.:Levinas Again?:.

We had a long discussion on Levinas last night, and afterwards, I ended up going with TJ, Ray, and one other guy to Gerry's Grill in Libis just so we can unwind after what felt like three hours of intellectual torture. Lots of guy talk there, especially their harping me over Ces, and my self-control, which is uncharacteristic of my intentions and all, heh.

My thanks to Grace for being such an angel the past few days, though. She's the only thing that keeps me from going out of my mind, with all the hurly-burly stuff I've been up to.

Sandara Park, speaking tongues... hmm... that bar talk did yield some interesting ideas... imagine getting Sandara in a situation where she'd be speaking tongues... heh.

.:Exhausted...:.

I got home at around midnight and woke up early in the morning. Yes, I am too tired to blog. In fact, I'm almost burnt out, considering how little people seem to give a damn about each other as of late. Pouring out myself has never been so... emptying.

.:Today's LSS:.

I still feel strongly for this song... I'm not LJ cutting this one today. It just speaks out to me with a vengeance... never changed, after two years... sigh...

Unwell
by Matchbox Twenty


All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why

[Chorus]

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me

I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind

[Chorus]

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away

[Chorus]

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell

I'll try blogging later.

.:Ocean's Twelve:.

... was fun. Saw it last night for the WAVE premiere, along with Lani and her boyfriend. I'll talk about it next time.

.:The Uninvited:.

... was disappointing. But Jun Jae-Hyun was hot. That's good enough for me.

The Top Five Anthems For 2004:.

Here's the top song. Something really special, as it's a combination of two of my favorite songs of all time. Both songs are dear to my heart and have their respective messages that just reach out to you...

In My Life Medley
by Aiza Seguerra

There are places I remember
All my life
Though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone
And some remain

Though I know I'll never ever lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life
I loved you more

Though the music is sweet
But the song ain't complete
Now in my life
Boy, in my life
Somethin' is missing

It's a tune, yes it's true
Still there's no me and you
Here in my life
Boy, in my life
Somethin' is missing

In my life
There ain't no melody, oh no
In my life
There ain't no harmony
To help me sing a song

Oh the music is sweet
(There are places I remember)
But the song ain't complete
Now in my life
(All my life)

Somethin' is missing
(Though some have changed)
It's a tune, yes it's true
(Some forever, not for better)

Still there's no me and you
(And some have gone)
Here in my life
Somethin' is missing
(And some remain)

In my life there ain't no melody oh no
(All these places have their moments)
(With lovers and friends)
(I still can recall)

In my life there ain't no harmony
(Some are dead and some are living)
To help me sing this song
(In my life)
(I loved them all)

All I need is a cue
Well, I'm waiting for you
Here in my life
(But of all these friends and lovers)
Boy in my life
(There is no one compares with you)
You are the melody (melody)

'Cause in my life
(In my life)
(I know I'll often stop and think about them)

You are the song
(I loved you more)

You are the melody to me
(I loved you more)

Baby, in my life
(I loved you more)

You are the song...
(I loved you more...)

.:The Top Five Anthems For 2004:.

This is the song that really tells me just what the Hades I do with my life... heh. I never learn... oh, well.

Di Na Natuto
by Gary Valenciano

nand'yan ka na naman
tinutukso-tukso ang aking puso
ilang ulit na bang
iniiwasan ka di na natuto

sulyap ng 'yong mata
laging nadarama kahit malayo, ooh
nahihirapan na
lalapit-lapit pa di na natuto

isang ngiti mo lang
at ako'y napapaamo
yakapin mong minsan
ay muling magbabalik sa'yo

na walang kalaban-laban
ang puso ko'y tanging iyo lamang
ooh...

o eto na naman
laging nananabik ang aking puso,
ooh...
muling bumabalik
sa 'yong mga halik
di na natuto

refrain:

isang ngiti mo lang
at ako'y napapaamo (woh...)
yakapin mong minsan
ay muling magbabalik sa'yo

na walang kalaban-laban
ang puso ko'y tanging iyo lamang

refrain:

isang ngiti mo lang
at ako'y napapaamo (woh...)
yakapin mong minsan
ay muling magbabalik sa'yo

na walang kalaban-laban
ang puso ko'y tanging iyo lamang
ang puso ko'y tanging iyo lamang

.:What?:.

And Kel’s giving out a lot of love to Japan! I mean, they donated a lot of money, right?

George, my partner. Very, very sneaky of her, to say the least…

.:Met Up:.

Saw Elbert yesterday. Not much. I just asked him for a bit of help here and there with my stories and all. It’s all good, really. He was with Camy as well…

.:The Meeting:.

I’m going to change my schedule (Again!) starting next week, according to the goings-on for our meeting. Apparently, I’m going to do weekends from this point on, as George doesn’t feel that we can do well as a tandem. Oh, well. I guess that gives me the chance to sleep a bit more during Tuesdays and Thursdays, but it’s still a bit inconvenient to do weekends, truth be told.

Sir Joe was seeing shades of a younger him when I told him about the heartbreak mini-special I did when I boarded some time ago…

At the same time…

Joe D Mango: I think you jocks have to develop a trademark or reputation. Something like you, Pam… when someone sees you, they’d go, “Ah! You’re the fashion plate!” Or maybe you, Lindy, they’d say, “Oh! You’re Lindy, the Soul Review girl!”

Kel: “Oh! You’re Kel! Yung sabog ang schedule!”

Oh, well…

.:The Top Five Top Fives Of 2004:.

Just a meme for today...

V: The Top Five Personal Triumphs For 2004

5. Getting hired by WAVE 89.1

4. Graduating Cum Laude after a perfect semester.

3. Getting hired by the Ateneo Philosophy Department.

2. Having close friends in my spinning group, technically a barkada. ;)

1. A second chance at love with my first love.

IV: The Top Five Discoveries For 2004

5. That I can actually firespin without burning myself.

4. That I am still a hardcore Magic: The Gathering Type I player.

3. That I can push myself to do a perfect sem, but I will never want to try again.

2. That Chinese girls are really cute. ;) (Discovery daw, o!!!)

1. That despite graduating and not seeing people as often as you'd want to, you can still find great friends in your batch.>

III: The Top Five Films I've Seen In 2004

5. Feng Shui: The requisite local film I liked…

4. The Notebook: Special things happen to people who watched this… ;)

3. Kung Pow: There goes my brain…

2. The Punisher: Why? Well, it's not about revenge.

1. Battle Royale: I can't believe I missed this much. This is definitely a masterpiece.

II: The Top Five Personal Playlist For 2004

Other than my current top five lyrics, here are the top five songs that really made an impact on me for this year, and the reasons why...

5. Sleep All Day, by Jason Mraz, Fallin' by Teri Desario, Stay, by Lisa Loeb: Songs I love to play on WAVE.

4. Mahirap Talaga Magmahal Ng Syota Ng Iba, by APO Hiking Society: There's a message to be said here in this song... ;)

3. Hari Ng Sablay, by Sugarfree: How can I forget?

2. Unwell, by Matchbox Twenty: It's been two years, but this song is still my anthem.

1. Kahit Na, by Bridge: Simply put, it speaks volumes about my lovelife. :P

I: The Top Five Quotable Quotes For 2004

5. “Death!”

4. “I am Pierre the French fighter pilot. And when I go down, I go down in flames.”

3. “17 inches used to satisfy me. I like the kind that I can get my hands around.”

2. “It's 2004. We do not judge.”

1. “This is not revenge. It's punishment.”

.:The Top Five Yearender Recap:.

Ooh... I was suddenly in the mood to do a yearend recap... for tomorrow. :P I'm too lazy to do one right now. Heh.

In any case, I think the recap will be in a top five format or something...

.:Everybody Has Secrets:.

I watched this wonderful Korean film, and I was mighty impressed by it, to say the least. I found it amusing, mainly because the premise of the film is about a guy who tries to score with three hot sisters... hmmm... reminiscent of real life... interesting. This film needs to be reviewed...

.:The Top Five Anthems Of The Year:.

This is my number four song.

Why this song? Simply because it was one of the songs I played on the air the most this past year. I liked the song, and it speaked volumes about me for two whole weeks...

Burn
by Usher

Intro:
I don't understand why
See it's burning me to hold onto this
I know this is something I gotta do
But that don't mean I want to
What I'm trying to say is that I-love-you I just
I feel like this is coming to an end
And its better for me to let it go now than hold on and hurt you
I gotta let it burn

Verse 1:
It's gonna burn for me to say this
But it's comin from my heart
It's been a long time coming
But we done been fell apart
Really wanna work this out
But I don't think you're gonna change
I do but you don't
Think it's best we go our separate ways
Tell me why I should stay in this relationship
When I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby
Plus theres so many other things I gotta deal with
I think that you should let it burn

Chorus:
When your feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might bruise you
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
Been knew it was through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

Verse 2:
Sendin' pages I ain't supposed to
Got somebody here but I want you
Cause the feelin ain't the same find myself
Callin' her your name
Ladies tell me do you understand?
Now all my fellas do you feel my pain?
It's the way I feel
I know I made a mistake
Now it's too late
I know she ain't comin back
What I gotta do now
To get my shorty back
Ooo ooo ooo ooooh
Man I don't know what I'm gonna do
Without my booo
You've been gone for too long
It's been fifty-leven days, um-teen hours
Imma be burnin' till you return (let it burn)

(Repeat Chorus)

Bridge:
I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry (ooooh)
I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry (yeah)

Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh oooh
Ooh ooh oooh (can ya feel me burnin'?)
Ooh ooh ooh oooh ooh oooh

So many days, so many hours
I'm still burnin' till you return

(Repeat Chorus)

.:The Previous Year’s Anthems:.

