"Microscopic"

.:Microscopic:.

Insert penis joke here.

It's easy to rage and to hate the president not for what he has done, but for what he has not done. To say that the legacy of President Noynoy Aquino is one of omission would be a massive understatement.

For the longest time, I have been nothing but even-handed with how I would critique the president's performance. He was handed a huge responsibility, practically on a lark, after his mother died. Mistakes will be made. This is natural and par for the course.

What I never expected, though, was his apparent inability to correct these mistakes. And his uncanny talent of repeating them throughout his term. And true, nobody will probably ever accuse him of the same kind of horrors Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo was routinely battered with, but his obstinacy and refusal to do even the most common-sensical of things in the face of crisis speaks volumes about his woeful lack of leadership qualities.

There is an upwelling of outrage against PNoy lately: one that simply cannot be handwaved any longer. It is an upwelling of people who felt betrayed after they were told that they were the boss. It is an upwelling of people who believed with all their heart that the son of Ninoy Aquino and Cory Aquino could not possibly be so backwards that he would practically disgrace the not-even-blameless names of his own parents – despite the fact that Kris Aquino is already running around as a realization of this possibility.

And in the infinite wisdom of the palace, they decided to dismiss this upwelling as “microscopic.”

Microscopic.

Tiny.

Insignificant.

Which leads me to ask... what the hell are you smoking?!? Let's assume for a minute that this anger fomenting over the president's sins of omission truly were microscopic. Does this in any way invalidate that anger? Does saying only “a few” people were peeved at what PNoy did or did not do mean that these few are absolutely wrong? Do we not protect the majority and the minority alike? Or do we only give a damn what most people are saying?

It didn't matter at all if only one person felt put off by what PNoy did, if that one person had a valid point. Especially not if that person were one of the men who almost did not live to tell the tale of what happened to the #Fallen44. Or if that one person were a family member who did not choose to wait for the president anymore. Or if that one person was someone who was supposedly the “boss” of this president, as his own words indicated.

To this very moment, there is this sense of impunity and even smugness emanating from the Aquino camp that you can't help but notice. After all, even at his worst approval ratings, he is still leaps and bounds better off in public perception than Gloria ever was, once she assumed the presidency. But therein lies the rub: setting Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo as your bar is so ridiculously and insultingly low to the Filipino people.

We expected better than that. Much, much better. And let's not mince words here: we were promised that by the president himself. “Daang Matuwid” was supposed to be a battlecry to right the wrongs and to change the system from within, but it became clear early on that this attempt at righting the wrongs affected only those on the wrong side of the party line. If somehow, you were on the president's good side, you can be every bit as terrible as you want, but a slap on the wrist for you is already pushing it.

So when the Palace says that this anger is “microscopic,” it doesn't change the fact that this anger is valid. Neither does this change the fact that the anger is not microscopic, by any means. When my 8List alone gets 200,000 views and an unprecedented number of outraged comments whether or not they understand the real intent of the list, then you can't just ignore numbers like those. And that's just me. Imagine how much more mileage other more established writers had as they eviscerated the president for a job not done.

To put this in perspective, only about 5 of the 400 or so 8Lists currently published on the site have ever broken the 100,000 barrier. When something hits that number on the site, you just know it hit a nerve somehow, for whatever reason. When 200,000 people direct their outrage towards one venue, nobody would ever call that microscopic.

What is microscopic, though? Is it the viewpoint of the Palace? Is it their “mercy and compassion,” which only highlights how utterly meaningless the Pope's visit was to them, no matter what they ay or do? Is it Mar Roxas's chances of winning in 2016? Or is it PNoy's odds of finding a date this February 14?

I don't give a damn. Because all I know is that this anger and this outrage is not microscopic and to dismiss our grievances so cavalierly is a slap in the face of the people our president claims to be his “boss.” And I will keep on harping on that point until I turn blue because he said those things himself, and no matter how much he can try to handwave that statement as merely a figure of speech, he can never undo going back on his word as unequivocally as he has when the Palace decided that there is no need to care what a “microscopic” number of people feel – not because their points have no merit, but only because they aren't “significant” enough.

This is something you would never say to your boss, no matter how small the power she holds over you may be.

And ultimately, when you say that hundreds of thousands of people being angry is merely “microscopic” in scale, do you not subsequently imply that the deaths of a “mere” 44 policemen is even more “microscopic?” Do these lives somehow not count?

