Project 52 2012 (4/52): On Why Mush Is Icky (Unless It's Coming From You)

.:Project 52 2012 (4/52): On Why Mush Is Icky (Unless It's Coming From You):.

But, but... how is this icky?

Regardless of our own relationship status, fewer things cloy us and make us feel uncomfortable than seeing other couples all lovey-dovey and mushy-mushy right before our very eyes. It annoys more than a few of us, and you will always hear that omnipresent line, "get a room!" when the situation gets just a bit too awkward for everybody else to take.

For some odd reason, happy couples bring out the cynic in us, and this is whether or not we're part of a happy couple setup ourselves. For the most part, we can't seem to just find love on display cute or touching or sweet anymore.

Why is that?

It's not a mystery, when you think about it, but it does feel a bit strange that we only care about the mush when it's happening to us. Sure, we like seeing the Kimeralds and the Guy and Pips of our world have their moment in the sun, but if we don't find it vicarious enough, we don't just cease to regard it, we instead choose to revile it. Indifference rarely, if ever, seems to be a choice response to mushy couples, and instead, we just end up having very strong reactions either way.

Cases in point: Melason. Bieber-Gomez. Ashton-Demi.

Best game of "Alin ang naiba" ever? Or worst? You decide.

 

It's odd, really. And I say this as someone who has had more than his fair share of bitterness over seeing himself surrounded by happy couples all around. I feel a tad claustrophobic when that happens, yet at the same time, it's doubly cruel not just because you're reminded of what you don't have at this point, but also the fact that at some point, you did have precisely this. A vicious cycle of sorts, if you will.

 

I think that really, when it comes to love, we collectively need a little less cynicism to go around. And that advice definitely goes double for me. It's pretty easy to get all negative and all suspicious of every good thing in our life, but you know the hard part? Just shutting up, grinning, and enjoying the good things for once.

Try it. It might surprise you.

Just Another Magic Monday: Priorities, Priorities...

.:Priorities, Priorities...:.

... so.

There was a cosplay event over the weekend, and it coincided with Sachika's trip to CamSur. Thankfully, she'll be coming back this February, so I can prepare better, since she kinda informed me about her trip to CamSur a bit too late.

I ended up choosing the Otaku Con instead, since I wanted to meet up with one of my favorite cosplayer friends, Kristell. It was pretty funny when I was looking for her, because all Erving Go, cosplay photographer extraordinaire, gave me for advice, was to "follow the legion of fanboys tailing her." Lo and behold, this was a very accurate picture of what ended up happening anyways.

I also got introduced to her cousin, who was a pretty cool guy, all the same. I think there'd be some pictures of the whole thing later on, but for now, I'm in no rush to do any of that. I'm taking things easy at the moment, what with all the hurly-burly at work at the moment. I can't even do my essays properly at this point, but whatever, it's all good.

Anyways, I had a show for an old client recently, and it was one of the most amazing times I've ever had. You see, about four years ago, this client booked me and I just went nuts and tried a whole bunch of material as I was still at that point in my career where I was trying things left and right to see what worked for me.

Thing is, shortly after the show I did for that client, I did end up figuring out where to take my magic, comedy, and mentalism career, and I haven't looked back since. I managed to come up with a very good combination of routines for children and adults alike, but when I went to perform for this old client of mine, she told me she hoped for more mentalism, really.

At some point after the children's party, it occurred to her to invite me to their house and have a special show for the adults, which ended up being quite an experience for me, as I went there without my standard mentalism stuff. That's not really a problem, tbough, if you know how mentalists are, since we just ended up taking random stuff from the house that I proceeded to use for my act. Psychokinesis was fun, but you had, on top of that, remote viewing, classic card routines, standup comedy, and even a Q and A session. The Oracle act has got to flat-out be one of the best bits I've ever done in my mentalism career, least of all because it was the first time I ended a show with it.

After that performance, we just enjoyed our time with dinner and conversation and whatnot. It was quite an experience, to say the least, and I'm glad I managed to prove myself adequate to the task.

