Thank You, Baratillo.Net

.:Farewell, Juned:.

There was a time where the words "I'm a blogger" simply defined me, more than anything else. Through those formative years in my life, one name stood out as someone I always listened to, and always enjoyed the company of: Juned Sonido. He was, as many people have shared by now, the early blogosphere's version of Yoda.

I learned a lot, thanks to him. In fact, if I decided to write an 8List about the things I learned from him instead of this essay I'm now trying to put together, I'd have at least 5 lists to go around. But I'd be remiss if I didn't share a few memories from the man, so here are some of my favorites...

1. The first time I ever received a token from an event I attended as a blogger, I was beside myself in excitement. You have to understand, this was before people made a living out of blogging and social media. We were all hobbyists then, so being given a gift like I was felt like such a big deal at a time.

Juned looked at me, smiled, and reminded me to not "get too excited." And I realized right then and there that yes, I ran the risk of continuing to blog solely for these gift bags rather than because I loved to blog. It was a sobering wake-up call, and an eerie prediction of people who came in the future who were *all about the goodies.*

2. When he gave a talk about ethics for iBlog, oh wow. What a riot that was. In-jokes flew all over the place, and we had a whale of a time.

3. If it weren't for him and for Nina, I would have never known the joys of how to run a Binondo food tour.

And the memories are legion. I can't even begin to think about all the times we spent with each other, and the endless conversations we had, and the fact that I just sat there, under the learning tree, taking it all in.

The last time we met that wasn't by coincidence was in 2016, when he had me do a talk in his class. It was a great time, although I did notice how different he looked. But Juned was never one to tell us about his woes, and always focused on having engaging conversations that ran the gamut of the deepest, most ponderous topics, and the shallowest, most juvenile ones.

Here and there, I would run into him by pure chance. It's easy to take someone who felt so omnipresent for granted: it's not like he's ever gonna go away, is he? Is he?

Sadly, the answer to that, like for everyone else, is "yes. Eventually." And so we now say goodbye to a pioneer, a trailblazer, someone who was ahead of the curve long before blogging and social media and the very concept of an "influencer" were ever even things that roll off the tongue so naturally as they do in 2019. More than that, we say goodbye to a true friend. We've said goodbye to more than a few among our ranks over the years, and it never gets any easier or any less painful each time we have to.

Juned, thank you for your kindness, your time, and your friendship. Words cannot convey how much loss I feel right now, and my world feels that much poorer because of it. All I can hope is that wherever you are now, you are happy, eating all the lechon and hakaw you want. Save a space for us, because we'll be joining you there too, someday, in the great blogosphere in the sky.

We will miss you. Farewell, my friend and my mentor.

Galing At Peugeot

.:Galing At Peugeot:.

So I was supposed to talk about the French Film Festival, because, you know, film. Awesome. But here's the funny thing: I didn't get to catch a single movie from the festival, and instead hung out with the fine people from Peugeot, because they were talking to me about the Festival so much, it almost felt like I was there. Almost. But with more cars and fun anecdotes. And less of the plodding navel-gazing most French films are known and loved for. You don't criticize a French film for being plodding and navel-gazing and all thinkpiece-y: you applaud them for it.

Pictured: more excitement than most French films. Again, not a knock against French films.

The funny thing is, I don't even drive. If I did, I'd have been doing it while by now. And I always had a soft spot for European cars. The problem with European cars I was mostly aware of, though, was that maintenance would be a bit more difficult than the usual Japanese cars whose parts and spare parts are readily available, and boy, do European cars cost a world more money than their Japanese and even American counterparts.

And then next thing I knew, I was introduced to Peugeot by my relatively new friend, Nikki. And what I discovered about this French brand floored me, because while I'm not a gear freak and I can't tell you the first thing about cars, I definitely share a lot in common with the average pedestrian who can't help but gawk when a beautiful car drives past them, because chances are, I am that average pedestrian gawking when a beautiful car drives past me.

So beautiful, I insisted on holding the camera at all times, so no, you won't see me by the car.

For starters, a trip to their showroom immediately killed the impression that European cars were all super pricey and hard to maintain, with price ranges that are shockingly competitive with the popular Japanese and American brands here, Peugeot not only boasts of the same kind of quality we've come to expect from European cars, but even the touted best diesel engine in the world. So not only do you get great quality, but the gas and mileage are pretty high up there, too.

I was really enamored by their sports car, although given that I don't drive, it would probably look awkward if I hired a driver to drive me around in it. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but I'm inclined to guess people would assume we're dating, because that's normally how it works when you're driving around in a sports car with two people in it.

"Pare, open-minded ka ba?" Meet the Peugeot RCZ.

The fact that they discontinued the RCZ and what I saw in the showroom was perhaps the last of its kind just made me realize that this was indeed a collector's item, and one of the sleekest, most elegant cars I have ever seen. I know what I like when I see it, and the experts have told me enough about what goes on under that hood for me to appreciate that indeed, this is definitely a fine specimen of automotive technology.

Overall, I've been amazed and impressed, and while I'm no gearhead, I knew what the right questions to ask were when it came to what I needed in the event I ever needed to purchase a car. After all, with all other things being equal, including price, apparently, why wouldn't I go for arguably the number 1 diesel engine in the world, and all the prestige that comes with the name of Peugeot?

And that's really the main selling point of Peugeot to me: you are buying into an honored French automobile tradition, and you are doing it at a downright steal for what that brand means to the general public. And as if that weren't enough, they're currently offering promotions if you act now and get one of their rides, so don't tell me I didn't warn you that there are tickets to Valuetown to be had.

Speaking of "value," Nikki swears she fits into the trunk of this car, and another person like her! Mmmmmm! Okay, maybe we shouldn't give John Wayne Gacy's fans any ideas.

Again, I don't drive yet, and I'm anything but an opinion leader when it comes to cars. What people who know me can attest to, though, is that I have a huge love affair with European cars, and Peugeot may be currently the apple of my eye with its sleek style, multiple offerings for all walks of life, prestigious name, and unbeatable price point, considering said prestigious name. To me, that's more than good enough, and once I inevitably purchase my first car (by then, I hope I know how to drive because I would, as I earlier stated, hate to ride in the passenger seat of an RCZ), I'm inclined to make it a Peugeot.

