Bah, Humbug

.:Bah, Humbug:.

... cold and lonely.

What else could I have expected?

Was there anything I could've honestly hoped for from about fifteen hours of an illusion?

Goddammit, I'm a magician. I, more than anyone else, should know better than to accept an illusion at face value, and yet I did.

At the end of the day, I was just given a cold, harsh reminder that Christmas really, really sucks.

When people assume "Christmas is canceled" because Santa Claus apparently doesn't exist, I've pretty much ascertained for myself everyone has completely missed the point of the holiday already.

There was one and only one good thing about the holidays, and that was the point where I did a charity magic show for an orphanage in Don Bosco Sta. Mesa, where I was a student...

Outside of that, Christmas has been empty and pointless. It was just another day as is any other.

Bah, humbug. So much for giving love on Christmas day...

Merry Christmas!

.:Random Thoughts On The Holidays...:.

Well, first of all, a merry Christmas to everyone!!!

Christmas shopping with Bessie 'Elle was nothing short of fun. I was just walking around with her until she finally got tired (and grumpy). She had a really cool present for me, and I responded in kind with a present all of us will be using sometime soon...

That being said, I don't feel the Christmas spirit by much. I'm honestly just grateful for friends and special people in my life, and the fact that it's December 24 as I say this is irrelevant. From my best friends, especially Sach and Abby who are in town for the holidays, to certain people whom I've professed my affection to (*ahem*), you might say that this year has been one hellacious ride, to say the least. If it means ending up knowing people like Estelle though, I'd gladly go on that ride all over again.

I have managed to already construct a list of the top five people I'm most grateful to this year, but in contrast to how they've always been for ages, it would seem that there is a radical change of pace to who would be the person/s I'd be most grateful to this 2006. It's been a rough but financially rewarding year, and a transition to what I can only hope would be better times for my career.

.:Happy Feet Thoughts:.

Did you know that there is a mild uproar from the United States at the moment over Happy Feet, citing Mumbles' being "different" as a subtext for a pro-gay statement?

Man, the conservative right can get the wildest ideas, to say the least.

I mean, granted that I can't argue with them on whether or not homosexuality is fine, but I sure as Hades can argue over the fact that anyone who would see a gay subtext in "Happy Feet" has got to be overreading into the movie's message.

Is it politically and environmentally heavy-handed? A bit. Can it scare some kids at some grim segments of the film? Most likely.

But were there gay overtones? Wolfgang Foxtrot Tango!

Happy Feet was a great movie that is highly enjoyable. I've seen it twice, and on the second time, I even saw it with a good friend of mine, Rowena. It makes next to no sense to me that they can find gay subtext in a movie like that, just because the message is "it's okay to be different".

Different >< Gay. For them to think they are the same thing is beyond me.

.:All I Can Offer You This Christmas...:.

... is the fervent desire to do right by you.

I love you very much, and I hope that I would prove to be worthy of your time and attention. Sometimes, I worry when I catch myself not treating you in the best way I could, but at the end of the day, I know I will do whatever it takes to do right by you.

No matter what, we will find a way.

Thank you for making my life just a little brighter.

Woooo!!!

.:Confirmed:.

I'm booked for a magic show on Thursday. In Villamor Air Base. Whoa. This is way cool...

.:The Hurly-Burly Of Christmas:.

Sometimes, I really feel sad about the people who equate “Merry Christmas” to “give me money”. People like those make me continue to harp about this season becoming little more than “Santamas” year in and year out.

That being said, Estelle and I did a bit of Christmas shopping in 168 today. While I’m so horrible with shopping as I practically had no idea what to get for whom, it wasn’t so bad, regardless. I suppose it could’ve been better, though.

Thanks to Estelle for today. The company was so great, I completely forgot that Radio Partners is having their Christmas party tonight, and I’m here at Tita Toots’ office instead… hehe.

.:Uneventful, But Glad:.

This weekend was relatively uneventful, but most of it was mainly spent hanging out with Elbert and Estelle, and it has really been great, seeing how we just manage to connect on a level where we really can pretty much talk about anything and everything, from psychoanalyzing each and every girl I went out or made a serious attempt to go out with, to what I did in the grocery after we talked about lactating third nipples, to prostituted students that Elbert seems to run into...

