Thursday, March 29, 2007

I Am Loved...


It's Abby's birthday today, so Abby, happy birthday!

.:You Know What's Cool?:.

When someone has enough foresight to tell you she'd be upset before she actually is. I absolutely like how she predates our little spats and the ample warning helps me brace myself.

Truth be told, I do that a bit, too. I'm beginning to think she's a female version of me, with a better sense of humor. =O

.:Ups And Downs:.

It's the third month for my Beloved and I. Unbelievable. Three months. I didn't think we could stand each other that long. =P

All kidding aside, I'm glad we've gotten this far. Through all the fights and arguments, all the short tempers, all the insensitive jokes, the foul moods, the off-days, the corny humor, the half-hearted introductions to friends, and every other idiosyncrasy either of us have that drives the other crazy, I am undoubtedly happy that you are still with me.

It's been a beautiful roller coaster ride with you so far, knowing full well that what we have is something real. It's far from aggrandized, and miles away from the perfect picture we've always envisioned for ourselves, but what we have with each other is undoubtedly something that has definitely been a huge influence on the both of us.

These past few days, you've been going over my old LJ entries, and I understand full well now when you tell me how you wonder how I could say you're special when I seem to be doing the same things for you that I used to do for those people I used to love. It's hard to see it for yourself, but you are different. From the fact that you can out-argue me half of the time to the fact that I have a very high respect for you because of that to how I actually tried to "court" you, it's been very different, and I believe someone heard my prayers when you came into my life.

I've had my share of pain and heartbreak, and I have come to the realization that the day you leave me, a day I continue to pray and hope would never come, would be my most painful heartbreak yet. I'm deeply into this relationship already, and though I eschew from the flowery words and the glowering professions of love (Mainly because you don't like it.), I realize that calling you my "Once-In-A-Lifetime" is exceedingly apt.

I hope I'd prove worthy of your heart. You say you aren't constant with how you feel about me, but what matters to me is that be that as it may, you choose to be at my side through thick and thin, not just as someone I love and am in love with, but as someone who is a genuine friend to me.

My Beloved, my heart is yours now. I ask you to be careful with it, because I don't want you to be another used to be in my life. No more. Not now.

While my past may have some relevance to you, I truly believe it is what we have now and what we are building for the future that should be more important.

.:First Kiss:.

It was this Monday, 26 March, 2007, when my Beloved first made that kissing sound over the phone... awww... soooo sweet!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Random Thoughts...


One of the most striking commercials I've seen on television lately was the Bayantel Money-Back Guarantee commercial, where a guy went to a toilet and amid really gross toilet-related sound effects, he realized he wasn't able to take a crap, and wished he could get his five bucks at the pay toilet since he never did go do his thing.

It's not exactly the kind of commercial anyone would want to see in the middle of lunch or dinner, you know. Yet I saw it while I was having dinner... disturbing.

In fact, just now, I saw another one of the Bayantel commercials. They're all really, really weird...

Some of the new cable commercials are also weird, like the one about "Unleashing The Man In You", where a hot girl ended up having the voice of a guy, and the one about good taste. Commercials have been really weird lately, and not in the good way...


The past week has been an exceedingly stressful week, and it's been a chore to just survive, in the face of impending doom at work. I needed some time to really get my bearings back, and I guess I simply wanted some time to just relax and unwind.

I found the opportunity to hang out with a newfound friend, Kathy's cousin, Honey. I went to a gig by her band and a few other bands including Stonefree, and it was really fun watching the performances, even though the band culture isn't really my cup of tea. They had some sappy music for their prom night theme, and everything from "I Want It That Way" by Backstreet Boys to a medley of classic love songs like "Eternal Flame" and so forth were done by Honey's band, on the other hand.

That being said, I went there mainly to hang out with Honey and to perform magic for the people there in hopes that I can land a gig. I still have a lot of ground to cover, particularly because I really want to take this show on the road, and every bit of exposure counts.

I got to really enjoy the company of the people there that night. I really had fun, and it was a very good night for magic, to say the least.

It's funny because it's only the second time I got to meet Honey (Yes, that's really her first name.), and yet I really do feel that I get along with her quite well. Ah, well. I guess that's a good thing.

After the gig at 6 Underground, we caught a midnight snack at McDonald's. It was all good, really. I had a few hitches here and there, but for the most part, it helps that I have good odds landing a gig... hehe.

.:Just Blah...:.

This weekend has been really non-happening for the most part. I was just staying in during Saturday until the evening, as I really had a lot of issues to thresh out with work. If I'm going to leave WAVE, then I really have to find a balance between whatever I'll be doing next and whether or not I'd still pursue magic. If I won't, then it will allow me to really go all out and find any line of work that I can really work hard in.

The problem with WAVE has really been the fact that I just am not growing, even if I weren't to have these health issues. I'm stuck with the same level of pay I've had since I started three years ago, and I'm stuck in the graveyard shift where there is next to no point honing my skills as a radio personality since nobody would even care. Sigh...

Anyways, the weekend was really meh, and I just hope that after I serve my suspension, things would start turning around. At this point, I really don't know what I'm going to do about these problems at work, because even if I want to stick it out just a bit longer with WAVE, my mom has been warning me that the company seems to be painting me into a corner so I would have no choice but to resign.

I don't want to burn bridges on my way out, if this is really it. I really don't, since there isn't any point to it, considering that I'm not the type who would harbor grudges over stuff like this, and in my opinion, they should realize that any liability I may have become to the company has been directly a result of their doing.

.:Whee! What A Turnaround!:.

"Sana Maulit Muli" has really taken an interesting turn, now that Travis has saved Jasmine from getting run over. It appears that Fate wants to make what was supposed to happen truly happen, and now, with a lot of secrets left and right just popping out of the woodwork, the show is definitely getting more and more interesting.