In 2003, my anthems were “Unwell” by Matchbox Twenty, and “Mariposa” by Sugarfree. Truth be told, those two songs still hit home with me to this very moment, but in addition to those, I'm going to give the top five songs that says most of what needs to be said about this past year, one by one. Let's start with the fifth most relevant song...

Why is it relevant? It's a song that got remade last year, and personally, I really liked it. I'm a sucker for sawi songs. Of course, I had to remove Sugarfree's "Hari ng Sablay" from my list so that I didn't use another Sugarfree song as a personal anthem for a second straigh year, all the same.

Mahal Naman Kita
by Jamie Rivera

Mahal Naman Kita
by Jamie Rivera

talaga yatang wala ng pag-asa
upang akoy iyong ibigin pa
pano mangyayaring gayong
akoy di mo pansin
pano mo malalaman sayoy may pag tingin

lagi na lamang saking isipan
sana itoy iyong maramdaman
masabi ko na sana na minamahal kita
don mo lang malalamn
pag ibig koy hangan

pangarap ka na lang ba
o magiging katotohanan pa
bakit may mahal ka ng iba
ngunit di bale na
kahit mahal mo sya
mahal naman kita

kung totoo ang lahat ng yan
sana akoy nangangarap na lang
masayang man,
yan ay pangarap lamang
di naman ako gano masasaktan

pangarap ka na lang ba
o magiging katotohanan pa
bakit may mahal ka ng iba
ngunit di bale na
kahit mahal mo sya
mahal naman kita

.:Major Rewrite:.

A major rewrite for my Battle Royale fanfic is coming up. Elbert pointed out a few things that caught my attention. I really should’ve had a lot more to blog about, in reality, but I guess I’m too drained to do any of that right now.

.:Levinas:.

Until I read his book “On Escape”, I think I can't quite write the essays I wanted to write about him... oh, well.

.:Bidding Away:.

My uncle and I have been looking into getting stuff from E-Bay for me to finally start getting myself some bits and pieces of the Power 9. Nonetheless, the funny thing is that the prices in these auctions really do jump up quite a deal at the last possible moment, making it not quite the bargain we hope it to be... heh.

.:Encounters:.

I met up with Peppy yesterday in Megamall, mainly because I knew he was probably going to want to get some DVD sets from Comic Quest, as it happened to be on sale. I think he got eight full DVD's, and I was ribbing the salesladies to give me a commission for it.

Afterwards, I was trying out a new team in Marvel vs. Capcom 2 that seemed to work really well together but are horrible against aerial attacks: Spiral, Iron Man, and BB Hood. Their team attack causes huge damage like anything. I'd like to think that I had a couple of good teams, including one in Capcom vs. SNK, where I was taken to school by a strictly superior Guile player. Back to the old drawing board, I guess. Heh.

Further down the road, Grace and I met up, and we were just talking with one another, waiting for Chy, a friend of mine through WAVE. It was interesting when we met Chy, really. She clearly had a lot of stories to tell, particularly about how her relationship has been going and so forth. The general concession is that you really have to watch out for in-laws whose family you end up marrying into. It can prove to be quite a nasty surprise...

Nonetheless, I'm glad we found the opportunity to bond, even if only for a while. I think Grace really enjoyed Chy's company, and it was really fun to hear my story with Grace being told from her point of view. There tends to be a lot of shifts of emphasis in her version that underscore how different the two are... and she even retold the occurrences during our rather rocky first year together... that was something else.

That being said, I'm glad I got to spend time with good friends today.

.:A Pet Peeve:.

Doesn't matter who does it, but apparently, I find it to be a pet peeve when a person does nothing but give all the credit in the world to another person, usually a significant other. Something like you give that person a present, and the other person you talk about it to tells you that the person “must've been such a great person to deserve a person”. You tell that other person you asked the former for advice, and you get told that the person “is so empathic that it's inevitable people turn to that person for advice”.

Gushing over another person is perfectly acceptable. I find myself guilty of doing that a lot. But gushing over another person ad nauseaum and being oblivious to the fact that you're gushing to another human being makes you guilty of being a baaaaaaaddddd Magic 8-Ball. Your generated responses aren't even generically useful anymore, and are geared towards nothing but your own benefit.

Oh, well. Just a pet peeve, really. I hope I don't run into any of that again anytime soon.

.:Last December 31...:.

I got this text message...

If you want GMA to step down from her presidency, join the nationwide noise barrage at 12 midnight!!!

Hilarious.

.:Fearless Predictions:.

For the New Year, I predict (We shall look at this post and see how many I got right.):

1. That I will place top 8 in one major Vintage tournament with a Doomsday deck everyone dismisses as "uncompetitive".

2. That I will still be working as a jock, and might very well still be a teaching assistant, but for a different professor this time.

3. That a popular actor/politician will die this year. If not, a popular actor who was heavily involved in politics.

4. That Chico will finally show in public who his "baby whale" is.

5. That one of the upcoming Marvel flicks will bomb in the box office. Not sure which one, though.

.:The New Year:.

Lots of people I know have a year-end recap as a blog entry, but considering how detailed my blogging has been for this past year (More than the previous two years I’ve been blogging.), I figure there’s no need for me to recap anything. Only a few key names would really define what my life pretty much went around this year, anyways: Apron, Arias, Basilicato, Bulaong, Chua, Cimafranca, Dayrit, Ferriols, Heidegger, Ibana, Jariol, Lagbao, Levinas, Quema, Or, Salita, Sugay, Sulit, Ternida, andYao. Not a short list, by all means, but each of these family names hold certain meaning to my year, and they’re all over my weblog entries, anyways, so there’s little need for me to recap anything. I’ll make do with a general evaluation of how the year turned out and be done with it.

If I do find the time to make a recap for the past year, though, I’ll do it on a month-by-month basis, but since I’m not using the new Blogger layout, my access points will be a lot messier than other people I know of who came up with very well laid-out timelines. I think I should make my writing a lot more organized this coming year, especially for the blog (The LJ is perfectly reliable…). Perhaps a new layout should be in the works…

Other people are making New Year’s Resolutions. I don’t see any need for that, either. Maybe some other time, meaning they’re not resolutions for the new year anymore…

It's amazing how we always tend to hear the same old routine whenever the New Year approaches. It seems to always be the case that we think the next year will be better than the last (Or at least, we hope for it.), no matter how good our previous year has been. Ah, well.

Truth be told, it may seem trivial, but I can't help but appreciate the power a simple countdown can do for people in general. I guess while cynical though I might be for the most part, it is still undeniable that I have great respect for things outside the realms of plain logic that tell us to keep on going despite what circumstances dictate.

It's been a rough year for a lot of us. In my case, it was particularly a year's worth of an emotional roller coaster. There was the emotional high of finally graduating and finding myself doing my dream jobs. There was the emotional low of breaking up with Grace. There was the emotional high of getting back with her again. There was the emotional low of having a falling out with Sacha.

Triumphs and tragedies have been going one after the other for all of us. It's just sad that a good chunk of all the bad things that have happened ended up happening near the end of the year... a major pair of typhoons, a tsunami, the death of Paquito Diaz, and so forth.

Personally, this year has been seesawing between good times and bad times for me. More importantly than merely my mix of good and bad times, I suppose that I really have to take this opportunity to reiterate my gratitude to all the lives I came across this past year. Unbelievably, I found a great deal of friends in 2004, from old classmates I never was close to until after graduation, to all the wonderful WAVE listeners who gave a damn for me, and not only the music I play.

This year has been a mixed bag for all of us. Yes, I'd admit I've pretty much said the same thing in the past three or so paragraphs. I'm at a loss for words, really. I’m not always this tongue-tied. I know that I'll probably find myself subjected to more of the same string of nearly alternating highs and lows, but I guess it's worth it to live through it all. Happiness and sadness is merely an emotional state. Beyond emotions of happiness and sadness, beyond feelings of joy or pain, what's far more important is the reminder that we simply are irrevocably human. Not everything is in our power. We have infinitude, but our being human likewise ensures our finitude. Thank God for that fact.

This is a new year. Cynical though I may happen to be, I can only wish for the people who mean to me to find next year to be fruitful. Few things make me feel better than to see the people I care about being happy, even at times...

... at the cost of my own happiness.

Regardless, happy new year to everyone.

.:Happy New Year!:.

See me post soon, but definitely not today... just wanted to greet everyone. I don't believe in New Year's resolutions, and most of you know what I want to do with my life, anyways... heh.