And if you are, too, feel free to get in touch with Ms. Nikki Cheng Peugeot's Business Development Officer, via her mobile, 09175646119. You just might get a special discount if you act now and drop this blog's name! 

I don't really do this much, so yeah, I find it a big deal to be writing about a particular brand, and no, I definitely wasn't paid for this. I wish I were, but that's not really how I've worked as a blogger these past 14 years, so why change now?

And, oh, here's one more thing: the piece de resistance - the Expert Tepee, which is a 9-seater MPV, and the very ride that Ms. Jaclyn Jose experienced as she cruised her win to a Cannes Best Actress plum recently. It's a thing of beauty - as long as John Wayne Gacy's fans stay far, far away from it.

Squint hard enough, and you'll see my reflection there.

So yeah, that was how I spent my time a couple of weeks ago: enjoying cars like a normal male person, which isn't typical of me. The thing is, though, with how crazy life has been for me these past few months, what constitutes "normal" at this point for me, really? I might never know, but as far as I'm concerned, I can keep going as long as I have faith in myself. Much in the same way Peugeot has faith in its time-honored tradition of excellence.

Blogger Events? It Felt Like A Lifetime Ago...

.:... And Yet The Entitlement Complexes Never Went Away:.

I slowly eased myself out of attending blogger events ever since I worked for Nuffnang four years ago. At some point, being at blogger events was more work than anything else, and it no longer became a prominent part of my life. Nothing wrong with blogger events at all, mind you. I just lost interest in attending every single one that invited me at some point.

Of course, I remained friends with a lot of bloggers. It's not like I stopped being one, myself, or decided to isolate myself from the rest of them. But in doing so, it provided me with the opportunity to really choose who I would spend time with, rather than to waste my time being surrounded by vexations to my soul.

This also means that I missed the newer generation of bloggers, especially the newer generation of atrocious ones. The ones who decided that this whole "patay-gutom bloggers" thing was really cool and they should continue its fine tradition. And continue, they did.

I feel rather jaded about the blogging scene lately, to be honest. Most of the award-giving bodies have successfully turned blogging into a celebrity-dominated sphere, where nobody bothers with the opinion of anyone who isn't a power blogger, whatever the Hades that means.

The "Power Blogger," in its element.

The thing is, blogging on its own has been nearly as irrelevant as it has been before it even existed. In the age of 140 characters or less, someone sitting down to read a full-length blog entry where some self-proclaimed social media (idiot) savant shouts about his relevance from the highest mountaintops, yet nobody is listening. Have you noticed who gets nominated for blogging and social media awards lately? I'll give you a hint: nearly all of them are celebrities, and they will drown you out, regardless what your message is.

With how much I've been writing for the 8List ever since last year, the frequency of my blogging has obviously taken a hit. I'm not the same blogger I once was, and haven't been particularly waving the banner of blogging that much in the last year or two. As such, what really does get to me is how more than a few of these remaining loud voices in the blogosphere take it upon themselves to represent everyone else, saying they do the sh*t that they do for the "honor" of bloggers. Who died and made them our savior, really?

Look. I'm not being a hipster about this blogging thing. You wanna SEO your way to riches? Go ahead. You want to receive tokens and gift certificates all the time so you never have to do your groceries ever again? Be my guest. But I am not you, and when you keep saying you are fighting for people like me, it annoys the f*ck out of me. I don't know you, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to, so leave me out of your drama.

I'd be looking at the back of my skull if my eyes rolled any further.

I've been keeping what is functionally an online diary for eleven years already. I like to write. I like to get on my soapbox and talk about things, with varying degrees of success. I like being snarky, and even getting into flame wars or trollbaiting people sometimes. But what tires me out is when that's all I ever encounter, when some bloggers who think they're hot stuff use their so-called influence to leverage threats against people, and then claim they are being bullied when the inevitable backlash flies in their face.

I don't need someone telling me how to be ethical when they keep jumping from endorsing one skin whitening brand to another at the drop of a hat, yet still looking every bit the same.

I don't need someone telling me how much this restaurant sucks because it can't give anything beyond free food for bloggers to try and write about, when any self-respecting food critic would actually want to do this incognito.

I don't need someone telling me to get outraged at the latest issue you deem worth "curating." You have yet to meet an ambulance you didn't want to chase.

I especially don't need someone telling me how to be ahead of the social media curve when they don't even have five hundred followers to their name while they proclaim themselves a "guru."

It's all self-aggrandizement, really. People who are all bark and no bite, yet think that crying "wolf" the way they do about their vaunted influence would somehow make the world be at their beck and call. It doesn't work that way. 

Your blog doesn't make you special. Your traffic doesn't increase your bust size, nor does your ad clicks increase your sperm count. If you think for one moment that your status on the internet entitles you to anything more than any other human being should reasonably expect, then maybe you need some WD-40 to get your head out of your own ass. It's way too far in already.

Visual aid.

I don't represent anyone when I say this, mind you. Maybe some people agree with me when I say this, maybe some don't. But most won't even bother reading this. I don't care. I just want it to be stated for the record, that for the most part, I'm jaded with where the blogosphere has ended up after all these years. When celebrity culture permeated blogging, I never thought that most everyone would ignore virtually all the good stuff that comes with it and instead only pick up the relentless narcissism, the unmitigated self-importance, and the overblown sense of entitlement.

So please. When you talk about how people who aren't bloggers should deal with those who are, when you talk about what bloggers are all about, or when you try to so much as stand as a representative for bloggers at large? Just f*cking speak for yourself, okay?

Being a blogger does not make you special, or entitle you to anything out of the ordinary. Being a blogger does not make you smarter or more amazing than anyone else. It's the person behind the blog that makes something special, not the blog in and by itself. And if you squander that strength of personality over some petty vendetta or some stupid score you have to settle, do you genuinely think it's worth it?

Somehow, I don't think so.

Project 52 (51/52): On This Year's Blogging Output (And Why I'm Not Content About My Content)

.:Project 52 (51/52): On This Year's Blogging Output (And Why I'm Not Content About My Content):.