It's really cool, in a jologs kind of way. And I must say, Glydel Mercado as the villain is just superb. You can really love to hate her character in the film, to say the least.

The show was meandering for a while before Travis and Jasmine got together in the show because to be honest, I felt they were just really drawing out the romance so that it can have an impact when they finally do get together. Well, it paid off pretty well, although I'm now wondering how huge Fate's role in the matter would be, since he showed up at the end of last Friday's episode.

Friday, March 23, 2007


.:Dearly Beloved...:.

I wrote this entry on love, on believing in the best when it comes to relationships with you foremost in my mind.

I don't care about our arguments nearly as much now. All I care about is that you and I staying together because we do love each other. That's what matters.

I just pray you get to read this and realize that I am anything but complacent about our relationship. That's not how I am.


As a pluralist, I recognize that fanaticism in any form is, more often than not, a bad thing, regardless of what you believe in. When you cease to question your faith and instead swallow anything that's force-fed to you, you become precisely the kind of people Derren Brown has been trying to warn in his documentary, "Messiah".

People don't question their belief systems when it's actually healthy to do so. Throughout his documentary, Derren Brown talked to a pastor, a group of psychics, a savvy businesswoman, a group studying alien abductees, and a medium, and not once did any of them ask if he was for real, or if it was just a trick.

Derren Brown is, for those who don't know, a magician.

Through simple effects like cold reading, psychological forces, misdirection, and a sheer grasp of how the human psyche works, Brown has achieved what priests, psychics, medical quacks, mediums, and alien abductees have all managed to achieve.

Yet, not one of these people questioned him. They just bought into the deception, hook, line, and sinker. These people endorsed him as the genuine article, without so much as investigating more closely into his claims.

In this day and age, it is a good rule of thumb to question the belief systems you hold onto. Faith does not imply stupidity. You believe not just because. You believe because you have examined it closely enough and you know that it holds up.

The sad truth is that despite the fact that it should've worn out its welcome a long time ago, there is fanaticism everywhere, from people who are up in arms just because Stephen Colbert was given Captain America's shield, to people who worship Rob Liefeld's art no matter how ridiculous it looks, to people who strap bombs onto themselves and run into the middle of Israel, to people who believe anyone who doesn't believe in their religion should go to hell. Fanaticism is a clear and present concern, and we have little means to combat it.

In this day and age, there should be little to no room for fanaticism. I cannot begin to tell you enough how disturbed I am when I see fanaticism in its many forms, and how logic and reason will just fly in its face like a paper plane into a brick wall. Unfortunately, how it should be and how it is are two radically different things.

Here's hoping that bringing this up does not yield to creating fanatics who are fanatically against fanaticism...

.:Here's Why I Brought This Up...:.

Don't get me wrong. I'm proud of my brother and the radical change that has happened to him. Really, I am. It's just that sometimes, I worry about him because his newfound faith tends to unnerve me when it seems he's beginning to teeter on sheer blind fanaticism.

That is my problem when you have someone people seem to regard as a "no-fail" individual. And what I've noticed is that throughout my brother's blog entry about relationships, he has been subscribing to Joshua Harris' point of view in his book, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye". I am in no position to judge what kind of a person Joshua Harris is, but I am in a good position to evaluate his condescending, holier-than-thou attitude throughout his book.

There was a lot of contempt for relationships in his writing. I cannot even begin to enumerate the half-truths and sweeping generalizations he makes when he tries to put relationships in a bad light, and subscribe everything to finding "the one" for you when the time is right.

But you see, isn't that the problem? You can't just say the person is "the one" just because. There is no light in your heart that goes off when "the one" comes along, and acting like Juan Tamad, sitting under the mango tree until the mango drops into your hands does not prove patience in love.

If anything, it is indicative of laziness. Or jadedness.

I will not say sweepingly that relationships of the romantic kind are good for everyone. I cannot make that kind of a generalization because we have seen enough times that is not necessarily true. However, neither can anyone say that all romantic relationships prior to marriage are bad. Why I vehemently decry this generalization is the fact that most fatalists would just say that if you're meant to be, then the universe will conspire to make it happen.

So much for free will, huh?

If you subscribe to the belief that human beings don't have free will, then you can stop reading now because we won't agree on a single thing from here on. If you feel as I feel though, then you realize that even if you believe in God, and even if He meant for you to be with someone, it is still up to you to make it happen. Many times, we've seen people who we feel were meant to be married with the wrong person, for so many different reasons. One of those reasons is because they never even tried for it to work.

If even just one of the two decided not to wait, then all this hypothetical talk about the one meant for you always and always ending up with you goes to Hades in a handbasket. Honestly speaking, that will happen, more often than not. You have people who refuse to believe they are meant to be because of race, because of economic status, because of their parents, and so forth.

Nowadays, you have people who flat out believe in relationships because they read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye".

There is a proper way to take the context of the book, and it's that "there is a right time for everything." However, what may be the right time for us is not necessarily the right time for everyone else. What I cannot stress enough though is that not everyone believes in holding out for "the one", and if "the one" for you is one of those kinds of people, then no amount of fatalism on your part will get you with him/her anytime soon.

.:The Annotated Entry:.

Here's my brother's entry, in italics. Comments in blue are my annotations to his stuff.

"Singleness is a gift. Let's rejoice in it and enjoy its fullest potential."
-Joshua Harris, I Kissed Dating Goodbye

"I have a feeling that a single person who is always wishing he were married will probably get married, discover all that is involved, and wish he were single again."
-John Fischer

The second quote alarms me as cynical when ripped out of context. The first quote, on the other hand, is a nice state of mind, but nowhere should it indicate that not being single is a curse. It's alarming that the conclusion that "being with someone" is a curse is automatically derived from this.