If so, then there is no discussion left to be had: this is not the mentality of a statesman. This is simply the kind of thinking of someone who has successfully fallen for his own hype.

On Mock The Week And The "Limits" Of Comedy: Yet Another Absurd Instance Of Pinoy Outrage

.:On Mock The Week And The "Limits" Of Comedy: Yet Another Absurd Instance Of Pinoy Outrage:.

So. After a couple of weeks of Australian bliss, I'm back in town. Not too many people care, but I'll carry on, regardless.

Yeah, I'm definitely lining up a post about my trip soon, but this one just had to be dealt with first, seeing how absurd it really is.

Once again, Pinoy Outrage happens. The outpouring of anger from Filipinos on cyberspace has been as reliable as clockwork, yet what baffles me to no end is the fact that nobody even seemed to take a closer look at the story behind this whole brouhaha, in the first place.

A few weeks back, in the wake of Vice Ganda making rape/fat jokes at the expense of Jessica Soho, there has been a lot of furor over what the comedian did. As is expected, but it makes sense, because rape itself was made light of under the context of poking fun at Ms. Soho's weight.

I understood the outrage at the time because let's face it: rape culture is alive and well in the Philippines, as we find ourselves blaming the victim for being raped, more often than not. I just found it a bit ironic that in the face of decrying rape culture, a lot of the comments against Vice were inherently homophobic in nature, as if Vice's being gay had anything to do with the offensiveness of his joke.

But such is the role of comedy. Comedy pokes fun, and while people can go and throw up their arms in anger over humor that they deem to "cross the line," comedy has always been more than willing to push its boundaries every chance it got. There have been no sacred cows at the altar of comedy. The Pope? Mother Teresa? Dead babies? Cancer? 9/11? Rape? All of those have been made fun of, to varying degrees of success. When the joke is taken "too far," backlash happens, but for the most part, that backlash never stopped a Carlin or a Louis CK from making the joke, anyways.

Yet even within the realm of so-called taboo topics, there exists a place where jokes *can* be funny without having to really trivialize something taboo. Just because we laugh at something doesn't mean it becomes trivial. The feminist website Jezebel even made it clear that rape jokes can be funny, provided that it doesn't attack the victim or make rape seem like it's okay. In a similar vein, satire isn't even about making people laugh, primarily, but about exposing some social ill in a very cutting manner. Does this mean the material stops being offensive? Heavens, no. But the context makes it clear that it is offensive *for a reason*.

It's easy to make crass jokes for shock value, but when you use the crassness of your material to make a point, that changes the meaning behind the joke. For example, when you make a rape joke and poke fun at the rapist for feeling entitled to sex because the girl was "totally asking for it," you make it clear that it's funny because the rapist is a deluded jackass who should not be given the time of day. Failing that, the joke at least does not make the victim the butt of the joke.

So. Let's turn this guideline to the Mock The Week bit where a female comedian quipped about Filipino children being tested upon by cosmetic companies. Is it funny? That's a matter of taste. Is it racist? Why? Because the word "Filipino" was used and it wasn't followed by the words "people are awesomesauce?" So exactly what negative things can anyone say about Filipinos, then?

Is it racist to poke fun at child exploitation as a horrible, horrible thing when you use Filipino children as your example? That's pretty dim. The joke is not on the Filipino children. Not a single negative thing was said about them, nor did the comedian so much as endorse exploiting them for cosmetics. In fact, the comedian was clearly lampooning how horrible a thing it is! So both on the level of comedy and satire, this joke is definitely not one that is merely out to offend, but one that calls our attention to the fact that hey, child exploitation? Not a good thing.

That the race of the children happens to be Filipino is merely incidental to the whole point of the line. Being Filipino is in no way reflected as a negative thing, nor is it used as a way to denigrate the children, either. So remind me again how the joke was racist.

Sure, I don't mind it when people poke fun at the Filipino people, but I do understand why some people could be offended by it, especially if the joke is clearly racist in nature. Unfortunately, this joke is far from it, and the sooner people actually learn to get over ourselves and just freaking read, the sooner we would all realize that we don't actually need to make everything about us.

So I Wrote About The New Dan Brown Kerfuffle...

.:So I Wrote About The New Dan Brown Kerfuffle...:.
... but of course, expect to see them on the POC and the 8List instead of on my blogs, since I hafta pay the bills. But yeah, in the tradition of my Chip Tsao entries, it's gonna be a doozy.

