Self-Doubt

.:A Moment Of Silence...:.

For Ollie, the Chua cat.

I think I'll spare you the details here, but I liked that cat a lot.

.:Seriously, Sometimes I Wonder...:.

I've been training quite a bit as of late here at Campus 99.5, and as the days go by, I worry more and more if I'll ever end up being ready to go back on the air. I really doubt my ability to just get that knack, not only because my diction is still off, but mainly because I'm still grasping for something to say whenever I'm on air.

So I got myself a copy of OTS DJ (The program we use to play songs on the air.), and I've been working on it at home, trying to segue songs, one after another, with any nifty trivia I can chuck at them while I was doing my stuff. I wasn't pleased as punch, to say the least, simply because I kept on ending my ad libs after the vocals kick in, plus I still obviously hesitate when I talk on the air. I have a long way to go for me to get that knack going for me, and I'm worried if I'd ever be able to get to that level.

The diction is one issue, but as some people mentioned, it's something that can be glossed over in time. I know I have a good command of the language for the most part, so I won't be talking in broken English, although admittedly, I do have some gaffs with my diction, particularly when my mind is operating in Filipino rather than English. Nonetheless, this means I have my work cut out for me when it comes to really getting into the groove of things. I want to be here. Despite having been a true-blue RX 93.1 fan all my life, professionally, I think Campus 99.5 is the place where I could really grow the most, which of course takes nothing away from how much I do love RX still.

I look up to the jocks here in Campus. You have The Triggerman, John Hendrix, Joe Spinner, Jimmy Jam, and so forth. They're great people, and they really are doing me a huge favor by training me despite the fact that I'm *supposed* to not need training anymore, yet I'm hardly any better (If I even am.) than the average student DJ trainee. Triggerman was right... they expected a lot from me, and I didn't deliver. Yes, I'm my own worst critic.

Despite the pessimism I may feel at the moment, I would be loathe not to give it my best effort. I've stagnated for too long in WAVE, and I know I've a long way to go before I can possibly earn my keep here. I can't point fingers and say that it was WAVE's fault I didn't become a competent jock: my own complacency is the primary suspect for what has happened, and I can't emphasize enough that I now have the perfect opportunity to better myself. Being trained both in Radio 1 and Campus Aircheck has to count for something, doesn't it?

Well, one certainly hopes so... as I go and train and do whatever it takes to be a better radio personality, I implore all the support from my friends who have more faith in me than I do.