>I could say it over and over again, "singleness is a gift." I believe that we were born single not because God wanted to curse us of something that hard but he wanted to give us something that would be useful. I have just been reading Joshua Harris' book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye (can I call it IKDG from now on), again for quite sometime now because I wanted to learn more about singleness. And, these two quotations above just struck me on what it was really all about. The first one is that singleness is a gift and the second one is that be patient because you will regret it.

I'll be a nice guy here and eschew from correcting his grammar. I need to bring up though that so far, he is on the right track with the quotes. Singleness is a gift (Although not being single is by no means a curse.), and of course, impatience can always cause regret. However, the second quote still sticks out to me because it sounds condescending to people who are married.

I'm the man who people really have a hard time guessing. I'm like Batman in real life I suppose, hahahaha! Seldom do I have people around me who could see me as transparent and can read my actions like a book. I'm the one who does that most of the time. But, the hardest thing most people find very hard to grasp is my view of singleness. I want to be, if not I am, celibate. I want to be single "forever." I don't want to get married and all that stuff. When people asked me why, I always say, "their a pain the neck," "been there, done that, it's not for me," or "I'm too young, after college." These things are correct but it does show that I don't like having a girlfriend because they broke my heart before… that I don't want to feel that pain anymore. Yes, it happened to me before but I believe that it is not the point. As I read through IKDG for the second time, I saw that it wasn't all about the past but the present and future. I began to see that singleness is a gift and not a curse to get out of. I saw that, instead of making "I don't want to have a girlfriend" point as the center of my view, I should make other things in priority. I have a life to fix, a family to be with, a school to finish, and a lot more other stuff than fixing myself on having to be single. There are more important things in life right now that need me than that. I believe that God has better in store for me if I just follow Him.

Here's where we see a clear misreading of singleness. The desire to be single doesn't come from the idea that it is a gift, but rather, that not being single for him has been a curse. The bad experiences he highlights in this long paragraph say it all. He tries to make a save by saying it's not about the past but about the present or the future, but you will see that he will clearly dwell on the past numerous more times in his writing.

There's this mild misogyny coming from the fact that he was hurt before, and it's ridiculous how it automatically means anyone he gets with in the future will do the same unless they're "the one". I can tell you right now that it most certainly doesn't work that way. Sometimes, you can have someone who will never hurt you and will love you with all their heart, but it does not mean you are meant to be with each other. Sometimes, Mr. Perfect isn't exactly Mr. Right.

Yes, there are priorities, but there is nothing that says being in a relationship means you ignore all these priorities. If everything were a matter of priorities, then why would relationships have to stick out when there are other frivolities in life that we still allow ourselves to indulge in.

I find this kind of arbitrariness striking, because it's the same kind of arbitrariness that had Christians pick and choose which Jewish laws to subscribe to, eliminating issues about circumcision and eating kosher but adamantly holding on to the condemnation of homosexuality.

Of course, if you believe in God, He certainly has better things in store for you. But how do you follow Him? Does he just tell you things at night? Does He give you signs? The most vicious of crimes were comitted all because they believed they were following Him. I say that there is more to doing right by Him than just saying without any criterion that listening to Someone whom you can't hear and looking at Someone you can't see will lead you to the right... somehow.

Forgive me if you think that I'm saying this stuff to all the people who are in relationships right now or the people who talk about their crushes and all that. I am not doing that but I hope that you read this. I believe these verses can help me say my point:

Here comes the condescending attitude that really underscores my concern...

"There is a time for everything…"
-Ecclesiastes 3:1a

When people ask me nowadays about having relationships, I always answer, "There's a time for everything and I believe its not now." I believe in God's timing in my life and I know that, if ever God doesn't want me to be single for life, He will make a way for me to meet that person and be with her at the right time.

Fatalism, hook, line, and sinker. There is a saying that goes, "Nasa Diyos ang awa, nasa tao ang gawa", and that is highlighted right here. God doesn't throw away your free will just because He wants something good for you, no matter how good it really is. There is no harm in waiting, but if your only basis is that God will do the work for you, then somehow, you're missing the point.

"Everything is permissible"–but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"–but not everything is constructive."
-I Corinthians 10:23

I tell this to the people around me all the time, "everything is permissible," as the verse says. But, the question is: "And then? What will happen?" I believe in waiting not because I'm too scared to try but because I'm wise enough to know why. When I have a girlfriend now, what happens next? I have a temporary source of inspiration and satisfaction. And so? What if she was not for me? Then, we break up and we both just left another whole in each of our hearts. Personally speaking, I have too many holes in my own heart. It's a wonder how I can still be alive. But, I bet you'll say, "what if she was the one?" Then, there would be no reason for you to rush it, right? Think of it this way, if she was really the one for you, she'll be there your whole life. Another reaction would be, "easy for you to say, you'll never know unless you try." Believe me when I say I did try and it's neither beneficial nor constructive. If she was really it then you would respect and protect her rather than try to be a sly dog and do everything to make her your girlfriend.

Wise enough? Are we certain of that? Or is it just a cynicism regarding relationships in general? Is this where we see the apologist making excuses for their belief system even as it crumbles before their eyes?

I've already explained how the right one for you could very well end up with the wrong one for her, simply because you let it slip you by. In an ideal world, they will always be there. But this isn't an ideal world. This is reality, and the reality is that the right one for you is someone you have to earn, not someone God will just hand to you on a silver platter.

