An Open Letter To Adam Carolla

.:An Open Letter To Mr. Adam Carolla...:.

Image courtesy of Judd Sta. Maria.

Dear Mr. Carolla,

Unlike most other Filipinos, I actually remember you. I remember the fact that you were one of those guys on “The Man Show”, along with Jimmy Kimmel, before Joe Rogan took over and sent that show down the drain. You also had something to do with “Crank Yankers”, but the less said about that stupid show, the better. I also remember Jimmy was the funny one (Not “funni-er” because that connotes that you yourself are actually funny.) between the two of you and that probably explains why he’s hosting the late night show right now and you’re not, but that’s not really the point of this letter.

See, Mr. Carolla, after your recent diatribe against Manny Pacquiao and the Filipino people, I have but two things to tell you: thank you, and screw you.

Thank you, Mr. Carolla, for stating the truth, however harsh it may be. I realize not too many of my countrymen see it, but you were telling it like it is: for too long, as a nation, a huge swath of the Philippine population has pinned its hopes on a guy who happens to punch better than anybody else. Granted, it’s awesome that the Philippines is being put on the map for having arguably the best boxer the sport has ever seen since Mike Tyson, but the hero worship is indeed a tad too much.

Thank you, Mr. Carolla, for reminding the Filipino people that they still have a lot to clean up in their own backyard. That you assume the country is known for sex tours isn’t exactly a very rare occurrence. In fact, it’s a rather commonplace assumption, if anything. Just one quick look at Cafe Havana in Greenbelt 3 already sorta feeds that idea with ease. You’re absolutely right that there is misplaced nationalistic pride in a boxer, yet we are quick to ignore and even downplay the things that keep the Philippines from being a better nation than it could or ought to be.

Thank you, Mr. Carolla, for pointing out the sheer inanity for a boxer who takes several blows to the head for a living to want to run for public office. What kind of leadership do we expect to see from Manny Pacquiao if he were to be elected? Do we think for even one moment that it would be any good at all? Somehow, I doubt it.

You make valid points, and you may or may not be doing a comedy radio show which allows you some slack for your racist and over the top comments against Filipinos, the suspicion of drug use, and your apparent man-crush on Floyd Mayweather (Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course.). I could be very much just overreacting, and for all I know, you’re actually a great lampoon artist, a satirist as nuanced and as eloquent as Chip Tsao or George Carlin or... who am I kidding? You’re Adam f’ing Carolla. You’re second fiddle to Jimmy Kimmel on The Man Show, for crying out loud! “Nuanced” and “eloquent” are the last two words I’d expect to use to describe you.

So Mr. Carolla, screw you for pandering to the lowest common denominator and resorting to gutter trash humor to get your point across. If I took this incident on its own, then I’m sure I’d have easily understood you and sided with you, but you clearly have a track record for making racist slurs, then crying crocodile tears afterwards when the fear of losing advertiser dollars would hit you. I think the ching-chong incident and the Hawaiian slagfest would probably be enough evidence of this.

Screw you Mr. Carolla, for portraying a character that may or may not be an extension of your real self: an unenlightened, redneck, ugly American stereotype who caricatures himself by mocking other country stereotypes yet being blissfully ignorant of the fact that he is a walking, talking, blithering one himself. We have more than enough of those characters already, from Larry the Cable Guy to Jimmy Wang Yang. Did we need to scrape the bottom of the barrel and have you do it, too?

Screw you Mr. Carolla, simply because I find it appropriate to slag on you for the unfunny excuse for a comedian that you are. You’re all the shock of Howard Stern minus any of the substance, quite frankly. See, I don’t really care whether or not you were right about us Filipinos, Mr. Carolla: I just don’t think very highly of your commentary at all, not with your bigoted commentary against Muslims here.

You have, or at least, your character has, a track record for bigotry, Mr. Carolla, and I frankly think that as free as you are to express your opinions, I’m equally free to think your opinions are crap. If you’re serious about them, then even more condemnation for you is in order. If you meant them as a joke, then congratulations: you have shown us how to detest inherently detestable ideas, and you’re doing your job right, for once.

I do not have to despise you as a person, but I can despise the ideas you espouse: ideas of racism, of intolerance, of the rejection of anything that is Other than the self. I despise what your ideas stand for, no matter the intent behind the ideas, as any decent human being ought to. I hope that you are not as redneck as you seem, and that you secretly despise these very same ideas that you espouse, and only espouse them to make people intolerant of intolerance, the way I certainly feel at this point. In fact, I don’t feel an ounce of indignation over what you had to say about Filipinos. I feel indignation over the fact that you seem to have built a comedy career out of racial slurs (Not to mention misogynistic slurs from your “Man Show” days.), the least offensive of them being the painful-but-true bombs you lobbed at the Filipino people. I feel indignation over the denigration of brilliant Asians as merely “ching-chong” people, of Hawaiians as “retards and in-breds”, and I do worry that you may very well be a racist-in-denial, hiding behind the veneer of comedy much in the same way Michael Richards was.

Still, it’s not my job to judge you as a human being and to stoop to your perceived level. However, as a guy who used to catch your show on Jack TV, I do feel compelled to let you know that I was never terribly amused by your antics then, and I continue to not be amused by your antics now. You’re not very funny at all, and your ethnicity or religion probably has zero to do with that. It’s more likely got everything to do with your absolute lack of talent as a performer.

Ultimately, I do agree with most of what you have to say about Filipinos, except for one thing: Charice Pempengco is someone to be more proud of than Manny Pacquiao. But that’s just me, I guess.

Yeah, baby!