.:Ay, Tanga:.

Nothing really eventful today. I did get a B from Fr. Ferriols, though, and he was awfully funny in class today.

But when I got to the station, SHEREE of the Viva Hotbabes was there.

What was the dumb thing I forgot to do?

That's right. Take a picture with her.

Oh, well.

.:No LSS For Today:.

Instead, a poem that I just really like…

Tonight I Can Write
by Pablo Neruda

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

.:The Weekend Threesome:.

Seems to me that the team of Gia, Keiko, and Kel is a pretty solid trio during the weekend. We actually boarded last Sunday as a trio around eight in the morning, and Keiko has that enthusiasm that really can get quite infectious. For the most part, we had a good deal of interaction with the audience, as we asked them to ask us any questions, and at the same time, someone was telling us that we should really grant their requests more. Funny thing was it was the same person who thanked us for playing his request. I found it odd that he was lamenting how we don't play requests over the textline, yet we already played his.

In any case, it was a good show. I'm glad I got five hours of sleep in the afternoon to make up for waking up at 4:30 in the morning, though... heh. At least that helped me out quite a bit...

.:Film Hunting Again:.

It seems to be the case that Grace and I go out every week just to go to Avenida and look for DVD's and all. That being said, it's a fairly entertaining deal for us for the most part, as we actually just got some rather... interesting films ;), mostly those of the... err... more... visually appealing type. At the same time, I decided to be cheap and get “Meet The Fockers” as well... I felt too lazy to go to the theaters... heh.

In any case, Grace found the fried dimsum she was telling me about, and it was really good. We had a pretty fun time just going around Avenida and looking for DVD's, and I must say that she's been wonderful company. I can't quite ask anything more from a wonderful person like her.

.:Now It Can Be Said…:.

... That now, I play the waiting game.

Draw your own conclusions.

I guess I'll just update better next time. For now, I guess today's LSS will suffice. Draw your own conclusions.

Unang Araw
by Sugarfree

Sadya ba talagang ganyan
Palakad-lakad ka't nakatungo
Sa'n patungo?
Ngayong wala ka na
Kailangang masanay na muling nag-iisa
Sa'n ka na kaya?

'Wag mo akong sisihin
Kung minsan ikay hanapin/kung minsan akong iyakin

Ito ang unang araw na wala ka na
Ito ang unang araw na wala ka na

Nasanay lang sigurong nand'yan ka
'Di ko inakalang pwede kang mawala
'Yan na nga
Nababato, nalulungkot
Luha'y napapawi ng singhot
At talukbong ng kumot

.:Every Morning...:.

... there's a halo hanging from the corner of my girlfriend's four-post bed...

Well, not really, but just because it's six in the morning while I'm typing this out, that's today's LSS... heh.

Every Morning
by Sugar Ray

Every morning there's a halo hangin
from the corner of my girlfriend's four post bed
I know it's not mine but I'll see if I can use it for
the weekend or a one-night stand

Couldn't understand
How to work it out
Once again as predicted left my broken heart open
and you ripped it out
Something's got me reeling
Stopped me from believing
Turn me around again
Said that we can do it
You know I wanna do it again

(Sugar Ray say)
Oh...........
(Every Morning)
Oh................
(Every Morning when I wake up)
(Shut the door baby, don't say a word)
Oh.......
(She always rights the wrong, she always rights, she always rights)
(Shut the door baby, Shut the door baby)

Every Morning there's a heartache hanging
from the corner of my girlfriend's four-post bed
I know it's not mine and I know she thinks she loves me
but I never can believe what she said

Something so deceiving
When you stop believing
Turn me around again
Said we couldn't do it
You know I wanna do it again

Oh...........
(Every Morning)
Oh..................
(Every Morning when I wake up)
(Shut the door baby, don't say a word)
Oh...........
(Every Morning)
Oh..........
(Every Morning when I wake up)
(Shut the door baby, shut the door baby)

She always rights the wrong
For me
Baby
She always rights the wrong
For me

Every Morning there's a halo hanging
from the corner of my girlfriend's four-post bed
I know it's not mine but I'll see if I can use it for
the weekend or a one-night stand

(Shut the door baby, don't say a word)
Every Morning
Every Morning when I wake up
(Shut the door baby, shut the door baby)
Every Morning
Every Morning (Turn me around again)
(Shut the door baby, don't say a word)
Every Morning
Every Morning

.:Teh Smooth:.

I was imagining how a certain conversation could've turned out if I happened to practice less discretion...

Never thought I'd see the day that I'd be a resource person.

'Course.

Why so?

When you're passionate about something, people will take notice and want to ask and talk to you about it.