Pretty great long weekend I had, really. One of the best.

SOPA, PIPA, Megaupload, Kodak, Coronoa...

.:... I'd Like To See How I'd String Them Together In One Train Of Thought:.

Crazy times, crazy times. Just now, there's a bit of an uproar going on at the moment over the closure of Megaupload, an act which was immediately responded to by Anonymous with great prejudice. To say that the government would use this latest hacker attack as an excuse to push for stronger web laws would be quite an understatement.

But see, my problem with all this internet hoopla isn't that I'm all for piracy and would like the internet to remain a wild, wild west. My issue with all this internet hoopla is, why is America dictating the internet to me? I may speak English, but I am far from an American citizen, and as such, am not covered by their laws unless I set foot upon their territorial soil, which, barring visits to the US Embassy, I have yet to ever bother doing.

My issue with SOPA and PIPA would certainly be about the vague nature of the law as it is written if I were a US Citizen. But I am not. Yet regardless, here I am, forced to react, because even if this law is drafted in the United States, it can and very well will affect me directly. That is an alarming level of powerful legislation right there, allowing the United States to just ignore sovereignty issues willy-nilly to simply do the bidding of executives who feel cheated out of losing millions from the billions they are earning. Which is fine, really, except for the fact that their methods are not only indiscriminate because insinuation is enough cause for action without due process, but it's also indiscriminate in that this gives America the power to act beyond its own territory, and, if it does come to pass, most everyone else, especially my own country, will just have to smile, grin, and bear it.

I mean, seriously. Are we fooling ourselves into thinking this country, which gets its choppers second-hand from former first gentlemen, can fight back against America?

Thank you, America! May we please have another?

It's not happening, so before it becomes law, I feel compelled to fight it. It's good to know that Obama himself isn't for it, either, but y'know, something's got to give.

Here in the Philippines, piracy still remains rampant, and we already have enough problems with inept lawmakers trying to make heads and tails of this series of tubes. Do we need more competent people making our lives miserable for us?

Speaking of miserable, I don't know if I can ever use the vernacular expression "Kodak-an" without a sense of irony ever again: Kodak has filed for bankruptcy. One of the leaders in photography for over a century, it appears that with fewer and fewer people needing film to take pictures, Kodak has slowly but surely faded into irrelevance, catering only to the outlier of markets: hardcore purists and hipsters.

From now on, we call it "Canon-an" or "Nikon-an" or "Olympus-an," and it just doesn't have the same ring to it now.

Then again, we still call refs here "Pridgider," so maybe, just maybe, the expression would stay?

Speaking of staying, that's what our current Chief Justice will probably end up doing if the prosecution keeps on bungling their own procedures.

I'd crack more jokes about how inept the prosecution has been, but ultimately, for most of us, we don't really watch the impeachment proceedings for intellectual jousting.

We watch it for one reason, and one reason alone: the truth.

Pictured: the truth.

Oh, it's true! It's damn true!

The End Is The Beginning Is The End: The Unsent Series, Volume 4, Part I

.:Let It Burn: The Unsent Series, Volume 4, Part I:.

I think by now, it makes sense to make new volumes in the Unsent Series at certain key points in my life, and looking at it, it's funny that things have worked out this way. Over the years, I've slowly done less and less of the third person bit, but the core of the Unsent Series has always remained the same: a message that I hope someone chances upon someday, and realizes it's meant for them.

From Divine to Brilliance to Torch to Audacity to everyone in between, it has been a crazy ride into writing these letters with no hope of receipt, much less reciprocation.

But I will continue to write these Unsent letters, a faint last word that would probably fall into the abyss, heard by few or by many, but most likely not by the one who really should hear the message.

Dear Flipjack,

I find it a bit disconcerting how much you seem to be in self-denial about what has happened.

I find it a bit disheartening to see that you still find the time to waste on me when you have someone else you claim to be preoccupied with now.