That being said, it's been a really interesting and amusing encounter with Elbert's best friend, Gabby. It wasn't exactly the most flattering of first impressions that we gave to her, but it was still all good, considering how she was mostly amused with the sheer speed at which El and I mowed topics down, one after the other.

All in all, it was pretty cool...

.:Updating My Skillset:.

I just need a bit more practice and I'll be capable of sound engineering already. Well, at least minor engineering. I still don't think I can do that for music... hehe. Still, having been able to spend time with the family by sheer luck last Sunday was a great opportunity for me to really relax and then some... heh.

Weekend Recap!

.:Urong-Sulong Ka…:.

Bakit ka ganyan?

.:Sudden Practice:.

Due to a booking that came from out of the blue, I had to practice my routine with Estelle last Friday night. Nonetheless, it was pretty smooth, and I just really had a grand time enjoying her company, for the most part.

.:Divine Providence Of Sorts...:.

I have to be extremely grateful to Christelle for this one...

After losing out on a gig for the weekend, next thing I knew, I was booked to do a magic show for a party organized by Ms. Luli Arroyo. Whoa...

Anyways, I ended up getting in touch with Ms. Kay Honasan, who asked me to prepare a magic show for a children's party, and the party definitely was an eye-opener to me, to say the least.

These kids were smart, but they were also very disciplined. While some of them knew how some tricks work, they were kind enough to let me know after the show, and not in the middle of it. I even had this nice little touch where I told them that the magic I do is something I can only do with their help.

I asked them what channel, 2 or 7, they preferred to watch. Most of them answered “2”, so I told them that the magic word for the day was going to be “Kapamilya”. It was a pretty interesting routine, because from top to bottom, the audience was just simply enthralled, whether or not they knew how the magic worked.

It was a joy to perform, and the comedy bits just came naturally. Both Mr. Bing's lessons and my personal touches came together and really got the audiences going. What really sold the whole thing was that while the kids loved the show, the adults were stunned when I did my fork bending routine, which is definitely slowly turning into my trademark of sorts.

One moment, I was doing my magic show, all kids in front of me, and next thing I knew, while I was doing Liquid Metal, all the parents were behind me. Well, it's an angle-free sequence anyways, so there's no big deal with that.

All in all, people were really happy with it, and it looks like I'd have some repeat business.

.:Taxi Tales:.

For some reason, Saturday was a pretty good day to talk to cab drivers. Whether we talked about politics or whatever else, it was definitely interesting to talk to some of them. Sometimes, it's good to be reminded that not all cab drivers are insensitive dolts after your money while forcing you to hitch a ride along their intended route.

Some of them would gladly talk to you about magic, and that's just normal, really, but the really interesting conversations I had all the time were about integrity. One of the cab drivers was talking about how he was tempted to not return a wallet containing twenty thousand pesos simply because his wife was expecting and it was probably going to be a C-Section. The money would've covered half of the operation.

Despite that, he gave it back. His wife ended up giving birth naturally, which cost only 7,000 pesos.

I guess nice guys don't always finish last, after all.

Sometimes, you can learn really powerful lessons from the places where you least expect it...

.:Yet Another Anime Convention:.

So I went to the anime convention at U.P. Diliman, and I have to admit, it was quite an event. Lots of people were there, cosplayers galore, and so forth. I even ran into some people I haven't seen in a while, such as Addy Dy, and of course, Jac.

Anyways, that day was the perfect opportunity for me to do a little bit of street magic. There I was, just really going around and approaching strangers left and right and just performing for them. I even ran into a group that came as Crazy 88, mostly high school people, and a couple of people I ran into from HHH the last time. All in all, it was pretty cool, and I got really great reactions from the audiences as I was doing my magic schtick.

I even ended up being the most photographed non-cosplayer for the day, given how many people were taking pictures of me and the magic. I especially loved it when they were shooting the hands of the people who were holding the cards for the Ultimate Transpo... it was way cool.

I suppose, the only thing that does get to me is that my personality seems to be too strong for the most introverted of people. Apparently, one of my new acquaintances has been scared away by my personality, deeming it as me coming on too strongly.

Ah, well... can't have 'em all, I suppose.

.:The First Dinner:.

I dropped by Elbert's place so we can go meet up with Johan, Myka, and Estelle together. We had dinner at Sentro, and we even ran into Sam Oh along the way, which was just way, way cool...