Is that why they ask me about you all the time?

Just a funny thought. It would've been the perfect smooth line, but not exactly the best opportunity to say it, company considered.

.:Revisitng The Ladder Theory:.

Tell me what you think about the Ladder Theory. Sounds interesting...

.:I'm Flattered!:.

Apparently, The-Insight.com has listed my weblog in their spirituality:metaphysical category. I'm very honored and flattered to be considered in such a site. I guess people still see some metaphysical value in between all the vituperations and ravings that I do...

.:And So It Was An FGD:.

I was in the middle of Conversation #4.5 with Clair when April showed up and we went around campus, just talking about how things are going with me... apparently, Mr. Aurelio, my colleague, listens to Love Radio by choice... heh.

Apparently, what I thought was a presentation of sorts turned out to be a focus group discussion for April's group's thesis on radio. I didn't mind, really, as I pretty much had my opinions on all four stations that were considered, anyways: Magic, RX, Love, and RR. It was interesting, really. I had to say a lot of stuff off the record, though, because I knew certain things about certain stations and certain people that nobody needs to really know about. And Hades, I didn't quite know those things through WAVE, mind you. I just did.

In any case, April was telling me that there was a cute Chinese girl in the FGD, and she was right, although the girl apparently smokes. Regardless, I really don't care much for anything romantic with anyone right now not named Grace Apron, whether I be single or otherwise. That said, out of the five people in the FGD, three were into NU, while one of them also had some hybrid fascination with R and B, which he shared with Len (The Chinese girl.), and I was the eclectic one who could put up with Sandara Park's "music".

I was rather opinionated for the most part, and I think my Comm Arts background really shone back there, as I pretty much gave the lowdown on quite a few things about radio stations in the Philippines, and I did go on the record to say that Chico and Delle have a kind of chemistry that was "beyond comparison". I work in a tandem right now, and despite having good chemistry with Gia, Chico and Delle really just transcend "radio", and make it feel like two friends talking. It's that natural.

At the same time, unlike everyone else, I was the only one who was personality-based when it came to radio. My reasoning was simple: if I wanted to listen to music, I'd go get myself an I-Pod. But I want to listen to the personalities on the air. That being said, I don't get turned off Love Radio because of their music, but because of their personalities. They grate on the ears, and you know they really do it on purpose, because when they read something in English, they sound so good while doing it. In fairness to them, I think that they really are just conforming to their station, and aren't really horrible jocks. Hades, I'm sure they'd be better than I am if we hypothetically worked in the same station.

It was funny though, when they asked me about what types of jock appeal to the so-called upper class, and when I talked about DJ's with that foreign twang in their voice, they asked me to demonstrate. Later on, they asked me to demonstrate how a jock from Love Radio would sound like. I think I more or less did a good impression, either way.

It was actually an enjoyable deal back there. I then hitched a ride back home with April to Shaw Boulevard, and we just really talked about relationships and the like. It was a good conversation, needless to say.

.:Shellshocked:.

A very close friend and I had a rather interesting last night, and the conversation was mainly a completely uncensored discourse on my sentiments about things as of late. She was telling me in all candidness what she thought about my current status, and that she was practically telling me that I really have to do something to move beyond the stalemate.

In spite of that, I felt particularly surprised about her revelation when she told me about the extent of another question I asked her. Then again, maybe I was expecting it. Still, I was caught off-guard. My bad. Can you say TMI?

In any case, it was still an interesting conversation. I hope to meet her again soon. She had a point, but I think her recent experiences gave quite a bit of a biased edge to her advice...

.:Today's LSS:.

I think this song really hits home right now... just a lot of things that have been going on in my life lately that really tells me that I'm such a great pretender...

The Great Pretender
by Queen

Oh yes I'm the great pretender (ooh ooh)
Pretending I'm doing well (ooh ooh)
My need is such I pretend too much
I'm lonely but no one can tell

Oh yes I'm the great pretender (ooh ooh)
Adrift in a world of my own (ooh ooh)
I play the game but to my real shame
You've left me to dream all alone

Too real is this feeling of make believe
Too real when I feel what my heart can't conceal

Ooh Ooh yes I'm the great pretender (ooh ooh)
Just laughing and gay like a clown (ooh ooh)
I seem to be what I'm not (you see)
I'm wearing my heart like a crown
Pretending that you're still around

Yeah ooh hoo
Too real when I feel what my heart can't conceal

Oh yes I'm the great pretender
Just laughing and gay like a clown (ooh ooh)
I seem to be what I'm not you see
I'm wearing my heart like a crown
Pretending that you're
Pretending that you're still around

.:A Quick Note:.