I left my diskette. Catch me post some other time. For now, thanks to everyone for the wonderful year, and I'll write something special when I find the time to. :)

.:Today's LSS:.

In A Rush
by Blackstreet

it came over me in a rush
when i realized that i love you so much
that sometimes i cry
but i cant tell you why
why i feel what i feel inside

how i try to express
whats been troublin' my mind
but still i cant find the words
but i know that somethings got a hold of me

it came over me in a rush
when i realized that i love you so much
that sometimes i cry
but i cant tell you why
why i feel what i feel inside

baby someday ill find a way to say
just what you mean to me
but if that day never comes along
and you dont hear this song
i guess you'll never know

it came over me in a rush
when i realized that i love you so much
that sometimes i cry
but i cant tell you why
why i feel what i feel in
feel what i feel inside

and when i say inside i mean deep
you fill my soul
and thats something i cant explain
its over me

cuz it came over me in a rush
when i realized that i love you so much
that sometimes i cry
but i cant tell you why
why i feel what i feel inside

it came over me in a rush
when i realized that i love you so much
that sometimes i cry
but i cant tell you why
why i feel what i feel inside

it came over me in a rush
when i realized that i love you so much
that sometimes i cry
but i cant tell you why
why i feel what i feel inside

.:Today's LSS:.

This song suits me and Grace so much... just think it over...

Kahit Na
by Bridge

Di na kailangan mag-isip kung tayo nang dalawa
Di sa lahat ng bagay tayo ay magkatugma
Basta't pag-ibig natin ang siyang magdadala
Bahala na

Ang dami-dami mong katwiran nagbibilang ka ba
Masinop ka makalat ako
Naiiyak ka pero natatawa ako
Pabagu-bago ang isip mo nung desidido ako
Eh ano ngayon

Chorus:
Kahit na
Oras-oras tayong di magkasundo
Kahit na
Lagi-lagi tayong may tampuhan
Kahit na
Tayo pa rin diba

Natitiis ba natin ang lambing ng isa't-isa
Mga yakap at halik at kung ano pa
Maliliit na bagay kayang palampasin na
Ganyan talaga

(Repeat Chorus)

.:Glitches:.

While I've improved a bit with my on-air stuff, I still have a few rather unforgivable blunders on the air, and it might result in me having to no longer be boarding with George. That's too bad, really, because I've gotten very comfortable with the idea of boarding with her... sigh.

.:GTO:.

I finally have the complete DVD set! Let's put it this way... Grace, I love you! Thank you for finding that among the stack of DVD's there in Megamall yesterday! You have no idea how happy you made me to finally have the complete series!!! ::gasps::

.:The Final Salvo:.

I am technically a member of Radio 1 in RX until December 31, 2004. That's a mere one day from now that I'd be officially no longer affiliated with RX.

With that being said, I went to Capones last night for the RX Grand EB Party/Radio 1 Christmas Party to just see how the Radio 1 peeps were doing. It was really fun, to say the least. I'll just do a rundown of people I ran into there, and some significant stuff that happened...

I finally met Sarah and Miguel, the two radio one people whom I always heard on air during Boom's timeslot. I then ran into Li-Anne again, the infamous "Tequila Ten-Shot Girl", and even ran into two high school friends, Mia from Anak Gabay Mo, and Patrick Lantin, my Taekwondo teammate from Don Bosco. Lots of cathing up to be done from the latter three people alone, and then Dizzy Jojo and Troy showed up, further expanding the list of people to talk to.

Of course, Lani Lao was also there, as she helped me find Capones in the first place. She was really nice to talk to, as we've been bonding quite a bit lately, and I'm grateful that I get along with her quite well. She does contrast with me when it comes to our opinions on loyalty in relationships and all, though. It's just fun, really.

Kimberly, the all-around girl, was there, and so were a few jocks like sir Louie, Boom, Fran, Sanya, and Gelli, who was with Patrick. Funny thing there...

Gelli: This guy used to be Radio 1, and now he's working in WAVE. He boards with my favorite dj of all time! *turns to me* You're not my favorite dj, your partner is *laughs*.

Throughout the night, alaskado ako. Toby got there, and the moment he found out I was from WAVE, he was announcing it all over the place, and when I was leaving, they were asking me to "wave" to them.

Li-Anne actually hears me on WAVE. Heh. She says she loves the songs I play during the times I'm boarding... oh, well. Works for me.

Abby and I were exchanging a few text messages throughout the night, as she was pressing me about something I mentioned about Lani... no big deal, though.

The performances during the night were splendid. There was Bridge, who sang today's LSS; Six Cycle Mind, who sang their hits, and two favorite songs that they covered, "Unwell" and "Time After Time"; and Sandwich, who was really great at performing, as they were really getting the crowd on their feet with their songs, and had a great sense of humor. One of them did the creep walk, they played some chords from Kjwan's song when one of the members of Kjwan showed up (And they even imitated his style. Heh.), and even played some chords for "Do You Believe In Me". It was amazing. Lani and I didn't want to leave, if only for that...

Bridge has another song called "Kasama". Jojo joked about the song, singing the title to the tune of "Kahit Na". It was funny.

It was a blast last night, really. I'm glad I'm officially leaving Radio 1 by tomorrow on very good terms with pretty much everyone there. I had a great time, and I'd love to keep in touch with these people. It was really a great moment, to say the least...

.:Revision 1:.

I've made some revisions to the Battle Royale's opening chapter. Do let me know about any suggestions, okay?

.:Broken:.

And so there I was inside the booth, gushing over how cute Sandara Park looks like...

Pam: Kaya pala puro OPM tinutugtog mo! Closet jologs! Nasira tuloy respeto ko sayo...

Kel: But Sandara is great. I mean, she can't speak too much English or Filipino, so get her in bed, and she'll be speaking tongues!

Jean: W-ell...

.:Conversations:.

Abby and I had an interesting conversation last night. I guess we've really known each other for so long that we're pretty much familiar with how the other ticks. Simply put, there's no eight-balling that could go on between the two of us, mainly because of how long we've known one another over the years. I guess I'll get into the details of the conversation when it's all right to do so. For now, suffice it to say that the conversation has been quite a revelation. I've ended up knowing a lot more about her, and how she has changed through the years, yet remaind inextricably the same. I'm glad, really.

And being appreciated is one thing I never thought I would be when it came to her.

.:Grave Of The Fireflies:.

Saw this film again. I love it, I love it. Grace watched it with me, and she was crying a river by the end of the film. We then had a nice date at Karate Kid...

.:Today's LSS:.

It's a Waveback Wednesday today, and this is the song that really sticks to me right now...

Insensitive
by Jann Arden

How do you cool your lips
After a summer’s kiss
How do you rid the sweat
After the body bliss
How do you turn your eyes
From the romantic glare
How do you block the sound
Of a voice you’d know anywhere

Oh, I really should have known
By the time you drove me home
By the vagueness in your eyes
Casual good-byes
By the chill in your embrace
The expression on your face
That told me
You might have some advice to give
On how to be
Insensitive

How do you numb your skin
After the warmest touch
How do you slow your blood
After the body rush
How do you free your soul
After you’ve found a friend
How do you teach your heart
It’s a crime to fall in love again

Oh, you probably won’t remember me
It’s probably ancient history
I’m one of the chosen few
Who went ahead and fell for you
I’m out of vogue, I’m out of touch
I fell too fast, I feel too much
I thought that you might have
Some advice to give on how to be
Insensitive

I have to post some other time. I'm sorry...

.:Today's LSS:.

Crave
by Marc Dorsey

I crave....
I wake up to shadows,
touching your pillows, looking for a trace of you smile.
And that's when it hit me, you're no longer with me,
in fact it's been quite a while
Since I sit here drinking coffee as you sipped your tea.
And you swore you'd always love and always care for me
And even though there's no more else to save...
It's you I crave

Chorus:
I crave your touch
I crave your lips
I miss so much
the excitment of you kiss
But since your gone my heart won't behave
It's your love that I still crave.

It may look like im happy but people who know me
Will know that I'm not doin so well
I heard you've been dating
And though I've been waiting
I had found you and no one else (???)
And just the thought of never waking up with you again
Always turns me inside out how could we let it end
And even though there's no more else to save (to save)
It's you I crave

(Chorus)

I should have known
I should have seen
Because you were always there inside my every dream

now that I will try,
Love will never die,
I think of you and I,
Night and Day, though my mind knows
It's too late to say
your love I crave

(Chorus) repeat 2x

(crave for your touch, crave for your lips, since you've been gone my heart won't behave)

(Chorus until end)

(I crave for your touch, I crave for your lips, I’m missing you so much, I need your kiss, and since you been gone, my heart just won’t behave…its your love that I still crave)
I crave your love love love....crave in the morning(fade out)

.:Today's LSS:.

...

...

... Don't ask.