Anyways, the food was great, and so was the company. It felt great to finally have the chance to hang out with them after a while, since it's been really difficult for all of us to just meet up with each other due to all of our varied schedules...

Anyways, we had a great time, and the sinigang corned beef was absolutely marvelous...

.:The Second Dinner:.

Kathy asked me over for Carnivore Night, and while I got there late, I still got to play catch-up with a bit of soup and potatoes and chicken and lamb chops. Kathy can still cook up a storm.

Guest list was short and sweet. Clair, Krisette, Hrbs, then some guys from Holland named John and Martin, and, err... one other girl. I did a little magic show for them and all, and they were mostly amused, but I noticed how awesome John and Martin were at figuring tricks out. They were engineers, and they pretty much deduced some tricks I didn't think anyone could easily do it. That being said, I'd want to ask them to figure out some tricks in the future... hehehe.

Anyways, after dinner, we ended up fire spinning again, after all this time. None of us have spun in ages, but it just happened, and I did the whole gamut of moves, with my favorite one, the neck wrap.

By the time we were finished, and after Hrbs was sufficiently freaked out by the gay innuendo, especially since Clair kept on singing Michael V's “Di Ako Bakla”. Nonetheless, it was awesome doing so much all in one Saturday, pretty much including three magic shows, one anime convention, two dinners, one firespining session, and a million great conversations...

And seeing someone gush over a guy was just priceless. You don't see that everyday...

.:And So The Plot Thickened:.

Clair had to go home at three in the morning, so since I wasn't very comfortable about her safety, I just took her home and ended up spending Sunday and Monday morning there... it was funny being there, as apparently, I'm one of the few guys their dog, Panda, didn't get mad or aloof at upon first meeting. If anything, Panda was sweet towards me, and they were hypothesizing that since he's only friendly towards girls, then they have to begin doubting my immeasurable and oozing masculinity... ah, whatever. Hehe.

But yeah, it was pretty cool being there for a while. Thanks to tita Claire, Dang, and Clair, and Panda for the hospitality... =)

.:Christmas Party Again...:.

Yet another magic show came around, this time, for the Brandstream group. Well, it was pretty cool, as I did a series of effects with no genuine rhyme or reason. Despite that, I got loads of reactions from certain effects, namely Saw, Four-Dimensional Mind Read, Stigmata, the Invisible Deck, and of course, Liquid Metal. The Shapeshifter was pretty good, too... heh.

As Ogie Diaz was one of the guests, he predictably picked on me… hehehe. Oh, well.

Weekend Recap!

.:Urong-Sulong Ka…:.

Bakit ka ganyan?

.:Sudden Practice:.

Due to a booking that came from out of the blue, I had to practice my routine with Estelle last Friday night. Nonetheless, it was pretty smooth, and I just really had a grand time enjoying her company, for the most part.

.:Divine Providence Of Sorts...:.

I have to be extremely grateful to Christelle for this one...

After losing out on a gig for the weekend, next thing I knew, I was booked to do a magic show for a party organized by Ms. Luli Arroyo. Whoa...

Anyways, I ended up getting in touch with Ms. Kay Honasan, who asked me to prepare a magic show for a children's party, and the party definitely was an eye-opener to me, to say the least.

These kids were smart, but they were also very disciplined. While some of them knew how some tricks work, they were kind enough to let me know after the show, and not in the middle of it. I even had this nice little touch where I told them that the magic I do is something I can only do with their help.

I asked them what channel, 2 or 7, they preferred to watch. Most of them answered “2”, so I told them that the magic word for the day was going to be “Kapamilya”. It was a pretty interesting routine, because from top to bottom, the audience was just simply enthralled, whether or not they knew how the magic worked.

It was a joy to perform, and the comedy bits just came naturally. Both Mr. Bing's lessons and my personal touches came together and really got the audiences going. What really sold the whole thing was that while the kids loved the show, the adults were stunned when I did my fork bending routine, which is definitely slowly turning into my trademark of sorts.

One moment, I was doing my magic show, all kids in front of me, and next thing I knew, while I was doing Liquid Metal, all the parents were behind me. Well, it's an angle-free sequence anyways, so there's no big deal with that.

All in all, people were really happy with it, and it looks like I'd have some repeat business.

.:Taxi Tales:.

