Sunday, June 15, 2008

Separation Anxiety...

.:It Feels So Weird...:.

For the past two years, it was almost clockwork that I would end my day speaking to my Beloved. I'd call her on the phone, and we'd talk until we were sleepy, say our prayers, and then go to sleep.

Now that she's in the States for a month, I can't tell you enough how empty it feels to not have someone to talk to before going to sleep, to not have someone I could pray with, to not have someone I could love and call my own.

It's not the same without her in my life. There's this really wide gap that makes no sense unless it's filled. She, more than anyone else I've ever known or loved, is someone I simply cannot eradicate from my life. In all the relationships I've been in, this is the only one that feels completely inextricable... something that would last me the rest of my life, for better or for worse.

Moments like these, I feel the compunction to approach people I shouldn't even think of approaching anymore... people who wouldn't provide me any good company at all, let alone something that could fill the void left by my Beloved.

I guess this is really all just crazy right now. It still hasn't sunk in that Rowena just left me with nary a warning... I really don't know what to say. I miss her terribly, and I haven't felt this lonely since, well, ever.

3 comments:

Elena Cardinez said...

Loved this. Poignant and sweet :-)

Marcelle said...

Thanks. This entry means a lot to me because it reminds me how much I miss my Beloved, and how much this relationship has changed me...

Anonymous said...

I wish I'd be able to experience such weird emotion as yours. I believe that such kind of love do exists but very rare...u're lucky!