First of all, I realized that I actually got to know Clair this year, mainly because this was the year that iBlog first happened, so I'm sorry about that error. Considering how I kept count of every conversation we had, this was highly unusual. Still, poring over hundreds of blog entries like what I'm doing on a regular basis to pull this retrospective off does kind of take its toll on me.
I was in the thick of my career, and the not-so-pleasant tailend of a relationship that showed how I woefully misunderstood what it means to love and to care about someone. It was supposedly a very happy thing when I got into my second relationship, but in reality? It was pretty much a travesty all around because I was flat out clueless what it took to make a relationship work. years from then, I look at myself now, and I realize my knowledge is still far from perfect, but I definitely saw so many thing I did wrong then that I wouldn't even consider doing now.
And I have a confession: a lot of my blog entries in 2005 really make me cringe today. I was very cavalier with privacy, and it may have been very embarrassing for the people I blogged about back then the way I wrote about them, no matter how positive I might have thought it was that I wrote about them. I still write a lot, and I still say a lot of crazy things, but one thing I feel just naturally changed over time was how my writing has been far less incriminating for other people I write about. I've gotten far less detailed and transcript-y, and this was actually a change for the better, I think.
I remember this year because it was the year where I worked for Channel 11 alongside doing radio, and I was ridiculously exhausted because of this setup. I can't imagine how my friend, DJ Aya of WOW 103.5, is doing the same thing nowadays, probably only worse. I was going through rather trying times, but overall? I was just so head over heels in love with Pomelo at this point that it seemed I was just gliding over everything that wasn't going so well in my life.
And yes, that included the first signs that showed me that the academic life wasn't really quite for me.
But one overall running theme during 2005 was suman. It happened mostly because of Dean Alfar's talk on creative blogging, and it sorta stuck for a pretty long while when a few of us who went to the talk decided to blog about suman on a weekly basis. I lasted pretty long doing that, actually.
It was the beginning of amazing things, to be honest. As I went ahead and got to know bloggers left and right due to iBlog, I also met the Sassy Lawyer, who pretty much recognized me because we've corresponded with each other in the past. And yes, iBlog was when I first met the (in)famous Mike Abundo.
2005 was a pivotal year because it was a year of huge changes: changes that would really dictate the pace in succeeding years, and 2006 was definitely going to be even more of the same.
But wow. I really cringed a lot going through my archives, so I'm thankful I managed to find this essay I wrote about the Digital Filipina issue. Amid all the jokes about the gay innuendo and amid all the cringe-worthy things I wrote about, I felt pretty good about the fact that I was writing with a very progressive slant more and more in 2005. I was starting to quote feminist/anti-ableist/anti-racist/pluralist material and echoing these sentiments even if in 2005, my notions on gender equality weren't as informed as they are nowadays.
It feels good to know that I came to my own personal journey against bigotry without any earth-shattering moment. That I quietly just realized how wrong bigotry was, and proceeded to work hard at educating myself over the years. Does that deserve any respect or adulation? Of course not. It's what all of us should be doing in the first place. I'm just glad I figured it out with minimal anguish.