A Whole Lotto Fun

A Whole Lotto Fun
By Marcelle Fabie

Nation, there is truly nothing greater than feeling joy and happiness for the good fortune of another person. It feels as if there is a kind of bond that we manage to share with those who are so blessed: a sharing of joy and happiness that cannot but lift our spirits as we vicariously bask in the glory of those whom we congratulate and wish nothing but the best for.

We are a country that shares in the victories of our heroes, whether in the realm of sports like Manny Pacquiao and Efren Bata Reyes; or in the realm of music, like Lea Salonga and Charice Pempengco. We recognize that the victory of one of our countrymen is the victory of the nation as a whole. And even if it were a foreigner who has found themselves in the company of the Filipino people, such as Korean superstar Sandara Park or former beauty queen Dayanara Torres, the Filipino people also shares in their triumphs.

That being said, I hope whoever won the 740M pot in the last lottery draw disappears from the face of the earth for all eternity, the rotten bastich.

Was it not the eminent Archbishop Cruz who condemned this anonymous winner for all eternity by letting him know that he or she stole this money from the Filipino people? Clearly, a person who bought a ticket for twenty pesos stole 740 million pesos from all of us, no matter how illogical that sounds. After all, how dare somebody win a lottery, right? These things were supposed to be a tax on people who are bad with math, yet somehow, someone broke those odds. And for that, we have to begrudge them.

And nation, everything’s better with Tim Yap, considering how famous he made Miko Morelos by tweeting that the man actually won the lottery. Let’s not let the fact that he was merely reporting about someone winning the lottery nor the fact that for the sake of protecting a person, the names of lottery winners are withheld get in the way of Tim Yap’s insatiable desire to get a scoop despite being about as credible a journalist as 1:43 would if they came up with a documentary about quality music.

With a lynch mob out for the scalp of Miko Morelos for his (non-existent) good fortune, is it any wonder that we patriotic Filipinos cannot feel anything but utter pride in how classy we have become as a nation in the face of good fortune and triumph? After all, we merely want to spare this poor, anonymous (Possibly Korean) lottery winner from a lifetime of misery that would beset them if they took that prize money.

Statistics have been clear about how many big lottery winners have ended up being worse off financially after everything because of paranoia, exorbitant spending, and fair-weathered friends (and even wives) all teaming up to do a number on a winner who, in the end, feels more like a loser after everything. We don’t want that fate upon them, and in wishing they would share the burden of 740 million sinful Pesos with the rest of us, perhaps we could mitigate such a Herculean task.

And really, we patriotic Filipinos have nothing but the best of intentions at heart for our anonymous winner. With the destruction upon one’s life that 740 million pesos can wreak, one can only hope that they would not allow this misery to befall our unknown friend.

In the end, no matter how much money one may win, all the money in the world can never buy them class. The kind of class we patriotic Filipinos already have in buckets.