Furthermore, breaking up doesn't always mean "leaving a hole in each of our hearts". We have exes who ended up friends, exes who get back together, exes who found out that this relationship was what one needed to realize he was gay. It's not always a sad ending, and even if I have yet to experience an amicable breakup, I realize that bad break-ups are not always the norm.

And puh-lease. Just because you want to be in a relationship with someone does not mean you are being a "sly dog", whatever that means.

Maybe you're right in that it's not time for you to have a relationship. What you seem to be missing is that your time is not everyone's time, nor does knowing when the right time for you is give you any right to lord it over everyone else. Francis, we aren't living in an ideal world. I hope you realize that.

"Love is patient, love is kind… Love never fails."
-I Corinthians 13:4a, 8a

It shows in this verse what love is… what love really is. "Love is patient," I've been saying this over and over again. If whatever it is that's in your heart, you have to wait. There is a time for everything. For me, it's after graduating college and I'm working, when I'm 27 years old and I already am mature. "Love is kind," we are trapped in a system where people say, "if you love me, you would do this for me…" The whole saying that basically says that love is for our own good and not for the good of others. "Love never fails," we can say, "what?" It is true that love never fails and that is because love is more than what we think it is. The boyfriend-girlfriend thing doesn't necessarily mean that love is there. It just means that there is something between them. And when it ends, that's when we know it is not love but just something that we thought was love.

Then you aren't predicting anything. This is all hindsight talking. It wasn't love because it ended? That is arguably one of the most naive things I've ever heard. I'm sorry if I sound like I'm being mean, but this is the part where he completely misses the point of being single.

Is the right time when you're working? Is it when you're 27? Is it when you're mature? Or is it, in your own words, in "God's time"? Isn't this a gross assumption one is making, in assigning a definite timeline to when it is right? That is the clear and present issue here. In attributing something to God, he is beginning to make decisions, arbitrary decisions, based on what he thinks God is telling him.

Again, we've had murders committed in the past all because someone believed it was God's will. We've had genocides, we've had the most horrible of crimes attributed to a mistaken notion that it's God's will. Just saying that something is God's will is not enough justification. He is perfect. We are not. It's not He who made the decision, but us. Therefore, we have no right to automatically attribute our decision to His time just because we said so.

The cynicism in relationships is glaring because the problem is that love is equated to a relationship working out. Yet love isn't always two-way. Yet love is patient and kind, which means it knows when to let go. So how can it just be dismissed that any relationship that didn't work out didn't have love in it?

I can run down my short list of relationships at this very moment, and for better or for worse, there was love in each of those relationships. A breakup is not an indicator of a lack of love, especially when people would sometimes let the other go because they love them too much than to hold them back from something better.

"With great intimacy comes great responsibility," thanks to Uncle Ben I have my own quote. Intimacy is not a plaything to be used when we want to and thrown when were done. With it, comes responsibility. Ladies and gentlemen, we need to learn to be cautious. We have to be careful of what we say, what we wear (yes, even the guys), and things that may happen next. It doesn't take a relationship to be intimate with someone. It only takes days, even hours, maybe even minutes. If we know that we can't handle or we can't be responsible for a great amount of intimacy, don't even try to make a single step. Don't wait until you cross the line, stay away from the line. Make friends but don't put yourself in a position that you know would be difficult to get out of. The toothpaste illustration says it best. When you put out the toothpaste from the container, it would be hard, if not impossible, to put it back. It's also like that with intimacy. We can give out and be intimate as much as we want to but, when its over, we can never or it would be hard to put back all the intimacy we gave out. We would only be left with an empty flat space like that of the toothpaste's end.

And now, we have a holier-than-thou attitude. The whole piece was supposed to be about relationships. Next thing we know, intimacy is thrown into the mix in a throwaway paragraph that tries to warn people about the dangers of intimacy. Where was this throughout the entry? It feels so non sequitur, because it makes no sense why it would be here to begin with.

Like anything in life, intimacy is a choice. I can't disagree with him with the responsibility that comes with it, but this is such a tangent that makes no sense. Hades, the analogy made no sense.

Last thing I would like to say is be wise on every decision you make. Don't be impatient or be pressured.

Francis, wisdom doesn't come in declaring you are wise. Be patient enough to realize that wisdom comes with time. Don't feel pressured to be wise beyond your years.

The right time will come, yes. But you can never know when that right time is, simply because you live life one day at a time. In times like these, I take solace in knowing one thing: that I do not know. I have to live out my life to find out. Don't let life pass you by, thinking that God will do all the work for you. You are who you choose to be. God gave you the free will to do just that. Don't throw away His greatest gift back in His face and ask Him to make everything work out for you. Life isn't like that. Life was never like that.

Despite all this, I am grateful you found God in your life. For now, I can only ask that you'd come to understand that you are a significant and acting part of the equation in your relationship with God.

Your brother,


.:The Axe Falls:.

And now I know why there was an "urgent" matter that needed to be discussed "after" the anniversary. Apparenty, I am all set to receive my second memo, and this will result in a five-day suspension without pay from work.

I won't make any excuses for the fact that I have been delinquent with my work at WAVE as of late.

However, I will not sit idly by as they continue to let me languish in the graveyard shift and expect my health to keep up with it.

That being said, they have been adamant that unless I can find alternatives, then I have no choice except to either put up with my timeslot, or to simply leave the company. Well, guess what? I just decided that instead of letting my suspension roll by as a forced vacation for me, I'm going to use it as an opportunity to go job-hunting. I know I can find work, and I know I can do better than this.

Quite frankly, I don't care about "company loyalty" anymore when it comes to this company. It's been nothing but an excuse for them to treat their employees shabbily, and I am not going to be an idiot and take it all in blindly.