Can We Still Be Friends
by Mandy Moore

We can’t play this game anymore
But can we still be friends
Things just can’t go on like before
But can we still be friends
We had something to learn
Now it’s time for the wheel to turn
Grains of sand, one by one
Before you know it, all gone

Let’s admit we made a mistake
But can we still be friends
Heartbreak’s never easy to take
But can we still be friends
It’s a strange, sad affair
Sometimes seems like we just don’t care
Don’t waste time feeling hurt
We’ve been through hell together

Can we still get together sometime
You know life will still go on and on and on

We awoke from our dream
Things are not always what they seem
Memories linger on
It’s like a sweet, sad old song?

.:Cheat:.

A friend asked me to play an hour's worth of "Cheating" songs for her. I couldn't find a full hour's worth, but I still played a few of them...

1. Dear Lie - TLC
2. I Don't Wanna Know - Mario Winans
3. Questions - Tamia
4. Confessions Part II - Usher
5. Who's Loving My Baby - Shola Ama

Ah, well.


.:On Escape:.

I still haven't figured out how to go about the Levinas thing, really. Currently, I feel the need to talk about the inputs we had in class, and how significant they have been to me, to say the least.

.:Thematically:.

Each hour of my boardwork last Christmas eve followed a specific theme. First hour was heartbreak songs, second hour was always and forever love songs, and third hour were songs that had titles that were exactly three words long. Aside from that, nothing of significance happened during my boardwork, save for the fact that I was practically being an anchor back there because Jean and I did a good chunk of the show together. It was interesting, really...

.:Bah, Humbug:.

I'm such a Scrooge. Christmas really holds little appeal to me on my own, but is the perfect opportunity for me to make the people I care about happy. Christmas simply does nothing for me, but so many things for everyone I care about, and for that, I'm thankful enough. Nothing of interest happened to me this Christmas. Nothing.

.:The Reviews:.

... Will have to wait. Aside from the fact that I feel quite lazy today, I just bought Battle Royale II yesterday, which means I want to review both films as a singular entity. I've read other reviews of the film, and I can't help but agree that the film, despite its seemingly unbelievable plot, really strikes a chord with a lot of people and tells us all too well about the human condition. I love the film.

Battle Royale has inspired me to write a ten-shot series on my own rendition of Battle Royale, possibly using college students and setting it in ADMU (!). I'm trying to get an idea of how to pull it off, and how many students I can afford to write about. 42 seems like a rather daunting task to me. Nonetheless, I like a challenge.

.:Film Review: Battle Royale I:.

It's obvious, isn't it? SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Battle Royale:
Proof that life is a game. A deadly one.

Battle Royale is a film that, at first, would merely seem like a senseless bloodbath. Initially, I got the film just because I wanted to see something potentially disturbing yet entertaining, all the same, but I ended up getting more than what I bargained for. It wasn't too difficult to suspend my disbelief for most of the film, to begin with.

Battle Royale is a film chock full of moral, consequential, and social issues. Given the seemingly impossible premise of licensed killing as enacted by the BR law, it's not actually so difficult to suspend your disbelief enough to really buy the premise of a government whose contempt for its youth has gotten to a point where having them slaughter one another is nothing more than a measure of “rectification”. Other reviewers took the extra time out to talk about the girl in the prologue, the Battle Royale winner who was holding a rag doll and smiling rather disturbingly. They were pointing out that this only proves how ineffective the law was in “shaping up” the youth, and even more interestingly, how stubborn the government is being in still keeping the law despite its apparent ineffectivity.

You see, I don't think the government sees the law being ineffective in this case, and that's the difference for me. I feel that in their drive to rectify the youth in the film, they took this extreme stance and didn't find the consequence of breeding murderers as alarming as having forty or so kids to deal with in the future. Moreover, their obstinacy in upholding this law is a trademark of any government that bungles a law or two yet still insists on holding onto it until it becomes so glaringly wrong.

The actual film starts with Nanahara Shuya, a student, who comes home to his dad, who hung himself. What makes the suicide twisted is that all over the room, written on paper, Shuya's father writes a message that reads, “Go Shuya! You can do it, Shuya!” Yes, this is definitely the worst timing to give affirmation, Mr. Nanahara.

In any case, crazy things happen at school, involving Shuya's best friend, Nobu, who runs into a rampage and stabs the leg of a teacher, Kitano (Played by the “late” Beat Takeshi, unless I'm mistaken.). In any case, little else is said about this event, and the next thing you know, the kids are in a bus, on the way to a supposed school trip.

Some potential plot holes here: when the students were gassed, why didn't they open the windows? Since I've seen Shaider more than enough times, it's not so hard to believe that they can be gassed in the bus whether they wanted to put up a fight or not. As for the second plot hole: why don't the students know about Battle Royale? It's a law, and there seems to be heavy publicity about the whole thing, considering how many press people were there in the prologue. I figure that this can be explained the way the people in the Crystal Maze don't know how to play the games that are in the show, despite the fact that these games are televised.

People can really be in the dark about this, and considering the drive against the youth, I figure they could simply block out the youth for the most part from exposure to the news somehow. It's seemingly infeasible, but I can let one slight hole slide considering how believable the rest of the film is.

When the class wakes up, they now discover to their horror that they will be taking part in a game of death. Kitano, their old teacher, is back to take over them. They are told what is going on, and then shown a pastiche parody video of a cute and bubbly girl telling them about how the game works. One student is killed off the bat for not listening to the video.

The rules are simple: kill or be killed. In three days, whoever is the sole survivor wins the game, or else all of them will die after three days. Necklaces are attached to them to trace their whereabouts, and detonates upon approach of random danger zones they are warned about, as well as any attempt to detach the necklaces. Nobu subsequently kicks the bucket because of his defiance.

The game starts, but there are two transferees: Awada, a former winner of Battle Royale, and the other guy who signed up just for fun.

As the killing progresses, you practically see all of the characters and develop a sort of affinity for each of them. I haven't memorized their names, but for instance, there was a guy who was friends with a girl whom he looks after, but he's in love with someone else. There's a group of students who wanted to fight the establishment and take down the stronghold instead of one another. There's Mitsuko, who went on a killing spree in her desire to survive. Each of their deaths are not just there to up the body count. For instance, most of those who committed suicide were because they didn't want to play the game.

I personally grew attached to the jogging girl, to her friend who was killed by the girl whom he had a secret hankering for, and to the activist guy. I likewise took to Noriko, Nanahara, Awada, and that cute girl who ended up poisoning one of her friends. She looks like one of my students.

Battle Royale is clearly not for the faint of heart. The level of violence in this film is hovering just a tad or two below Kill Bill vol. 1. The sheer amount of bloodshed in the film is not going to appeal to the squeamish, to say the least. That being said, what made me take notice of the film was how easy it is to get attached to most of the characters in the film. Unlike most films with high body counts (::cough::scream::cough), it's quite apparent that the kids in the story all have their own respective charms that make them more than just cannon fodder for entertainment.

The storyline is character-driven, more than anything else. What makes it impressive is how they have managed to develop the characters in such a way that you can really identify with practically all of them. For the most part, the moment one of them dies, you become even more disturbed than you normally would've over just another gory death. Simply put, I really love the way they've made almost forty different characters stand out individually.

I think this is a film worth watching for anyone who can stomach it. It really shows people the harsh reality about life. More than the conflict between the youth and the adults, the conflict is more about the tendency for people to act in ways they never believed possible when they are either under duress (As is the case of most of the students who tried to play the game.), or given license to do evil (As is the case with Mitsuko and the blond guy.). Even Kitano himself, the seemingly heartless teacher who plunged his students headlong into Battle Royale, proved to be a man with a heart whose jaded outlook has twisted into a vicious and disturbing worldview.

In Book II of Plato's “Republic”, Glaucon, while speaking to Socrates, showed him the repercussions of giving a just man the power to be invisible. It would seem that being just is merely a drudgery that we only do in order to gain benefits. He would have no reason to be just if he were invisible, because he knows he can get away with it. We don't want injustice to happen to us, but we would want to be unjust and take advantage of others if the opportunity presents itself to us, according to Glaucon.

Duress, on the other hand, can bring out the beast in us. In the quest for self-preservation or various other dire motivations, it ends up being the case that we would do things we normally think we are simply incapable of doing. In all honesty, it becomes quite obvious why these students felt obliged to kill: simply because they would be killed if they didn't.

Through adversity such as these, some people still manage to rise against baser instincts and desperation, instead choosing to take the higher road. Some people might question the acts of those who committed suicide in the film because they refused to play the game, but contrasting that against those who decided to subscribe to the motto of “kill or be killed”. Others had an even further ascent and managed to stay alive without having to resort to murdering others. Nanahara and more so Noriko proved that this was possible.

Only one glaring gripe that has nothing to do with plot holes, though. Given the direness of the situation, and while I can understand the need to profess love before the last possible moment (I particularly felt for the guy who was shot by the one he was in love with, because she was scared of him, and how he professed his love to her in his dying moments.) of life, but then, was Battle Royale the perfect place to talk about petty schoolboy/schoolgirl crushes, or to worry about getting laid (Last point is arguable...)? I found the rather skewed sense of priorities among the characters to be glaring.

