Tuesday, December 18, 2007

What Happened To All The Nice Guys?

It's not my original, it's from some writer on craigslist, and I think that there's a lot of truth to this... although I'm not too keen on the notion that Mr. "Nice" Guy should get credit for things he's supposed to do, as MGK kindly pointed out in his post.

.:What Happened To All The Nice Guys?:.

I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were effing treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douchebags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy
(Waitaminute. Why SHOULD you reciprocate in kind? Obviously, Mr. "Nice" Guy just wanted to get some. Yeesh. - Marcelle). You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your @$$.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've effed yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bs and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't effing want you, now.


A Recovering Nice Guy


Kanoko said...

Seems like a point-by-agonizing-point answer to the Meantime Girl. Haha.

Anonymous said...

Marcelle is making an assumption. She doesn't know his intentions but if she believes she does then chances are that her mind is made up.

Kel Fabie said...

@ Anonymous: I don't get it. What assumption did I make? I didn't write the whole article, remember?

Anonymous said...

lawl marcell nub, of coarse he was, at least he was trying to be nice, you clarify more points. EVERY GUY IS TRYING TO GET LAID. even the nice ones. if you didnt know this you are suck at life.

Scott said...

This recovering nice guy couldn't agree more. Thanks for that.

Anonymous said...

I know this is meant to be funny, and wildly observant. But it isn't. It is mildly misogynistic.
Get over yourself, the fact that you fell for a girl who didn't fall for you doesn't mean you get to treat someone else like crap now. Anyone subscribing to this idea was never a "nice guy" to begin with, just jerks looking for an excuse.

It's all her fault? Doesn't sound all that "nice" to me.

Kel Fabie said...

Are you even reading, anonymous? I said... I DIDN'T WRITE IT. Sheesh.

PredictableChaos said...

ofc everyone daoes,it s part of the love, and if u think u r giving a present when u allow him get laid with you, there is a some problem with your point of view...

riknscooby said...

Being a relatively goodlooking man i have had my fair share of relationships and have noticed that when you treat a woman with the kindness and respect they claim to want a man gets walked all over . But if i treat a woman like i couldn't care less about her she will fall all over herself to meet my approval. And while i am on the subject why is it that most women love the man they are with yet try to change his personality and habits to fit some fictional image of what all men "should" be. Ladies you are very complicated and confusing but so damn irresistible !

Anonymous said...

Wow that is an excellent article, as someone who was previously stuck in that 'nice guy' conundrum I felt this was well written and hopefully insightful to the fairer sex.

Anonymous said...

All true.

At least there's some consolation to all this: most of the women I know who stayed with the assholes they dated in school ended up pregnant and unmarried. For them, high-school or college were the best times they'll ever have. And most of those guys? They're welders or mechanics or something. The fratboys the girls I knew chased in college are now alcoholic middle-managers, or sleazy salespeople.

As for the comments: I think the guy who wrote the original Craigslist post probably had false ideas about what getting laid is like. He probably thought it'd be some deeper connection to her, but realized it's just sex. Never met a (straight) guy who didn't want to have sex with cute women.

Anonymous said...

I don't believe that their is anything wrong with this article and I'm a female.

Whom ever wrote "Get over yourself, the fact that you fell for a girl who didn't fall for you doesn't mean you get to treat someone else like crap now." Seems to think that this article is aimed towards them or one person in particular.

What makes this article so entertaining is that so many people can relate, because so many young women actually do this.

I can guarantee that the author of this article ran across more than one shallow bimbo in his lifetime before changing his perspective on being a nice guy.

So if all those fake thirty year old cougars who cant fathom why they aren't yet married can ask "where did all the nice guys go?"

The nice guys should be able to retaliate with "women like you happened."

Anonymous said...

haha who says nice guys can't dress themselves?

Anonymous said...

Story of my life. I feel you!

Unknown said...

I believe it is human nature to want things we don't have, I'm sure the 'nice guy' who is always there 9 times out of 10 gets taken advantage of because he actually is always there. Women always say they want the nice guy but in all reality they want someone who is a little on the wild side, spontaneous and always keeps her guessing and of course there has to be that elusive chemistry as well! I used to be the guy sitting patiently at the door or by the phone waiting to be used and abused but I learned my lesson and now I keep women waiting, don't really say what is on my mind and generally treat them like I don't need them...I found this works great! The nice guy never wins, there is always someone out there who will take advantage of the nice people that don't know how to say no, whether it be in relationships or life in general. Sad but true!

Anonymous said...

after having been that nice guy in high school, i immediately 180'd my image once i got to college. never made a better decision in my life, every girl wants an asshole because they get told they're beautiful every day so step away from what disney taught us and dare to be different

Anonymous said...

Nice post, thanks for sharing.

Anonymous said...

I was a nice guy, but yes ultimately I wanted to get laid, desire is the only reason we are still around.

So after getting tired of having girls like me but not wanting anything else, I figured out that if I really want this girl physically and emotionally then I should just be a dick cause they always bitch about a guy Fucking them then fucking them over.

So I figured out that well If this girl responds better to me being semi-rude than anything slightly romantic I really didn't want her anyway.

Which makes not feel bad about, feed em fuck em forget em. Someday Ill meet someone that responds to sincerity and devotion, but I don't think anytime this decade

Anonymous said...

Excellent post. Perfect actually. Says it exactly how it is.

One point for some of the comments... no, not all guys are just out to get laid. Yes, we want it, that doesn't mean it consumes us like the douches. Some of us date a girl for a year and a half without sex because she didn't want it, just to get dumped in the end...

Luckily though, I found a girl just in time before I spiraled downward on the trail of doucheness... one who completely and utterly wants it. Just had to date some people with class who have experience outside of America.

Unknown said...

I'm surprised most people are siding with this jerk. It's rather selfish and NOT nice at all.

It's not that girls don't like nice guys, it's that they value self-confidence much more. I've dated quite a few nice guys and they never got passionate about anything.

If you think that because you stand by her side as a friend, or get her everything she wants, and then turn around and dislike her because she won't put out (a relationship), then your no better than the guy who buys her a drink and then complains that she won't put out either.

Grow up and realize that in order to have a relationship, the feelings must be mutual and not forced.

Kel Fabie said...

I hope that the most recent comment realizes that I didn't write the actual article. Just making sure. :D

Anonymous said...

you all suck. except Marcelle. Everyone else, you suck.