When I started writing this post, I thought it was my last post for this year's Project 52, and then I slowly realized that I may have missed my count by one.

And I did.

Sure, my count was off during 2010's Project 365, but hey, with 365 posts to handle, that was perfectly excusable. This year, I was blogging just a tad over once a week, but I still found myself mindless and careless enough to label week 42 as week 43. This is why my count was off by one for the rest of that time.

That being said, I'm really not too pleased about my blogging this year, because I know that while the quality of my writing has held steady or possibly improved, the amount of writing I do is a crying shame. Sure, I try my best to make sure I have a decent post once a week, but beyond that, I didn't really have much to offer. And I can't say it's because of my emotional state, seeing as whether I'm happy or depressed, the frequency of my updates didn't really make much of a difference.

I guess it helps that my writing is everywhere else on the internet, from the POC to the Freethinkers to the 8List and a bunch of other unattributed stuff. Still, I do feel like I've been neglecting my blog lately, and on my tenth year of doing it, no less. No, don't worry. I don't think this will be a moment for me to call quits on blogging altogether, seeing as I don't wanna hurt all four of my loyal readers.

But still, I guess this year, with all the things I've gone through, I've gone to do a lot of thinking. It just sucks that very little of that ended up on the blog. Whether it be my thoughts on things and people I've encountered, or it be about the RH Bill, or comedy, or even my still non-existent lovelife, I've given snippets of my thoughts on them here and there, but I haven't really tried to commit myself to anything altogether. I haven't really just gone out there and really written in a way that made me feel I've exhausted all my sentiments on the matter at that point.

It always feels I have so much more to say.

Then again, that may not necessarily be a bad thing now, is it? For all I know, I could simply be looking at it from the wrong perspective: that having so much more to say means I'm not being as diligent with my blogging. Maybe I'm becoming a bit more selective in writing, rather than lazy. If the reason for the lower frequency is that and not laziness, maybe what I need to do is to refine the selection process itself. Not every thought that crosses my mind needs to be committed to the interwebs, after all, especially not thoughts that could be very fleeting and just brought about by the spur of the moment, only to be quickly regretted afterwards.

This has been a good year, and I don't even know if I can make the proper traditional year-end things I always have done before. This is weird, when you consider how viral a lot of the things I've done has gotten, from the BaYo thing to the Cybercrime Law article. I never wrote mainly for the money, so this blog not being one designed for profit isn't the reason, either. If it were, then I should be writing on a weekly basis for the POC, at least. But I'm not.

I guess there's just so much I want to say, but also so much I feel is best left unsaid. When I'm too hurt, when I'm too happy, when I'm too anything but contemplative, I feel very suspicious of the words coming out of my keyboard, and I cut myself off at that point.

Nowadays, I also hate writing nothing but a wall of text without a picture somewhere in the mix to at least catch people's eyes as I write.

Have I caught them yet?

So I guess we'll see where we go from here. I'm just really at a point where I have no idea why I'm meandering like this, but I can't say I'm so unhappy, really. It's been a good year, I'm grateful, and I'm still alive.

The 10th Anniversary Retrospective: 2011

.:The 10th Anniversary Retrospective: 2011:.

Yeah, I think this was a better year than 2009 and 2010 combined...

Hmm... 2011. A perfectly good mix of a year, in all honesty. It wasn't overtly amazing (Except for the part where I met Kim Chiuuuuuuu!!!), and there were some clunkers along the way, too, and yeah, losing several friends along the way also proved to not exactly be a great experience, for that matter. Despite that, I think 2011 was a turning point for me because that was when I began to learn how to live my life without My Beloved, assuming that I was never going to see her again.

It was the year where I tried to finally open myself up for life beyond her, but the mistaken notion was that a life beyond her needed someone else to fill the void. Maybe that's where I was wrong: because the attempts I had to fill in that void were pretty regrettable looking back, to say the least. There were very few bright spots, and no, a pretend-relationship via mostly Facebook with Lovey Dovey probably wasn't one of them, nor was the mistake I made sometime October. 

Project 52 in 2011 was all about music. I had a song of the week, reflecting my regular lyrics posts in 2003 or so. This time, I managed to put more impact in doing those music-related posts simply because I had to justify why I was sharing each song in question. This is also why I ended up performing for the Itchyworms several times, including their 15th anniversary show, which has to be one of the biggest highlights of my year as a performer.

The amazing thing, though, is, after January, after CamSur, I discovered that making mistakes isn't such a bad thing anymore. I found out that I had the capability of walking away from mistakes now, and I wasn't going to stick by a mistake until it hurt so much that it was doing far more harm than good to me. I opened and capped off my year with Philo-Sophie, and I realized at that point that I was just being used, much in the same way I allowed myself to be used in 2009 by various people.

2011 was a turning point because I learned better than to let anything bad happening to me stain me permanently. It was when I started seeing how I could turn any lemons my way into lemonade. I also started contributing to Filipino Freethinkers this year.

The low points of 2011 came when Sugarfree disbanded, and AJ Matela passed. And probably the horrible April Fool's day joke bloggers received. The less said about that, the better.

Geekfighting, OGM, these things became part of my life this year all the same. I started opening for Mike Unson, culminating in me being part of Rex Navarette's November show in The Fort. Overall, I was trying so many different things to fill in the void, as I attended the weddings of one of my closest friends, as well as someone I almost got involved with romantically. This is why my first blogpost of the year is also probably the one I'm most proud of having written in 2011: the wedding proposal for no one. And yes, it doesn't matter if in 2012, the first thing I did was contradict myself. When I wrote that post back then, it was really something so true and heartfelt.

Winning a second time in the Philippine Blog Awards wasn't too shabby, either. I must say: 2011 really had a lot of good moments, and it all started when I realized that no matter how much my past still matters to me, I can walk away from it all. 

The sweetest or creepiest gesture I ever received in my life. Let's go with creepy.

And really, that's all there is to it: nine years of blogging in 2011, and I finally learned perhaps the most important lesson of my life: I am resilient. And sometimes, though something may mean the world to me, I need to turn my back on it because what good is holding on to a world going down in flames?