That's all for now. Next week, I fly out to Australia, and I'm unbelievably stoked about that.

The Tale Of #fap2012 (Or How NOT To Tempt The Fates Of The Internet)

.:Let's Give A Big, Hairy Hand To #fap2012!:.

Yesterday, a little thing I found myself involved in ended up going viral.

Gee, has that ever happened to me before?

It all started with an innocent question I noticed on my Twitter timeline...

Really? Really?!?

So after looking at the hashtag incredulously, I realized that it was a real thing: Franchise Asia Philippines 2012 is apparently a huge international convention about franchising, which, of course, holds a lot of value for local and even foreign investors in the Philippines. I mean, all things considered, it's actually a pretty cool endeavor, and there's even an important segment there about social media and digital marketing, with some of the most credible experts in the country today.

Unfortunately, for the people behind this, their credibility comes into question when they forget about the first and most basic rule about the internet: if you set yourself up for the lulz, then lulz will be had.

Well, no, it's obviously not rule 1 of the internet, but it does undermine credibility somewhat for a supposedly net-savvy and net-inclusive event to be completely oblivious to the unfortunate implications of calling your Franchising seminar "FAP 2012."

Boom.

No, really, guys. Unless this was deliberate, it was a misstep that betrayed a lack of familiarity with the internet. Thankfully, you had speakers who were not necessarily dense to the implications of the hashtag, but the organizers did themselves a major disservice by being completely oblivious to opening Pandora's box. Furthermore, the fact that shortly after trending, you had to change your hashtag only indicates that you really had no idea what you were doing in the first place. It's sad that #franchiseasia had to be used, instead of riding the (unfortunate) wave of your popularity (for all the wrong reasons), which is the very same mistake BaYo did when they scrapped their campaign altogether.

Why can't more people be as savvy as Christopher Lao, who played off his infamy into a crowning moment of awesome. That's how you make lemonade out of lemons, and sadly, the people behind FAP 2012 didn't quite get that.

Which is too bad, really, because the hashtag trended long enough for people to notice, which is more than can be said for the #franchiseasia hashtag. There was very little discussion past yesterday, and you could see that nobody was pseudo-transcribing the goings-on at FAP 2012 anymore. No wonder it wasn't too difficult to actually hijack the entire hashtag the first time around.

Come one, come all! We're all classy people here.

Sad, but hey, I'm sure that the seminar was still a success, no matter how much their credibility took a hit. By now, spambots have all but overtaken both hashtags, so it's practically moot at this point. Rico Mossesgeld and Carlo Ople were very quick to make blog posts about the misadventure, while I was still quite busy on Twitter, trying to make a case study out of the whole thing, and of course, giving the whole social experiment a hand. And yes, you will pardon the pun. Because you've been inundated with a whole bunch of them from the get-go.

It'd be interesting what they plan to do for FAP 2013, and what the Winter Armada of North Korea plan to do in 2012 as well.

Well, I guess that's all the hard news we could indulge in for a day. Next time something like this comes on the internet, you know we'll be there to prematurely make comments about the sticky situation we'd be immersed in.

But really, they should've seen this coming.

No, You Idiots. This Isn't Racist. At All.

.:Are You Serious?!?:.

So apparently, this following segment is "racist":

Seriously?!?

Now, first, a backgrounder: KFC in the Philippines had this brilliant idea of moving the cheese from the middle of the sandwich to the top, and decided to call it a day afterwards. It was stupid, and no matter how great it would have tasted, you can be sure that whether the cheese was, it would have tasted exactly the same way.

I mean, it's not even practical. The whole point of having two buns is so your hands would stay clean while you get to the meat and cheese of your standard burger. Putting the cheese on top of the sandwich kinda misses the point, and actually makes it functionally worse than the run-of-the-mill cheeseburger.

So Jimmy Kimmel beat Bubble Gang to the punch, and poked fun at the Cheese Top Burger with a spoof commercial, pointing out what all of us already knew: it was a patently ridiculous idea. The way they made the commercial even seemed to get a certain style for commercials that's distinctly Filipino, especially since the real KFC Commercial is nothing like the spoof.

Pretty clever, pretty comedic, right? He made a pretty funny joke at the expense of the burger, and even managed to give an inadvertent shout-out to the Philippines, since apparently,the Cheese Top Burger is available only in the Philippines. I seriously though that like the Double Down, it was something that came from America, too. Apparently not.

And then this happened...

Innovation? Really?

