Sometimes he rants, sometimes he smiles. Sometimes he jokes, sometimes he sighs. Sometimes he's happy, sometimes he's sad. Sometimes he's good, sometimes he's bad. Sometimes he's there, sometimes he's gone. Sometimes he stalls, sometimes he's done. But whatever Marcelle says, whatever he'd do, you can be sure, it's true! It's true!
Showing posts with label lyrically speaking scribbles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lyrically speaking scribbles. Show all posts
'Di ko na kayang mabuhay sa kahapon. Kaya mula ngayon, mula ngayon... Magpapaalam na sa iyo ang aking kwarto. Magpapaalam na sa iyo ang aking kwarto. Magpapaalam na sa iyo ang aking kwarto. Magpapaalam na sa iyo ang aking kwarto. Magpapaalam na sa iyo. Magpapaalam na sa iyo. Magpapaalam na sa iyo. Magpapaalam na sa iyo ang aking kwarto...
I really was stupid for a while. It was so easy to get caught up in the rapture, that you forget that things aren't actually anywhere nearly as good as you think it is. And that's how it went on for so long. I fooled myself into thinking the world of you, so thank you for pulling the plug on me and revealing exactly why I deserved better than you.
Was I ever loved by you? Probably not. You probably don't even know what the word means up to this very moment. I never had your heart. And the moment you got what you needed from me you just lay in wait for the first excuse to cut and run.
Don't say I never did right by you. Don't go around painting me as the bad guy in all of this, when after all has been said and done, you bailed on me when you found that I have outlived my usefulness.
Now, you are indeed out of reach. And I'm done stretching.
What would I do without your smart mouth? Drawing me in, and you kicking me out.
There are some things in life you just appreciate all the more when it's no longer there, even if it seemed like the worst thing ever while it was happening. And then at some point, it just ceases, and you begin to miss it, slowly but surely. It all just strikes you while you're deep in thought at your most lucid.
You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down.
Unpredictable. A hair trigger for just about anything. Tsundere. One moment you have me at the highest of highs, the next, you have me at the lowest of lows. But that's really the kind of power you have over me. And that's what really sets you apart: you have a way of carrying yourself that really just makes you special.
What's going on in that beautiful mind? I'm on your magical mystery mind.
I never know what you're thinking. Here I am, reading minds for a living, yet I can't seem to read you. I don't have the faintest idea how to read you. Everything about you is a mystery. Beautiful, catastrophic. Uplifting, disturbing. It's all there, and it's all drawing me more and more to you. I want to be there every second. To see each twist and turn. To appreciate you for you, in all the glory and horror.
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be all right.
I can take it. I know I can. It's worth it all just to be here. By your side. To see everything as it should be.
My head's underwater, but I'm feeling fine.
I can't quit you. I can't give you up. Through the ups and downs, I know I would still stay on, because that's the only thing I've ever known to be certain in my life. This is my bedrock of certitude, and it doesn't matter how hopeless or futile it might seem to anyone else.
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind.
Story of our lives, isn't it?
'Cause all of me loves all of you.
This won't change. Time hasn't changed it. Circumstances won't change it. Nothing will. It's something you can count on from the moment you wake up to the moment you slumber, and every moment captured by it as well. You're special because you're you. There's no reason to look for beyond that. Love your curves and all your edges. All your perfect imperfections.
If you think for one moment that I would turn my back on you just because things aren't oh-so-perfect, then you would be sorely mistaken. I knew what I was in for when I signed up for this. And I know better than to balk when the going gets tough, because it's all worth it in the end. You're worth it. Give your all to me, I'll give my all to you.
I never held anything back from you since day 1, and that will be how it is until the very last day. You're my end and my beginning. Even when I lose, I'm winning.
There has always been a void in my life that only you have managed to fill back then. But now that I am in a better state, where I know that I need you, but I can survive with or without you, I know far better than ever that you have been nothing but a positive force in my life. If your love is water, then I never want to go thirsty again. 'Cause I give you all of me...
Easy come, easy go. That's just how you live, oh...
Take, take, take it all, but you never give...
Should've known you was trouble from the first kiss...