The 10th Anniversary Retrospective: 2010

.:The 10th Anniversary Retrospective: 2010:.

Ah, 2010. The year I decided to try and do a full-scale Project 365, and succeeded at it. Somewhat. It wasn't easy, really, especially since I was coping with so much during this year, and I had to bury myself in work just to stay alive. One guess why.

Foreshadowing!

It was mortifying, really, but February 14, 2010 remains to be easily the worst day of my life. I even remembering writing this because the pain was just so palpable and I couldn't contain it. For nearly an entire year, I did nothing but cry myself to sleep. Hades, just remembering the pain I went through makes me misty-eyed all over again, and not in a good way.

It was an ordeal, and I still twitch whenever I remember what I went through, especially looking at the present, where we find out exactly what I made that sacrifice for. What a joke, really. What a load of crock, after everything has been said and done.

I hated 2009, but going over 2010, I didn't expect to discover that I may actually just happen to hate it even more.

Especially when you consider that instead of graduating, I ended up being suspended for a year from my Masters in what has got to be one of the most disgusting displays of gross negligence of due process.

Especially when you consider that this was the year that my grandfather passed. I was blogging up a storm in a reversal of what I went through in 2006. I was doing it to pretend that the pain wasn't there. I was doing it so I could drown myself out from having enough moments where I can sit down and recognize that my life was miserable.

You know, overall, I think I can only be grateful that on this year, I got to know Denise. She's an awesome person, and if you knew her, you would agree with me. Totally.

Well, damn. This was exceptionally short, and mercifully so. Ending the year by meeting Philo-Sophie wasn't exactly pleasant to remember, either...

The 10th Anniversary Retrospective: 2009

.:The 10th Anniversary Retrospective: 2009:.

One of the best shows I've ever been involved with.

2009. Just... just screw this year, really.

I mean there were great things, definitely. For example, this is when Bound And Gagged happened, and that also means I managed to stumble upon the happy crew of the Disenchanted Kingdom, which became my radio home for the next three years. I started working in Nuffnang in 2009, so that's a pretty awesome thing as well. This was also the year I started getting into standup comedy, and I still enjoy doing that to this very day. Can't say I could complain about any of those, even if Grin Department scared me out of a year's growth because of their antics. I also went to Ad Congress for the first time ever, and began writing for the Philippine Online Chronicles on this year.

But think about it. I mean, let's even set aside the personal tragedy that this was the year I lost My Beloved. 2009 was just. A. Horrible. Year.

First of all, this was the year Francis Magalona and Michael Jackson passed away. So did Cory Aquino (Quite a tragedy.), which led to us having Noynoy as president (An even greater tragedy.). Considering the fact that more than a few well-loved people also passed on in 2009? Well, wow.

Secondly, this was the year Ondoy happened. I mean, really. screw Ondoy. My mentor in high school, Ms. Edna Rivero, passed away around the time of Ondoy, and I never even knew until 2010.

So really? Screw this year. The good things that began in 2009 carried onwards to better years, and I'd rather think about those years than this dreck.

Still, if I had to pick one favorite entry from 2009, let's go with this one. 2009 marked the year that I won my first PBA trophy, after I hosted it in 2008. It was a crazy year for blogging, truth be told, especially since I coined the term "Patay-Gutom Bloggers" around this time, and unfortunately for other people, they popularized the term, and ended up receiving flak for it.

Man, this year was really the pits.

The 10th Anniversary Retrospective: 2006

.:The 10th Anniversary Retrospective: 2006:.

Probably only the second or third best thing of 2006.

Wow. 2006. Talk about a pivotal year, because this was the year I blogged the least. Offline life was getting in the way so much that I couldn't help but have to really let my blogging take a hit, inevitably. Heartbreak near the start of the year, then followed by months upon months of career woes since I had to give up QTV11 after doing segment production for one season.

It was also the year when I got into professional magic and mentalism, which was definitely one of the biggest, most pronounced changes in my life. To think that it all started because I simply wanted to do a performance for Elbert Or, who was my best friend at the time. 

It was the year I got to meet Estelle, bonded with April, met Mick Foley, and yes, found out that National University actually existed.

Not photoshopped, rest assured.

So overall? I met new people and got to doing new things. I was really having a hard time dealing with heartbreak, so despite the misery I felt at the time, I found amazing friends who helped me weather the storm.

I was starting to be less transcript-based with my blog entries, and as I started to using more pictures, it really felt like my blog was becoming a lot more fun to write. Of course, I wrote so few entries during this year, and some of them were downright dark and disturbing, reflecting the state of mind and heart I found myself in at that point. I was down, and almost out. I couldn't thank my friends enough, but there was someone who made all the difference in the world that year, and she was simply unforgettable.

Towards the end of the year, My Beloved came into the picture. We saw The Departed,  and then things slowly started falling into place. That's why this was my favorite entry of 2006, because that very brief bit I had to say about her said everything I needed to say then... and now.

"I love you very much, and I hope that I would prove to be worthy of your time and attention. Sometimes, I worry when I catch myself not treating you in the best way I could, but at the end of the day, I know I will do whatever it takes to do right by you.

No matter what, we will find a way.

Thank you for making my life just a little brighter."

Truer words have never been said.

The 10th Anniversary Retrospective: 2005

.:The 10th Anniversary Retrospective: 2005:.

Suman for others!

First of all, I realized that I actually got to know Clair this year, mainly because this was the year that iBlog first happened, so I'm sorry about that error. Considering how I kept count of every conversation we had, this was highly unusual. Still, poring over hundreds of blog entries like what I'm doing on a regular basis to pull this retrospective off does kind of take its toll on me.

I was in the thick of my career, and the not-so-pleasant tailend of a relationship that showed how I woefully misunderstood what it means to love and to care about someone. It was supposedly a very happy thing when I got into my second relationship, but in reality? It was pretty much a travesty all around because I was flat out clueless what it took to make a relationship work. years from then, I look at myself now, and I realize my knowledge is still far from perfect, but I definitely saw so many thing I did wrong then that I wouldn't even consider doing now.