What is it about more than a few Filipinos that just makes them so butthurt about the silliest of things? I can go through a shopping list of issues that we've cried racism about, and more often than not, they're actually not examples of racism. Desperate Housewives. Alec Baldwin on David Letterman. Conan O'Brien. Chip Tsao. And yes, even BaYo.

Sure, people are free to feel offended if that's their inclination. We can't really stop them. But just like the people railing against the word "niggardly" without realizing that it's not even a racial slur, it gets exasperating sometimes.

So exasperating, you guys!

Incidentally, Kimmel's old partner from "The Man Show," Adam Carolla, actually had a serious racially charged issue a couple of years ago. The difference was that he clearly took a shot at Filipinos and right or wrong as he may be, it was definitely racially charged. In contrast, Kimmel was poking fun at a burger, not even hardly representative of what it means to be a Filipino.

Sometimes, I wonder what's wrong with these people, really. How is a joke about a burger, that just so happened to be Filipino, being racist? At no point was the defining trait of the Cheese Top Burger the fact that it was made by Filipinos: it was just a matter of fact. At no point did Kimmel even call Filipinos "stupid" or "weird" or anything along those lines, while poking fun at the burger. All the way, the jokes were directed at whoever made the Cheese Top Burger. Hades, we didn't even get a "WTF, Philippines?!?" the way I'm sure we would've told Japan if they came up with this.

.:Just Imagine...:.

Can you even imagine what went on during the meeting where they came up with this?

Employee: Hey, boss! I have an awesome idea for a new item on the menu!

Boss: Really? What is it?

Employee: Let's make a cheeseburger, except the cheese is on top of the bun!

Boss: That has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Are you drinking on the job again?

Employee: No, sir. I'm actually on weed. Also, I'm serious about this! It will be amazing!

Boss: Let's pretend I didn't hear you admit that you're toking while on the job. How is it even going to taste any different? The burger will taste exactly the same wherever you place the cheese! Do you even know anything about the food business at all?!?

Employee: Boss, I may not know a thing about the food business, but I know a few other things that might interest you.

Boss: What the hell are you talking about?!?

Employee: Well, I know where the condo of your mistress is. I also know the number of your wife. I'm sure she'd be very interested in what I have to say if you turn my idea down.

Boss: Well, I admit that I might have been a little bit hasty. This idea of yours is actually the best idea ever! We will begin production of this burger with the cheese on top. Immediately!

Employee: I'm glad you and I have come to understanding, boss.

Yeah, I think that's the only logical way the meeting for this would've turned out.

.:But Maybe Instead Of A Cheese Top Burger, We Could Have...:.

A Chiz Top Burger?

Or anything else, really?

Or better yet, maybe we could just have a good ol' burger and pretend this stupid idea never happened? This is one time I seriously hope nobody buys the damned thing out of curiosity: it is literally not going to be any different from a regular cheeseburger, and if this is their attempt at making me forget that the Double Down is now a thing of the past, I am truly disappoint.

Randomicity In The Middle Of The Day...

.:This Feels Weird...:.

So here I am, raring to go for this Saturday's Axe Anarchy Raid in Eastwood, and all I could think of is how much of a drag it is to go leave the office and drop by RX 93.1 to see Jinri Park and Karen Bordador to discuss what's going to happen.

Of course I'm joking.

There is no way seeing these amazing ladies would ever constitute being "a drag". Ever. Still, who'd have thought that this would end up being what I have to do, right? Can't say I'd ever complain.

.:Aysee, How I Missed Thee:.

After dropping in on the Disenchanted Kingdom last night, I ended up having late dinner with them at Aysee. Sisig goodness! That was just wonderful.

Considering how I've been hanging out with these guys for nearly three years, I must say, the Disenchanted Kingdom has been a pretty integral part of my life already at this point.

.:Should I Give Up, Or Should I Just Keep Chasing Pavements?:.

Even if it leads nowhere? :(

.:A Prelude To This Week's Project 52...:.

So Bayo came out with this pretty eye-catching campaign recently...

I'm bad at numbers. How does this even work?

I mean, it's pretty clever, in that hey, a mix is awesome, right? Whether you're pure Pinoy or a mix of races, it's all good. That's a pretty positive message for diversity, and when I was looking at the billboards, I thought nothing of it. It's not like they were advocating a superior race or anything like that, right?

But then, the copy came along...

Greatness by lineage! Voldemort He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named would be pleased!

