Thursday, August 21, 2003

In other (OOC) news:

- I was reading this nice book I had, completely oblivious to the world around me as I was walking along. All of a sudden, someone pulls my bag from behind me, and when I turn around, it was actually Mr. Bulaong (Who probably used my links to get to Charles…), who told me that I actually ignored Sacha when she passed me by. That’s a first… heh.

- My thesis with Imo is progressing really slow… hopefully, by next week, we’ll be making a lot more progress already. We haven’t even gotten hold of a single campaign yet, and this is getting troublesome now.

- I tried to train with Chico for Radio 1 last Tuesday, but he wasn’t the one manning the board. To make matters worse, with Brad Turvey in the mix, there really isn’t room for me to train and all. I suppose this Saturday will have to do. All those on-air antics were really fun, and I got to meet Ate Lea again after the longest time. She was really nice… unfortunately for me, the tickets I have for the anniversary party tonight might go to waste. Most of the people I invited couldn’t avail of it…

- I passed by Don Bosco Mandaluyong last Tuesday. It was fun, really. Meeting up with my old teachers sure made me feel a bit rejuvenated.

- Yesterday’s Wednesday meeting was fairly slow. I was more occupied with playing in the arcades because my head was really spinning with all the emotional dead weight. Maia was a bit down, but I think the mini-sing-along portion we had with Dani managed to ease her stress a bit. Hope was there, and she apparently no longer remembers who the Hades I am… but nonetheless, I had fun today. I just wish I knew how to make the happiness last, because lately, it never seems to. There wasn’t really much else to talk about, as I’m glad Maia’s been working things out with the people she has conflicts with. She’s not yet completely done with that, but she’s getting there…

- Abby and Bro won’t be going to the RX anniversary party, either. Bobby Bonifacio’s short musical film, “Kapag Tumibok Ang Puso”, will be showing tomorrow. I hope I can watch it, as I’ll be in the Makati area anyway… the subtitled lyrics will prolly be a riot.

- This Saturday, Monster Radio RX 93.1, 8-10 in the evening. Given the circumstances, I will be most likely on air around that time... some shameless self-promotion here, jabronis!

Time to go back into character…

”No man is our friend who believes in our good intentions only when they are proved. No man is our friend who will not be very slow to accept evidence against them. Such confidence, between one man and another, is in fact almost universally praised as a moral beauty, not blamed as a logical error. And the suspicious man is blamed for a meanness of character, not admired for the excellence of his logic.”

- C.S. Lewis, On Obstinacy In Belief

So some people decided to speak to Marcelle in hopes of working things out. Whoop-de-freaking-do. One finally spoke out to Marcelle, and explained exactly what had that person’s britches all up in a bunch. Apparently, it all started from a bad joke taken way too seriously… and while Marcelle could be all apologies and all about it, in the end, the decision still lies with that person, and seeing how the ball will truly be in that person’s court from this point on, there is no need for Marcelle to let this matter weigh his conscience down at all. There is no question about it, jabronis: while this issue is still not fully resolved, at the very least, Marcelle has done his part already…

At the same time, it just occurred to Marcelle that the one thing he truly despises more than an ingrate…

… Is a spiteful ingrate.

If a certain person resents the things Marcelle has to say, then why even take his advice, eh? Why even bother listening to what he has to say, then actually do it? It would’ve been fine for one to completely ignore what he has to say, but no… some people actually have to take his advice while completely resenting him for it. At the same time, he is despised, he is regarded as the lowest of the low, as though Marcelle’s entire personality revolved purely around his diabolical facets. How ironic is it to be regarded as little more than a wretch by people whom you consider to be your most stalwart comrades? It’s a betrayal that runs deep… a betrayal that is lost in pride, of a complete desire to prove who’s right and who’s wrong without having to make amends and rebuild bridges.

It’s been an exhausting deal, and Marcelle hates it when other people have to be just as pained in this equation. He wishes he can do things otherwise, but for now, he has no other recourse than to be virtually unheard from. It’s the only way for people to begin to realize if they really find that not having Marcelle around is really a better deal than otherwise. Marcelle wishes not to burn bridges with people he cares about, but it seems that he has to do something close to that, lest they burn bridges with him for being such an annoying little prat.

Marcelle’s been vituperating and whining here for the longest time, and people are beginning to ask why he doesn’t just lash out and end the issue his way. Well, isn’t the answer fairly obvious, jabronis? Marcelle still cares. He’s hanging from a cliff by one hand, and yet some people, instead of taking consolation in this fact, would rather content themselves with prying Marcelle’s fingers from the ledge one by one. Just what he deserves, eh? To be hurt and degraded for speaking his mind. To be hurt and degraded for showing that he cares, regardless of how brutally blunt he might be about what he perceives.

Yeah, well, so Marcelle deserves this crud he’s being put through right now?

Marcelle’s been paying his dues for ages. For anyone to so much as insinuate that Marcelle has been dishonest, for anyone to so much as question his integrity as a friend, is a slap in the face and an affront to his dignity. He has done nothing but try and try to bloody care, and he does care. But does that really matter to some people? Oh, of course not! All that’s important is that they manage to fulfill their quota of making Marcelle look like a complete piece of codswallop, and it seems that they’re doing their wonderful jobs quite well. Amazing. Marcelle, the so-called nice guy, is looking like a complete villain in front of so many people. Perfect work of those who seek to make confusion and good P.R. the order of their day. But no, let them be, Marcelle. They seem to take joy in this, irregardless of how unfair everything has been.

Now these people can recognize all they want how wrong they may have been, but their pride… will never really allow them to go out and really fix this. Marcelle, some would allege, is being just as proud as these people are. Au contraire, jabroni. Marcelle has no pride issues to deal with. He is being hurt here, and hurt bad, and groveling on the floor for perhaps another chance or so much as a reconsideration is not merely beneath him: IT WON’T SOLVE ANYTHING, EITHER.

If people want to ask what they did wrong, maybe they should also ask what they didn’t do. Maybe they should stop pitying themselves for being hit by a barrage of seemingly harsh words and then realize why they were listening in the first place. Maybe if they look beyond the words and see the concern, the fear, and the genuine affection of a friend, they’d realize why things couldn’t have been said differently. They want to spite Marcelle for the things he does (Yes, all of you concerned.)? Go on ahead. Recognize what they are doing, though, as obvious displays of a dissenting, aggressive stance against Marcelle. If they wonder any further why Marcelle will suddenly not back down from challenges they fail to recognize as their own, then here it is, categorically speaking.

Marcelle has had it trying to play the nice, sacrificial lamb. He’s been doing his best to be a good friend to those whom he has chosen, and for these people to not only be ungrateful but even spiteful about it, to the point they almost willingly bite the hand that feeds them, is for them to completely be oblivious to the ills in their respective systems.

Don’t flatter any of yourselves to think Marcelle has said things only about you. There are a good deal of you who have been too blind to recognize the writing on the wall, and necessary evil that Marcelle realizes he is, he will have to be there to lead you to it.

Oh, it’s true. It’s true.

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