Had your eyes wide open, why were they open?
Gave you all I had, and you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked
'Cause what you don't understand is...
I would catch a grenade for you
Throw my hand on a blade for you
I'd jump in front of a train for you
You know I'd do anything for you
I would go through all this pain, take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes I would die for you, baby - but you won't do the same.
[Pre-Chorus:] Gave you all I had And you tossed it in the trash You tossed it in the trash, you did To give me all your love is all I ever asked 'Cause what you don't understand is...
[Chorus:] I'd catch a grenade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah) Throw my hand on a blade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah) I'd jump in front of a train for you (yeah, yeah, yeah) You know I'd do anything for you (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, I would go through all this pain Take a bullet straight through my brain Yes, I would die for you, baby But you won't do the same
Keep drinkin' coffee...
Why is it that when these blowhard politicians get all caught up in their web of lies, suddenly they're the "victims?" And yet life goes on for them, even while incarcerated. Look at Bong Revilla, telling everyone how ready he is to go to jail, yet immediately petitioning for request of detention center after his bid for house arrest didn't quite pan out? How about Senator Enrile, who is asking for bail or something just because he's 90 years old? These people don't know how to handle the consequences of what they've done. At all.
And who pays for this folly? We, the people, do. When they bring a camera crew to cover their every move and hopefully reuse the footage when they run for president in 2016, we have this sinking feeling that the money to pay for all that bullsh!t came from us.
Stare me down across the table while I look outside...
Yet somehow, when we, the common people, speak out against these travesties, somehow, we are "oppressing" them. How the Hades do you expect to "oppress" people worth 169 million pesos, pray tell? It's ridiculous, and the way they drag God into everything they talk about has become so tiresome. That sh!t never made Mayor Sanchez any less a murderer and rapist, did it? So quit playing that card because even Satan himself knew how to quote himself some scripture.
So I just glare. And roll my eyes. But if I rolled my eyes any harder, I might end up looking at the back of my skull.
Or become the Undertaker.
So many things I'd say if only I were able but I just keep quiet...
And you think I'm already being vocal as it stands? Well, you'd be surprised, because there is so much more that remains unsaid when it comes to these fatcat politicians who think they're all that. One can't help but be appalled at the sheer nerve they have, doing what they do, but then, does it really surprise anyone anymonre?
And count the cars that pass by...
That's all I could do, really, because it boggles my mind how the good Senators have managed to make this issue about them, instead of the f#$%ng 10 Billion Pesos that have been stolen from this nation's coffers. You know why you're being arrested, right? If you really cared about this country, that's what you should be railing against, not the fact that you don't have air conditioning in your goddamned jail cell, which you totally shouldn't have, by the way.
I realize SJW's use "check your privilege" all the time when it comes to racial, gender, or sexual issues, but when it comes to economic issues, these well-to-do senators really have to check their privilege, because a combined income of almost 400 Million Pesos between Senators Revilla and Estrada alone should seriously qualify as being "privileged."
You've got opinions, man, we're all entitled to 'em, but I never asked...
And so these so-called leaders feel oppressed and maltreated because they get singled out for doing something countless other politicians no doubt are doing, too. Here's a secret: saying other people are doing it too doesn't make you innocent of the act. It just meant you weren't alone. Nobody's saying you were alone, and only your political enemies want it that way. But we, the people? We want every single one of you to pay through the nose for taking our money and turning it into your own personal bank account.
So feel free to think you're being oppressed, but we don't care. Because we couldn't oppress you even if we tried.
Here. Play the world's smallest violin yourself. I don't have the energy.
So let me thank you for your time, and try to not waste any more of mine...
Not just time, but money, too. Stop wasting our money with your stupid press conferences, your press coverages, your trumped up entourage, all paid for on our dime, just because you think you're above the common folk.
I can bet you that if I ever go to jail, guilty or innocent, I won't be getting that kind of media coverage, I wouldn't have supporters fighting tooth and nail to keep me out of jail, nor would I even have the temerity much less the opportunity to ask for air conditioning in my jail cell.
Get out of here fast...
And don't come back. But leave your money at the door, because that's our money right there.