To all my YM friends who are reading this:

Aside from voldemort02, you can also add my other YM ID, kel_891. That way, I can still be reached even while I'm at work in WAVE, as I tend to use that ID when I'm in WAVE instead of voldemort02, so I can communicate with the listeners... heh.

I'm currently organizing my Unsent Series® under my memories, though. I can't find all of them, unfortunately, as they're snuck in between other posts. I have to go search manually... heh.

.:Merry Chaos:.

Yesterday, I found myself in the middle of my third conversation with Clair, when I ran into Sacha and Carl on Yahoo Messenger. There was talk about a conspiracy in getting Clair a boyfriend going on between the two of them, apparently. I was mistaken in thinking Sach was talking with Clair about it, though, so when I realized it was Carl, and I realized everyone among the four of us is in one way or another getting around to chatting with everyone else, Sacha suggested I started a conference.

Soon enough, the conference happened, and the fun started. We were just talking about random topics like the chocolate buffet in Manila Peninsula that everyone missed, as well as the whole deal with Clair. Soon enough, more random topics flew out when I invited Peppy, who was battling with code. A few moments afterwards, I think Sacha invited Diane and Ranulf into the fray, which made for a merry gathering of sorts. It was a crazy hurly-burly group, really.

That was a wacky chat session, to say the least.

.:The Most Interesting Levinas Class...:.

Add Emmanuel Levinas’ talks about the Other and the Feminine, add three bottles of wine, and you get the most interesting three hours I’ve ever had with Dr. Leo Garcia and company.

First of all, the class was pretty much hinging on the fact that we met up in the Dela Costa conference room instead of our regular classroom, and it was clear that on the eve of the feast of St. Thomas Aquinas, Doc Leo was in a generous mood. So there we were, talking about the Feminine, and why the Feminine should not be taken literally as “the female”, but rather a derivation of characteristics that were initially taken to be from the female, such as gentleness and tenderness, and making the Other precisely that: the feminine.

The Self is the Masculine: the virile, the egocentric, and it’s up to the Self to channel the Feminine from within as well. In channeling the Feminine from within, we give ourselves the categorical imperative to recognize the Other. We do not oblige ourselves in hopes of having our efforts reciprocated, but do it with due respect to the Other.

After the first half of our discussion, we had a break where we had food and wine. I was seated beside Cecille Lao, ;) and it was interesting how the group of four that got formed in that class, myself, Adrian, TJ, and Ray, all threw around inside jokes throughout the discussion to get the class going. At first, the more uptight members of the class were disoriented, but soon enough, everyone lightened up at all the input we’ve been having. From the oyster aphrodisiac story leveled in Ray’s direction, to the fact that all those lines directed to Cecille were also a riot (Malay mo, may gusto sa iyo yung Other na katabi mo?), to the fact that Doc Leo started sharing his life story, it was all great.

Doc Leo was a revelation, really. He pretty much proved why Fr. Ferriols was a legend in his own right, from doing all the things he did to get Doc Leo into teaching, and Dr. Garcia’s story of how he got into ADMU was more providential than serendipitous, in my opinion. It was amazing how his story went, and how his story proved that the Other was really full of surprises.

Soon enough, TJ and I vituperated about the problem we have with people who act like the council in “Life of Brian”. The type who talk all day long about doing something, yet never do. I then do an impression of a certain professor, and everyone reacts and wants to find out who it is. People ask if the prof was a “lay person”, or was a “post-modernist”, and so forth, but I pretty much kept mum on the whole deal. In any case, the issue was that he kept on harshly critiquing the government, yet he seemed to be doing nothing about it. While I was talking about it. Dr. Garcia sounded scandalized at the blind item… heh.

And then later on, I talked about Magic 8-Balling, and the class heartily agreed how guilty most of us can be of that. Dr. Garcia was again adding fuel to the fire when he exclaimed “Oh! She!”, when I said that a friend of mine really depressed me when “she” 8-Balled me. It was amusing, really.

TJ then steered the topic to how Immersions became such a hypocritical approach at mental m*********n, considering how people just do it, think their obligation has been fulfilled, then go back to their daily lives. The whole Ateneo system, he lamented, seemed to be a certain kind of smugness in being a “man for Others”. Such that we seem to think so highly of ourselves for fulfilling our “white man’s burden” for the “poor, hopeless rejects of society”. It’s insulting to all the people we immerse ourselves with, and it’s proof of how smug a person can get for doing the “right” thing.

All in all, that discussion was such a revelation for everyone. People really spoke up, and certain people like Doc Leo and Jack drank up. Heh. Ces didn’t have a drop of alcohol, though… but that’s no big deal.

