted to avail of something like that? I know I do.

.:No Idea At All:.

Not the most flattering photo, but…

The film made me start thinking about how easy it would be if I had the chance to eliminate memories from my mind. Memories that may not necessarily be bad memories per se, but those that simply incapacitate me from ever truly moving on. I really felt while watching the film that it simply is the best thing I could do: some things have become so hard to move beyond, that this appears to be such a great answer to my worries if it were in real life.

Get it out of my head, though more importantly, get it out of my heart. I've made up my mind for the longest time already. I guess I need to do what is apparently even harder than making up my mind, and I realize how lost I am trying to go about it. If my exercise of freedom were a purely cerebral matter, then I'm quite certain I wouldn't have to be the least bit worried, but no. Emotions have been running amok throughout my being, and it has been nothing short of a whirlwind. I don't know what else I could do to remedy this... and this resignation to fate makes me dream for a chance to eradicate the pain from my memory by eradicating everything else tied to the pain.

And so after the movie, I ended up in a moment of weakness.

Even the brilliant has no idea. No idea at all.

Lookie Now...

.:Lazy:.

Wow. Instead of working on starting my paper about the Matrix and Heraclitus, here I am in the Philosophy department, thinking of what to blog about today…

In any case, the morning was funny, for the most part. I was immensely amused over having heard the Morning Rush, with all their comedy for the day. Chico apparently even left their microphones on at one point, and it was funny how that went on… ah, well.

.:Writer’s Block:.

This writer’s block will prolly be good for the rest of the day. Still, I’m sure I can write blog entries, just no go for poetry and abstracts… too bad.

I’m going to submit some pictures to Seeker Magazine for scanning in the near future. More interestingly, I’m going to meet up with Cyril today, and we’re going to the usual suspect’s house… some things she might want to talk about with us, so it seems…

Gakk. I feel so unproductive today. Not even a single poem idea flying through my head…

Sigh... Again...

.:I Hate This...:.

From the top, Marcelle. Stupid comp decided to hang on you at the worst possible moment... goodbye long post...

.:Disoriented:.

So I have class tonight until nine in the evening... afterwards, I then go off and...

Oh, right. That's now a thing of the past.

No more passing by her department just to bug her about the Da Vinci Code. No more late night dinners, engaging in intelligent conversation and meaningful dialogue. No more checking up on her during the day to wonder how her classes have turned out. No more wondering whether or not she finally managed to finish Happy Hopper Wild on Center Mode to cap off her afternoon.

Yes, things, will no longer be quite the same without my friend around that way. But then again, with each passing moment, things never really remain the same, anyways...

.:Getting The Hang Of Things:.

As mentioned earlier, with all the intros and extros I've been doing, my rapport with George has gotten significantly better. Even sir Joe liked my last "ad lib" (I still had a script on me for it, truth be told.). Still, I'm glad that George has been giving me a lot of confidence during the show, as her surefootedness in asking me to do this or that helps.

We even talked about fire dancing... heh. It was fun.

We've had a very smooth boardwork today, and I can only hope that things steadily improve for me, as there's still lots of room for improvement. More on that later...

.:Finally Out Of The Closet:.

We now know who Karel's secret admirer is: it's Lee, the artist. Apparently, the guy is a model for other stuff as well, as he apparently is the winner for the 2003 Mossimo Bikini Summit. Now, considering how this guy just reeks of gayness, one must wonder if he won for wearing a bikini... ah, well.

.:Brutal Honesty:.

Moments like these make me glad that my boss is Joe D Mango and not Louie D, who would bite my head off while talking to me like this...

Apparently, aside from the previous reasons given to me, sir Joe took me off the morning show because he felt I wasn't ready for it yet, and that I wasn't focused enough during the mornings. Given my other preoccupations during the morning, I guess he has a valid point there.

I wanted to go back to my old schedule simply because I built my schedule around 6-9 in the morning, and all of a sudden, I was being thrown to a less convenient sched, running the risk of being late and all for my classes. Still, sir Joe didn't relent, and gave me the "one must make sacrifices for the love of the business" speech, and while I get his point about trying to improve myself if I wanted to get anywhere in the business.

To make matters more complicated (Not necessarily worse.), he suggested a schedule change that still elicits a mixed reaction from me...

He wants me to try being partners with Robbie every 1-3 in the afternoon, Mondays and Wednesdays, in addition to my regular schedule with George. Now, that's a bit inconvenient (Might have to shunt back and forth ADMU and Strata.), but I don't mind. It's just that I feel that the listeners might not like the inconsistent schedule, as he'd rather I do two and a half hours with George every week than go back to my old timeslot, as he feels that they took enough of a gamble to get this neophyte into their company and train him on air instead of off-air that they cannot risk putting me on prime time anymore...

It does deflate the ego a bit, but better than having my head bitten off, I suppose. I guess I understand why he thinks I should feel honored to be given this much trust so early on in my career...

Well, I can only try and do better.

Lookie Here...

.:Treat!:.

I treated my family to Wai Ying, a really good Chinese restaurant near Ongpin, last Sunday. Not bad. I guess I made everyone happy that day, as I really have been hoping to treat them to lunch or dinner ever since I got my first paychecks...

.:Given The Rub:.

I liked “Of Seers And Bards”. It had some brilliant moments. After a workshop, it would be ready for publication. Good luck!