I hate to break it to you, babe, but I'm not drowning. There's no one here to save...
The Filipino people doesn't need saving from the likes of you. We could have had savings, in fact, if you didn't take them from us and spent them on yourself, you dolts. We're fine counting on ourselves, because it didn't take too long for us to realize that we couldn't count on you for anything at all.
So stop invoking God as if He gave you the right to be a self-appointed martyr. The only altar you're sacrificing yourself at is your own.
Every single time you use His name in vain, He facepalms.
Who cares if you disagree? You are not me. Who made you king of anything?
You may have been elected by the people, but that doesn't put you above the people. Not in the least. For you to live in that kind of opulence while your constituents are starving to death, wondering where their next meal is going to come from is a shame that is telling. Because that money came from your constituents. You took it from them in the implicit promise that they will see the fruits of that money returned unto them, yet here we all are, putting up with monster traffic jams, a continuous problem with peace and order, and no clear solution in sight.
So don't tell us about how it's the implementing body's fault that you gave your pork barrel money to a bogus NGO. At best, you are idiots who should never have been trusted with our money in the first place. Why are you even still in power, then? So you dare tell me who to be, who died and made you king of anything?
If anyone should die to make you king of anything, it should be you. Angelo Reyes got it right. You can do it!
You always ask me those words I say, and telling me what it means to me...
There's so much left unsaid, but after last week's great series of shows and my hosting for Mr. Rex Navarrete and Mike Unson on two separate nights, I can't help but feel rather accomplished, and raring to go for more. So now, I try to focus my mind on stuff outside of work and performances. And I realize that so many of the things I say and talk about run the gamut of significance based on who I'm talking to, and when I'm saying it. It's not really something you just get to determine in one go.
Having said that, what else is there to think about, really? I've been running myself ragged the past week, but it's been all worth it. Every single day, you always act this way...
So I do get questioned from time to time. I do end up having to defend myself and defend my integrity because that seems to be the most appropriate thing to do when questions come your way, and after everything's been said and done, I stand. Proven. For how many times I've told you, I love you, but this is all I know...
If I didn't love what I do, I wouldn't be here any longer. Sometimes, that's all I have to go on, really. It's the "fumes" when I'm "running on fumes." It's the "what" in "what keeps me going." Passion. Love. For what I do, and in the pride I take in doing what I do as best as I can, and finding myself unparalleled in it. I begin to understand what they mean when a great man once said: "I'm the best at what I do..."
"... bub." Snikt, snikt.
And speaking of Wolverine and all that stuff, I realize I should review X-Men: Days of Future Past when I find the time. I'm just so occupied with all the stuff I have to do, I don't know if I'd ever manage. But whatever. I'll never go far away from you...
In the end, all I have is my steadfastness to go by. That no matter what happens, regardless of the tempest, I will remain. I will survive. Even the skies will tell you...
And many have questioned that. So many, indeed. But that doesn't affect me much, insofar as I concern myself more with vindicating myself through actions and through accomplishments, not through empty rhetoric and shifting blame.
That I need you so...
I need you so because I realize that this passion is what drives me. And it's good to realize that this passion isn't directed towards an all-consuming desire for a person, whether or not it is reciprocated. I've finally broken free of that. It's passion that I need, but it also emanates from within me, rather than something I need to be inspired into. And no matter the uncertainty, one thing is for certain...
But this is all I know, I'll never go far away from you...
Some people love shoes of certain kinds...
Different strokes for different folks. It's always been like that, hasn't it? It's good to know that no matter how things may change, some things in life are still reliable. Conflict may not be the most pleasant thing ever, but it certainly holds its appeal if only for being so predictable.
It's why I'm confused sometimes. I'm confused because it seems that conflict has only ever been considered negatively, when, in reality, it reminds us that choices are certainly free and open for each and every one of us. Some people love afternoons or the way the moon shines...
It's always been nice to think about life when the rush of the day has finally passed, and you get to consider life, and the humdrum of it all becomes a welcome respite rather than a threat. But then, as you contemplate things, what's left to do afterwards? So much more, and it all just flies in the face of what we think we know. And they have their reasons to feel the way they do...