You can imagine the crapstorm that followed from this, I believe. Still, I refuse to get all worked up on poor wording, so I will just share with you what Marocharim had to add to this campaign...

Rolled! Into! One!

And of course, how could I not possibly share my take on this mix?

0% Stranger to love.

Expect a more thorough post tomorrow, I guess.

Fun With Fundies Once More!

.:Incubus Paranoia!:.

Why do guys named Brandon get all the chicks?

I'm not a really huge fan of the group, but I must say, Incubus is a pretty good band, and I'm especially fond of their single, "Megalomaniac". I also think that song called "Talk Shows On Mute" is a work of art.

It's actually cool to hear that they're performing in Manila on July 28. With so many international acts making waves in the Philippines this year, it's been a pretty awesome year for live musical entertainment in this country, whether you like foreign acts like Justin Bieber, Kylie Minogue, and The Script, or you prefer local acts like Itchyworms, Sarah Geronimo + Martin Nievera, and Sugarfree (sniff).

And then, the religious fundies attacked.

In what has got to be the most ignorant thing since claiming Magic: The Gathering was Satanic, a bunch of fundies decided to text everyone to boycott the concert because an Incubus, in mythology, is the male version of the Succubus. Without getting into gory details, the Incubus seduces women in their sleep. Sorta like how some guys use Roofies to achieve the same thing at present.

Apparently, because Brandon Boyd and company picked a band name that they themselves didn't even know the meaning of, they are now the spawns of Satan.

Hey, listen. If you've never heard a single song from Incubus, then you're being plain stupid. That's like saying this product was in any way racist...

Umm... yeah.

Anyways. It's just ridiculous what kind of stupid uproar people raise over the craziest things. We had moral panics over Dungeons and Dragons, Pokemon, Harry Potter, and now, apparently, Incubus. This, despite the fact that these fundies have obviously never even bothered listening to a single song of the band. Just because they have an unfortunate name ala supot.ph doesn't really mean they're out to seduce women in their sleep.

I actually have it on good authority that Brandon Boyd on his own attracts more women's underwear being hurled in his direction than Tila Tequila, so he's perfectly capable of seducing women while they're awake.

Abs-olutely!

Yet Again, What Were They Thinking?!?

.:MILF Used To Be Intimidating...:.

In the Philippines, the Moro Islamic Liberation Front is indeed a fearsome countenance. A group of Muslim separatists that split from the erstwhile revolutionary Moro National Liberation Front, the MILF is often considered a terrorist group by international observers, allegedly with ties to the likes of the Jemaah Islamiyah and the Al Qaeda. Despite ongoing peace talks, there is no question that the MILF remains a force to be reckoned with and one that must be dealt with very carefully at all times.

And then American Pie came along. And the MILF never meant the same thing in this world after that.

So imagine my amusement when I saw this headline...

You can "declog my river" anytime, baby!

Obviously, the Moro Islamic Liberation Front isn't to blame for the unfortunate alternate meaning of their acronym, but there's been a significant drop in bad-@$$edness for these guys ever since American Pie came along. And now, they just turn into a lousy punchline whenever they do something that ends up getting them in the papers.

.:Bubba Tea Licious: Really?!?:.

If there are three things you can count on, it's death, taxes, and sniggering over a name like "Bubba Tea Licious" everytime it's said aloud, especially in the Philippines, of all places.

Ang sarap mag-Bubba Tea!!!

Did these guys even bother to think about this when they picked up the franchise? How'd that franchise meeting come up? Imagine if yours truly and Maro decided to start a tea franchise.

Hey! We're gonna franchise milk tea!

So what are our choices?

Well, there's the party teahouse place, Tea Gang...

No, that sounds too dry.

How about a tea delivery place like Tea Call?

That seems a bit too self-serving.

Well, maybe Proh's Tea?

No, that's too easy.

How about the one from the couple? Tea Gus-Anne?

Now, that's too hard.

Well, the last one we have is Bubba Tea Licious, so I dunno...

That sounds explosive! Let's take that franchise!

And thus, Bubba Tea Licious was born! Awesome tea, tea-spurting name!

P.S. Bubba Tea Licious, please don't sue me. MILF, please don't kill me.

Abante: Plagiarism Fail!

.:Plagiarism Fail:.

While reading some Tweets this afternoon, I noticed a pretty funny one from one of the people I follow, Tania Arpa…

That sounds funny. I must investigate.