Saturday, November 29, 2003

And yes, it's been a while.


Few things can intimidate me more than have a revered person express an obvious negative emotion or sentiment towards you, be it anger, or worse, disappointment. It even gets worse when that sentiment is veiled in a cryptic message. I seem to have run into that kind of deal this past week, and mind you, it’s very… unsettling.

I ran into Mr. Callasanz last Tuesday, and he asked me about my plans after graduation. I realize that my plans at this point have very little to do with Philosophy, and that, to me, did not seem like an issue at all. I honestly love Philosophy, but I realize that Philosophy doesn’t really love me back that much. I cannot begin to explain how frustrating it has gotten to me that this is the case. I’ve worked pretty hard in my Philosophy subjects, but whatever it is, something is holding me back from really excelling in it, as is characterized by my B+ last semester with Dr. Barbazza. At the same time, things in my Comm life have been shaping up immensely well lately, what with my moderate success in Radio 1 at RX and all…

Mr. Callassanz quietly listened to my plans, asked me about marriage, then afterwards…

“Marcelle, my only advice for you is, magpaka-ugat ka.”

I hate it when people talk in riddles.

I don’t know if he was trying to tell me that I should know better what I really want to do with my life, or if he wants me to still go and try to teach Philosophy, but I don’t want to flatter myself by assuming the latter. I honestly don’t think I deserve as prominent a rub from a “main eventer” like Mr. Callasanz for him to actually express a marked disdain over my not trying to pursue a career in teaching Philosophy after I graduate, especially considering that I was NEVER his student in Philosophy to begin with. I was merely a student of his in poetry, and at the same time, other than Dr. Barbazza, I never knew any other “devil” than Mr. Bulaong, anyway, which essentially points to a limited repertoire of Philosophical mentors.

Mr. Bulaong was no help, either, when I asked him about it. He only mentioned that Mr. Callassanz’ statement to me was a lot more direct than what Mr. Bulaong got that led him to teach Philosophy, anyway. Yes, there is a similar pattern, but I know Mr. Bulaong aced Mr. Callassanz. I had him for just poetry, and I only hacked a B+. This, I believe, is telltale of how unqualified I view myself as far as teaching Philosophy goes. With that in mind, I can’t help but smile at the flattering thoughts some of my classmates bestow (undeservingly) upon me, about how great I am at Philosophy and all that. Unfortunately, that just really doesn’t represent the status quo.

I am fond of Philosophy, and yes, I would have to say I am quite competent with it. In spite of that, I am far from getting anywhere with what I have in Philosophy, given that my predilection is already towards communications. If I were to assume, whether or not the assumption is right, that Mr. Callassanz really wants me to go and teach Philosophy, I would have to say that he sees something in me that I simply don’t. I don’t see what makes me so different from all the other people I know who are quite good at Philosophy. For that matter, I see no reason as to why I should even be considered before Philosophy majors themselves. All these things, when considered, spell out the fact that I really shouldn’t so much as expect myself to be teaching Philosophy any time soon.

I’m a bit paranoid about what he had to say, and talking to one of my Philo classmates about it did little to alleviate it, as she was on a “go Marcelle” mode, which, while flattering, really does little for me. Ah, well. I guess I have to get used to all of this until the end of the schoolyear. I do want to teach, but aside from financial considerations, I also do not feel I am capable, much less, patient to actually go through it without a hitch. I hope clarity will come along and pick me up soon enough…


In Philosophy class, I recently committed one of the biggest social blunders imaginable… we were talking about Plato’s reason to not justify suicide, and then after Mr. Bulaong gave Plato’s explanation, he adds further that Plato believes you will be reincarnated into a pig if you commit suicide. He then warns everyone about the next time they eat pork chop… to which I blitheringly replied, “Lest you run into Miriam’s son…”

What’s wrong with my above statement? Two things, actually…

1. Miriam’s son is an Atenean.
2. Someone beside me suddenly piped up, “Hey! That’s my friend!”

You can tell that my mouth was too fast for my brain…

.:Debating Never Dies:.

On the last minute, I decided to push through with my debating for the rest of this schoolyear. I don’t know. I guess I realize I have only this left to prove, as far as I am concerned. Nonetheless, I don’t mind. I had a good time with the debate, anyway, and it’s funny considering Mavic was wondering if I were gay.

Why do people ask that during the times when I’m not pretending to be one? Heh.

Nonetheless, I’m doing fine with my debating, though it’s far from completely smooth-sailing… I guess it helps me that I’m not that gung-ho about it, so I have a healthy bordering on lackadaisical attitude about it. Varsity accreditations, for instance, was rather quick for me, as I didn’t even make it to the third round. That fact, notwithstanding, I discovered that Dione (a.k.a. C.P.#8.) actually smokes, which strikes her off, and adds Rachel Reyes as C.P. #12 in one felling swoop. I didn’t even try out for varsity adjudication, considering I wanted to get to Quiapo and have my non-saving copy of Megaman Zero replaced.

.:Gone Are The Good Old Days:.

… when I’d constantly look at all the nice comments I get in my blog. I guess I can’t help but feel a bit bad about it, but then again, it’s my fault, really. I haven’t been up to snuff with my writing lately, nor have I been keeping up with my columns, movie reviews, and Philosophy. I guess I can try writing well again, but with some dead wood out and the fact that I really don’t plug myself as much as others can and do, then I suppose I can’t expect too many comments in my weblog anymore… or my LJ, for that matter. That’s too bad, but that’s the way the ball rolls, I suppose.

To think I’ve been doing this blogging business for only a year and a month long… ah, well.

.:And Turvey Does It Again:.

Lest I pre-empt what Startxt would let his subscribers know, I had to take out some info I wrote about Brad Turvey the last time. Now that the cat is out of the bag, I can now freely mention that he will be the new Channel V VJ starting this December. Unfortunately, I have no access to Channel V, so I have no idea how he does with it. He has another huge thing lined up for him, but I’m not at a liberty to say that until it’s also over and done with. ::grins::

Anyways, I haven’t been able to train for the past two weeks for my Radio 1 due to my annoying schedule that left my M-W-F starting off at 8:30 in the morning. It sure castrated my time in the booth, so I was thinking of training solely on Saturday, but the problem with that is the fact that I have to wake up after sleeping late due to Smackdown…

Nonetheless, last Thursday, Brad, Chico, and Delle had two of Brad’s co-VJ’s join in on the Morning Rush, and I must say, it was fun. Let’s put it this way: I’m sick of seeing Heart Evangelista’s face just so I can watch a video I know Myx would play… that lady has been on top of my annoying people list already. Moving on, the two VJ’s there were fairly okay, and I know Brian Gomez was rather captured in the moment… heh. I guess I’m just a bit out of the typical, neh? Things were pretty fun there, though.

That's how my week has been. And yours?

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