It's easy to understand. It's easy to realize why people will never see eye to eye for all of eternity. It's easy to investigate the reasons behind them, if you really wanted to. It doesn't make conflict any less arduous or tedious than it always ends up being. That's why I asked myself what it is with you...
So what is it with us, then? Why is it that you and I never seem to find ourselves at the same point in our lives? Is it a question of one or both of us adjusting more, or is it simply a case of things not being meant to be from the get go?
I ask myself because I'd like to think I've been practically exhaustive in doing everything in my power to make this work out. But I don't know anymore. It's like running your head against a wall, again and again. You know it changes nothing, but sometimes, the pain reminds you you're at least doing something about it. Is there something wrong with the way I speak?
Saan tayo nagkulang? Saan ako nagkulang? Or am I just really asking the wrong questions here? Sometimes, the worst thing you could ever do to me is when you show me kindness, because I realize almost immediately after that you are just a good person, and not a person who treats me as someone special. You treat me kindly because it is your nature: not because I mean the world to you.
I wish you weren't that benevolent sometimes. Do you even see me when I pass you on the street?
It's easy for you because it's gotten to a point where none of this means a thing to you now. Unfortunately, I can't quite find myself on the same level.
So I guess this will keep going on, and this won't change anytime soon, and that's why I guess after everything has been said and done... I close my eyes and let it be, because I just can't see, why you love to hate me...
Silent love is calling faith...
There's a calm serenity that's come over me recently, after a bout with a lot of anger and hurt that took so much out of me. Now, I can breathe again. I can smile again. And ultimately, it's a smile that comes from within, not because I need someone to prop me up to be happy.
That's progress. I don't think I've felt this way in years, and I'm grateful I feel like this now. To shatter me through your hallways...
It's easy to just allow myself to be broken. To walk through the memories and feel the crush of what has come before. But that isn't what I need. That isn't what's going to get me anywhere. I'm happy in spite of the things going on around me, and that's a beautiful place to find myself in.
I hope it lasts. But if it doesn't, at least, I know it's a point I can reach. Into echoes you can feel...
The past is integral, yes. Despite that, the past should be a building block, not a stumbling block. There's so much more I can achieve, learning from what has come before, and what to expect from this point on. It's a magical feeling, knowing that I'm not meant for this drudgery forever. Surprise, surprise. I can move on! And here I thought that was never going to happen. And rehearse the way you heal...
I was going through a lot the past few months. I was hurt, I was angry, and boy, was I really just not in a good place when all these woes piled on each other in rapid succession. But I had to keep willing myself on. I realize that sometimes, it just plain doesn't work, but sometimes, we also just don't want to try when we really, really should.
Time does heal all wounds. But you have to keep from picking at the scabs in your moments of weakness. Otherwise, it won't ever really go away. Make them dance, just like you...
Dance like nobody's watching. Love like you've never had your heart broken before. But through it all, don't lose sight of yourself. It's really easy to ignore your own wants and needs when your heart is on the line, but if you do, it's much easier to pick up the pieces afterwards if things go downhill. And trust me: more often than not, they do head downhill. 'Cause you make me move...
My soul moves in tune with the universe. I don't really believe in new age bull, but in my moments of quiet, I recognize where I am headed and what I have to do far better. Introspection works. It really does. And I'm glad that no matter how little blogging time I have left nowadays, I still use that time to do all this introspection. Yeah you always make me go...
It's the call that I need to answer. The call within me. Why do you need to have your spirits moved by just one person, when you have a whole universe that could move you instead? Isn't that something worth pursuing, something worth believing in? I'll run away with your footsteps...
So finally, if and when I do open my heart to someone again, I could give my all. Because there is a whole all of me to give away, rather than a broken and scarred shell of myself. I could just get away from it all and not have any fear, knowing full well that even if my heart would break, it wouldn't be the end of the world. And why would it be? There's so much more out there. I'll build a city that dreams for two...
To whoever you are, or whoever you will be, let's build this city together. A beautiful city that focuses on what we have become and what we will be, rather than what we used to be. Let's build this city.