I find it extremely pathetic that your words really aren't worth the sound waves they were produced from.

You see, what has been getting to me for the longest time has always been the fact that the likes of you keep on saying things you don't really mean. A bunch of silly, pointless gibberish that you think would sway someone to your side unequivocally just because. You keep on talking about how unique all this, yet you go out of your way to duplicate every single element of this the next time out.

You were a waste of time, and quite frankly, not worth the kind words I spared the last time out. And yes, those were very kind words I spared you, and I find it hard to feel sorry if you just needed some more drama in your life to look for a reason to get all twisted over me until the next time someone bothers giving you the time of day.

In the end, you proved no better than Audacity when it comes to saying what you mean, and meaning what to say. If anything, you're far worse, so when it comes to you, please don't worry 'bout me, I'm fine. I didn't even get to play the fool one time, and wised up pretty early on.

Go on, girl. Quit grousing about me and making him feel that you got with him to get back at me, because if in case you haven't noticed, I don't give a crap who you're being all clingy with now, s'long as it ain't me. I ran out of sympathy for you the minute you decided to start something you are woefully incapable of finishing with me, and I don't effing mean a relationship.

It's funny I feel this way about Flipjack, because after all this time, Audacity still, unfortunately, makes me feel the very same way she always has.

Dear Audacity,

I'll put it very bluntly: I feel shortchanged. I feel cheated. I feel betrayed. And yet, I can't say I was entitled to anything, either.

You see, I loved you despite everything you put me through, and despite everything that happened. No matter how small you made me feel, no matter how little regard you gave to my wishes, no matter how much disrespect you showered upon me and the things I did that everyone else who knew me were proud of, I loved you, and nobody could have ever questioned that.

So when all that came crashing down and you just turned your back on me, I was devastated. I was crushed like never before, and I don't know how I ever survived, yet here I am. All the pain, the hurt, even the anger, I just kept chalking it up to the fact that I loved you, and I had to keep looking the other way, while you went ahead and showed him everything you refused to show me. All the kindness. All the respect. All the regard. And you know what? All the love. The kind of love I never really got from you, yet I was too blind to not notice it at all.

And lo and behold, you promised me that you would stay with me for as long as I needed you. You and I were the best of friends, after all. So I banked on that promise. I believed you. And you outright told me that you'd rather forget about your word to me because your word to him matters more now.

When did your word to me even matter for shit, now that I think about it?!? I loved you at your worst, he has you at your best, and like a chewed up stick of gum, I am nothing more than a nuisance you want out of your carpet. I can be hostile, I can be benign, I can be furious, I can be calm. But what I cannot be is your friend. For nothing else than because I never really mattered to you, and you only ever loved the idea of what I could be, but it was never me. Never me at all.

So y'know what? I give up. I give up reaching out to you. I give up trying to be friends with someone who clearly doesn't want to live up to her word. I give up trying to think the best of you when clearly, you don't care anyway, and it makes no difference to you either way.

You've moved on. I'm still grieving. No longer because I lost My Beloved. But simply because I lost the best friend I ever had, and quite honestly, I don't know if I can ever find someone like that ever again.

As a friend, you were my once in a lifetime. It pains me to realize what we had didn't matter to you even just half as much as it did to me.

I don't want to wait in vain anymore.

Project 52 2012 (3/52): On The Panacea That Is (Not) Understanding

.:Project 52 2012 (3/52): On The Panacea That Is (Not) Understanding:.

I'm sure you've heard it from this blog time and again - understanding doesn't make it hurt any less. And really, it doesn't.

Whenever someone tells you, "I hope you understand," they generally think that if you do, things would get easier. It placates their conscience, knowing that you know where they're coming from. However, the folly of that is in thinking that once they do see where you're coming from, then there's nothing left for you to do. That it's okay. It's not, and it shouldn't be.