.:Afterwards:.

Ray, Adrian, TJ, and myself got together again afterwards for another meal at Mang Jimmy’s. This time, Marlon, a sit-in, tagged along with us, and we talked about how much we enjoyed the class. At the same time, TJ was giving me advice about how to exploit certain advantages I have… heh. He was really having a fine time laughing about all the hints I’ve been dropping in class, and how he was hoping the alcohol would help me talk a bit more than usual, but no go for that.

Nonetheless, I’m glad how that whole deal turned out. Needless to say, I really enjoyed myself last night in class and the dinner afterwards. We were really talking about how the mainstream and the academe really needs to find a better way to connect with each other, lest the whole “real world” distinction rears its ugly head again, and prove to everyone just how sheltered Ateneans can really get for the most part… it’s too bad, really.

.:That Sounded So Wrong:.

An SMS I got from Abby yesterday…

Doctor 1: So, is Abigail coming today?

Doctor 2: Yes. I’m going to do her now.

As you can tell, she sent me that knowing that when it comes to Marcelle, “it’s always what we think”…. Heh.

.:Choices, Choices:.

And so, upon finding the test papers, one of my students asked me:

What would you rather lose? The test papers, or your Ancestral Recall?

Without missing a beat, I reply:

The test papers.

My student, interestingly enough, was mortified but not the least bit surprised…

.:Keeping Track:.

It looks like Clair and I will be having fun keeping track of our conversations. We are currently engaged in our second conversation, so it would be particularly amusing if we keep count…

.:And So He’ll Be Off:.

Mr. Bulaong was my teacher in Philosophy 101, 102, and 104. He was one of the three faculty members who egged me on in getting myself into the Philosophy department, the other two being Mr. Callassanz and Dr. Barbazza.

On Monday, he’ll be leaving for Germany to pursue a Doctorate in Philosophy. He will be gone for four years.

That being said, we met up yesterday in school to just chat and catch up before he finally left. He was supposed to meet his wife in Gateway Mall, so we headed off there, and we had Gonuts Donuts. He actually liked the pastillas donut, which was my favorite flavor. While eating, we were conversing about things that have happened in the recent past, common friends/acquaintances like Abby, and then he gave me unsolicited advice about the Philosophy Department…

He told me that I pretty much have a solid foot in the door in the Department, and he thinks I would make a great teacher. Having wowed Dr. Ibana with my entrance exams, having given a lasting impression to Mr. Callassanz in my freshman poetry class, and having subsequently found a way to impress Dr. Dy (I don’t know how…), he felt that I really just needed to give it time before I really started to make waves in the department.

Of course, all that flattery was a prelude to the clincher: that given my personality, certain people in the Department might find me arrogant and/or weird. In order for me to ensure my longevity in this teaching career, I have to find a way to not change myself entirely, but still manage to get along with these “certain people”. The Philosophy Department may be more dignified, more academic than others, but this is all the more reason why people there are liable to take themselves too seriously, and thus be overtly critical of other people. I can live with that, really.

It was interesting that I actually managed to get people to take notice of me, though, considering that my background was Communications and not Philosophy. I particularly found it interesting that Mr. Bulaong gave me a piece of advice that seems to tell me he’s gone through quite a bit of a personality clash with some of his colleagues, then.

Afterwards, he asked me to keep in touch, and we met up with his wife. I accompanied them for a while as he was looking for shoes, and then he noted how “well-trained” I was through Grace for managing to put up with people shopping while I’m not. It was amusing, really.

Before we parted ways, though, he asked me for one important thing I must remember to tell him if it ever happened. It was funny, considering how he said that before he would write his letter for me, I had to promise him to tell him about it if it happened…

Marcelle, sabihan mo ako kapag kayo na ni…

Okay. That’s enough. :)

As Dr. Miroy asked us to write a 5-page biography about ourselves for class tomorrow, I decided to go ahead and write it out here. I decided to do it in the vernacular, as well...

At the same time, I’m only going to tackle a really small facet of my life… heh.

.:Hari Ng Sablay:.

Alam ko na hindi madaling isiksik sa loob ng limang pahina ang isang pansariling talambuhay, at hindi ko ipagpipilitan ito. Sa halip, naisip kong mainam siguro ang isang paglalarawan sa isang bahagi ng aking pagkatao sa pamamagitan ng paglahad ng mga liriko ng isang awit.

Kung mailalarawan sa pamamagitan ng isang awit ang aking buhay, marahil na maging awitin para sa akin ang "Hari ng Sablay", na isang sikat na kanta ng Sugarfree. Sa pamagat pa lang ng kanta, tila hindi magiging kagiliw-giliw ang aking ilalahad na kuwento, subalit mayroon pa rin namang mga nakakaaliw na sandali ang pagiging isang "Hari ng Sablay".