But let's not build it on rock and roll.
I have done so much soul searching in the past five years or so, but even though I may find my moments of bleakness, I'm ready for what the universe has to bring now. Somewhere, somehow, it will happen, and in the end... And if you lose yourself, I will find you...
.:Project 52 2014 (19/52): Do You Know Where You're Going To?:.
Do you know where you're going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you?
I realize that I've been spinning my wheels in this blog for a long while, and I can't really help it. There's so much going on, and inasmuch as I like doing my usual fun stuff with the pictures and captions and the Cracked-style writing, it's really felt much smarter for me to focus on doing that for my work, instead.
But that doesn't mean I ever run out of things to talk about, or things I want to say. There's so much I want to mention, and so much that goes unsaid on a day to day basis. Heck, I'm willing to sneak them into the Project 52 if I have to, just because.
Like Hearthstone. Hearthstone has next to nothing to do with the rest of this post, but I'm gonna talk about it, anyways. Because it's an awesome game and I really, really like it.
Or the opportunities I've been having lately to meet new people. That has been nothing short of exciting too, as well. Not a fan of tipping my hand too soon, but I have to admit, there are a lot of good things happening on that front as of late, so I don't want to jinx that by saying anything else at the moment.
But I'd like to think that I do know where all of this is headed to, and I'm hoping it's someplace good.
Do you get what you're hoping for? When you look behind you there's no open door. What are you hoping for?
They call it a mid-life crisis. I call it life as usual. You always don't know what you're going to get, you always don't know anything for sure. The one thing you know is that you have to keep on keeping on if you want to get anywhere, because stopping to pity yourself is pretty much the worst thing you can do to yourself. What you hope for and what you work for should be one and the same thing. Otherwise, you're just deluding yourself, and it really won't be long before you discover, much to your chagrin, that you aren't really getting anywhere closer to where you really ought to be.
That's why sometimes, you really have to look at yourself long and hard. You really have to ask yourself the questions you don't want to ask. Because the answer that you don't want to hear is precisely the answer that you need to hear. And you owe it to yourself to listen, and to listen good.
Once we were standing still in time, chasing fantasies that filled our minds...
Nothing wrong with fantasies, and chasing dreams. But there's everything wrong with holding onto them and thinking they will take us where we need to go. It doesn't work that way. We need to make them happen ourselves. We need to believe in ourselves before we even so much as think about perhaps making brand new fantasies up in our head.
It's not simple, I realize. But neither is anything in life worth fighting for.
Do you know where you're going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you? Where are you going to?
There's so much more ground to cover. So little time. But as our time runs short, all I can hope for is that in the brief moments I spend here, you learn to appreciate more what all of the things in your life you take for granted actually mean to you. It's a long, hard lesson to learn, but it's better to learn it while you still have those things in your life than when they no longer are.
You walked into the party like you were walking onto a yacht...
You always had to make a big entrance. You always had to remind everyone you were head over heels above them, and make them feel just a little worse off about themselves. That's always how it's been, and that's always how it will be, it seems.
Your self-absorbed, self-important aura permeates the air with the acridity of a gourd left to ferment in the desert for an entire week. Inasmuch as I find it all part of your appeal, it's hard to excuse the way you carry yourself when it rubs everyone the wrong way.
Your hat strategically dipped below one eye, your scarf it was apricot.
It's always about keeping pretenses. It's all about reputation, and all about trying to make yourself out to be more than you actually are. You tear yourself up and spit yourself out over guilt and grief and worries. You always do that to yourself, yet you come out afterwards and project all over everyone else around you.
You've been poison when all people needed was respite. And that's where we are today. You had one eye on the mirror as you watched yourself gavotte.
Do you really need to be so self-absorbed? Do you really need to be oblivious to everything else going on around you just to take a good look at yourself and practically salivate over yourself? It feels rather embarrassing, to be honest. It's that kind of self-centered behavior that makes me wonder what happened to you. How you could have let yourself be this way, when you seem to project so much that you deserve better.
Instead, all we see is you floundering about, going on with life, completely oblivious to the fact that you really should just stop and realize for a moment that you're hurting yourself. Big time. And all the boys dreamed that they'd be your partner, they'd be your partner, and...