And I have a confession: a lot of my blog entries in 2005 really make me cringe today. I was very cavalier with privacy, and it may have been very embarrassing for the people I blogged about back then the way I wrote about them, no matter how positive I might have thought it was that I wrote about them. I still write a lot, and I still say a lot of crazy things, but one thing I feel just naturally changed over time was how my writing has been far less incriminating for other people I write about. I've gotten far less detailed and transcript-y, and this was actually a change for the better, I think.

I remember this year because it was the year where I worked for Channel 11 alongside doing radio, and I was ridiculously exhausted because of this setup. I can't imagine how my friend, DJ Aya of WOW 103.5, is doing the same thing nowadays, probably only worse. I was going through rather trying times, but overall? I was just so head over heels in love with Pomelo at this point that it seemed I was just gliding over everything that wasn't going so well in my life.

And yes, that included the first signs that showed me that the academic life wasn't really quite for me.

But one overall running theme during 2005 was suman. It happened mostly because of Dean Alfar's talk on creative blogging, and it sorta stuck for a pretty long while when a few of us who went to the talk decided to blog about suman on a weekly basis. I lasted pretty long doing that, actually.

It was the beginning of amazing things, to be honest. As I went ahead and got to know bloggers left and right due to iBlog, I also met the Sassy Lawyer, who pretty much recognized me because we've corresponded with each other in the past. And yes, iBlog was when I first met the (in)famous Mike Abundo.

2005 was a pivotal year because it was a year of huge changes: changes that would really dictate the pace in succeeding years, and 2006 was definitely going to be even more of the same.

But wow. I really cringed a lot going through my archives, so I'm thankful I managed to find this essay I wrote about the Digital Filipina issue. Amid all the jokes about the gay innuendo and amid all the cringe-worthy things I wrote about, I felt pretty good about the fact that I was writing with a very progressive slant more and more in 2005. I was starting to quote feminist/anti-ableist/anti-racist/pluralist material and echoing these sentiments even if in 2005, my notions on gender equality weren't as informed as they are nowadays.

It feels good to know that I came to my own personal journey against bigotry without any earth-shattering moment. That I quietly just realized how wrong bigotry was, and proceeded to work hard at educating myself over the years. Does that deserve any respect or adulation? Of course not. It's what all of us should be doing in the first place. I'm just glad I figured it out with minimal anguish.

The 10th Anniversary Retrospective: 2004

.:The 10th Anniversary Retrospective: 2004:.

Well, crap.

I used to be so thin back in the day...

So I opened 2004 with the highlight of finding out that I won the Asian Blog Awards from Flying Chair. Considering how 2004 was one of my most active blogging years of all time, it was a doozy!

One thing I noticed was that 2004 was arguably when I got the most detailed when it came to blogging. I was transcribing conversations word for word in my blog, and it was pretty insane how religious I was in writing, period.

Graduation really changed the dynamic for me because immediately upon graduation, I quickly moved on to working. I was teaching, I was on WAVE 89.1, and I was taking up my masters, all at the same time. I don't know how I managed to do all of that together at the time, but then again, I have a day job, magic, comedy, improv, and radio all going on at the same time at the moment. I guess keeping myself busy is really where it's at.

I was doing a lot of writing, including this short story series that heavily referenced something going on in my life, and it was during this time that I started being very good friends with Sacha, Peppy, Clair, Krisette, and Kathy. These friendships were really taking root, and of course, in 2004, I spoke a bit about Rowena, who had the best birthday greeting for me way back then.

Looking back at what I've written, it was a pretty amazing time, especially when I consider all the friends I made and all the experiences I went through in 2004. It was a huge point of transition for me, especially when you consider that this was the tailend of my first ever relationship, which lasted well over five years. I didn't realize I was so into poi at this point already.

The entry that best encapsulates how I was during these times must be the one where I wrote about the World of 9:00PM on a Tuesday, which is probably one of the saddest things I've ever written, when I think about it.

Man, I think despite being crazy detailed and wordy, I really had something good going on in 2004. And I was so thin back then! Oh, well. That feels so long ago. Like, so 50 pounds ago.

The 10th Anniversary Retrospective: 2003

.:The 10th Anniversary Retrospective: 2003:. 

 In 2003, I got into Livejournal, and it was quite a doozy as my blogging really took off. At some point, I just started breaking up my thoughts into headings as I currently do, and that's been very helpful in getting me to write a lot more.

I started doing Philosophy thesis statements around this year, which really got me into considering whether or not I should teach after graduation. I was ridiculously grade-conscious, I picked up the words "ruddy" and "Hades" and one of them never left my personal vocabulary, and so many other habits really started kicking in. I think I really established my writing personality by then, and despite changes here and there, it's mostly held.

I was in the running for the Flying Chair's Best Philippine Blog in the 2003 Asian Blog Awards at the time, although the results for that came out the next year. It was really a crazy time for me, and yeah, I was doing a lot of ranting, especially when it came to the fact that FPJ was making it known that he had plans of running for president in 2004.

I was a complete Philosophy junkie by the time I kicked off the year. I was waxing philosophical about anything and everything, and I was filled with inside jokes galore, and it was very clear that I wasn't even trying to write for an audience.

Nonetheless, it felt great and liberating to blog my thoughts unperturbed the way I did. I was writing all sorts of things, and I even came up with a bit that ended up in the Matrix Essays, and I wrote it before Matrix Revolutions came out. A few months later, the article ended up proving prophetic, as it actually accurately predicted the ending of the Matrix Trilogy, which is why I'm exceptionally proud of the entry, perhaps even surpassing this series of posts, where I answered Dr. Bulaong's thesis statements in great detail.

I know, he wasn't a doctor yet at the time, but whatever.

It was during this time where I hung out a lot with the Wednesday group in DLSU and the Otakuboards really occupied a lot of my life and time. Pretty crazy for a guy who didn't own a computer at the time, really. This meant I was typing out all these blog entries in the computer labs, under a time limit.

In any case, inasmuch as I'd like to blog about all of this at length, I must admit that I'm far too preoccupied today because someone very special has been spending the day with me, even if only by Skype.

I'm not gonna blow it this time.