In the end, only three people escaped the island: Shuya, Noriko, and Awada (Correct me if I'm wrong.). Awada, in his desire to avenge his girlfriend who passed away (Both of them were forced to a sudden death the moment their necklaces showed signs of detonation since they were the only two players left.), Reiko, joined Battle Royale again and came prepared with knowledge of how to deactivate the explosive necklaces and the objective of killing the perpetrator of this year's atrocity, Kitano. As these three people learned to trust one another with their lives, they learned the value of having true friends. Awada died, but he realized in the end why despite the fact that he killed Keiko, she still managed to smile at him and thank him in the end.

Morality is not merely a coin with two sides, or an arbitrary issue with only right or wrong and nothing in between. The gray area is vast, indeed, and while anything with the slightest smudge of wrongdoing is categorically wrong, we still cannot eschew from realizing the value of the gray area. Death, in this respect, is not merely glorified or sensationalized, but used to drive home a point: taking a life is no joke. Even in a situation sanctioned by the government, even in a situation that practically compels you to kill or be killed, there is still a better choice.

Battle Royale is a thought-provoking film that requires one to be a lot more resilient than the average viewer. The film may seem, at surface, to be more disturbing than entertaining (Which does take away from its being fun.)

Marcelle's “Fun” Rating: A
Marcelle's “Critical” Rating: A+

.:Film Review: Battle Royale II:.

Yep. MORE SPOILERS!!!

Battle Royale II
Takeshi's Castle gone wrong.

One thing I realized about Battle Royale II was that it was remarkably different from the first film. Save for a couple of characters and the general rules from the first film, BR II on the whole was a whole new animal.

This time, instead of having a class of students attempt to kill one another off, this class is out to kill Shuya Nanahara, one of two survivors of the Battle Royale three years prior, as he is now the head of the Wild Seven terrorist organization, hellbent on making the adult populace in general pay for their atrocities given the Battle Royale fiasco. Most of the members of the Wild Seven were either survivors of previous Battle Royales (Which explains the girl with the rag doll...), and people who have lost family along the way.

The rules are simple: kill Shuya in three days, work in pairs, or be killed in three days. What compounded this was that given the fact that they work in pairs, the moment one of them died, the other would have his or her necklace promptly detonate.

Again, the same plot hole exists, regarding getting the students there, and the huge press coverage regarding the event. This time, the event is even more covered by the press, as instead of being just given covert instructions, they are practically given a press conference that shows the alarming base instincts of people at work.

Now, when I was watching this film, I was watching it not as a sequel to Battle Royale but rather as a whole new film. If I made comparisons, Battle Royale II was strictly inferior to the first film, insofar as one initially sees BRII as little more than a war film (The students weren't even in school uniform this time, but in military fatigues. This tends to take away from the urgency of realizing these were teenagers and not adults at war, fighting a war they never chose to fight.). At the same time, there were arguably very few characters in the film whom you could develop an affinity for. Another reviewer summed it up as the Takuma-Shiori show, but I did think that Onu, the guy with glasses, did show some character. I just felt that given how rapid the students were dying and in pairs, even, you never had enough time to identify with any of the characters except for the few ones who really stood out.

Takuma was a fiery-tempered guy who didn't know what he was fighting for yet wanted to push for survival. Reminiscent of Wolverine, Takuma's character was well fleshed out, as he slowly developed from an aimless youth to a man on a mission towards the end.

Shiori Kitano was the daughter of Kitano, the teacher whom Shuya killed in the first Battle Royale. What makes her stand out was how well she interacted with Shuya, as the moment a handful of the students were left in the Wild Seven stronghold, Shuya did not eradicate them and showed them mercy to the point that they realized that Shuya was fighting for a cause. As Shuya's mentor put it, “You can't change a thing by blowing somebody's head off in this country, but it's all I know, and all I can do.”

Takeichi Riki was the teacher this time, and he was a bit campy insofar as he was acting with a lot more gusto and far less restraint than Beat Takeshi carried out his Kitano character in the first film. Riki's death at the end of the film made little sense as well, as he didn't seem to have any measure of closure with Nanahara or his students, mainly because he just died and let everyone go.

I like this film, because it really underscores the other side of terrorism: the cause behind what they do. I realize that the end should not justify the means, but their cause was still worth hearing out. It was sheer genius how they presented the Wild Seven, albeit their whole hideout schtick felt rather cliché, especially since Japan could've easily dealt with them via a missile attack if they really wanted to deal with them once and for all.

The film even takes a snide stab at the United States, and its capability of strong-arming other nations to do what it wants, under the hidden threat of agression. Riki and Nanahara in respective speeches outline 22 different countries that had the U.S. bomb the Hades out of them, and underscored how despite the adult claim of maturity, the bullying practice of the United States was a show of utter childishness.

If the first film was philoso-polotical in nature, the second film was mostly socio-political in nature, all but completely eradicating the Philosophical aspects of the first film. The “kill or be killed” principle was still there, but it was now under the guise of war, which while still a moral issue, is certainly something people are more used to seeing. The fact that people have somewhat been desensitized to war, and the fact that few characters really were developed enough to matter, meant that the film turned out to be just a tad better than any other war film out there.

I love this film, but I cannot in good conscience evaluate this film with as much accolades as Battle Royale I. The first film was far more thought-provoking than the second, and the more political edge of the second film made me feel rather disappointed because they didn't quite show the other side as fairly as they did in the first film. Moreover, the political undertones were skewed and refused to be coherent with the characterizations, as towards the end, I still felt that only Shiori really knew what she was fighting for, to the point that she refused to kill Nanahara when she had the chance. Takuma, in my opinion, was on a mission whose repercussions he wasn't clearly aware of.

Other reviewers blasted this film for making almost 75% of the students as merely cannon fodder in the film, instead of fleshing out their characters well. While they are definitely guilty on this count, there is still a need to underscore that given how different this film is from the first part, this film, if taken as a separate entity, would not really be overtly blasted for such a shortcoming, as any given war film would pretty much have even less characters to identify with. This film is definitely worth watching, especially for the political-minded. I love the whole bit of lashing out at the U.S. It worked for me.

One last thing... this film is possibly even gorier than the first one. ;)

Marcelle's “Fun” Evaluation: A
Marcelle's “Critical” Evaluation: B+/A-

Pardon me. I figure I will have to update after the holidays. I'm tired, although I already lined up my post, but my diskettes refuse to cooperate...

.:Today's LSS:.

I did say that this song sounds a lot like "Forever's Not Enough". You tell me if I'm wrong. ;)

Maybe
by Sheryn Regis

If we both decide to try and make it one more time
I hope we take the time to know each other well
And if the answers don't come quick we'll go with how it feels
And sometimes that's not yes or no but

Maybe there'll be no falling stars this time around
I still believe that
Honesty is all we'll ever need
You and me again, maybe

You keep asking me if I will love you for all time
If two of us will be enough to make it strong
And if we learn to keep it free and let each other grow
We'll find out there's no yes or no just

Maybe there'll be no falling stars this time around
I still believe that
Honesty is all we'll ever need
Can we make it through, maybe

No candles or guitar this time around (this time around)
I still believe that
Honesty is all we'll ever need (all we'll need)
You and me again (maybe)
Maybe

Maybe there'll be no falling stars this time around (this time around)
I still believe that
Honesty is all we'll ever need
(till fade)

.:Battle Royale:.

I will review both and review them in depth. I have been hellbent on writing a fanfic on Battle Royale, except that I'll be using a different setting and all. In fact, I already have a prelude going on. Let's put it this way: I'm going to do a ten-shot or so of my own take on Battle Royale, ALL in locked posts, because I don't want to be depicting graphic violence one after the other without preventing people from seeing my handiwork...

Oh, well. We'll see how it goes. For now, expect me to come up with the prologue as soon as I complete the Levinas and the reviews...

.:Fears Allayed:.

A certain fear has been allayed. I'll talk about it next time, but it had something to do with sir Louie D. I'm glad that things turned out beter than I was anticipating...

MERRY CHRISTMAS, ONE AND ALL!!!

.:I'll Post Tomorrow (Perhaps):.

I had a few nice things in mind, but I had so little material to write about yesterday that I decided to hold off on uploading last night's entry and lumping it with a new one instead. I heard a funny Christmas song this morning, about "Chipmunks roasting on an open fire..." Anyone knows who sang that song?

.:Today's LSS:.

I never realized this song was even a remake. Along with another song that sounds like it...

Forever's Not Enough
by Sarah Geronimo

if i would have to live my life again
i'd stay in love with you the way i've been
your love is something no one never can replace
i can't inagine my life with someone else

i promise i will share my life with you
forever's may not be enough it's true
my heart is filled with so much love i feel for you
no words can say how much i love you so

chorus:
and if forever's not enough for me to love you i'd spend another lifetime baby, if you ask me to there's nothing i won't do
forever's not enough for me to love you so

the say tomorrow seems so far away
and now we see that everything can change
my love for you keeps strongerat tomorrow comes
i know this love will stand the test of time
(repeat chorus)

for you there's nothing i can't do
and ever will i ever go
forever's not enough to love you so
but if forever you ask one day
i'd promise you i would stay
to show you that my love will never end
(repeat chorus 2x)

I love Waveback Wednesdays. I just played Angela Boffil's "You Should Know By Now", and a request from The Jess, "Better Days", by Diane Reeves.

