Sunday, July 01, 2012

No, You Idiots. This Isn't Racist. At All.

.:Are You Serious?!?:.

So apparently, this following segment is "racist":


Now, first, a backgrounder: KFC in the Philippines had this brilliant idea of moving the cheese from the middle of the sandwich to the top, and decided to call it a day afterwards. It was stupid, and no matter how great it would have tasted, you can be sure that whether the cheese was, it would have tasted exactly the same way.

I mean, it's not even practical. The whole point of having two buns is so your hands would stay clean while you get to the meat and cheese of your standard burger. Putting the cheese on top of the sandwich kinda misses the point, and actually makes it functionally worse than the run-of-the-mill cheeseburger.

So Jimmy Kimmel beat Bubble Gang to the punch, and poked fun at the Cheese Top Burger with a spoof commercial, pointing out what all of us already knew: it was a patently ridiculous idea. The way they made the commercial even seemed to get a certain style for commercials that's distinctly Filipino, especially since the real KFC Commercial is nothing like the spoof.

Pretty clever, pretty comedic, right? He made a pretty funny joke at the expense of the burger, and even managed to give an inadvertent shout-out to the Philippines, since apparently,the Cheese Top Burger is available only in the Philippines. I seriously though that like the Double Down, it was something that came from America, too. Apparently not.

And then this happened...

Innovation? Really?

What is it about more than a few Filipinos that just makes them so butthurt about the silliest of things? I can go through a shopping list of issues that we've cried racism about, and more often than not, they're actually not examples of racism. Desperate Housewives. Alec Baldwin on David Letterman. Conan O'Brien. Chip Tsao. And yes, even BaYo.

Sure, people are free to feel offended if that's their inclination. We can't really stop them. But just like the people railing against the word "niggardly" without realizing that it's not even a racial slur, it gets exasperating sometimes.

So exasperating, you guys!

Incidentally, Kimmel's old partner from "The Man Show," Adam Carolla, actually had a serious racially charged issue a couple of years ago. The difference was that he clearly took a shot at Filipinos and right or wrong as he may be, it was definitely racially charged. In contrast, Kimmel was poking fun at a burger, not even hardly representative of what it means to be a Filipino.

Sometimes, I wonder what's wrong with these people, really. How is a joke about a burger, that just so happened to be Filipino, being racist? At no point was the defining trait of the Cheese Top Burger the fact that it was made by Filipinos: it was just a matter of fact. At no point did Kimmel even call Filipinos "stupid" or "weird" or anything along those lines, while poking fun at the burger. All the way, the jokes were directed at whoever made the Cheese Top Burger. Hades, we didn't even get a "WTF, Philippines?!?" the way I'm sure we would've told Japan if they came up with this.

.:Just Imagine...:.

Can you even imagine what went on during the meeting where they came up with this?

Employee: Hey, boss! I have an awesome idea for a new item on the menu!

Boss: Really? What is it?

Employee: Let's make a cheeseburger, except the cheese is on top of the bun!

Boss: That has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Are you drinking on the job again?

Employee: No, sir. I'm actually on weed. Also, I'm serious about this! It will be amazing!

Boss: Let's pretend I didn't hear you admit that you're toking while on the job. How is it even going to taste any different? The burger will taste exactly the same wherever you place the cheese! Do you even know anything about the food business at all?!?

Employee: Boss, I may not know a thing about the food business, but I know a few other things that might interest you.

Boss: What the hell are you talking about?!?

Employee: Well, I know where the condo of your mistress is. I also know the number of your wife. I'm sure she'd be very interested in what I have to say if you turn my idea down.

Boss: Well, I admit that I might have been a little bit hasty. This idea of yours is actually the best idea ever! We will begin production of this burger with the cheese on top. Immediately!

Employee: I'm glad you and I have come to understanding, boss.

Yeah, I think that's the only logical way the meeting for this would've turned out.

.:But Maybe Instead Of A Cheese Top Burger, We Could Have...:.

A Chiz Top Burger?

Or anything else, really?

Or better yet, maybe we could just have a good ol' burger and pretend this stupid idea never happened? This is one time I seriously hope nobody buys the damned thing out of curiosity: it is literally not going to be any different from a regular cheeseburger, and if this is their attempt at making me forget that the Double Down is now a thing of the past, I am truly disappoint.

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