The 10th Anniversary Retrospective: 2002

.:The 10th Anniversary Retrospective: 2002:.

So I decided to do a retrospective of my blog, featuring maybe my favorite entry from each year or something to that effect, and if I have the time, I could even go into detail with all that while I'm at it.

Not a bad idea, but oh, man. When I looked at my entries in 2002? It was painful to read through them! I mean, seriously. Nowadays, when I make a passive-aggressive post, I cringe while writing it down. Back then? That was almost all I ever did on my blog!

I think I only had one decent post I wouldn't feel bad about people seeing today there, and it was just me putting up info about stuff I researched about the WWF/E.

Despite that, if there's one entry I'd like to highlight for this retrospective, it has to be the first one I ever wrote. I think that even if it had next to no substance to it, it showed a pretty good snapshot of who I was and still am: a guy who may be sheepish about the full extent of what he is as a person, but still goes ahead and lays it all on the line, anyways.

I know this isn't a particularly long retrospective, but I guess it comes with the territory of 2002: back then, I blogged because it seemed like a good idea at the time, and in the middle of this and the stuff I was doing in the E-Fed I was a part of, I was doing an incredible amount of writing as is. Needless to say, this meant I didn't really think much about my blogging and focused more on how my day was, and I used my blog to rant about anything and everything going on in my life, which seemed to be the norm for blogging back in the day - and up to now, although with a little more window dressing in 2012.

When I got into blogging in 2002, I really just thought blogging was such a novel concept. Twitter didn't exist. Friendster was just more or less getting started, I think. Expressing yourself for everyone to see on the internet was a new thing, and it didn't matter if only five to ten people were reading you, you went ahead and blogged anyways. It didn't matter if you didn't make any money from your blog, either, as opposed to how money making or other economic perks seem to now be the main impetus for most blogs, not that there's anything inherently wrong with that.

Today, my blog may be slightly better-written, but the core remains: this is, for all intents and purposes, an online diary. I wear my heart on my sleeve something fierce, after all.

Project 52 (41/52): On This Blog Turning 10 (And How Awesome That Totally Is)

.:Project 52 (41/52): On This Blog Turning 10 (And How Awesome That Totally Is):. 

Ten years ago, I opened a blog. I had no idea what a blog was except that it seemed like “an online diary,” and I remember very distinctly that an old friend, Maia Dumdum, was the one who got me into blogging in the first place. It was a strange and exciting time for me: I realized hardly anyone would probably be reading my blog, I knew it wasn’t my ticket to fame and fortune, but what I understood, deep down was that I was keeping a blog because I wanted to live forever. Through my words. My thoughts. Unless someone deleted the entirety of the interwebz, I knew that my blog would outlive me and hopefully paint a decent and kinda detailed picture of myself. I think.

Well, here I am, ten years hence, still alive and kicking. How does it feel?
 
Pretty damned amazing, if you ask me.

I must admit that I'm not surprised to find myself still blogging for ten years from when I started. Over the years, I've written insights and commentary on anything and everything. I've gone through so many noticeable changes in my blogging style, and for the most part, I've had great experiences with people who have read and enjoyed my blog.

If anything, the things I do today in my career were born out of this blog: working in digital, doing a ton of mentalism and even comedy shows that people have heard about through my online accounts, and a host of other things I may not have noticed. This blog has been a very significant part of my life, and I couldn't be happier about the fact that it has been so.

But where does this place me in the pantheon of bloggers? Have I really made a significant contribution to the blogosphere that merits recognition or even celebration?

I don't care, actually.

I've been blogging because I wanted to keep the memories alive, even if Alzheimer's struck me tomorrow and attempted to take them all away. I've been blogging because I felt I had something to say, and whether a single person or a million people read what I had to say, I'd have kept on writing, regardless. It isn't for me to say how important my blog has been, and if you asked me to be honest about it, I'd probably say I haven't really done much with my blog beyond putting my thoughts into words in a way that is uniquely me through and through - and for me, that's enough.

I'm not out here to gain fame and worldwide recognition even if I would certainly not say "no" to that if it came my way. I'm not out here to get rich as a blogger, or to even tell everyone that I was doing blogging even before it became way too mainstream. [/hipster]

I'm out here because I exist. Because in the endless cacophony and the Einerlei we find ourselves immersed in, standing out isn't what's important so much as standing up to be counted. I value every entry I write because they are inextricably a part of who I am and what I am becoming, and it's this very thing that makes blogging great insofar as people believe that blogs without "one great idea" aren't relly all that important: that they stand up to be counted makes them very important, indeed. Because they dare. Because I dare.

So I don't really know where I will go from here, except to keep on writing and writing because it is what I know to do. If I touch any lives as I go about doing it, then great. If all it leaves me to do is to say to the universe "I exist," then that, in and by itself, would have been enough, too.

After everything has been said and done, if a blog post is written in the middle of the internet and nobody ever reads it, unlike a tree that may or may not have made a sound if it fell down in the middle of the forest to be heard by nobody, the 1's and 0's making up this post remain and echo throughout the entire history of the internet.

This blog is not a celebration of the mundane: rather, it is a sublimation of the mundane, because when you think about it, your life is made up of 99% mundaneness, and 1% excitement. Could we ever truly say that only 1% of our life is ever of any worth? Certainly not.

Here's to ten years of MisterVader, and may more and more years come, as I continue to grow and evolve as a blogger, not for some great big idea that I stand behind, but simply because this blog has become every bit as human as I have always been, and I couldn't ask for more from this little, almost whimsical thing that I started last October 14, 2002.

Today Was A Good Day...

Yes, it really was.

 First of all, the Supreme Court put out a Temporary Restraining Order against the Cybercrime Law. With everything I have said and done when it comes to that topic, the fact that the Supreme Court has decided to put a halt to it while the bill is refined.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out that there are issues with the bill, and it's best to fix them before we put it out in the wild. If people are willingly doing that to the RH Bill, then why should the Cybercrime Law get a pass?

And in the past few days, I've been making some changes that I'm not yet at liberty to discuss. I'm very happy about these changes, needless to say.

