Tuesday, September 04, 2012

Project 52 (36/52): On Being Used (And Then Promptly Discarded Afterwards)

.:Project 52 (36/52): On Being Used (And Then Promptly Discarded Afterwards:.

We've all been through this, and I guess the past few weeks, I've been thinking about it a lot, as it kept happening to me.

For as long as I could remember, since I started with radio, I've had people crawl out of the woodwork and remember me just so I could announce something for them on the air, despite never having spoken two words to me prior to that. Then, as soon as I give them that much, they disappear again, never to be heard from once more.

I've had someone who once said she'd love me forever ask me to do her friends a favor. The very same friends who judged me and looked down on me.

I've seen someone run to me because she lost her smile, then run right back to the one who hurt her the minute she found her smile again.

I've been friends with someone who wouldn't give me the time of day, yet expected me to be at her beck and call every single time she needed help writing a letter of resignation or something.

You can't help but find out who your friends really are when you are going through the worst of times, and they're still right there, putting up with you. You realize very quickly who the fair-weathered friends are: the ones who don't give two s#!ts about you while you're going through Hades.

They're simply nowhere to be found after they get what they wanted from you.

I guess I just feel drained from all of this. It's also why I can't quite think straight as I try to write about this, yet in the end, here I am, dealing with the fact that I've allowed myself to be a doormat to people in general for so long that it makes me feel guilty when the thought of being used like this angers me, despite the fact that it well should.

And so, this week is spent in quiet contemplation.

Pictured: quiet contemplation.

Where do we go from here, really? Bridges have been burned, and tables have been turned, but I take no pleasure in seeing them turn to me and say "you were right, and you told me so."

All I wanted was them to come up to me, say "I'm sorry," and all would be well again. Apparently, that's too much to ask.

If you feel used and abused by your so-called friends, it's time to ask yourself if you're giving when you have nothing to give. While generosity is nice, if all you could fill yourself with afterwards are hurtful, self-destructive thoughts, maybe your generosity comes at too high a price at that point.

Where do we go from here, really?

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