Understanding does not imply complicity, much less assent. I understand why the Crusades happened, but I certainly would not approve of what happened back then. It's a bit sad that like an apology, an acknowledgment of understanding gives one the mistaken notion that they are completely in the right and free of any culpability. And then they find the temerity to lash out and get angry when they realize that this doesn't take them off the hook just like that.

Understanding isn't a magical panacea. It only means that someone could see how someone could do something, or how something could have possibly happened. It doesn't take away the pain. At least, not enough to just let it be ignored. So please, just so you don't sound like an idiot, when someone tells you "I understand," don't go assuming that they have no problem with the fact that you hurt them more than you ever could know.

Oh, my bad. This seems to be getting a tad autobiographical, and the past three essays have been rather downers, in all honesty. I hope I could change that at some point, but let's just toss January into nega month, seeing how I'm rather sick and tired of the words "I hope you understand," because understanding doesn't really do much to ease the pain, in the first place.

Anyways, I think I've made my point already: no, understanding doesn't make things hurt any less. Stop using it as an excuse!

"Of cooourse I understand that you're a psycho neo-Nazi and your ridiculously lopsided views on racial equality make you feel entitled, no perhaps, even compelled, to curbstomp my face. Yeah, it's cool."

Mang Inasal Sucked... And Then They Immediately Ruled Again

.:Fluctuation!:.

Mang Inasal GC's rule.

So yeah, sometime last year, I received a bunch of Gift Certificates from Mang Inasal, and, as you could see from the pictures here, they kinda don't have any expiration dates on them. I don't really know the whole deal about the laws regarding GC's and expiration dates, so I won't get into that, but I think it should be pretty obvious that if the GC doesn't have an expiration date, then if the GC is in good condition when you take it to the restaurant, it should be honored, right?

Well, that's not what Mang Inasal Annapolis thought, when I showed up at one of their branches to redeem my GC's. In fact, they told me that they had a meeting where they introduced new GC's, and as such, wouldn't honor the ones I had with me.

Quite frankly, I was irate, because that meeting obviously didn't involve any of the people holding the GC's, to begin with. Who told us that there will be new certificates, and the old ones wouldn't be honored any longer? Again, I repeat: there were no expiration dates on the old GC's, so there was zero indication that I had to race against time to redeem them.

I was rather annoyed, and was contemplating if I should go out of my way and write an entry to just slag Mang Inasal altogether. I'll give you a hint: that isn't really my style, so no, I decided that wouldn't be the best thing to do. While ruminating on all this, I ended up at Mang Inasal in Greenhills. I thought to myself I had nothing to lose since I already lost my temper, and walked in anyways.

Lo and behold, the Greenhills branch, practically a stone's throw away from the Annapolis branch, went ahead and honored my certificates like they should've in the first place. And that's really the only reason I wrote this post, instead of just keeping my gripes about Mang Inasal Annapolis to myself: I just wanted to commend the Mang Inasal Greenhills branch for knowing a thing or two about satisfying their customers. Which is precisely why I made sure to buy well beyond the GC's, and didn't bother asking for the change, as my little way of thanking them.

So yeah, don't expect me to ever bother going to the Annapolis branch ever again. Not that it would matter in the end, since they're all owned by Jollibee now, as opposed to being franchisees and whatnot...

Project 52 2012 (2/52): On (Never) Being The Best Man

.:Project 52 2012 (2/52): On (Never) Being The Best Man:.\

It was an interesting weekend, and under normal circumstances, I'd have written about it for Just Another Magic Monday, but the whole weekend just ended up getting me to think about a whole different topic, not entirely related to magic.

So I had three functions to attend to last weekend: a children's party, a debut, then a wedding. If my luck continues this way, my next gig would probably be a wake, but I digress. As per usual, my magic and mentalism shows went well, even running into the Mental Assassin, Justin Pinon, while preparing for my first one. Things just got into a whole tizzy the minute I got to the hosting gig for the wedding, though, since I was hosting the wedding of May, a very special old friend of mine. Let's leave it at that. Contrary to the jokes throughout the day, there was no overbearing awkwardness to be had by the situation, although I doubt anyone save Adam Sandler's character from "The Wedding Singer" would envy the position I found myself in.