But really, I'm very happy because my blog is turning ten years this Sunday. I know I'm not one for much fanfare, but if you've ever read my blog and enjoyed it in the past, all I'm asking is you drop me a line and tell me what your favorite entry of mine is and why. I'd really love to hear it, and it doesn't take much for you to send some affirmation my way. :p

Project 52 (40/52) 2012: On Being A Blogger For Ten Years (And Why The Cybercrime Law Sucks In Light Of It)

.:Project 52 (40/52) 2012: On Being A Blogger For Ten Years (And Why The Cybercrime Law Sucks In Light Of It):.

It's been nearly ten years for myself as a blogger, and I cannot help but feel nostalgic about it. True, I haven't really managed making a comprehensive retrospective for my blog so far, but it has been an amazing ten years, and I hope I will keep on going and blogging for as long as I have the mental faculties to do it.

Or at least, unless nobody ever decides to sue me for whatever I may have blogged here lest I end up in prison over it.

Considering how eager the PNP seems to be to use the Cybercrime Bill to strike down people who speak ill of policemen, we are really going into unchartered territory at this point.

Beware, because they dare.

Ten years of blogging, and today, we come face to face with this. Wow.

Last week, I was part of the Cyberfreedom Forum organized by Senator TG Guingona, and never have I found more to be awed and disappointed by than to discover that only Senator Guingona even bothered to read the Cybercrime bill enough to actually see why it was problematic. Just ask Chiz Escudero, he'd tell you. How could 23 other senators completely miss this or just willfully allow this? Double jeopardy, using the internet as an aggravating circumstance in and by itself, an abridgement of due process, and an archaic libel law upheld in the cyber arena? What were these people even thinking?!?

This isn't even considering so many other ridiculously misguided sections found in the bill that any lawyer worth their salt would be quick to point out to you. It is just a fustercluck of such epic proportions that I can't help but wonder how they could treat the internet with such contempt and such carelessness.

So here I am, celebrating ten years as a blogger. Yet here I am, also standing against these unmistakable transgressions against my rights as a netizen. What should be a moment of celebration for me is instead a moment of trepidation, because I know that while I may not ever get into legal trouble because of my blog, I could be, if it were their whim and fancy, and there's not a damned thing I could do about it if I let it slide now.

The Cybercrime Law is certainly a hot-button topic and I have already written about it on the POC.  Despite that, it bears repeating here on this blog: this is an attack on our freedom. It is the kind of freedom our heroes have died for that we may enjoy it, no matter how trivial or mundane our exercise of the freedom is. That's exactly the whole point of freedom, after all: you get to exercise it as you see fit, within reason. What this law attempts to do is to abridge that freedom in favor of caprice and arbitrariness. At no point are they required to go through due process, and it sickens me that nobody is watching these watchmen as they level veiled threats against us and attempt to villify the internet so as to pretend that their cause is just.

Well, I won't take it. No way, no how. 

I am Marcelle Fabie. I have been a blogger for ten years, writing with a real name to my words.

And I will not be silenced.

We will not be silenced.

This Blog Is Approaching 10 Years...

And yeah, I know this is Buwan Ng Wika. Doesn't mean I plan to blog in Filipino all throughout August, though.

.:Who Would've Thought?:.

I haven't really made any concrete plans yet for my blog's 10th anniversary this October, but I'm definitely excited about it.

It feels like yesterday when I started writing in this blog, and you just know that I will probably have a massive retrospective when I get around to it. Still, this blog has been standing, has had its share of recognition, but ultimately, I've grown so much as a person in the past decade, and this blog has been no small part of it. From every mundane and elaborate transcript, to every promo I cut, to the eventual writing style I've been using since Cracked got a hold of my mind, well, there's just so much to be said about where my life would be if I weren't a blogger.

I doubt, for example, that I'd have spent three years in Nuffnang if I weren't a blogger. I also don't think I'd be working in digital right now as well, since my initial forays were in radio and the academe.

I doubt I'd have made friends with a lot of people if I weren't a blogger, either. I think it's pretty awe-inspiring to just think about the fact that people like Aileen Apolo or Filmphiler wouldn't be in my life at all if I didn't keep a blog. My life is much richer with people like them in it, so yeah, I'm pretty glad I do keep a blog.

Twitter and Facebook may be the dominant online hub for people nowadays, but blogs will always hold a place in my heart, much in the way that radio continues to do so for me. After over 3,000 blog entries from the past ten years of my life, who's to say where my blog will take me in the next ten?

.:Saltimbanco Ruled:.

Watched it last night. Loved it. Turns out, a friend of mine watched it the same night, but I never ran into her.

That being said, it was cool talking to her online and seeing how inspired she is to do something similar in the future...

.:So, I Still Got The Mentalism Touch...:.

Performed at a party today, and I'm pretty proud of my handiwork, if I do say so myself. Did a number prediction and a legit levitation, so that was great.

.:I Love The Part Where...:.

... you hurt me, but you're the one who cut me off. Yeah, I'm still pissed. But I have every right to feel that way.

.:Random Observation:.

So. I'm still steamed over Anna Banana, but I will not continue my running gag in this post. After all, you have to be a total dick to do that, and me? I'm not a dick. However...

What. A. Dick.

Well, I couldn't resist. I promise I will talk about her soon. I just wanna clarify that I'm hating on the Anna Banana character, but certainly not whoever the actress is.

That being said, while eating at Chic-Boy, I noticed their poster promoting their spaghetti. Is it just me, or was the kid on the left just pretending to like the spaghetti so they'd stop beating him up? He's bleeding something fierce. LOL.

It only hurts when he laughs.

The Day I Went Viral: A Case Study (And A Bit Of An Ego Trip, Yes)

.:So This Is How It Feels...:.

Boston in 7, baby!

Back in the day (I can't believe that you can now say "back in the day" in reference to the internet!), if you made a funny joke, it would spread via e-mail, or via text message. I've had my fair share of those, and they're mostly one-liners that caught on, and that was the end of it.

