Thursday, August 24, 2006

Lyrically Speaking Scribbles...

.:Lyrically Speaking Scribbles, Part I: Let The Pain Remain, by Basil Valdez:.

Let The Pain Remain
by Basil Valdez

Love comes, love goes,

I understand that not every relationship has a happy ending. If anything, given how many people I know have broken up with each other this year so far, the contrary sounds even more true.

But a sudden feeling never lets me be

Despite that, I realize that there are just some things that you can only hope time would heal. Things you can’t expect to extricate from your system so instantaneously. Things that you pray would turn out differently than they currently are, in the hopes that perhaps, after more blood, sweat, and tears, it might not be as bad as it is now.

Somehow, i know,
Quite a part of me isn't changed since you've been gone

I’m still that fool for you. For always.

Like a sturdy tree thats seen a thousand seasons
I've to shed my leaves in winter
And grow them back in spring

Though I see myself like some kind of bamboo at this point, to be honest. One that sways through the harshest of tempests, yet still manages to weather on despite everything.

To welcome life again
To welcome you

Life just feels as though it’s stripped of meaning without you in it. Misery has been my friend for so long, but I still soldier on despite everything. It’s all I can do.

So goes, my life
Still believe in dreams of having you around

With each waking moment, the first thought that comes to me is the fervent wish that you would come around and realize how much you mean to me.

Too bad, memories feed the mind and not the heart
Where I want you to be

While I find fond thoughts of you comfort me for a while, when the loneliness sets in, I end up feeling even far worse than I started off with.

Don’t patronize me. Don’t tell me I’ll be happy after a while, or that I’ll find someone better eventually. Don’t tell me what to think or how to feel over your leaving me. Don’t fool me into believing that I can truly be happy without you in my life.

So i ask myself what you've left behind for me
To go on each day and live as if
I have you once again

Are they the memories? Are they the pictures? The letters? The times we’ve exchanged “I love you’s”?

Are they truly the only legacy I have to look forward to if you truly won’t come back to me?

Or perhaps, is there something you have left in me that is so real, so genuine, that no matter what it may be, time cannot and should not ever wash it away?

Yes, there is. The pain.

What else is there that's real
But all the pain that i feel?

Pictures can fade, stars can burn out, oceans may dry up, but this pain shall not meet the same fate until you choose to unbreak this heart of mine.

So let the pain remain
Forever in my heart

This is not a protest of rage, nor is this a plea for help. This is a statement of fact.

I want that pain to remain not because I want to hate you, or our memories. I want that pain to remain simply because it’s the one link I have left to you.

For every throb it brings is one more moment
Spent with you,

With each heartbeat, I feel you come back into my life with a vengeance. Perhaps it is not the perfect way to have you with me, but I would rather have imperfection with the one I truly love than perfection with an illusion

I let the pain, bring on the rain
If that's the only way
If there's no other way
to be with you again…

If after all has been said and done, you still can’t find a space in your heart for me, I won’t raise hell, nor make any attempt to hurt you. That’s the last thing I’d ever want to do. All I truly wish is that you would be happy, and when I would see you happy, perhaps despite the pain, I’d still feel some measure of happiness.

I have a life to live without the one person who has ever made me love this way. I have a life to live for me to just go on and ignore the pain and walk wounded without anyone ever knowing again that I am an empty shell of a man who doesn’t deserve anything good in his life. I will go on, but I will never move on.

If the pain is the only way for me to still somehow have you in my life, though I may never see your face again, or hold you in my arms again, then I will live on with the pain for the rest of my life, not because I wish myself to suffer, but because only through it can I be with you again, even just in my dreams or my deepest hopes and ambitions.

Against the better judgment of all those around me, against my better judgment, I shall let the pain remain.

For without you, the one thing that gives meaning to this life is the pain.

I love you. I always will. But this is my last stand.


Anonymous said...

marcelle, this is beautiful. *hugs* she's lucky to have your love and affection, i hope she realizes that soon. in the meantime, you know we're here for you. :) i'm just a ym-buzz/text away. take care and try to get some sleep. :p bye! - estelle

Jac said...

hello! I added you na in my new YM account :)

Anonymous said...

*sob* can't help but cry when i read this. it just makes my heart ache. sana lang, when you meet someone who truly loves you, you won't be as stubborn as her to accept love. don't ever forget that you deserve to be loved, and surely, there's someone who'll be willing to take all the risks with you. *sob*

Marcelle said...

While I appreciate the thoughts, to the poster above me, I'd have appreciated it if you identified yourself. Thanks, regardless.