For some reason, Saturday was a pretty good day to talk to cab drivers. Whether we talked about politics or whatever else, it was definitely interesting to talk to some of them. Sometimes, it's good to be reminded that not all cab drivers are insensitive dolts after your money while forcing you to hitch a ride along their intended route.

Some of them would gladly talk to you about magic, and that's just normal, really, but the really interesting conversations I had all the time were about integrity. One of the cab drivers was talking about how he was tempted to not return a wallet containing twenty thousand pesos simply because his wife was expecting and it was probably going to be a C-Section. The money would've covered half of the operation.

Despite that, he gave it back. His wife ended up giving birth naturally, which cost only 7,000 pesos.

I guess nice guys don't always finish last, after all.

Sometimes, you can learn really powerful lessons from the places where you least expect it...

.:Yet Another Anime Convention:.

So I went to the anime convention at U.P. Diliman, and I have to admit, it was quite an event. Lots of people were there, cosplayers galore, and so forth. I even ran into some people I haven't seen in a while, such as Addy Dy, and of course, Jac.

Anyways, that day was the perfect opportunity for me to do a little bit of street magic. There I was, just really going around and approaching strangers left and right and just performing for them. I even ran into a group that came as Crazy 88, mostly high school people, and a couple of people I ran into from HHH the last time. All in all, it was pretty cool, and I got really great reactions from the audiences as I was doing my magic schtick.

I even ended up being the most photographed non-cosplayer for the day, given how many people were taking pictures of me and the magic. I especially loved it when they were shooting the hands of the people who were holding the cards for the Ultimate Transpo... it was way cool.

I suppose, the only thing that does get to me is that my personality seems to be too strong for the most introverted of people. Apparently, one of my new acquaintances has been scared away by my personality, deeming it as me coming on too strongly.

Ah, well... can't have 'em all, I suppose.

.:The First Dinner:.

I dropped by Elbert's place so we can go meet up with Johan, Myka, and Estelle together. We had dinner at Sentro, and we even ran into Sam Oh along the way, which was just way, way cool...

Anyways, the food was great, and so was the company. It felt great to finally have the chance to hang out with them after a while, since it's been really difficult for all of us to just meet up with each other due to all of our varied schedules...

Anyways, we had a great time, and the sinigang corned beef was absolutely marvelous...

.:The Second Dinner:.

Kathy asked me over for Carnivore Night, and while I got there late, I still got to play catch-up with a bit of soup and potatoes and chicken and lamb chops. Kathy can still cook up a storm.

Guest list was short and sweet. Clair, Krisette, Hrbs, then some guys from Holland named John and Martin, and, err... one other girl. I did a little magic show for them and all, and they were mostly amused, but I noticed how awesome John and Martin were at figuring tricks out. They were engineers, and they pretty much deduced some tricks I didn't think anyone could easily do it. That being said, I'd want to ask them to figure out some tricks in the future... hehehe.

Anyways, after dinner, we ended up fire spinning again, after all this time. None of us have spun in ages, but it just happened, and I did the whole gamut of moves, with my favorite one, the neck wrap.

By the time we were finished, and after Hrbs was sufficiently freaked out by the gay innuendo, especially since Clair kept on singing Michael V's “Di Ako Bakla”. Nonetheless, it was awesome doing so much all in one Saturday, pretty much including three magic shows, one anime convention, two dinners, one firespining session, and a million great conversations...

And seeing someone gush over a guy was just priceless. You don't see that everyday...

.:And So The Plot Thickened:.

Clair had to go home at three in the morning, so since I wasn't very comfortable about her safety, I just took her home and ended up spending Sunday and Monday morning there... it was funny being there, as apparently, I'm one of the few guys their dog, Panda, didn't get mad or aloof at upon first meeting. If anything, Panda was sweet towards me, and they were hypothesizing that since he's only friendly towards girls, then they have to begin doubting my immeasurable and oozing masculinity... ah, whatever. Hehe.

But yeah, it was pretty cool being there for a while. Thanks to tita Claire, Dang, and Clair, and Panda for the hospitality... =)

.:Christmas Party Again...:.

Yet another magic show came around, this time, for the Brandstream group. Well, it was pretty cool, as I did a series of effects with no genuine rhyme or reason. Despite that, I got loads of reactions from certain effects, namely Saw, Four-Dimensional Mind Read, Stigmata, the Invisible Deck, and of course, Liquid Metal. The Shapeshifter was pretty good, too... heh.

