Thursday, December 24, 2015

No Christmas Spirit

.:No Christmas Spirit:.

Not this year, not at this point.

There's been so much good in my life this year, in all honesty, and I hope to write about them sooner than later.

But something has been bothering me lately. And it's been unshakeable.

I spoke with a friend about it: the fact that I hate it when I leave things on a bad note with someone. Maybe they were a friend. Or a romantic interest. Or anything else. But for one reason or another, it just got all messed up, and now, I'm not exactly one of they're favorite people.

Maybe I was misunderstood. Maybe I was taken the wrong way. Or maybe I was being an asshole. It doesn't matter at this point, because it is what it is. A time for me to just accept that I am indeed the villain in some people's stories, no matter how much I think of myself as a good person. I will be. Inevitably. And it's not an excuse for me to keep being the way that I am, but a reminder that I can't please everybody, no matter how hard I try.

And believe me, I try. Really, really hard.

So Justin Bieber is on loop right now as we speak, and here's all I could say on this eve of Christmas. A simple message.

Is it too late to say "sorry?"

I won't qualify. I won't offer excuses. If I have wronged you, and you are reading this, I leave it up to you to accept it or not. If you want to call my bluff, feel free to ask me to coffee and let's talk about it and bury the hatchet once and for all. Or not. It's your call, really.

All I know is that Christmas should be one of the happiest times of the year, regardless of creed or belief. But I don't think that's something I could focus on.

I'm sorry. Not for anything else, but because something is broken when it didn't have to be. I wish I had the chance to fix it, but that chance is not mine to give.

Thank you for indulging me. And a merry Christmas.

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