Fast forward to 2012, though, and you now have what we affectionately call memes. What was originally an amazing concept coined by Richard Dawkins turned into cats, Rick Astley, Noynoying, and more cats. Sure, the internet ruined the concept of the meme, but now that it's there, we realize that they come and go pretty quickly. By the time I publish this post, I'm guessing the BaYo meme would be all but gone unless BaYo changes its mind and embraces some pretty obvious things they missed in their copy (Like actually point out that Filipinos, by virtue of our origins, are already mixed in ethnicity, to begin with.).

Which leads us to yesterday, and one of the pictures that helped kickstart the meme:

No caption necessary.

First off, disclosure: I'm analyzing this phenomenon both as a case study, and yes, as an ego trip. It's my blog. Indulge me. I promise this will have some insights to go along with all of this shameless self-promotion. And like we always say, walang basagan ng (ego) trip.

Also, no, I don't work for BaYo, nor do I handle their advertising or PR. I wish I did, though.

Anyways, I had help from one of my officemates to edit the Kuya Germs picture I got to have an all-black background, and from there, I just put in the copy and the campaign logo. As an afterthought, though, I re-edited my picture to include the "0% Tulugan" quip, which I felt was the oomph that was missing from the original image. This is why there are two versions of the ad going around.

Of course, by the time I put up the modified image, my Explorers Of Uranus teammate from geekfight, TJ, already shared the image on Facebook, which, to my shock, was shared over a hundred times within a few minutes.

.:A Meme Was Born:.

Now, as a comedian, I am certainly guilty of jumping on memetic bandwagons left and right. Hades, I even advocated it during my talk last iBlog 8! Memes do their job, and are admittedly easy ways to get a chuckle from people.

Laugh! Laugh, I say!

But I couldn't quite imagine getting a meme started all by myself. And to an extent, I haven't really fully done that, either, because I was mostly inspired by Marocharim.

Yup. That was his idea.

From there, I did my Rick Astley one (Which actually hit top 1 on the Morning Rush yesterday.), and I had a Safeguard one, plus a Krispy Kreme one. Still, another guy came up with this gem, which is often also cited as one of the images that kickstarted the meme...

100% brilliant!

By now, the German Moreno picture has been shared 491 times on Facebook (That I am aware of.), and I'm still overwhelmed by it.

.:Public Property?:.

As the meme spread, I noticed a curious development: as you can see from this news article, credit where credit was due slowly disappeared. Not just from me, but from the Bernardo Bernardo guy, and even a Tweet that I recognize to have been from Noelle! At some point, you cede ownership of "your" joke, and it becomes memetic and public property. Surprisingly, I was more flattered than annoyed as this went on. I wish I knew how the Bernardo Bernardo guy felt, but I'm inclined to guess he felt the same way.

I wouldn't even be surprised if hypothetically, someone called me a hack for doing the German Moreno bit at some comedy gig this weekend, despite the fact that I actually created it. It's part and parcel of what it means for something to, pardon the term (Because I hate using it, myself.), go viral.

When I spoke about this hypothetical situation last iBlog, I didn't expect to actually end up having a real-life case study for myself so soon. I asked myself: how would I feel about it when people "steal" my joke? In the end, the answer was pretty clear: I was flattered people thought my joke was worth sharing. Or stealing. I wasn't going to make money from the German Moreno spoof, anyways.

.:The Message Behind The Medium:.

Thing is, I didn't want just the joke to go viral. I shifted to a more comedic tone in my blog mainly because I felt it was easier for me to get my message across that way, and my message was one of temperance. It was easy to get worked up over the campaign, sure, but defusing the situation using a bit of cool-headedness and humor? That can't be such a terrible idea, right?

So imagine my surprise when Saab Magalona tweeted about my blog post. It's one thing for a joke to go viral, but it's a whole different thing when a blog entry does. I ended up sharing that blogpost on Filipino Freethinkers. Even The POC, an online publication I regularly contribute to, ended up mentioning me a couple of times.

Ego-tripping aside, I really wanted to spread a very simple message: the campaign was a bit bone-headed, yes, but let's put down the pitchforks for a moment, and try to give BaYo a chance to turn things around. It seems that when it comes to the internet, giving anything questionable a remotely charitable reading is ignored in favor of the salacious prospect of flying off the handle and bashing a company or a person wholesale. Shoot first, ask questions later.

I was one of the first people to jump aboard the Bambi Dela Paz bandwagon in 2008. I never bothered deleting that blog entry or softening my stance on the issue, because I wanted posts like these to remind me that sometimes, a little temperance goes a long way, and even I can find myself guilty of engaging in virtual lynch mobs from time to time. I make this plea for temperance for myself just as much as I make it for anyone who'd bother to listen.

.:After Everything Has Been Said And Done...:.

In the end, BaYo decided to junk the campaign altogether. Personally, I feel that's too bad, because apologizing, clarifying their stance, and then promptly riding the memetic wave would have given them a lot of leverage for costs they already sunk into the project. But meh, what do I know, right? I'm just a guy who cracked a few jokes at their expense (Or to their benefit, depending on how you look at it.), after all.

I don't need to retread the lessons on race and identity that I already tackled in my previous blog post. At this point, I was genuinely curious what it means to find yourself as one of the people who kickstarts a viral phenomenon, and the feelings one would get as their contribution gets spread all over the internet, with or without credit. While the results are far from conclusive since I need to pull this off a few more times before I could have any substantial data, how things played out have painted a pretty telltale picture so far. Make of it what you will, I suppose.

So this is how it feels to go viral and be able to see it happen in real time. It feels pretty cool, but humbling at the same time: you realize that an idea, no matter how good or bad, can only thrive by putting itself at the mercy of people and factors completely out of your hands.

I guess that's why I'm very averse to initiatives done with the assumption that it will go viral. More often than not, these things happen because they happen, and not because you willed it to be so. By Monday, I'd be genuinely surprised if anyone still even remembered this meme ever happened. My 15 minutes of fame were up since last night, so it seems.

Nonetheless, I'd be a liar if I pretended that those 15 minutes of fame didn't put a smile on my face.

More importantly, I'm glad I managed to put a smile on the faces of so many other people. Credit or no credit, I don't think I could have possibly hoped for anything more from a 15-minute MS Paint job.

I'll see you jabronis around. Ciao!

BaYo: So call me, maybe?