Please lang wag kang magulat/Kung bigla akong magkalat...

Marami ang nakapagsabi na sa akin na talagang mahilig akong mapag-isa, na tila ba hindi talaga ako mahilig makisama sa ibang tao. Nakita ko noong bata pa lamang ako na talagang hindi ako mahilig makihalubilo sa ibang mga tao, sa kaalamang mahirap masakyan ang ugali ko.

Kung iisipin ko, talagang iilan lamang ang maituturing kong kaibigan ko talaga. Kung pag-uusaan lang ang aking karansan sa mataas na paaralan, hindi ko makakalimutan ang naging nakakapanlumong karansan ko nang tumakbo ako bilang pangulo ng Student Council, at sa laking gulat ko, maging sarili kong klase ay hindi man lamang ako sinuportahan noong dumating ang halalan. Hindi nga kagulat-gulat nang sandaling “nagkalat” ako sa mataas na paaralan, tila bagang gumuho ang aking kumpiyansa sa sarili.


Mula pa no'ng pagkabata/Mistula nang tanga...

Medyo kulang sa pagkabanayad ang titik ng awit sa sandaling ito, subalit akmang-akma sa akin. Inakala ko talaga na matatapos sa halalan ang aking mga problema, at matapos nito, wala na akong kailangang pangambahan pa, ngunit maling-mali ako. Hindi nagtagal, naunawaan ko rin na hindi ko talaga kasundo ang aking mga kaklase. Lumabas lang ito ng lubusan nang tumakbo ako.

Marahil talagang hindi madaling pakisamahan ang ugali ko noon, kung kaya't tuluy-tuloy lamang ang nangyaring pang-aalipusta sa akin at wala na akong magawa dito. Marahil, maaamin ko na hindi rin naman pawang kasalanan ng mga kaklase ko ang nangyari: talagang hindi ako nakikisama sa kanila, at higit pa riyan, malapit ako sa mga guro namin, na kanilang inisip na pagiging isang sipsip, kumbaga.


Sa'n sa'n nadadapa/Sa'n sa'n bumabangga...

Hindi maiiwasang masabi sa akin ng mga ibang tao na tila dalawa ang kaliwa kong paa. Noong mataas na paaralan ko, kung gaano ako kagaling sa akademiko, ganoon naman ako kahina sa teknikal. Dahil sa mayroong mga teknikal na klase ang Don Bosco Mandaluyong, medyo nahirapan talaga ako, hanggang sa puntong bawat bese akong dumalaw sa Don Bosco mula nang nakapagtapos ako ng kolehiyo, palagi akong nahihiritan ng aking guro sa mga teknikal na klase na ang una niyang naaalala sa akin ay ang sandaling napasabog ko ang transformer na proyekto ko noon dahil mali ang aking pagkakagawa.

Kung saan-saan nga ako pumapalya, ngunit hindi naman ako masyadong nababahala sa puntong ito. Alam ko namang kahit alaskado ako sa aking guro noon, ipinagmamalaki pa rin niya naman ako bilang isa sa kanyang naging mga estudyante.

Ang puso kong kawawa/May pag-asa pa ba?

Kung gaano ako kamalas sa aking mataas na paaralan, ganoon din ako kamalas sa pag-ibig. Marahil marami akong maikukuwento tungkol dito pa lamang, ngunit pipigilan ko ang aking sarili at sasabihin na lamang sa puntong ito na ang lahat ng sayang nadarama ko ngayon sa aking pag-ibig ay pawang kapalit lamang ng napakaraming mga problemang pinagdaanan ko sa isang taong niligawan ko ng halos apat na taon.


Ayoko nang mag-sorry, sawa na 'kong magsisi/Pasensya ka na, mabilis lang akong mataranta...

Nang napunta ako sa kolehiyo, dala ang matinding utang na loob sa aking mataas na paaralan ngunit isang matinding hinanakit sa aking mga naging kamag-aral, pinangako ko sa aking sarili na hindi na ito mauulit sa Ateneo. Sawang-sawa na ako sa puntong iyon na ako na lamang palagi ang nagpaparaya sa iba. Laking pasasalamat ko na lamang at mas madali kong nakasundo ang mga naging kaklase ko noong kolehiyo, marahil dahil natuto rin akong unti-unting makibagay sa ibang mga tao, at sa pamamagitan noon, hindi na ako gaanong napag-iisipan na walang pakisama.

