Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Project 52 (37/52): On Passive-Aggressiveness (And Why I'm Doing It A Lot Lately)

.:Project 52 (37/52): On Passive-Aggressiveness (And Why I'm Doing It A Lot Lately):.

You're so vain, you probably think this post is about you...

Woo-hoo! Passive-aggressiveness! I think I've gotten better (Or worse, if you've been on the receiving end.) of this whole thing over the years, mostly because I've tired of confronting people who never learn.

I will freely admit it's not the healthiest thing ever, because with passive-aggressiveness, not only do you learn to sass in a way that seemingly casts a wide net which is in reality meant for only one target most of the time, it actually requires some measure of being able to keep a grudge, since you can't have it out the way you normally would if you were more confrontative.

But why the need for being snarky in plain view but not directly? I guess it's because while the issue is too much to just let go of, it's also not big enough to make a huge stink about it the way a confrontation would. And maybe that's not the way to go about it. It probably isn't the way to go about it. Unfortunately, sometimes, there's just no more room, no more will, no more motivation to even argue about it. The water has run dry, and all you could do is remember you're irked at someone, but maybe not even remember anymore why.

If I were a better human being, I wouldn't be doing this at all. I would forgive and forget and let all slights against me just slide and roll off my back. But I am not a better human being, especially not lately. So much has happened, so much has broken my faith that I no longer see any reason to just let it all happen to me and continue being someone people could walk all over. And yes, when I was more confrontative, ironically, people found it easier to walk all over me, because I definitely reserved confrontation as a last resort, but it takes a lot less to get me passive-aggressive over something or someone.

I'm especially approaching the point where except for a few exceptions, I simply do not find any reason to apologize to anyone when I know it wasn't even my fault to begin with. Not anymore. If it means sacrificing a "friendship" because I was too prideful to drop it, then it only goes to show I wasn't the only one, since the other party didn't extend that same courtesy, either.

More so when the other person's at fault, and it's not just a simple muck-up that was nobody's fault. Why should I be obliged to apologize back to someone who decided to lack empathy and sensitivity? Why should I be obliged to even accept a non-apology that is riddled with its own brand of passive-aggressiveness on someone's Twitter account afterwards?

I can be stupid and look the other way for some people, yes. Despite that, no, I'm not keen on doing that for just everybody. If it weren't for this one friend who constantly has shown me that she believes in the best of me, I doubt I would even be able to do this, to begin with.

Then again, maybe if I really cared for someone enough. Someone who filled every waking moment of mine with thoughts of her, and filled every moment in slumber with dreams of her.

Maybe that someone would be the one person who could make me lower my pride to a point I didn't even think possible for me. Someone Beloved to me, perhaps.

It's crazy, really, and again, it's not healthy. But let's face it: passive-aggressiveness is the only way I can cope with the daily insanity I have to put up with that gets in the way of me doing my job. I'm a professional, first and foremost, and when a person decides to be an immature and petulant douche towards you, you can only snark at them, but still give them the professional courtesy of not outing them for the immature and petulant douche they actually are, despite the fact that they outed you themselves already.

You're so vain, you probably think this post is about you.

And screw you, it is. We don't have to stay friends, let's pretend to be enemies.

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