As Ogie Diaz was one of the guests, he predictably picked on me… hehehe. Oh, well.

Lyrically Speaking Scribbles Part III

.:Lyrically Speaking Scribbles, Part IV:.

Nakapagtataka
by Apo Hiking Society

Walang tigil ang gulo sa aking pag-iisip...

Hindi ko maunawaan kung bakit kinakailangang ganito. Away-bati. Away-bati. Nagugulumihanan ang aking pag-iisip sa nangyayari sa atin.

Ang bilis.

Ang bagal.

Ang tamis.

Ang pait.

Ang lahat-lahat.

Mula nang tayo´y nagpasyang maghiwalay...

Nawawala, bumabalik. Heto na naman. Heto na naman ang matinding kirot sa aking dibdid, ngayong nakikita ko muli kung ano ang nangyayari sa atin.

Palagi na lamang may humahadlang. Palagi na lang may balakid. Kahit mawala pa ang lahat ng mga humahadlang sa ating paligid, tayo mismo ang humaharang pa rin sa sarili nating kaligayahan.

Bakit ganito? Bakit kailangang magpaalam?

Nagpaalam pagkat hindi tayo bagay...

Na kahit mayroong nadarama... puso't isipa'y magkaiba...

Marahil nga, hindi lang laan sa isa't-isa.

O marahil, hindi lang tayo nagsikap ng sapat...

Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko talaga alam kung kulang pa ang ating ginawa para sa ating dalawa.

Nakapagtataka, oh...

Nakapagtataka talaga. Nandito pa rin ang damdamin ko para sa iyo. Ayaw mawala. Hindi maibsan. Kahit ilang beses na tayong nagkasakitan, sa napipintong pagdating ng
Pasko, lalo lamang ako nangungulila para sa iyo.

Hanggang ngayon, kahit na ganito pa ang nangyayari sa atin.

Kung bakit ganito ang aking kapalaran Di ba´t ilang ulit ka nang nagpaalam...

Puro na lang paalam. Puro na lang "tama na". Puro na lang "ayoko na".
Ilang beses mo na iyan nasabi sa akin, at ako naman si tanga, paulit-ulit naniniwalang ito na nga ang huling beses kitang makakausap o masisilayan man lang.

Pero maya't-maya, lalapit ka na naman. At kahit sino pa ang mali, ako pa rin si tanga, tatanggapin ang iyong alok na muling mag-usap, na umaasang sa likong paraan, maunawaan mo kung gaano kahalaga ka sa akin. Na sana, sa likong paraan, maantig ka naman sa mga nangyayari sa atin...

Ito na nga ba ang huling beses? Parang hindi. Kilala na kita. Babalik at babalik ka rin...

At bawat paalam ay puno ng iyakan
Nakapagtataka, nakapagtataka...

Bawat paglisan mo ay tila ang unang beses.

Hindi na ako natuto.

Nakapagtataka talaga.

CHORUS:

Hindi ka ba napapagod, O di kaya´y nagsasawa...

Pagod na ako. Sobrang pagod sa paulit-ulit na nangyayari sa atin. Para tayong sirang plaka na walang kahahantungan kundi ito ng ito ng ito ng ito lamang.

Nakakapagod. Nakakasawa. Ngunit ano ba ang iba kong magagawa maliban sa umasa? Iyon na nga lang ang kaya kong pangahawakan, eh.

Sa ating mga tampuhang Walang hanggang katapusan...

Away-bati. Away-bati. Wala na nga bang katapusan ang ganitong pakikipag-ugnayan sa iyo?

Sana naman, hindi. Sana naman, matanggap mo na lang na tunay ang damdamin ko, at wala ka sa lugar na ako pa ang iyong pagdudahan.

Sino ka ba?

Sa tingin mo ba, may mapapala ka sa kadududa mo sa aking katapatan, samantalang mas dadali ang buhay nating dalawa kung kapwa na lang tayo makisama sa isa't-isa?

Ewan ko sa iyo. Ang labo mo.

Napahid na ang mga luha, Damdamin at puso´y tigang...

