Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Project 52 2014 (3/52): (There's Gotta Be) More To Life

.:Project 52 2014 (3/52): (There's Gotta Be) More To Life:.

There's gotta be more to life

Been stuck here in the office for hours. Work, work, and more work. And while I do love what I do for a living, sometimes I wonder if I'm running myself ragged to the ground. There was something so different about me being in Australia middle of last year with the first real vacation of my life, and I have never quite captured that feeling again.

Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me

So what am I looking for now? What are we hoping for now? Looking at how I blog nowadays, I'm generally surprised that I'm allowing myself to follow a format the way I'm doing right now. It feels like I painted myself into a corner where I can't be as introspective as I normally would because I have to frame my arguments within song lyrics. Maybe I should ditch it, maybe I shouldn't. I don't really know at the moment.

But again. What am I looking for right now? What am I looking for in the long-term? I don't know, and I seem to be floundering about, but I hope I find my bearings soon. It isn't always about the latest gadget or the latest development. It isn't about scoring another date or doing this or that. There's just so much more to life than that, but I admit: I do lose perspective of that fact from time to time.

'Cause the more that I'm...

I think about the political situation right now, and wonder why we allow this circus to go on for so long. Because we are so absorbed in our own situation, and we are so jaded that someone like Bong Revilla acting like a complete assclown on our dime is just mildly ridiculed at worst, while he still looks to be scheduled to get away with it, relatively unscathed. Sure, he won't be president in 2016, but if you expect him to go to jail anytime soon, I'd really like to sell you a bridge along San Juanico.

Tripping out thinking there must be more to life

So what is there, really? In the how many weekends I've spent hanging out at Clif's place in Eastwood, the last time out with Christa, what did I end up realizing? Did I find the deeper meaning of life? Did I have to? And what did I hope to achieve? Absolutely nothing, right? Just fun, fun, fun. I mean, that's why we're looking forward to the weekend, after all.

Sure. That makes sense. But then, Monday comes along, and I go straight back to being jaded and grumpy and all that stuff, only taking the time in between snarking to go to radio on Mondays and Wednesdays, then maybe do a bit of standup if I'm up to it as well, and of course, improv. It's all good, it's fine. It's a routine I've come to be so blase about, I find it a huge expenditure of energy just to blog about.

But then what?

Well it's life, but I'm sure: there's gotta be more...

The world doesn't owe me a damned thing. I know that much. But I owe it to myself to start taking stock of where I'm headed, and to not just be so damned aimless and underachieving. While I make a name for myself and earn death threat after death threat over a bunch of Kris Aquino jokes, I fail to see the value of it all if, in, say, 2022, Kris ends up being the president of this country, anyways. I feel like I'm fighting city hall, and I feel like I just need to experience the most life has to offer in as short a span of time as I can whiz through.

... than wanting more.

But instead of picking up the pace, perhaps, it's time for me to slow down. I need to know where all of these seemingly disparate things in my life are headed towards, and where I wish to go with them.

Give me just a bit more time. I'll get there, I swear.

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