It's fun sharing Wednesdays with a friend. Thank you to that person who did just that with me... even if she can't really hear the songs.

.:Quotes For The Day:.

Got this from Peppy...

"Does it get easier as you grow older, Sachi-sama?"

"Does what grow easier?"

"To love someone you can never be with?"

-Shiba Aikune and Isawa Sachi, l5r Friday Fic: Masters of Earth

.:Today's LSS:.

Nothing like Aiza Seguerra's singing to just emphasize my point about closure... heh. I might have an additional Aiza song in the near future, though...

Pagdating Ng Panahon
by Aiza Seguerra

Alam kong hindi mo pansin
Narito lang ako
Naghihintay na mahalin
Umaasa kahit di man ngayon
Mapapansin mo rin
Mapapansin mo rin

Alam kong di mo makita
Narito lang ako
Hinihintay lagi kita
Umaasa kahit di man ngayon
Hahanapin mo rin Hahanapin din

Pagdating ng panahon
Baka ikaw rin at ako
Baka tibok ng puso ko'y
Maging tibok ng puso mo

Sana nga'y mangyari 'yon
Kahit di pa lang ngayon
Sana ay mahalin mo rin
Pagdating ng panahon

Alam kong hindi mo alam
Narito lang ako
Maghihintay kahit kailang
Nangangarap kahit di man ngayon
Mamahalin mo rin
Mamahalin mo rin

Di pa siguro bukas
Di pa rin ngayon
Malay mo balang araw
Dumating din iyon

.:Today's Pet Peeve:.

???: Hi! So where is this Christmas event in Eastwood?

Kel: In the central plaza, I believe.

???: Do you know who else is performing aside from Kitchie Nadal, Thor, Paolo Santos, Dice and K9, Barbie's Cradle, and Artstrong? (The freaking plug's contents! Who else is left to say?)

Kel: No, not really.

???: Are you serious? You're really a DJ there! (/sarcasm)

First of all, you little beeyatch, you really ought to learn about departments in WAVE.

There is such a thing as the events department, of which the DJ's aren't part of.

There is such a thing as a life that DJ's lead, which means they have better things to do than know every single Tom, Dick, and Harry that a plug has found too insignificant to mention in the lineup.

Malamang, kung hindi siya binanggit sa plug, hindi siya kasing matunog ni Kitchie o ni Thor o ni Paolo, di ba? Konting common sense naman po.

Merry Christmas to you, too, you annoying little bastich.

.:Not Much Yesterday:.

Yesterday was relatively non-happening, but boy, did I get tired...

I noticed Charles tallied all the essays he wrote over the past year, though. Maybe I should do that... if I can find all of them. I write way too often... heh.

Oh, well. Not much to say beyond that, really.

.:NBA Live:.

I finally installed the game on my PC, but I had to get a PS2 controller and a Double Dragon Adaptor to make sure I don't have any problems with a transition to the PC. It's all good, really. Needless to say, it certainly helps, although it's too bad that the controller refuses to configure with Diablo II...

.:Battle Royale:.

I shall review this film. I loved watching it, and disturbing as it was, it sure got me to thinking about a lot of things… particularly something I read about "even just men being no better than wicked men if they can get away with it" in Plato's Republic. It all ties in with the film, and I love it…

The next pieces in this post are still unrefined. I worked with pure gut feel while typing it out, so I didn't take the time to particularly make it as eloquent as I was hoping it to be.

.:The Magic 8-Ball:.

One thing I realized was that I coined an expression without knowing I did. I don't recall anyone using the expression "getting eight-balled" in the way I do.

But you see, there's a rather important story to be told when it comes to the Magic 8-Ball, and I can't help but feel compelled to have to talk about it for the most part.

The Magic 8-Ball is that nifty little toy most of us have had that helps us make decisions. We ask it a yes or no question, shake it a bit, and lo and behold, we get an answer off the bat. Magic 8-Balls are really useful for little else, and they certainly aren't human beings.

Or at least, more importantly, human beings shouldn't be Magic 8-Balls. But the whole point of this piece is to show that some people are.

I don't really like Magic 8-Balls much because more than anything else, it's so generic. It can dehumanize you and trivializes your say in the whole matter. Whether or not you take its advice, the Magic 8-Ball will dispense what it dispenses, independent of any input sans how you shake it. Besides that, you're just another person asking it just another yes or no question.

Magic 8-Balls are vicious when these Magic 8-Balls are people. These are the kind of people who treat other people generically. For them, one is as good as the other, and their conversations with you hinge on key words or phrases you feed them, which they somehow regurgitate into what on the surface may seem very personalized advice, yet is merely generated by how you "shake" this eight-balling person.

I find this sad, mainly because on top of the fact that you end up being practically dehumanized and deindividualized in this person's eyes, you are at the same time likely to be fooled that you're actually special. The most devastating human 8-balls are those who can actually delude you to thinking you mean something to them, yet end up disappointing you and hurting you in the end, and all you can blame is yourself because you fell for it.

Being rather heavily involved with Philosophy, I find this practice undeniably deplorable. The human being is not something that can merely be reduced to mere concepts, as the human being is an existent that takes part in the whole of existence. Existence as a whole is not something the conceptual mind is capable of fathoming. Wit this in mind, it is rather clear that reducing the human being is an injustice to his infinitude, and in treating him generically, in speaking to him generically, you end up denying him what he deserves: recognition of individuality.

Inasmuch as we cannot help but 8-ball people we don't know, it still bears underscoring that they are still people, regardless. Sadly, we seem to forget this, even when it comes to people whom we refer to as friends. Not recognizing the non-person is one thing, but when a person goes out of his way to do this or that to you, when a person makes a leap of faith and tells you something that he couldn't bring himself to tell anyone else, when that person is someone who is more than just a stranger to you, the least you could do is spare him the generic 8-balling.

I've seen it far too many times: the poor person who pours out his heart to someone whom he thought cares about him, only to be met with no more than generic, meaningless assurances that hold no water in the end. The next time you become a Magic 8-Ball to someone, ask yourself if that person deserves it. Ask yourself if any person deserves it, when you can actually help to do otherwise.

Get a clue: if you really are in no position to do anything for him, if you have nothing good to say, then don't say anything at all. The Magic 8-Ball is certainly not what he needs.

The Magic 8-Ball is certainly not what I need.

.:Closure Is Not In My Vocabulary:.

One thing Abby and a few of the people close to me know all too well about me is that I simply don't believe in the concept of closure. Closure is a word people I know of tend to throw around, and I particularly noticed this all the more during the times some people dear to me had to deal with some things that I'm not at liberty to divulge at the moment. Needless to say, closure is that panachea of a chance to move on because a chapter is closed, and it's time to go elsewhere.

Closure is that cure we blindly seek when we're hurting and we want to leave a part of our lives behind. Truth be told, the word has a nice ring to it. It seems to promise to us that we can wake up from a nightmare and somehow turn things around for ourselves. I don't really blame anyone for seeking out closure. I, personally, have ended up wishing for closure at some moments in my life.

Unfortunately, you have to realize that closure is an illusion in life. An old childhood song goes something along the lines of "never say never", and it rings true when it comes to things like this. Yes, of course people move on. I, however, feel that closure is a misnomer when we talk about moving on. I really feel that there is no such thing as closure until you're dead.

Martin Heidegger talks about the human being as an infinite openness, and how possibility is far greater than actuality. The human being, for as long as he is Being, simply cannot be locked out of possibilities, and closure is the denial of these possibilities. We've seen ourselves attempt to deny various things and end up eating our words. From people who deny the possibility of ever falling in love again, to people refusing to ever keep in touch with an ex, and so forth. I'm guilty of a one-track mind right now speaking mostly about closure with regard to relationships, but it's rather obvious there's more to it than just that.

Closure is not necessarily a bad thing, truth be told. It's just that it's not true. When you attempt to leave one chapter behind you, it is inevitable that it will still be there. Unlike snakes that leave their skin behind, we take everything with us. Baggage may have such a negative connotation, but it really is the case that we have baggage to deal with, indeed. It's a double-edged sword, and insofar as it really is that way, it still cannot be denied that it is there.

We cannot attempt to deny what is already not there to begin with. We can only attempt to deny that which we wish is not there. Fact of the matter is that closure is the attempt at denying baggage, yet it proves to be inextricable, after all has been said and done.

I really have no idea how else to go about this piece, really. For now, I'm merely throwing ideas around in hopes of perhaps making sense at one point or another.

Despite this quandary, it only proves my point: there is no definitive closure in this piece for so long as I happen to be around to edit it.

Sadly, while people cling onto closure as the panachea, I look to an "opening" as the solution.

.:Millionaire!!!:.
A Story Fragment by Marcelle T. Fabie, inspired by an Urban Legend I once heard...