I've been put on notice, and now, WAVE is officially on notice from me, as far as I'm concerned. If it hasn't ocurred to them that they're almost literally killing me with these conditions, then I know I deserve better than this.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007


.:Room For Improvement...:.

In any field, there's a lot of room for improvement. For instance, in work right now, I'm really paranoid about an “urgent” matter I'm supposed to discuss with a boss “after” the anniversary. I still have no idea what it's about, but I would be the first to admit that my work has been far from exemplary as of late, what with all the things that I've been dealing with.

One thing I realized is that my magic, while to most people who see it, find it good enough, when you put it to the acid test, then you really see a lot of shortcomings. Some rather barbed comments on my video have been brought up, and although one of them was plain ridiculous (The guys behind me were magicians. I wasn't exposing a trick to them, I was actually using THEM as cover.), some other comments have valid ground, and I really need to work on them.

Even Elbert pointed out that my patter is too fast and because I tend to look away, it also feels impersonal. My card handling is shabby at best as well. There're a million and one things I can improve about my magic and I'd be a fool to think what I can do at the moment is good enough. There are still so many other things I have to consider and complacency is the worst enemy of anyone who wishes to be the best at what they do.


Yes, I know.

For the past few weeks, I've been hardly blogging, and there's no excuse for that, eve if I were sick or extremely busy most of the time.

Well, that being said, I'd at least want to update you with what's been happening in my life lately, and for now, let's just deal with headlines. Afterwards, I'm really hoping that I can go back to my regular blogging. For now, let it be sufficient that you know what's been going on this past weekend or so...


I overnighted at Elbert's for this one, mainly because I wanted to not have problems waking up to get to Tiendecitas for Saturday. This was in line with the Enchanted Kingdom excursion I had planned with my friends, and I was glad that it finally pushed through after all the trouble we had to go through... heh.


It was an unbelievable day. We had Elbert, Estelle, Johan, Myka, April, and myself, as we went to Enchanted Kingdom, which was a really fun time, to say the least. From getting doused in water in the Rio Grande and Jungle Log Jam to the crazy two-in-a-row Space Shuttle ride Johan and I got ourselves into, to meeting Len Go, a classmate of mine from Philosophy, it was an eventful day.

It was made even more fun by the fact that it's been a while since all six of us got together, so E.K. Was just an awesome catch-up opportunity done in style. We even had videoke, and Elbert and I played pranks on each other.

Elbert started it off by telling the showband performing at the foodcourt that it was my birthday (It wasn't.) and that I “wanted to sing onstage”. Thankfully, the band promised to let me sing after they took a break, which was my cue to never show up in the foodcourt again after the break. =P

During dinner that night, I decided to return the favor to him, as the rondalla approached us, I told them it was his birthday, and they not only sang for him, but called the attention of everyone to it.

I think had I thought it over, I could've really put him on the spot or something. Mwahahaha.

After E.K., we went to Tagaytay, where we just hung out at a place Tita Toots was renting every now and then. It was fun, because the Work Time Fun addicts reared their heads, and people were tearing out their hair in frustration over the fact that I kept on singing the different political jingles that I knew of, and Estelle especially winced at Migz Zubiri's... hehe.


Sunday was spent getting home from Tagaytay and then mainly just hanging around for the most part. There wasn't anything particularly momentous that happened, although there was a load of comedy gold left and right from how things have been going...


Monday was more of the same. I owe Elbert big time because this means I've slept over at his place for three nights already. This is the second straight episode of Sana Maulit Muli that I missed, and apparently, the series has turned up quite a notch.

Anyways, El and I ate at Riverbanks, and I ended up having a pair of green mango shakes. We had weird ideas while walking around, though, from our thoughts about the Chinese Water Torture, the Chinese Static Torture, and there was this restaurant called “Boiler Room”, and I was thinking how amusing it'd be if everyone who walked in the restaurant was smacked in the head with a wrench. On top of that, El was being paranoid about merchant prices when they realize that someone Chinese is approaching them.


Well, Tuesday was a much more eventful day than the last two ones.

My Beloved and I haven't seen each other in a long while and I've been very grateful that we've had long, and *ahem*, engaging, phone conversations last Friday and last Monday. Those are rarities for us nowadays, so I'm glad we managed to have those conversations. Even more gratitude goes out to Elbert for that, as I don't have a landline at the moment, so I have to rely on other people's phones.

We've really come a long way, and the past few days, my Beloved and I have been missing each other badly, so it was really nice how sweet she has been to me the past few days. I can never thank the Lord enough that I found her, and by now, I'm more than certain that getting with her wasn't just a post-breakup reaction, not only because of how I feel about her, but also because of how she recognizes the genuine effort both of us have been making to make this relationship work.

We met at Seattle's Best in Katipunan, and Elbert was with us for a while. Apparently, my sense of humor that day left a lot to be desired, although she was in stitches over Elbert, when he started talking about Rico Robles and how he was my idol, and then I brought up that I once questioned an ex's tastes when I found out she liked Rico.

Elbert: Oo nga! Kaya ka niya sinagot, diba?

Zing! My Beloved reacted a short bit after, but obviously not to defend me or her tastes, either, since she's also dating me, after all. Elbert, with sarcasm oozing out of his mouth, smiles and raises his thumbs while saying she made a good choice by picking me.

It was hilarious, in a self-deprecating kind of way. Nonetheless, after a while, we finally left and we had lunch at Mang Jimmy's. The food there was awesome. My Beloved and I wanted to watch a movie, but delays caused us to nix that plan and so we instead went and played billiards in SM North.

Let's just say that I officially suck at billiards. Out of five or so games, I won only once. Grrrr....