The thing is, I realized that most of the people I'm close to are females, and at this point, I flat out do not have a single male friend to speak of who I could reasonably believe I am close enough to for me to want to or be asked to become a best man for. Not a one.

It's pretty funny, really. I would say I'm not too broken up about it, but I find it a very curious development, regardless. I mean, after all these years, I simply have found myself in a situation where, if all my single male friends decided to get married tomorrow, none of them would so much as consider me as their best man. Isn't that weird? Because I'm pretty sure all of my other male friends don't have that situation.

I guess, at this point, I need to ask myself a couple of things... first, how important an institution is marriage to me? Secondly, assuming marriage is indeed important enough, how big a deal is it for me to never have a single relationship with another male that is close enough for them to consider inviting me as their best man?

I think the mere fact that I thought about this throughout the weekend before committing it to the blog speaks volumes about how much both things initially meant to me, even if I probably won't lose sleep over it in the end. Nonetheless, it gives me cause for pause. It makes me think for a moment what kind of relationships I've cultivated and where my priorities lie if this trend persists throughout my life. It also makes me wonder if this realization upsets me, or is something I can live with just fine.

Well, color me a tad in between at this point. I suppose with the way things have been going for a while already, I need to reevaluate how much both things mean to me, because I doubt I'm at a point where I could move past just having to settle for the fact that I'm going to just have to deal with this and live with this little crease in my life.

I Last Did This In 2010...

.:The 2011 Year-In-Review Survey...:.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?

I'll give one hint: that's the way the Cookie crumbles. Never did that short-term before. I also went to Nagsasa and CamSur, did OGM, and Geekfight in 2011. I also sent flowers to somebody all the way in Malaysia.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I resolved to be fully straight edge. Pretty much, yeah. My resolution this year is to lose 2 pounds a month. I think it's doable.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

I don't actually think so.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

One did. He was a blogger friend of ours: AJ Matela. On a somewhat lighter note, some people who used to be close to me are dead to me now.

5. What countries did you visit?

I stayed in the Philippines.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

Better decision-making skills, and more shows, maybe?

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Hrmm... February 15, 2011. The day I met Kim Chiu.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Hosting for Rex Navarette, performing with the Itchyworms, and winning in the Philippine Blog Awards!

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not meeting my yearly target, and I suppose, that October thing that I'd rather erase from my life.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nothing major, thankfully.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

An iPad 2, and an LG 42' LED TV.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Most of my officemates, maybe?

13. Whose behavior appalled you and made you depressed?

Oh, if only I could name you...

14. Where did most of your money go?

Gadgets and food, by far.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My lovelife. Oh, how wrong I was. LOL.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?

"Break Even" - The Script

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? – neither
ii. thinner or fatter? – thinner
iii. richer or poorer? – neither

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Paid shows!

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Pointless dating!

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

Very quietly. And with a lot of sleep.

21. Did you fall in love in 2011?

Yep.

22. How many one-night stands?

Straight-edge, remember?

23. What was your favorite TV program?

The Deadliest Warrior, and WWE Raw and Smackdown

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Hell, yeah.

25. What was the best book you read?

Either Bret Hart's book, or Chris Jericho's second book.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

The Script.

27. What did you want and not get?

One more chance.

28. Favorite film of this year?

LOL. Inception. I watched it only this year. And, oh, yeah, Harry Potter 7.2.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 28, and went to work. And radio.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

One more chance.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

Off the rack.

32. What kept you sane?

Cracked.com, and select friends and crushes.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Jinri Park? LOL.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

The RH Bill

35. Who did you miss?

My Beloved.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Kristell!!!

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.

Perspective comes with time, but it doesn't take away the pain. It only dulls it.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

She's moved on, while I'm still grievin'
And when a heart breaks, no it don't break even, even...

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay?