Thursday, November 21, 2013

So When Were You Going To Tell Me? The Unsent Series, Volume 4, Part IV

.:So When Were You GOing To Tell Me? The Unsent Series, Volume 4, Part IV:.

Dear Carbon,

I chalked up everything we went through back then as a matter of bad timing. I didn't have the gumption when I needed to have it, and I didn't know how to stand up for what was right when I should have back then.

I let things pass me by, but at some point, I realized I couldn't do that any longer. So I laid my cards on the table, and you knew I was dead serious. It was about time. I was ready. 

But you weren't. At least, not yet. And that's fine. I respected that, and gave you the time you asked for because the last thing we needed was uncertainty. It was a testament to our years of knowing each other that it was the easiest thing in the world to do for you, because why wouldn't I? I would be a fool not to.

Except just like before, you would flit in and out of my life, and I couldn't quite tell where to stand with you, because you never could manage to just stay still and tell me the truth. You had to keep me spinning right round like a record. Why? Was it so hard to tell me how you really felt? was it so hard for you to be honest with me?

So now, after telling you I was willing to give it time, you never bothered to give me that chance. You just went ahead and moved right on as if I never once figured in your plans. Thanks, really. It only goes to show how important what we had really is to you.

Carbon, what could have been can now never be. You chose to make it so, and left me with no choice. You threw away everything because you couldn't even give us the kind of respect we deserved. You had no idea how much I was willing to give to make this work. You had no idea how much I wanted this to work. Instead, all you cared about was yourself. Not once did you think that someone was waiting for you. Not once did you think that someone was hanging onto your word.

Your words, which, apparently, have no value whatsoever.

Were you just going to leave me in the lurch without giving it a second thought? At what point would it have occurred to you that I at least needed the courtesy of knowing I was just wasting my time? It's not like that would have genuinely hurt me nearly as much as having to wait on empty ended up hurting me. Then what? You'd turn to me and ask for help again when your world crumbles down one more time? How predictable.

Carbon, no amount of pressure will turn you into the diamond you ought to be, if this is the kind of treatment anyone can expect from you. I'm sick and tired of waiting for a realization that clearly will never come.

You threw it all away. And I'm done picking up after you.

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