Anyways, afterwards, we just spent time with each other, just talking, and making the most of our limited time together. I really felt that she missed me a lot, and I'm happy that we're where we are, considering how far away from all of this we started off. She's been wonderful, and what really makes her a cut above the rest is that she is genuinely trying to make this relationship work as hard as I am. She knows that a fairy tale doesn't just write itself, and so we're working hard at making that “happily ever after” come true.

Thanks, my Beloved! I love you sooooo much!

Thursday, March 15, 2007


.:Lyrically Speaking Scribbles Part VI: Grasping At Straws?:.

Out Of Reach
by Gabrielle

Knew the signs
Wasn't right

I've been ignoring it for so long. I've been pushing myself and hoping that we would work out if I gave you my whole heart. Yet when I look at you, I feel so inadequate. I feel like I'm never good enough for you because you feel that I'm just reading out a script to you in hopes that you'd hear me out.

I was stupid for a while

And I still am. I know I will keep pushing myself to be worthy of your love. Because no matter how many times you tell me you don't believe it, it's because I truly believe you are the one for me.

Swept away by you
And now I feel like a fool

I do everything I can to give you forever day after day after day. Despite that, I still don't feel that I'm doing enough for you, simply because whenever you act the way you do, I feel that I'm not good enough for you, nor will I ever be.

So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Was I? Or did you just make a mistake thinking that you did? That you do? I need you to believe in me. I need you to trust me. Because if you still feel that my heart doesn't belong to you, then I guess it's true that I am not good enough for you.

And yet I can't leave any room in my heart to doubt you. I truly believe that what we have is different.

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart

I don't feel that I have your heart. It feels as if I have to compete with everyone else in your life and that I play second fiddle to every other important person in your life. All your past loves, all your friends, your family. And yet while I press on and give nothing but my best, it still feels as if you think I don't love you enough.

Out of reach,
Couldn't see
Are we ever
Meant to be?

I pray to God that we are. But we can never tell, and you're too afraid to really give it a genuine chance.

Catch myself
From despair

I'm swamped by the fact that it's only been going on three months, and you incessantly question my sincerity. Yet what can I do? Words can only go so far. I need to show you how much I love you, and it's not one or a million gestures that can show that. It's a lifetime of proving to you how much you mean to me. I despair over the fact that it scares me that you don't want that lifetime with me...

I could drown
If I stay here

I want you to think things over. To consider it all carefully. Are you willing to push away something that could be real? Are you willing to let it pass you by because you're too scared to get hurt? At some point, you will have to make this leap. I can wait for you until you are.

It hurts me when you act that way. And sometimes, it feels just too much. That I don't quite know how to reassure you that I love you.

I believe you deserve the best, and if I am anything less than the best for you, then much as it pains me, I would rather you would find someone who can truly make you happy.

Keeping busy everyday
I pretend I'll be okay

Have you ever noticed that I can't hold myself back from saying anything to you for even just a day? It's agonizing for me to stay away from you. I feel forever isn't enough to share with you, and so every moment I waste not letting you know how much you mean to me is a moment I cheated you out of.

I can't be okay without you. I may be able to fool everyone else, but I can't quite fool myself.

So much hurt,
So much pain
Takes a while
To regain
What is lost inside

I'm learning with each passing day that the pain is just temporary, but the love will remain. That's what is important. That the difference this time is that unlike before, what will stand out for me from all of this is love. Not pain.

Because I know that the love we share is real.

And I hope that in time,
It's true love that we'll find
And we'd make it through

I can never thank God enough that you're in my life. He blessed me with my Beloved, and yes, there will always be obstacles we have to hurdle, but I know all we need is enough time to work it through. I just pray you would stay by my side...

Out of reach,
So far
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There's no life out there
For me

So near yet so far. I feel that you are out of my reach, my Beloved. With everything that goes on around us, everything that keeps us from truly being together.

Yet it's all about building this future we have with each other. By the grace of God, I know we can make it. All I need to know is that you will stand by me.

Will you?

Will you?

.:Can You Believe It?:.

This coming April, I'll actually be one of the speakers for I-Blog 3. Hehehe.

I'll be giving a talk about Creative Blogging and how the Artist's Way can help enhance your blogging experience.

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank sir Jim Paredes for having opened my eyes to the Artist's Way. It has been an integral part of who I am today, and I can only hope that someone, somewhere, will find the same kind of inspiration that I did, and find themselves embarking on the Artist's Way.

It's a long and winding road, but a road worth traveling, nonetheless.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007


.:I Actually Watched 300 Thrice...:.

I saw it a bunch of times, but the third time was the best time because on that day, I watched it with my Beloved, which was awesome.

We spent a lot of time with each other in Eastwood last Monday, and it was the first time we were together up to the evening.

She was beautiful that day. Her glasses made her eyes even more expressive than they usually are, and her smile just made me melt every single time.

Hugging her, holding her in my arms creates an electricity in me that I can't quite explain...

And though at times I wonder how someone who can make me feel so happy and so loved can make me feel so wretched almost the next moment after, I am still thankful to God that I have her and that I still have her in my life. I don't want to lose her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

I know. I just said that out loud.

And I'm not ashamed to at all.

She means that much to me, that I would sooner swallow my pride and blame myself for losing her than point my finger at her. She is simply too wonderful a person for me to just allow to pass me by...

.:Hanging Out With Bessie-Moo:.

We're in the same boat...

I know it's so hard to not know where you really stand at times, but we'll make it through. We have each other.

And pizza. Pizza's always good.

Ask the Ninja Turtles.

Thanks for spending time with me, Bessie! I'm glad we got together...

.:Taste Conditions Dry Run...:.

I tried them in one-on-one settings, and the magicians I performed it for liked the effect a lot. The one layperson I performed it for was floored.