Mr. Bulaong essentially told me that “Of Seers And Bards” wasn't such a bad poem, after all... I guess it's one of those times when I'm just “on” with how the words flow from one unto the other. To think this all stemmed from a simple controversial statement someone said before... and yeah, Mr. Bulaong's been ribbing me about the usual suspect again lately... something about someone in St. Luke's becoming really happy the moment she's gone...

.:How Grand!:.

Hi! =) This is my Swiss number. It's my 3rd day here, & I'm doing fine. Jacq & I just celebrated their National Day. It was fun. Just keep in touch when you can. Praying for you always. =)

I am soooo happy for Ma'am Sining. I guess I can't help but be amazed that she's now married (Or at least, soon to be married.), and staying in Switzerland for good. Of course, it's also fairly good that I didn't go through any drastic separation anxiety when she left... I guess there's a huge difference there.

Nonetheless, I suppose I can always keep in touch with her whenever the opportunity presents itself. She's been such a great friend and teacher to me over the past three years, so while I know I'd miss her, she's always just an e-mail away...

Thank you very much, Ma'am Sining. You made life just a bit smoother for me, and that effort makes a whole world of difference.

.:More Gratitude:.

Cyril, thank you for the e-mail. I realize it’s not always easy to recount what I indirectly asked you to recount, but it meant a lot to me. I have an inkling where I ought to go from here. Thank you.

.:How Imeldific:.

So Grace and I met up last night to watch “Imelda”, which, being a documentary, will not get my usual review. It was fun, though, because this time around, I wasn't doing so miserably at King of Fighters In fact, I was acquitting myself quite well, as I was having a couple of wins here and there, and apparently, I discovered that Malin's super combo can hit an incoming tagged in opponent dead on. I must say that it's pretty good that I managed to do well this time around...

In any case, Grace and I caught the 7:00 show for Imelda, and while we stared at the screen in utter disbelief at how successful Imelda has been in deluding herself, we still realized that this documentary really was a good one. The people giving their points of view were valid and qualified people who knew what they were talking about, so the documentary wasn't the least bit one-sided, as people like Bongbong Marcos and Imee Marcos made their respective commentaries in the documentary, which saw them espousing valid points that, if seen through unbiased eyes, shed some light on who Imelda Marcos really was.

I liked the film, and was laughing my head off at the scene Dominique pointed out, that of the “Seven Portals to Peace and Order”. What made it amusing was that she espoused a grand total of nine portals, labeled the last one as ten, and then tried to connect computers with God's creation because of the Apple. That scene was one for the books, and so was the “peace sign”, where she mistakenly said that an upright heart shape and an upside-down heart shape put together would produce the peace sign... ah, well.

Grace enjoyed the film herself. It's just a bit hard to believe how Imelda has managed to make herself believe all of her malarkey. It was simply as though she felt justified in all she did, and she believed that beauty was ample excuse for her sheer and mystifying vanity and narcissism. And here I thought I was egotistical.

I cannot bring myself to wish a fate more ill than that which Imelda is already going through: a life of illusion and delusion, where she truly believes in her own innocence, and refuses to acknowledge the faults of her family in the past and even in the present. As it stands, what she is going through is punishment enough in and by itself, notwithstanding her obscene richness and extravagance.

And yes, this is coming from a person who is related to Ninoy Aquino...

Just Emotions...

.:Emotions:.

Emotions
by the Bee Gees

It’s over and done
But the heartache lives on inside
And who is the one your clinging to instead of me tonite

(bridge)
And where are you now
Now that I need you
Tears on my pillow
Wherever you go
Cry me a river that leads to your oceans
You’ll never see me fall apart

(chorus)
In the words of a broken heart it’s just emotions
Taking me over
Tied up in sorrows
Lost in my soul
And if you don’t come back
Come home to me darlin’
You know there’ll be no body left in this world to hold me tight
No body left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight goodnight goodnight
Goodnight

I’m here at your side
Apart of all the things you are
And you never thought of some one else
Your gonna find you shining star

Repeat bridge

Chorus x3 to fade

.:Think! Think! Think! Feel! Feel! Feel!:.
A Freeverse by Marcelle T. Fabie

You are because you think
Not at all because you feel
Emotions? Bah, they are for the weak
Do not be swayed by such fleeting sensations
Much to your consternation
You would be misleading yourself
To be deluded that you're worth far more
Than you should be given credit for

Forget your illusions of grandeur
It's not going to get you anywhere, anyway
Think! Put your mind into it just for today
Realize that how you feel is nothing
Compared to what your mind tells you
Emotions are illusory: pure reason is the way
Stop acting like you believe otherwise
Because you know. Oh, how you know!
It's all a matter of remembering that you do

You search for something far more stable
Than mere feelings and mere emotions
You look for something far more reliable
Yet you keep on wallowing in the temporal
You forget what it means to think clearly
"It's not rational", you tell yourself
And so you reject what stares you in the eye
"One is as good as the other"
Famous last words, lies to the self smolder

Perhaps the mind is such a powerful thing
But the heart clearly dominates
You will yourself to think this or that
Yet feelings come despite willing otherwise
Foolish little prattle trying to lock it up
Inside of you? What can you contain?
Give it up! It's an exercise in futility
But then again, so is otherwise

Spit it out! Extricate it from your system
Or else the venom would eat you up inside
You treasure the mind over the heart
Yet ignore what truly makes you yourself
Is it the former, or is it the latter?
In the end, that is for you yo decide

So you walk wounded towards the end of days
The pain clouds your mind; your vision hazed
Make up your mind, or better yet
Make up your heart

It's okay to admit sometimes
That you truly are human