"It's the final question, for a million dollars, Eugene. You have all three of your lifelines intact. What are you going to do?"

"Can I phone a friend?"

"Sure. Who're we calling?"

"My dad, Ernest."

"Okay. Here we go. Hello? Yes, good evening! May we speak to Ernest? This is Christoper de Leon of 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire'!"

"Yes. This is Ernest. What can I do for you?"

"Your son, Eugene, is here right now, and he's already at the one million peso question. I'm giving you fifteen seconds to talk to him, and your time starts... now."

"Hi, Eugene!"

"Hi, dad! I'm going to be a millionaire. The answer is letter B, and that's my final answer."

The end

.:The ONLY Non-Jologs LSS For This Week...:.

This is more or less the song that Grace and I regard as our theme song. She was heavily considering Savage Garden's "I Knew I Loved You Before I Met You", though, aside from this. I just thought I'd let you guys know what our song happened to be... =)

A Promise I Make
by Dakota Moon

Girl, you're every breath I take
Oh baby,
Your love rules every move I make
Oh baby,
And I know that you can't read my mind
And baby, maybe I

Don't say it as often as I should
But I really want it to be heard
When I say I love you that's for good
You have my word
That day after day after all
I will always be true
That's a promise I make to you

You, you take this heart of mine
And make it better
I need you to
Come and walk with me through this life
Forever
And I know these words are long over due
And baby, maybe I

Don't say it as often as I should
But I really want it to be heard
When I say I love you that's for good
You have my word
That day after day after all
I will always be true
That's a promise I make to you

I may hold you
I may need you
I may want to
And baby, maybe I

Don't say it as often as I should
But I really want it to be heard
When I say I love you that's for good
You have my word
That day after day after all
I will always be true
That's a promise I make to you

A promise I make to you
A promise I make to you

.:The Baptism:.

Isn't she cute?

I'm particularly glad that it's finally done with. I was a godfather in Stephie's baptism, and the funny thing is that the baptism happened at Sto. Domingo Parish. Yes, that's where FPJ's wake happens to be. On our way to the baptistry, on the rightmost side of the church was the wake, in the center was a wedding, and the baptistry was to the leftmost of the church. It was quite interesting how all three momentous stages of one's life were represented in that particular instance.

I had a nice picture with Stephie where I was carrying her and she was smiling at me.

Afterwards, we had lunch at Kamayan, which got me really stuffed...

.:The Christmas Party:.

I attended the Philosophy Department's Christmas party, and I must say that it was very fun.

When I got to school after Stephie's baptism, I went online for a short while first, going on Skype and talking to Sacha. I wasn't sure where the Christmas party was going to be, but it wasn't long before I found it and walked into the middle of communion during Fr. Roque's mass.

In any case, afterwards, there was a small dinner, and then the "White Elephant" exchange gifts game happened. Essentially, first round, we draw numbers to get the presents. Afterwards, we open them, and then for two rounds, we roll dice to exchange the gifts. Odd numbers will result in exchanging gifts with someone beside you. Even numbers allow you to exchange with anyone. Rolling doubles will allow you to exchange with anyone and take an additional gift from the pool of extra presents.

I started off with brownies, which turned into a wallet. I got doubles the following round, ending up with a mug, and exchanging the wallet for DVD's. I ended up getting a blue Ateneo rosary when someone traded it with the DVD's. In the end, I got the wallet back, but sent the rosary to the giver of the present, Dr. Ibana, in exchange for the DVD's he got from me. I had 11 DVD's to take home...

A list of other interesting gifts and occurrences in that sequence...

– A miniature bust of St. Ignatius of Loyola (Yeah!)
– A water dispenser (Hot item!)
– A book of sonnets (Hot item!)
– The original VCD set of the Star Wars Trilogy (Hot item!)
– Primary Readings In Moral Philosophy (Everybody needs that...)
– Dr. Rosario's book, Ang Etika ni Sto. Tomas de Aquino. (White elephant nga!)
– A hammock in a rewinder case. (Mr. Mariano was joking that he could use the rewinder if only the Star Wars Trilogy were in VHS format.
– A war of attrition between Maan (The secretary.) and Ice (Dr. Rodriguez's teaching assistant.) over a bag. They were next to each other, so when Ice rolls and gets the bag, Maan rolls and gets back the bag.
– Collusion between husband and wife teams (Dr. Barbazza and his wife, for instance.) to keep good gifts between them by exchanging gifts with one another when the opportunity presents itself.
– The fact that nobody else knew that D6's always have opposite sides adding up to seven.

In any case, the Christmas party was loads of fun thanks to all of that stuff... I was really amused with all the things they've been up to, and it was exceedingly fun to have gone through the whole thing. It would be great to do that with other people, no question about it...

.:Afterwards:.

After the party, I just went online again and had voice chat with Sacha. I guess there are some things I had to come to terms with during our conversations. Oh, well. I really can't do anything about that, I suppose... I guess there are some things that though are not set in stone, are things I ought to respect, nonetheless.

.:Respun:.

Amazingly, Grace and I managed to accomplish quite a bit of Christmas shopping last Sunday. While it certainly was difficult to get around Greenhills on a Sunday, Grace and I still spent some quality time just to be together for a while and enjoy one another's company. It was enjoyable, to say the least, and Grace really made my Sunday extremely enjoyable.

To even make it further enjoyable, I went to Kathy's house after a month or three of not seeing her in hopes of helping out in making fire staves and the like. What was supposed to be a fire spinning agenda turned into a craving for films, mainly "Love, Actually". In any case, before all that, while waiting for Krisette, Kathy was busy teaching an old dog new tricks, to which Tita Harvey responded that "our pets simply fulfill the name we give them". Kathy tried calling Neko "Angel" for a couple of moments, but that didn't do much good...

I'll leave out the other details about Kathy's immense training program regarding Lucas, although Lucas tries to impress Kathy for the most part by picking on Ollie. Uhh... wrong cat. =)

In any case, afterwards, Peppy and I were in the internet room, trying to get some information on how to make fire heads for the poi. Pretty soon, we decided to order pizza, and Peppy pretty much transcribed how that turned out...

Note that I'll just use some of Peppy's quotes here and there when I find that he already said what I wanted to say...

From Peppy's entry:

…when the damnable thing finally relented, we ordered pizza for the group. Marcelle orders the pizza.

Marcelle: ah yes, I'd like to order a 14" #4 Cheese pizza. the address is... (to me) Peppy, what's the address of this place?

he hangs up first and asks Kathy. call #2.

Marcelle: ah yes, I'd like to order a 14" #4 Cheese pizza. the address is etcetcetc. barangay? um... (to me) ask Kathy what barangay this is in.

so I go up and ask Kathy.

Marcelle: Barangay (forgot the name). phone number is (forgot the number).

Yellow Cab: bakit ibang number yung nasa caller ID namin?

now we looked like prank callers. anyway, the order eventually got placed. not 10 seconds pass before we notice that one 14" pizza will not be enough for five people. Yellow Cab gets called again.

Now that I think about it, we called Yellow Cab in Makati Cinema Square. And to look for films we went to Makati Cinema Square and got the pizza at Kathy's home. Shouldn't we just have gotten the pizza from the Cinema Square? :P

.:Searching For Films:.

Kathy had a sudden hankering to look for "Love, Actually" (Great film!), and so we went off to Makati Cinema Square for it. I'll let these pictures speak for themselves...

The Guru! But wait! There's more!


If you can't read it, it says "Great dance sequences, but disappointing story." How honest can you get?


Hey Legolas! Got milk?

Afterwards, I was telling them that I was completely oblivious about tampons (Here we go again...), and that I thought they were as big as rolled-up towelettes and all...

Krisette: That won't fit!

Hrbz: Say, what're you talking about?

Marcelle: Oh. Tampons. It's just that we found it difficult to imagine how we could fit in something as big as a towelette... waitaminute... did I say "we"?

And the gay innuendo begins. Hrbz was very wary of me from that point on.

.:While Eating Pizza:.

Marcelle: I once misheard that Christmas as "O come, horny faithful...

Peppy: No wonder they're "joyful and triumphant".

Marcelle: Whaddya expect? They're coming!

Interestingly enough, this also happened. Kathy and Krisette earlier on were kicking each other around on those chairs they were on, trying to knock one another down. Now, later on, Hrbz and Krisette were in one chair and kept on falling down…

Kathy: You know, there's a motel not too far from here.

Marcelle: Peppy. Let's go!

Peppy: You go on ahead. you can start without me.

The gay innuendo started at this point, as I was practically freaking Hrbz out when I went...

Marcelle: Oh, look. Krisette's letting me sit beside you. She turned on you, and now, I turn you on.

.:While Watching The Film:.

Marcelle: Say, Hrbz, why don't you lay your head on my lap, and let's talk about the first thing that pops up?

Kathy: And why are you sitting so close to Hrbz, Marcelle?

Marcelle: Love, actually. It's not about revenge.

And this one...

Marcelle: Heck, Sandara's cute, but she's awfully flat-chested. I have a bigger chest than she does.