Yeah, you know it. They want you. They want you because you have so much to offer. But you never let anyone forget it, do you? You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you.
And you wouldn't care if it's not, because you've been making everything about you since day 1. It's a bit bewildering, really.
Why is it that the people who really shouldn't be throwing stones at glass houses are the ones who do? Why is it that instead of coming to terms with the truth, they end up surrounding themselves in the light of ignorance, and try to push blame elsewhere but them? It's really counter-productive, and not something you would expect from someone who should know better. You're so vain, I bet you think this song is about you.
It's so easy to assume things. But let's face it: whenever you assume, you make an ass out of you, not me. All I can do is shake my head. All I can do is wonder if you really think this was all about you when it was really about something bigger and more important than you or me. Don't you? Don't you?
Evolution is a mystery, full of change that no one sees...
As time goes by, we keep on thinking more and more about the things that have brought us to where we are today. How does one, well, "evolve" to be a better person? It's virtually invisible. From day to day, you don't really take notice of all the changes, and only a long way from that point do you really see it, like when you look at your high school class picture five long years after you graduated from college.
I've changed so much. But only when I stop and take stock of where I am now from where I was before do I begin to understand what that implies for me.
Clock makes a fool of history...
You feel like an idiot sometimes, wondering where you are now and comparing it to what went before you. Is it a healthy thing to do? To be honest, you can't really say that it is, but hey, whatever it takes, right? Sometimes, you just really have to look at where you came from and where you are now to fully appreciate the long way you've come. It's helpful, and it gives you a load of perspective, albeit sometimes, it does get rather dicey when you don't learn from it.
Ever thought about how stupid we all look sometimes, when we once had that ridiculous hairstyle, or insisted on that terrible fashion statement? Yeah, it does give us a few laughs at our own expense, and yeah, it's definitely something we hopefully learned from, lest we end up running back to that same atrocious hairstyle, or maybe even worse.
Yesterday's so long ago, don't agree with what I know.
At some point in my life, I was reckless with a lot of things. I took for granted how people would see me if I acted a certain way or did a certain thing. Nowadays, even when I do something ridiculously upsetting or controversial, I at least have given it some thought first before I went ahead and did it.
I don't agree with a Hades of a lot of things I used to believe in. I guess that's why I come off a lot as cynical to most people who don't know me, and I can't say I blame them. I really do exhibit all the symptoms of a full-blown cynic, but in reality, I do put a lot of misplaced faith in people, yet I keep on holding on to them no matter how ridiculously betrayed I end up feeling when my initial inkling gets proven for the freaking prophetic vision it ends up actually turning out to be.
Tomorrow, got no place to be...
The future's only yet to come, so all I can do now is appreciate what I have at the present. Evolution really is a mystery, but hey, nobody said we have to have all the answers from the word "go," right? It never was that way.
I see the line in the sand...
And yes, there are lines every man has to cross at one point or another. It's the line that answers the questions about yourself that you might honestly not want to hear about. It's the line in the sand that highlights the demarcation between the haves and the have-nots, the wants and the needs, love and hate, relevance and apathy.
It's a line that we need to see for ourselves. And at some point, we all need to know when it's worth crossing the line.
Time to find out who I am...
We all say this. It's time to find out who we really are. In the end, do we really have any idea? Do we really know a damned thing? To be honest, it doesn't feel that way, when we're in the middle of conflict and headaches, and everything just seems like it's going wrong and simply unacceptable.
But then, we have to look forward, we have to keep trudging on. We owe it back to ourselves, and the selves we have once become at different points in time.
.:Project 52 2014 (15/52): Don't Look Back In Anger:.
Slip inside the eye of your mind, don't you know you might find a better place to play?
Ah, yes. The daily grind. The crunch of the routine. The ennui that consumes us all, and keeps us from looking at things in a different way. It isn't crushing or overwhelming so much as it permeates every aspect of our life to the point where it is inescapable and we take it for granted and stop asking questions.