Dahil sa naging karanasan ko noong mataas na paaralan, talagang naging mabusisi ako sa aking pakikisama sa iba. Madali akong mabahala kapag napapansin ko na tila hindi ako natatanggap sa isang grupo o sa iba, at talagang hinahanapan ko ng paraan upang malaman kung ano ang problema.


Isang tama, sampung mali/Ganyan ako pumili...

Siguro nga, tama ang pakikitungo ko sa aking mga naging kamag-aral noong kolehiyo. Ngunit nakakatuwang isipin na dahil sa paninibago noong unang semestre noong una kong taon sa Ateneo, masyado akong nawili sa pakikisama sa aking mga kaklase sa puntong halos bumagsak ako sa Math 11, na talaga namang ikinabahala ko. Hindi nagtagal, naghanap at naghanap din ako ng paraan upang maayos ang maliit na problemang iyon.


'Di na mababawi/Ng puso kong sawi...

Ang hindi ko man lamang nabanggit ay noong pumunta na ako sa kolehiyo, naging kakurso ko si Abby, ang kaibigan kong niligawan ko ng apat na taon sa mataas na paaralan. Kahit na mayroon akong nobya magpahanggang-ngayon, hindi talaga naiwasang lumitaw ang nakaraan namin ng aking kaibigan. Humantong ito sa isang punto sa isang klase ni Jim Paredes na nalaman ko na lamang na nagkaroon na pala siya ng nobyo, at sa hindi maipaliwanag na pagkakataon, nagulantang ako sa pangyayaring iyon.


Daig pa'ng telenobela/Kung ako ay magdrama...

Sa puntong iyon, medyo nagkabali-baligtad ang buhay ko, at tila hindi ko na alam ang aking gagawin. Sinubukan kong linawin kung saan talaga ako dapat lulugar, at bigla na lamang sumabog ang lahat ng naging hinanakit ko sa aking kaibigan mula noong mataas na paaralan pa lamang kami. Hindi ko inakalang makakapagsalita ako ng mga salitang maaanghang sa kanya, sa puntong napaiyak ko siya dahil sa mga salitang nabitiwan ko. Drama, drama, at drama pa. Nakakayamot na rin, kung minsan. Subalit kahit ganito nga ang nangyari, hindi rin naglaon at naayos din namin ang aming problema sa pamamagitan ng masinsinang usapan.


Ganyan ba talaga/Guhit ng aking tadhana?

Minsan, naisip ko rin na baka talagang malas lang ako, at ngayon lamang ako nakakabawi. Sa palagay ko, dala lamang talaga ng pagkakataon ang medyo mas maginhawang pamumuhay ko ngayon. Hindi ko naman maaaring sabihing pinasan ko ang daigdig noon, kahit na gaano naging kabigat ang aking mga naging problema.

Noong magtatapos na ako sa kolehiyo, kinainggitan ko si Abby dahil matatapos siya bilang departmental awardee ng kagawaran ng Komunikasyon. Alam niya iyon. Alam niya kung gaano kahalaga sana sa akin ng ganoong karangalan. Medyo kabalintunaan nga lang ang nangyari matapos ang isang taon, at bigla namang ako ang kanyang kinaiinggitan, hindi dahil mayaman ako (Dahil hindi naman.), kung hindi dahil sa ginagawa ko ngayon ang alam niyang mga pinangarap kong gawin: magturo at magtrabaho sa radyo. Di nagtagal, sa wakas at kami ri'y naging matalik na magkaibigan, dahil sa mga napagdaanan namin noong mga nakaraang buwan man lamang.

Oo, aminado ako na ako ang hari ng sablay. Oo, hindi ako marunong sumabay sa hangin ng aking buhay. Sa halip ng lahat ng ito, natutunan ko rin sa Pilosopiya na kahit ganito ang nabatid kong paglalarawan sa aking buhay, hindi maaaring maikahon ang kabuuan ng aking pagkatao sa pagiging hari ng sablay lamang. Sa patuloy na paglinang ko sa mga relasyon ko, romantiko man o hindi, nakikita ko na kaya ko rin lampasan ang mga ganitong sagabal, at kung anuman ang hindi pumapatay sa akin ang siyang higit na magpapalakas sa akin.

Ako ang hari ng sablay. Salamat na lamang sa Maykapal na ang bawat sablay ay isang pagkakataon upang matuto at hight pang maging isang mabuting tao.

.:Today's LSS:.

There are times that I sometimes wish I could cry myself to sleep, but I just can't. Most of the time, I feel too numb to, and I just let the pain fester. I guess that's the thing with me. Oh, well. At least it comes only when I sleep...