I like the effect a lot, and I think that the extended patter really helps them. At one point, I had a spectator nodding his head while I was merely describing the change and by my watch, it wasn't supposed to happen yet. He was *that* assured that the change was happening right then and there.

I also got a "WTF?!?" reaction from a fellow magician when I performed the effect for him without letting him know what I was planning to do.

As a rule of thumb, if you intend to perform this for someone, don't even describe what the effect is, even just casually. When they remember you telling them about this effect before performing it, it just shatters the whole effect because they will begin expecting it, and it will ruin the whole aura of relaxation and imagination.

I really have to hand it to Mr. Strebler. I only regret that I have no means of performing this effect surrounded so far. Any ideas would be more than welcome via e-mail, though.

Thursday, March 08, 2007


.:They Never Learn...:.

Chavit is busted on tape for giving out cash at a raffle!

I don't know about you, but his profuse apologies are of no consequence, he should at the very least be disqualified for this infraction, simply because this country deserves better than a senatoriable who doesn't know a thing about the laws he's supposed to be upholding.

I never liked Chavit. I didn't care for the fact that he blew the whistle on Estrada, simply because he had his vested interests for doing so. Serves him right, then, and here's hoping that this be a lesson to other senatoriables to actually know what they're supposedly fighting for.

Ignorance is no excuse, and the evidence is all on tape. There is no denying it, and I'll be darned if Chavit just gets a slap on the wrist for this...

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Back From The So-Called Dead...

.:I Wish...:.

... that I at least make it through the first auditions for Avenue Q... hehehe.

.:Tasting The Conditions:.

I don't want to sound too cryptic, but I'm now practicing a routine that only a handful of people know about. I hope I can do it justice, because it's a veritable reputation maker.

With all the headway I've been making in improving my skillset, it's high time I really took this show on the road.

.:Ish Her Birthday!:.

Kathy Chua celebrated her birthday last Friday night, and it was awesome. The food was definitely a treat, and both John and Kathy had a huge hand in it.

That being said, other than Clair, JM, Krisette, and Hrbs, I also met a few people like Honey and a former jock from 99.5 RT. We had very interesting conversations, and as usual, Liquid Metal was the highlight of the night for the new blood.

In any case, the party was really great, and so was the food. I've had some rough spots here and there, but nothing a can of beer (And a rendition of Sinful.) didn't smoothen out, I guess.


I hosted a debut last Saturday at the Intercon, and it was definitely a load of fun.

I got there rather early, and talked to Raizza and one of her friends, Dan, who was acting like the event planner. That being said, I was pretty much expected to perform magic during the party, and so I had a few effects at the ready, mostly relying on Liquid Metal, and a Card Melt effect.

When the debut was in full swing, I was really glad that the audience really responded well. People laughed when some guys tried to clink glasses at one point during the 18 roses, and I reminded them that it's not a wedding. The guests were a joy to perform magic for as well, and it was a load of fun talking to all the people there, including some of Raizza's friends, like Ana and Dan and so forth.

Ah, well. It was really cool. When the party ended, I left in fairly high spirits. You see, while I was surrounded by gorgeous Chinese girls, all they ended up reminding me of was my Beloved. It's unbelievable the kind of effect she has on me.

.:Pride And Shame:.

It's not the easiest of feats for me to meet my Beloved's friends. Truth be told, there's a huge gap between me and them when it comes to what makes us respectively tick. I have my quirks, they have theirs, and unlike my Beloved, they are not inclined to understand these things all too well.

Last Saturday, immediately after the debut, I went ahead to Fiama to find my Beloved, who was hanging out with her friends. It was the birthday celebration of one of them, and I got there and met some old ones, but there were others as well, including this one guy, who happens to be the one my Beloved was head over heels into for years.

It was mostly mundane for the most part. I shut up and stayed in one corner, because I didn't want to seem like I was acting like I was too familiar with them, but at one point, my Beloved was too busy talking to the others in the place and so I had to fend for myself.

At one point, one of the people there tried to start some small talk with me, and it eventually got to the point where she noticed the stuff I do with my ring, and found out that I was a magician.

From there, I was under the impression I managed to entertain her friends.

From there, my Beloved felt it all went to Hades in a handbasket.

One of her friends was not in the least bit amused, to be honest. Truth be told, it could hardly be helped. The guy is the judgmental type, and there was little I could do to make a good impression.

This has been a sticking point between me and my Beloved for the longest time. If the situations were reversed, I wouldn't ever act as if I were embarrassed of her. She understands this fundamental difference between us, and I'm trying to respect that more. Quite honestly, I'm just not used to it because even among my friends, we all proudly back each other, so long as nobody is doing anything hideously wrong.

It's a lot to ask of her that she actually introduced me to her friends. While such a thing is no big deal to me, I really have to consider how much of a gesture it was to her.

In her own way, she is proud of who I am and what I do. It's just that at the end of the day, she still has her image and her long-standing worries to deal with.

It's up to me to temper my expectations. I know all too well that she really wants this to work, and since I do as well, both of us have to learn to not rush and take things one day at a time.

We have our whole lifetime ahead of us to look forward to. I have to realize that and relish that fact. =)

I love you, my Beloved!

.:Instant Click:.

Elbert and I had an interesting Monday since we went to Megamall and met up with my Beloved. It was definitely fun, because Elbert, being how he is, instantly clicked with her, and they ended up ganging up on me, as Elbert promptly denied that he likes having studio pictures taken.

