Project 52 2014 (24/52): Salamat, Kaibigan

.:Project 52 2014 (24/52): Salamat, Kaibigan:.

Salamat sa inyong pagmamahal…

Who doesn’t love Bong Revilla? Who doesn’t love how much effort he clearly puts into helping run this country while still juggling a movie career. With nearly 20 million people who have voted him into power, it’s very clear that there’s a lot of love to go around for Bong Revilla. Just ask Rufa Mae Qu… I mean, Lani Mercado.

Bong Revilla is love, ladies and gentlemen. Don’t get any of that twisted.

Pictured: Love.

Sa tiwala, pananalig, at dasal…

Millions of people believe in Bong Revilla. They trust him with their life. They pray for him to make it through this latest challenge facing him. And we certainly have to hope nothing but the best for him, right? That’s why he needs our prayers now, more than ever. Surely, God will listen to the supplications of a man who is truly beleaguered and at the lowest of the low, who just happens to have a net worth of 169 million Pesos.

Yes, please pray for this man. Pray for him because he is clearly in need of so much help and pity.

Ang pagsubok sa ‘ting buhay ay hindi magtatagal…

Of course not. Trials never last. If you’re a person born to a debilitating genetic disease with no cure for it, that trial certainly won’t last, right? Such brilliance! Such perspective! Only from the lofty heights of being privileged does someone get to say that tough times never last, so it’s good to know exactly where our beloved Senator Revilla is coming from.

You too, can get past this. All you need to do is... BONG-LIEVE!

Katotohanan lilitaw, sa gabay ng Maykapal…

Has anyone actually bothered asking God if he likes having his named dragged into these speeches? He has never responded and they just assume He’s totally cool with it? Okay. Carry on, then, Senator Revilla!

Kailanman ay ‘di nang-iiwan.

He has certainly never left anyone behind. After all, he’s still with his wife after all those affairs years, right? Truly, Senator Revilla is a paragon of all that is good and righteous, as he suffers through tempest after tempest of accusations. After all, it makes all the sense in the world that he earned all his money through hard work and dedication! It’s not like every single whistleblower is insisting that he had a hand in stealing 10 Billion of our money, right? So no, just like a piece of crap you keep flushing but keeps coming back, he’s not leaving us anytime soon.

Sumama, nanalig sa anumang laban…

Yes, let’s keep praying for Bong Revilla, everyone! Because the more we pray, the less we could do other things with our time, like actually put him and his kind on trial. So just keep on praying, keep on praying, and keep on praying, lest you actually try to get some sh!t done instead, which would really not help Bong Revilla get away with anything.

Pictured: Senator Bong Revilla, fighting. For us.

Ngayon ang buhay ko ay pilit dinudungisan…

It’s all mudslinging, ladies and gentlemen. When a country like ours continues being ridiculously poor while people like Janet Napoles and Pogi, Tanda, and Sexy keep getting richer and richer, any suspicious glances cast their way is merely mudslinging. And leave us not forget those other people who are in league with them who just don’t happen to be their political allies, too. Sullying their name? Just more mudslinging and destabilization, so let’s all just keep praying and doing exactly jacksh!t about it, because that’s for the best, right?

Let’s not let them smear the names of these good men, any longer. Let’s just… well, pray some more.

Ngunit ‘di ako papayag, hantungan may’ kamatayan…

It’s amazing how Senator Revilla’s privilege speech really encompassed the man’s bravery. He faced everything coming his way, and freaking held onto power. Resignation? Pah! That’s beneath a man of Senator Revilla’s stature. He will hold onto that power because by jove, he’s a Revilla, and much in the same way it takes Gutz to be a Gutierrez, it takes Evil to be a Revilla. Does that make much sense? No, no it doesn’t, but is it that much worse than the entirety of the privilege speech. Just pity the man! Can’t you not feel sympathy for what he goes through, and the dignity by which he conducts himself in the face of all that?

Pictured: Dignity.

Salamat, mga kaibigan…

No. Thank you, dear Senator. Thank you for taking on the cares and woes of this country and becoming a martyr for the truth to come out. Thank you for helping us by proposing the laws like… err… ummm… for praying for us! Yeah, that works. Thanks for praying for us, dear Senator! I’m sure prayers in the Senate were totally more powerful than prayers made in your movie sets. Or something.

Kailanman ay ‘di malilimutan…

We’ll never forget you either, o great, noble leader. Truly, you have been an outstanding inspiration to all of us, and you will always be an indelible part of our history. The history of this nation’s ridiculous compulsion to put any showbiz personality into power just because they know your name and nothing more.

Kung ito man ang kapalaran, nananalig pa rin sa katotohanan…

You really can’t get enough of praying, can’t you? That’s why we love you, dear Senator. It’s beautiful how you would take the time out to even go to the Holy Land itself to pray for guidance. We wish we had that kind of money, you know. To go to the Holy Land, too. But we kinda have bills to pay and mouths to feed, but it’s okay! We’re sure not a single cent you spent on that trip was illicitly taken from the taxes we pay regularly.

Salamat, mga kaibigan, kayo ang aking tanging sandigan…

Huh? I thought you said God was your foundation? Several times in several speeches, even! Suddenly, it’s us! Such magnanimity! To elevate us to the level of God, it’s just, it’s just… mind-blowing!

Pagmamahal niyo ang nagbibigay kalakasan…

If our love strengthens you, then you truly are unbeatable. Nothing, not even the facts, can get in the way!

Habang kayo ay nariyan, lagi lamang tatandaan…

Wait for it, wait for it…

Ikaw ako, ako ikaw, magkaibigan…

Drop the mic, Bong. Drop the mic.