Hindi ko na makuhang iyakan ka pa. Siguro, unti-unti na akong namamanhid sa paulit-ulit mong pag-alis at pagbalik, sa paulit-ulit mong pagbawi ng sarili mong mga salita.
Hindi ko na nga alam kung bakit pa ako naniniwala sa iyo, eh. Ang tanga ko rin talaga minsan.

Pero ganun, eh.

Kasi mahal pa rin kita, kahit ganito ang nangyayari sa atin.

Wala nang maibubuga, Wala na ´kong maramdaman...

Minsan talaga, namamanhid na lang ako na tila ba wala na akong madamang galit o sakit o takot o kahit anupaman.

Minsan, kinakabahan ako na nasasanay na ako na puro ganito na lang ang napapala ko sa pagmamahal ng isang tao.

Akala ko pa naman, magiging iba ka sa kanila. Na magiging totoo ka sa iyong mga salita, at mauunawaan mong hinding-hindi ako magkukubli sa iyo ng tunay kong nadarama.

BRIDGE:

Kung tunay tayong nagmamahalan Ba´t di tayo magkasunduanOh, oh...

Kahit naman hindi tayo nagmamahalan, hindi man lang ba natin makuhang magkaunawaan?

Away-bati. Away-bati. Bakit masyado tayong mapagbigay sa isa't-isa at paulit-ulit tayong nagpapatawaran, ngunit sa dulo, lalo lang tayo nagkakasamaan ng loob?

Hindi ba natin kayang mabago ito?

Huli na ba ang lahat para sa ating dalawa?

Walang tigil ang ulan At nasaan ka, araw...

Ang hirap ngumiti kung umpisa pa lang ng araw, sirang-sira na dahil sa
dinadala mo.

Nakakalula din kung gaano kabilis ang mga naging pangyayari, at ngayon, para bang hindi na bumalik ang sinag ng araw sa buhay ko...

Napano na´ng pag-ibig sa isa´t-isa Wala na bang nananatiling pag-asaNakapagtataka, saan ka napunta?

Oo, tanggap ko naman na hindi mo nadarama ang nadarama ko para sa iyo.
Pero kailangan mo bang pagdudahan ang aking katapatan?

Masakit. Nakakainsulto. Ano ba ang karapatan mo para idikta sa akin kung paano ako dapat nakakadama?

Sana naman, hinay-hinay ka lang sa puso ko. Masyado na akong nasasaktan minsan sa ginagawa mo, eh, tapos ikaw pa ang may ganang magalit...

Kung tunay tayong nagmamahalan, o nagmahalan man lang, o magmamahaln pa lang, o anupaman, bakit hindi natin makuhang magkaunawaan? Bakit hindi natin makayanang magkasunduan?

Sana naman, napapagod ka na rin sa paulit-ulit nating mga tampuhan. Sana naman, maisip mo na wala tayong mapapala kung patuloy lang tayo sa kahibangang ito. Maawa naman tayo sa ating mga sarili. Tama na. Sobra na.

Ayokong humantong sa puntong bato na ako sa iyo. Ayokong humantong sa puntong kamumuhian kita at nanaiisin kong lahat ng kamalasan ay dumalaw sa iyong buhay. Wala tayong mapapala kung ganoon...

Sana naman... hindi naman ito para sa akin lang... para sa atin ito.

Salamat sa iyong panahon.

Ranting...

.:Unprofessional Bastiches:.

You know, it's extremely unprofessional and completely uncalled for to book someone for a hosting gig and expect them to block off their schedule for you only for you to back out on him like the unprofessional bastiches that you are.

That's opportunity cost. Not only did you screw him out of the hosting deal you worked out, you screwed him out of getting other gigs for that matter, since he blocked his schedule off for you.

Screw you. Hopefully, your party becomes a miserable dreck of crap like the kind of people that you are.

.:You Have No Right To Judge How I Feel:.

Who are you to cast doubts on my feelings just because you feel differently?

Who the hell are you to think that my feelings are any less true, or any less significant, or any less meaningful, because it was a conscious choice I made, and not just a product of impulsiveness?

Contrary to how your warped viewpoint sees it, people can actually choose who they love. That's exactly why people who know better aren't entirely thrilled about arranged marriages precisely because they intend to choose who to get with or who to marry.

People can't help but fall in love sometimes. It's rarely a choice, whether or not to fall in love, and yet people who want to stay single find ways, find excuses, find whatever it takes to not fall in love. Be it the most superficial of flaws, be it turning the other person to hatred so that one's conscience is placated, whatever.

