Monday, January 27, 2014

Project 52 2014 (4/52): On "How Long Will I Love You?"

.:Project 52 2014 (4/52): How Long Will I Love You?:.

So it looks like we've come to this for the Project 52. A song title, and a whole blog post revolving around the idea of it, and if that's the case, then maybe I really should go back to including the music videos of the songs in question, right? Nonetheless, it's not a bad hybrid of my previous Project 52's at all.

How long will I love you?

It was probably my favorite song of 2013, and something I loved singing along to. Mostly because I could relate to it, and it and I don't see it solely as a love song from one person to another. It could also very well be a song to the things I'm passionate about.

As long as stars are above you

While going over Dom's blog, I realized that I have so many things I used to be passionate about, but they just all slowly seem to fade into the background now. Like, say, my magic and mentalism. Another guy is doing an expose show on my craft, but I don't even raise an eyebrow over it any longer. I'm sure that the fire is still within me, but I don't go out of my way to stoke it the way I used to any longer.

Or the academe. It feels like the ship has sailed on that point of my life, all the same.

Or longer if I can

And yet, despite numerous setbacks, here I am, still making myself a part of radio, by hook or by crook. But why?

What is it about radio, about writing, about you (you know who you are) that just makes me keep going no matter what the setbacks? I look at Dom's blog, and I see a man who is in a completely different stage of his life now. I look at myself, and I see myself stubbornly holding on to a lot more things than I'm letting go of. And with all the people around me who are all about to get married or have kids, I can't help but pause and take stock of the fact that well, damn, I'm really taking my time. I know I shouldn't rush, but the life choices I made sure ensured I would be taking the scenic route.

How long will I need you?

I can't imagine myself completely turning my back on everything I've been going through, and just forcing myself to grow up. At least, I find myself really stuck in a moment I can't get out of, and only now am I beginning to wonder aloud if it's a good thing or a bad thing for me, to be this way, to be this stuck.

As long as the seasons need to

So maybe I'm ranting and raving right now, and I don't quite know where I'm going with this. I'm scared, in all honesty. Scared, because things are coming to a head, and I still haven't quite figured out where I'm going to end up after everything has been said and done.

But that's really the mystery of life. Some people have it made. Some people are pushing 50 and still have no idea what to do with their lives, and that's what makes them fascinating.

Follow their plan

I don't know where to go from here, really. All I know is that I can only continue being passionate. I can only continue loving and driving myself on that passion. It isn't such an earth-shaking realization, true, but it's one I need to remind myself of from time to time.

How long will I love you?
Long as stars are above you
And longer, if I may.

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