It's the norm. It's what's expected. That's exactly why it's so easy for us to go around here in circles and just take it as fact without really thinking about it for a moment. We are so used to things just working their way in and out of our lives with little consequence, and only begin to take notice when something big is coming our way. That's really how it works. You said that you've never been, but all the things you've said, they slowly fade away...
Oh, I know. I realize all too well that the things people say and do are things we all just commit and then forget. It's so easy when we're all walking around here, running purely on autopilot. That's how it is. That's how it's always been. We take things for granted. We take things as they come without a second thought, because everything feels so ridiculously normal and routine.
And that's how we all fall apart, really. People always think that relationships collapse because of one big thing, when it's a million tiny things nobody thought was worth bringing up. When putting up becomes less sensible than giving up, simply because all the tiny details are too much of a fuss to work on. Whether in friendship or in love, that's always how it's been.
It's a war. An invisible war nobody realizes we're fighting. But the casualties still remain at the end of it all. So I'll start a revolution from my bed, 'cause you said the brains I had went to my head.
I can only fight what I can see. But it's there. It's really there, and it's so hard to open my eyes to realize it happening. How does one arrest a death by a million pinpricks? How does one even begin to stop it? Step outside, summertime's in bloom.
So maybe the reality is, I have to do something far more meaningful, far more substantial, than to just patch up something after it has been damaged. Is it time to be proactive? But how can one be proactive when what is essential is indeed invisible to the eye? And so, Sally can wait, She knows it's too late as we're walking on by...
There's a pressing need for change. There's a sense of urgency. But it shouldn't distract us from what needs to be done otherwise, in the meantime. Do it, but do it right. Don't rush into it. Don't force yourself when you can't even think straight at the moment.
Wait, if you have to.
And only when it's too late would there be room for regret. But that time for regret isn't here yet, so it's best to keep on keeping on, rather than to paralyze yourself in despair. Her soul slides away...
As they drift apart, maybe you begin to realize there's a reason for that. Some people in your life come in for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, after all. That's really how it works, and that's really where it all ends up.
So much to do, so little time. So much to think about, yet in the end, when we walk away, when we end up going our own ways, the biggest challenge would be... But don't look back in anger, that's what they say...
Say goodbye to not knowing when the truth in my whole life began...
Reality. It's such a loaded word, as we try to make heads and tails of what reality is, and what exists and what does not.
2014 as a year seems to be terrible so far. In the middle of all the things going on, so many people are no longer with us, and it just makes me go numb when I think about how we still have over eight more months to go, and it's been non-stop bad news, all the time, all the way.
So when I try to say goodbye to people I've known, to people I've cherished for one reason or another, it becomes very difficult to have to come to terms with the fact that I'm doing so within mere weeks, if not days, of each goodbye.
Say goodbye to not knowing how to cry, you taught me that...
And whether the tears come because of the pain one feels from the twist of separation, or tears of joy, those tears come even if you don't want them to. I know it sounds overly dramatic, but a part of me died when the Streat was conquered by Brock Lesnar on Wrestlemania last Sunday. The end of the Undertaker's dominant winning ways at Wrestlemania was a shocker and completely took the wind out of the sails of any Undertaker fan, which I consider myself to have been for almost two decades.
But that was overshadowed with the passing of the Ultimate Warrior. Not my favorite wrestler or even person, by any means, but when you look at him and how happy he was in the last few days of his life, it was clear that he was turning a corner and mending bridges that were burn over years and years of hatred and resentment. It seems that when people bury the hatchet with Hulk Hogan, as was the case with Randy Savage a few years back, people feel at peace already.
The Warrior was a phenomenal wrestler who achieved so much despite spending so little time at the top of the wrestling world. You can't take that away from him, and seeing how he was becoming an even better human being made it easier and easier to appreciate him as a performer.
But no more. He has left us too soon, like all the other wrestlers who came before him.
Inside, I was a child that could not mend a broken wing...
And no, 2014 hasn't been kinder to any other aspect of me, either, as I continue to take beating after beating in that regard. I don't think I could ever really catch a break, and 2014 has not really made me feel like it will look any better for me anytime soon.