Only When I Sleep
by the Corrs

You're only just a dreamboat
Sailing in my head
You swim my secret oceans
Of coral blue and red
Your smell is incense burning
Your touch is silken yet
It reaches through my skin
And moving from within
It clutches at my breast

But it's only when I sleep
See you in my dreams
You got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But I only hear you breathe

Somewhere in my sleep
Got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But its only when I sleep

And when I wake from slumber
Your shadow's disappear
Your breath is just a sea mist
Surrounding my body
I'm workin' through the daytime
But when it's time to rest
I'm lying in my bed
Listening to my breath
Falling from the edge

But it's only when I sleep
See you in my dreams, (dreams)
You got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But I only hear you breathe
Somewhere in my sleep, (in my sleep)
Got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But its only when I sleep
It's only when I sleep

.:Battle Royale Promise:.

I do hereby resolve to finish the Battle Royale chapter II by the end of this week, even if it's only a first draft. Oh, well...

.:Finally, Feedback:.

I finally got a comment on my Radio Weblog about the whole PCS deal (Which I currently feel needs no further comment for now as the ball is still in their court right now.). I've been plugging it heavily, but I figure I should go and plug it via my Yahoo Messenger to really hammer the point... heh. That might work.

I'll leave some messages for them via YM, then. The kel_891 one, of course. The voldemort02 YM isn't really for the WAVE listeners... heh.

I still find it funny when people add me online and then ask if I'm from WAVE, though. I mean Hades, they got my YM addy on the air during my show. Isn't it obvious that the guy they're chatting with is from WAVE? And the _891 should say it all... geez. Sorry. Pet peeve.

.:Oops:.

Almost forgot to do that five-page mini-biography for Dr. Miroy's class. I'll do it sometime tonight or tomorrow. Watch for it. I think it'd be very interesting, considering how concise it'd have to be...

.:New Friends:.

I'm glad I made some new online friends recently, Ms. Clair Ching being one of them. I find a lot of interesting stories from these people...

Didn't even realize my batchmate-now-LJ-friend, Martin Perez, is already a teacher himself. Of course, I think he's teaching high school students...

Even some of my newer friends who are also my students/classmates are nice, too. I heard that I'm actually the nicer T.A. in the eyes of my Ethics students, which I honestly found weird. I always thought I was the terror. Heh. And of course, some of my students/classmates are just easy on the eyes, but that's a different story. Besides, there's that Korean Sunday School in Strata during the weekends to look forward to...

Yesterday was a good day... I still haven't gotten to doing the second chapter for my Battle Royale fic... must make progress later...

Heard Sacha was in Manila Standard today, too. What did they have to say about her, other than her being "hopping mad"?

Oh, scratch that. I read it already.

And I'll post today's LSS for later. I have other things to take under consideration for now...

.:Overload:.

I got a huge casserrole filled with laing for my stepdad's birthday today from Grace's house last night. Thing is, there was just so much of it! I wasn't expecting this much laing for three hundred bucks, but I sure as Hades won't complain. I think my stepdad liked the present, too.

.:Gratitude:.

A certain friend of mine was kind enough to stand by me albeit online yesterday. I'm grateful. It helped me get a lot of sentiments off my chest, and I really am thankful that you were there for me, telling me all the things you told me. You, madame, are certainly one in a billion. May nobody ever take you for granted.

.:Disoriented:.

Got to work late, and Jean boarded instead of me. That pretty much meant I couldn't play all the standby songs I loved to play whenever I was on board. Worse, all the songs of Paolo Santos completely disappeared from our playlist. Good gawd, that was horrible. I really liked Paolo Santos' version of "Without You", so to suddenly find it gone was really disorienting. Lots of Kyla and Nina songs disappeared from our playlist, as well, and a lot of other massive rehauls happened.

I hope to Gawd Jean won't always be in charge of the board. Otherwise, my only consolation, having Jimmy Bondoc's "The Man I Was With You" back in our playlist, wouldn't even be consolation because I won't be able to play it... oh, well.

.:Rebonding:.

It can be said that I'm technically single right now. That doesn't mean I should just stop being in touch with Grace. If anything, we really spend even more quality time than we did the past couple of months. This is mainly because we've been a lot more open to communicating better with one another, and it really helps us get to know each other better. I'm grateful. The nicest gesture she did last night was that she practically helped me take the huge casserrole home last night, instead of letting me take a cab. It was awfully nice of her, and I really appreciated what she did for me.

There really isn't much to say about my current state of affairs. To be honest, I'm genuinely glad that things have been working out well between Grace and I. We're pretty much still together, but our not underscoring that fact keeps us from potentially suffocating the other with our domineering presence.

