Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Nothing Good Has Been Happening In My Life Lately...

.:Today's LSS:.

It's a Waveback Wednesday...

Why Can't It Be?
by Rannie Raymundo

You came along, unexpectedly
I was doing fine in my little world
Oh baby please don't get me wrong
'Cause I'm not complaining
But you see, you got my mind spinning

Why can't it be
Why can't it be the two of us
Why can't we be lovers
Only friends
You came along
At a wrong place, at a wrong time
Or was it me

Baby I dream of you every minute
You're in my dreams
You're always in it
That's the only place I know
Where you could be mine
And I'm yours but only
Till I wake up

(Repeat CHORUS)

.:Must... Return... Book...:.

I still owe Grace her book, and I've been meaning to give it back to her for a while already. Unfortunately, my work schedule prevents me from going to her school to drop it off.

In any case, I hope she can wait until Saturday, as I can pass by her house to leave it by then. Afterwards, I guess we can go back to our separate lives, although making a call to her this morning and having her uncle pick up the phone on me kinda threw me in a loop.

I can't believe how wonderful her family was to me. That family would simply have made for the best in-laws any human being can possibly hope for.

Oh, well.


I actually want to buy a new phone. To be honest, I need a new phone. My old one is currently all decrepit, and is even refusing to give me a signal at this point. I haven't been able to call or text anyone for around two days now.

But you see, I can't buy a phone.

I don't have the money for it.

I really hate what's going on with my life right now. I'm stuck in financial dire straits, which is pretty much the thanks I get for grinning and bearing it with WAVE for almost two years. I'm beginning to think that maybe I really should just send myself into advertising already, because WAVE has not shown me the kind of appreciation I feel I deserve from having worked this hard for them.

It feels really bad, because I don't think waiting for an opportunity is a possibility anymore, what with time going against me at this point. I have to make something of myself in two years. I have a lot to prove. I have a lot of hurdles and hoops I have to go through before I can even begin to wind down. Hope springs eternal, and it is currently the one thing that keeps me from going off the edge.

My life is a mess. I've never found myself more depressed, as everything just comes crumbling down in a horrid, merciless chain reaction. My health, my work, my personal life, all of them just haunt me with a vengeance.

If this is what karma is all about, then I couldn't possibly say I don't deserve it.

Despite that, it still hurts that the one whom I would turn to for consolation would turn out to be the jumpstarter of this tempest I'm going through now. It's turning into a chore to just write a single blog entry at this point, but it's the only thing I can keep doing to will myself to sanity.

I will keep on keeping on. I will try my best to make lemonade out of the lemons I'm being given lately, but sometimes, the pain just gets too much to bear.

I can't believe I'm like this. I want to regain control. I want to take charge of where my life's headed again. But I feel too much responsibility at this point. At the risk of my own happiness, I cannot let a life just go to waste.

An unexamined life is not worth living, and that's precisely where my Burden is headed right now. It scares me that way. If this will be the one thing I accomplish in my Burden's life, it would well be worth sacrificing my happiness...

I just pray that this sacrifice won't go unnoticed by those whom I make this sacrifice for... otherwise, it would all be for naught, as it means that they will never learn...

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