Next thing I knew, it was a two-on-one. We were there at Tia Maria's having lunch, and then headed off to Shang afterwards and found a new arcade at the basement, where we went for videoke. I sang a few songs, but Elbert consistently got higher scores than I did, and my Beloved promptly smiled and agreed that the machine was “reliable” since I didn't score better than El... =(

I'm glad the two got along well enough. I really want my Beloved to feel welcome to the people in my life who have always been there through thick or thin.

In any case, afterwards, I took her home, which was a bit of a problem for me because I had a splitting headache. Despite that, I soldiered on and took her home, and it was pretty much one of the most wonderful times ever spent with her.

.:Simple And Grandiose...:.

There's nothing quite like a lingering hug to cap off the day. A lingering hug that lasts for half an hour, but stays on in my mind and my heart for the rest of the day.

I love her so much. I can't believe how much our relationship has developed over time, and while things weren't instantly amazing, they're getting there slowly, but surely. I'm extremely happy that she makes all this effort, and sometimes, it's the most simple gestures from her that mean the most to me.

You see, she was worried about me because I wasn't feeling well. She felt that I should just sleep instead of, well, watching “Sana Maulit Muli”, and on a whim, I asked her if she would mind watching it for me and letting me know what happens.

Unbelievably, she said she would. I know how much she hates these soaps because hey, it's not like Kim or Gerald are actors who will be winning any acting awards anytime soon. Hehehe.

But so she did it, and she told me that she'd do it because it's for me, even if she probably wouldn't like the show at all.

It's the amalgam of the simple and grandiose that really makes an impression on me. It's how she makes a simple gesture count for so much because of the sincerity that comes with her effort. I can't help but appreciate what she's done, and I can't help but believe her when she tells me that a phrase as powerful as “I love you” no longer seems sufficient for her to convey to me how strongly she feels about this relationship. That forever no longer seems to be enough, for that matter.

It comes with the territory, I guess. From the prayers we share with each other at night, to the endless hugs we give each other every chance we get, it's the simple things that make me feel this is going to work.

Just now, while I'm watching Sana Maulit Muli, I'm strongly reminded of what we're fighting for in one of the lines Gerald Anderson has been stumbling about, where he talks about how fast time can fly, and we shouldn't let the time pass us by. You never know what tomorrow might bring. If you don't give your all in the hopes of giving it all another day, you just might never find that opportunity to do it at all.

Thank you, my Beloved. Thank you for making a million small efforts that are worth far more than one gargantuan effort any day of the week. When saying “I love you” no longer seems enough, whenever forever seems to be too short, all of these small acts of love prove far more powerful than they have any right to be.

Friday, March 02, 2007

.:300 Kinds Of Awesome!:.

300 is an awesome movie, and you'd be a fool to miss out on it. Heh. Give it a try, and you can be sure that you won't regret giving it a shot.


I'm blogging sensibly after this weekend. This week is sooooo loaded. Lots of stuff I need to do. Plus, I lost my Raven. Grrr.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Let's Talk Politics...

.:James Yap, All Set To Endorse Ping Lacson?!?:.

Apparently, the philandering husband of Kris Aquino, James Yap, is most likely going to endorse Ping Lacson in his bid for senator.

This is reportedly because James believes in Hope, and according to Lacson, “Kapag may Hope, may pag-asa.”

Lacson's platform is right up James' alley. Eh diba, “SiPing ang kinabukasan?” Di ba, dyan naman magaling si James? Sa pakikipagsiping?

I don't know about you, but there's just something ridiculous about all the hoopla over Kris and James and Hope. It's an overblown domestic situation that we could've done without. Well, now that it's out in the open, Senator Lacson gets all the added exposure that he needs.


I find it laughable how easy it is to forget favors and grudges when people decide to cross party lines.

I am not a fan of Angara, Sotto, and much less Oreta. Despite that, I find it amusing how Rez Cortez's FPJPM group made a jingle lashing out at the trio for moving to the administration. This senatorial race has all the makings of a kcuf-up, I swear.

You have the three people who used to vow to bring down GMA now being endorsed by the latter. You have a senatoriable who has no clue what he's doing in Cesar Montano. You have a guy who uses a lousy pun and advertises so much yet no one still knows who the Hades he is in Pichay. You have Mr. Aloof himself in Defensor. Then, you have the stalwart opposition people and guys like John Osmena who love jumping back and forth whenever it's convenient for them to do so.

This is going to be one mess, and you don't need to be a fortune teller to know that.

.:Pick, Pac, Boo!:.

Well, well, well. Looks like people are a lot smarter than we give ourselves credit for.

In the recent boxing extravaganza in Cebu featuring Jaca, Gorres, and Bautista, Manny Pacquiao, who came to watch his contemporaries, was met by a presumably jarring chorus of boos, expressing displeasure over his decision to run for public office.

I'm highly amused that he's surprised this happened. Look at him. He runs, then expresses his intention to focus on his training for his next fight. It's rather obvious that he simply isn't prepared to serve his country politically, and I am not in the least bit surprised this is happening to him.

Pacquiao is a successful boxer who is overrated, in my humble opinion. He's no sacred cow, and now, he experiences how it is to be anything other than applauded, which is what he should have anticipated the moment he threw his hat into the political arena. I relish in having people prove to be smarter than he thinks and simply not let him win. He's not ready, and I don't think he should be meddling in politics when he has no idea what to do in the first place.

According to him, his intent is only to attend sessions and vote “yes” or “no” whenever he has to. That doesn't sound like a guy who has a definite plan to help his city out. It's ridiculous for him to think that good intentions are enough to carry him through. He could've instead used those massive campaign funds by helping people find work or something more worthwhile than just this.

I know a lot of Pacman haters have wanted to see him get knocked out in a long time, but I think this is the loss I'd rather put my money on.

Of course, if he wins, then General Santos loses. Big time.