Thursday, February 06, 2003

It just had to happen.

Bah, Gawd, don't I ever learn? *slaps forehead in disbelief*

Once again, I have worn out my welcome, and it makes me feel pretty much like a first-class heel. Indeed, I'm sure that a lot of people have noticed how much of a pest I can be at times, and I guess what has happened between me and her is a wake-up call for me to work on changing myself. Yeah, sure, so nobody's perfect, but at least everybody else seems to manage to keep their friendships for quite a while. I seem to lack that ability most of the time.

Apparently, my old rant on being a lousy friend was right. I should've listened to myself rant.

Wait... so why am I not in third person now?

Yes, I'm pretty bloody affected. Yes, I'm pretty bloody depressed. But no, unlike the case with the other person, I KNOW I WAS WRONG. And I'm sorry about it. But like always, the apology comes a little too late... but I can't blame her for being angry. She has every right to. If I were the least bit more perceptive, if I were the least bit more sensitive, I could've backed off in time. But I didn't. Why? Because all the stress got to me? It's not much of an excuse, really. I have no right to address this matter in third, much less second person, simply because I am not overtly happy about it (Well, duh.). Neither am I overtly angry with it. I don't have the right. But then, second person is a complete rarity that I pray I'd never have to use again... it's synonymous to the depths of my "despairing" (I use the term very loosely here.).

So yes... this is a public apology to her. I don't have to mention her name. She knows who she is, and in the same way that she has still had the decency not to mention mine, so shall it be with my addressing her. I wanted to be a good, caring friend, but I pushed the envelope way too much. Let that be a lesson to me on how to be a lot more careful about these things. I just hope my backing off now isn't too late, and that I can still salvage what else is actually left with our friendship. No need to come up to my defense. I was dead wrong here, and no matter how good my intentions are, not everyone is Machiavelli. Especially not me. Thus, I don't think my end (To be a good friend.) ever justified my means (Smothering is putting it nicely. Excessively pushing the envelope is still putting it nicely. Even being a jackass is putting it nicely.). Also, out of respect to the person, I guess I'd have to take her link out of my blog for now. It's just the right thing to do.

I hope things can be fixed. However, this time around, if it doesn't get worked out, I have no one to blame but myself.

Only time can tell.

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