I made a fucking choice. So what? Is it any less true, is it any less meaningful, that I chose to love? How dare you insinuate that making a choice makes it insignificant, when the lack of choice precisely implies a lack of freedom. That you couldn't have loved anyone else any which way you look at it, and you had no choice.

What is beautiful about being shoehorned into a destiny you had no say in? What is beautiful about loving someone not because you believed them to be right for you, but only because they came along and you couldn't help but love them?

Screw that. I don't want to just be a victim of chance for all my life. I choose to love someone, and that is precisely what makes it beautiful. That I could just have my pick of anyone, or choose someone who'd love me back because it's easy, or just let my feelings be dictated by circumstances; all of this underscores that because I chose to love you, you are special. That despite all the circumstances and variables and whatever else, I still love you.

I don't choose to love you because of the circumstances surrounding us. I choose to love you in spite of it. If there is only one thing you have to understand, let that be it.

Otherwise, as choosing to love can happen, choosing not to love is equally possible...

... and arguably just as difficult.

It's Been A Long Time...

.:I Understand...:.

... more than ever, that there needs to be a foundation for you to be worth fighting for.

Initial attraction is rarely, if ever, enough to make someone just say "to Hades with the risks" and fight for you tooth and nail. There has to be more than that. They have to see you as worth it not just because of what you initially seem to be, but with who they think you really are.

It's not an issue of whether or not you are truly worth fighting for.

It's an issue of whether or not they know you well enough to even determine for themselves what the deal is.

Someday, I hope to find someone who wouldn't just be someone I could love and treasure.

Someday, I hope to find someone who would take the time out to know for herself if I truly am worth fighting for.

Otherwise, I guess there really is no point for me to just continue pining on empty when one would rather curtail it when they think of me all the time, or when they feel the slightest bit of desire to want to be with me when the going is bad.

Wouldn't it normally be taken as a good thing if you knew someone was willing to cheer you up when you've been having a bad day? Wouldn't it be normally taken as a good thing that thinking of someone makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside?

But it's sad, because even after all that, you're still not worth fighting for.

And maybe, just maybe, you never were, and you just refused to recognize it.

.:Bonding With Friends...:.

Had a grand time with Debbie and Camz and Exstelle at Cubao, where we rediscovered our childhood by going to Fiesta Carnival. I rode a couple of rides, the most terrifying (and painful!) being the one that looked like a massive spinning disc that just tossed you around and almost compacted my spine, even.

Debbie was particularly surprised when she found out that I already do magic, and really loved the routine, even if I mainly did card magic, which isn't really my strongest suit. I spent the night over at her place, and saw Dominique after a while. It was pretty cool, all things considered.

A few days later, I dropped by Elbert's place after a long time, and that was really great. It's pretty nice hanging out with him and Estelle, although of course...

...

...

... I digress.

.:Thanks!:.

A friend gave me a call to cheer me up because I texted her that I was so stressed with this week's playlist requirement. Lo and behold, they really want us to do this whole mess for no more than two hours, and that's just not going to be a mean feat, to say the least...

In any case, I'm very grateful to Row for having been there for me lately. It's been an amazing two months of just reconnecting with you, and I'm hoping that things just continue to get better and better. For now, all I have on my side is hope.

.:A Photo Shoot...:.

Whoah. Looks like I'll be showing up for Seventeen Magazine in line with the fact that I'm going to be featured as one of those "freelance guys" you always hear about, except they're going to focus on the fact that I'm actually a magician.

They took pictures of me while I had my cards fanned out.

And ONLY with my cards fanned out.

No, I'm just kidding, really. Seriously speaking, I'm just really happy about it because the girl who photographed me actually has a bar, and I know I can do magic in bars with no problems whatsoever. Just going from table to table shouldn't be a problem for me, as I have a lot of good magic standbys to put to use.

This is a good start lined up for the coming year. Let's hope I can follow up on it well enough, because while I was there with Tata and Monica from Summit, I really gave them a demonstration of a few good effects I've been putting to good use. I did the Lightning Box, I did Kaos, I did Stigmata, and I did the Ultimate Transpo, which is quickly becoming a personal favorite of mine already. It's quick, simple, and a very effective magic trick for impromptu.