Krisette: Oww. Have mercy on the flat ones.

Marcelle: Oh, don't worry. Yours is bigger. ::pauses:: One of them.

And this...

Hrbz: Say, look! This is great wicking! It's huge! Four inches!

Marcelle: You're impressed with four inches? Hades, I can provide you with eight! But I'm not talking about wicking...

And this…

Hrbz: Man, imagine getting hit by the monkey fists…

Marcelle: Eek!

*Krisette looks in my direction*

Marcelle: ::manly voice:: I mean, uhh… ::really deep voice:: eek.

Oh, well...

.:One Hour Of Heartbreak Songs:.

In honor of all the people who have broken up in December, I dedicated a full hour of nothing but heartbreak songs to all of you. I am one with you and I feel your pain, regardless of my relationship status...

When I made an intro on the third hour to signal I was doing heartbreak songs, though, I didn't realize the song I was playing happened to have no intro. Thinkin' About My Ex was actually a cold start song, and Robi the Rascal, bless his soul, SMS'd me about it. He's still listening to his former station... heh.

.:Retro Night:.

The WAVE and JAM Christmas party had a theme of retro. The thing about the party is that I ended up walking in on sir Joe D Mango performing as Tom Jones D Mango. Yes, with retro clothes, retro hair, and the most disturbing dance steps I've seen in a while. Sort of makes you look aghast and ask yourself how the Hades he became your boss.

Nah, not really. I'm glad mostly because it proves he's such a great sport and is willing to connect with his employees on such a level.

The games were rather charged... there was this game where you had to slide a rope up a guy's pants, then pull it out. It was done in male-female pairs, and it was quite a sight... heh. There's a cute dj at JAM, but let's not go there. No, she's not Chinese, though.

At the same time, the hosts were a riot, really. They had amazing commentary for just about anything going on throughout the night.

There was the requisite suck and blow game, but the best one was the one about how huge a bite a girl can take out of a banana. Pam, of all people, won it.

Gary: Isipin mo na lang na si Jay-R iyan!

The married women were asking about licking the bananas before biting it... it was too much for my innocent ears... heh. Right.

When asked about the inspiration for her victory, Pam replied...

Pam: I was actually thinking about George.

George is a female dj. Hmm... that's interesting...

In any case, I was part of the contest for "Name That Tagline". What's interesting about it is that I'm not in sales. I'm a dj. Yet there I was, being the only dj in the contest. It turned out I helped team WAVE seal the win.

Why?

One of the slogans was: "Be Natural". That's Lipton. My mom works for the media planning company of Lipton... I think it's obvious I'd know that... heh.

Almost everyone there had to perform a couple of dance steps to claim their prizes, myself included... heh.

.:The Top Ten People I'm Most Grateful To This Year:.

And so we come to the end of the road. It's fairly obvious who this is going to be, though...

Who else?

1: GRACE APRON. The thing about my being with Grace is that it all hinged on sheer chance. If certain things didn't happen the way they did, I simply would never have met her, let alone fall in love with her.

Grace and I got to know each other on June 22, 1999. It was in RX, at around 4:45 in the morning. Bruce Romano, a former RX jock, was doing his "The Anything Goes Show", and he had this contest that required two contestants to go head to head and mention things about a topic alternately until they run out of things to mention.

In my case, I got in first. The choices were: rappers, or muppets. My opponent was Grace. Had one of us decided to wake up at six in the morning on that day, we would have never encountered one another. Had one of us not gotten through the RX phoneline that day, we would've never gotten to know each other.

And so we did the contest. I chose rappers, and promptly won, as she ran out of rappers to mention. From the get-go, we had sparks flying between us already, but not in a good way. I was rather arrogant (But now, I'm proud to say that I'm very humble. :P) back then, and I was still in that uber-long phase with a certain girl I liked at the time, which meant yes, she heard my sob story shortly into our acquaintance. Around the first day, in fact.

Yes, I was that pathetic. So sue me.

In any case, we continued a relationship over the phone. Grace found me arrogant, I found her nice to talk to, and very friendly (Ha! You should hear her version of this story...). If anything, she may have even been mildly annoyed at me for calling her relatively often ever since that contest.

We were supposed to meet at UP during the UPCAT, but being way apart in terms of examination rooms prevented that. Moreover, to prove how arrogant I was, this is what happened over the phone the next day...

Marcelle: So how was the UPCAT for you?

Grace: It was okay, I guess. How about you?

Marcelle: I have a complaint about their exam.

Grace: What?

Marcelle: Wala na bang ihihirap yun

Finally, we met on September 27 in the Don Bosco intramurals opening. It was fun, mainly because I found her cute when I met her for the first time, and we actually got along better after that face to face meeting. She then showed up on my birthday, celebration, at around October 2, and gave me this:

Very manly, Marcelle!

Yes, I still have it, sans the balloon that said "Happy Birthday!"

Yes, it's pink. But I'm proud to have it.

Yes, she saw one that had a better color, but it said "You're Special To Me", and we weren't really together at the time yet...

In any case, I found her to be the sweetest girl I've ever known, and I liked her a whole lot more from that point on. Our common friends were fishing for me that Grace did like me as well.

Fast forward to eighteen days later, and on October 20, 1999, Grace and I became a couple.

Things weren't really smooth for us for the most part. My parents got to know her in a not-so-great light, my grandparents weren't thrilled about my having a girlfriend, and that time we got together was high school, which was the worst time of my life. Still, we weathered through it, even going through a certain crazy summer in 2001 that simply changed a lot of things for us...

And then Grace and I, after a lot of grief on my part, broke up last August 22, for reasons I don't want to have to talk about again. It was Hades, to say the least. But it didn't last for long as sneaky little her asked for "one last date" fourteen days later. Guess what that date was for?

If you thought "a movie date", you're right. What film, if you can hazard a guess?

If you guessed "The Notebook", you'd be right again. How can I not melt over a film like that? I'm a sappy fool... :P

In any case, so here I am with Grace, still with her, and while the future is never clear, one thing is sure: I love Grace. Regardless what I may feel about other people, regardless if unicorns tickle my fancy all too often, I love Grace, and that love is strong enough to override a lot of urges that come over me. I can't speak with finality on anything, but at present, I can speak with certitude. I believe this certitude is just as important, truth be told.

Thank you so much Grace for this past year. Our relationship has gone through a lot, and yet we're still together. I thank you for your patience, for your thoughtfulness, for all you've done for me, even taking care of me whenever I get sick. There was a time that you accidentally wounded yourself when you broke a thermometer across your leg, and to this day, that scar on your leg reminds me how much you've loved me, and how much you've made me feel special.

I love you because you give me all the reasons to choose to love you. Even if you didn't, I love you because I simply do. I've said it a million times and I'll say it again: Sustaining love is all about choosing to. Don't love because of this or that, love in spite of this or that. I thank you because you've taught me how to love and to be loved back for once. You've made me feel loved. You've given me reason to believe that I can actually do something worthwhile with my life and stand behind me every step of the way, with each triumph or defeat that I face.

I love you. I thank you. And I hope that you'd still be the person I'd be most grateful to even next year, as you have been for the past five years of my life.

.:Posting Next Time:.

Due to the crazy weekend, I was unable to write a post last night. I was all set to write about Saturday as well as my Top One, but Sunday turned out to be very interesting... hopefully, the "ratting" thing is taken in stride, though. Truth be told, I was more intent in making someone cringe than in being a rat. ;) More on that next time.

Sunday was really eventful, so I'll have a long update soon, because Saturday was pretty much as crazy...

.:The Lyrics Agenda For The Week: Jologs Songs:.

This week, except for one song, all the songs I'll be enumerating in my LSS for the day would be songs that people generally regard as jologs.

Why am I doing this? Because some songs just really have a great story to tell, but are hardly given a chance because a lot of people I'm around generally look down upon these songs...

Today's song? Why is it jologs? Heck, it's the Mulawin theme song!!!

Ikaw Nga
by South Border

[I.]
Heto na naman
Nag-iisip, minsa'y nagtataka
Na sa 'kin na ang lahat
Bakit nangungulila

[II.]
At nang makita ka
Ibang sigla ang nadarama
Pag-ibig nga ba ito
Ako'y nangangamba

[Refrain I:]

Nais kong ipagtapat sa'yo
Sana'y dinggin mo
Ang lihim ng pusong ito
Kahit na tayo'y magkaibang mundo

[Chorus:]

Ikaw nga ang syang hanap-hanap
Kay tagal na ako ay nangarap
Lumuluhod, nakikiusap
Ako ay mahalin mo sinta

Ikaw nga ang syang magbabago
Sa akin, sa aking buhay
Handang iwanan ang lahat
(upang makapiling ka / para lang sa'yo) sinta

[III.]
Nang makilala ka
Ibang saya ang nadarama
Alam kong pag-ibig ito,
Anong ligaya

[Refrain II:]

Nais kong ipatapat sa 'yo
Sana'y pagbigyan
Dinggin ang puso kong ito
Kahit na tayo'y magkaibang mundo

.. upang makapiling ka sinta ..