So here I am, still walking wounded and coping with tragedy, and I realize that standing in the face of adversity is something we all have to learn and appreciate that while I have my own worries and cares, I'm still here to face them head-on. Day in and day out, it's all I could do, really.
Outside, I looked for a way to teach my heart to sing...
All the platitudes in the world may not make it easy on me to really come to terms with the things that have been happening so far this year, but as I keep trying to look on the brighter side of life, I can help myself see things in a better light. It isn't easy, really. Last week, I lost my last living grandparent, and it was something I never quite expected to come when it did. It shook me. It moved me. And ultimately, I still don't quite know what to make of it.
For now, I could only continue to go on and stay strong as I can so that I don't get swallowed up by the overwhelming feeling of despair that just washes over me every time I am left alone with only my thoughts.
And I'll remember, the strength that you gave me...
So whether in the shallowest of ways the Streak gave me cause for joy and anticipation, to the realization that life is so short as the Ultimate Warrior passed away at such an untimely moment, and all the way to the many lessons I have learned from my grandmother while she was still alive, the best I could do to honor them is to never forget them.
I find strength in adversity not because it's cool or exciting. I find strength in adversity because that is what the examples I choose to honor and remember have likewise chosen to do throughout their lives. It is that fervent desire to become better, to become worthwhile, that keeps me going even if everyone else tells me otherwise.
I can't forget them because they always reminded me of that.
Now that I'm standing on my own...
So now, I need to believe in myself more. To believe in myself the way I believed in them before. I need to learn that not everything that comes out there to challenge me is a mountain that has to be climbed, because there are some mountains that simply do not deserve any climbing whatsoever.
I remember you all, because you won't give me a chance to forget any of you.
I'll remember the way that you changed me...
I can safely say I have grown over the years thanks to the many influences in my life, and though some of these influences may no longer be with me, I will remain steadfast to the way they have helped shape me. They changed me in ways that helped me. They changed me so that I may become a better human being. And yes, if I end up losing even more people dear to me as 2014 goes by, their memories will continue to sustain me this way.
I remember...
Of course. How can I not? Thank you for the memories.
I really don't like Chris Brown, but this song does cover what I want to say today better than nearly any other song I could think of. I'll hold off on the sordid details for now, but let's preface this by making it very clear: this is not an April Fool's joke. I don't even see the point about making an April Fool's joke as vague as this would be. .:Project 52 2014 (13/52): Say Goodbye:.
How do you let go when you, you just don't know what's on the other side of the door when you're walking out?
I don't know where to go from here, because the only life I've known has been one with you there. You were a constant I almost took for granted. And to this very day, I still don't want you to go. I just don't know if I have any right to ask you to keep on staying, when I know that in your moments alone, all you could think of is moving on.
But then, what comes after this? What would waking up the next day without you there bring? Would it really shake me to the core, or would it just be business as usual soon enough? Maybe I don't want to find out. Maybe I'm too afraid to.
Talk about it, and everything I tried to remember to say just went out my head
So Imma do the best I can to get you to understand
Cause I know...
But that's the thing, isn't it? There's no more room to talk. There's only room to do things. To let go. To try to ease the pain of goodbye by bracing against it because it is so imminent, so inevitable, even. It feels like it's coming, and there's not a damned thing anyone can do to stop it.
And all I could do is pray for a miracle. Even if I'm not the praying type.
There's never a right time to say goodbye...
Too soon, and you're classless. Too late, and you're insensitive. Saying goodbye is never easy, no matter how many times you tell yourself you're ready for this, and it was all just a matter of time, to begin with. It's a question of when now, not if.
But can you blame me for hoping against hope?
But we know that we gotta go our separate ways...
I hope that wherever you go from here, you will be in a better place. a happier place. I don't know what else to say, really, because as I try to think about you and about everything we've shared with each other, I realize how generous a soul you truly were. And now, I have to say goodbye to all of that.
And I know it's hard but I gotta do it and it's killing me, 'cause there's never a right time, right time to say goodbye...
And I will miss you so. And I will cherish you so. But how much longer can I truly expect you to be with me, when our time is running out, yet there's still so much left to say, so much left to do?