My relationship with Grace has been anything but perfect. Despite that, the things we've gone through pretty much cemented why we chose to be together with one another for so long a time, and even to this day, technically. Simply put, we connect on such a level that is simply beyond words. Our sentiments, our moods, our everything. Something about the two of us just clicks all the time, and I can't help but feel happy about this fact.

Thank you for yesterday, Grace. You really made my day.

.:Today's LSS:.

This goes out to someone I love, regardless of how she feels about me right now...

Waiting Game
by Swing Out Sister

I've spent too much time
Waiting for you in vain
I can't hear your voice
Although I call your name
I can't go on but I still hang on just the same

I've spent endless nights
Crying you name out loud
But still remain
Alone in an empty crowd
Als time goes on I realize you'll never change

I say a prayer
I count the hours
I hear a voice but it's not yours
I count the score
I can't go on playing the waiting game

If you should ever change your mind
I'll be there just call my name
Unitl then I'll be playing the waiting game

I've waited too long
Wishing my life away
Convincing myself
Tomorrow you'd change your ways
I can't go on but I still hang on just the same

I say a prayer
I count the hours
I hear a voice but it's not yours
I count the score
I can't go on playing the waiting game

All you left me with emptiness
Now everyday seems the same
You've gone but I'm still playing the waiting game

If you should ever change your mind
I'll be there just call my name
Unitl then I'll be playing the waiting game

I've waited too long for you to change your ways
Playing the waiting game

All you left me with was emptiness
Now everyday seems the same
You've gone but I'm still playing the waiting game

If you should ever change your mind
I'll be there just call my name
Unitl then I'll be playing the waiting game

.:Quick Weekend Recap:.

Actually, nothing huge happened over the weekend, as the radio show was just here and there (Tentative title: the New Show. Heh.), and I really didn't have much to do.

Regardless, Grace and I met up the past couple of days, although we did get into a tiff over the X-Box when she accidentally plugged it into the 220v socket. We had it repaired on Sunday, and then we watched Life of Brian, which Grace enjoyed quite a bit. Things happened again that left me currently in limbo, and while we were trying to patch things up while sitting at Paz, I apologized to her for being a first-rate heel then put my jacket on her as I took her home. She then tripped and sprained her ankle, which meant I had to help her walk home, and then I even fireman-carried her at the latter half of the trek back to her house.

Things have been crazy for me lately, but I guess I just have to let time reveal to me what's in store. I don't want to rush things again this time. And I don't want to say anything official about my current relationship status, lest I eat my words in a week's time.

But now, I play the waiting game.

It's a weekend. I'll give the LSS for the day a rest, if only for today.

I got a bit lazy with font colors, but still...

Grace: Marcelle, we have a gimmick later. All girls out. We're going to a gay bar. Is that okay? Love you!

Marcelle: No! You might see me working...

Heh. Nothing much. Boarding with Jean today again, and the topic is: what if the teacher you have the hots for makes a pass at you?

You can tell who came up with this topic... ;)

And yeah, lots of Koreans on my way up to the station. Maybe I can go to church with them on Sundays, since I can't go to Union Church anymore? Hmmm...

.:Exhausting Day:.

Things have been loaded today, as right after my classes, I headed straight to my uncle's office just so I could give him my payment for the two Ancestral Recall cards I got. Things have been getting complicated with the Beta one, but I'm hoping that things would pan out well soon enough. Nonetheless, when I went back to school, I had to help out for Dr. Manny Dy's appreciation day as one of the ten best teachers in the country, according to Metrobank. I was at registration with Ate Maan, the department secretary, and we had quite an interesting time there, just bonding and exchanging stories about our respective lovelives.

I really enjoyed today, but I'm currently too tired to blog extensively. Until those cards I purchased are safely in my hands, I'd feel a bit nervous, although I fully intend to clear out my BR fanfic backlog and finish Chapter II by the end of this week, as well as check a few papers for Ethics class here and there.

Ran into April before she had oral exams this morning, as well. It was good I managed to take her mind off of her exam, as she was a whole pack of nerves when I saw her.

Not much happening to me, really. I wonder how that press conference for Digital Pinay turned out? Oh, well. Regardless, I'm going to talk about this whole issue on my radio show at WAVE 89.1 tomorrow morning. I'm sure that even without mentioning any specific names, this would get some tongues wagging.

I also noticed that Strata 2000 has a Korean church in its building. The place is filled with Koreans during the weekends. Now isn't that fortuitous? ;)

I'm sorry. I don't make any bones about having a soft spot for these things... :)

.:Digital Degeneracy:.

Disclaimer: I will play Devil's Advocate in this essay half of the time to stress a point. The last thing I need is to be called “judgmental” about someone's looks. For a background on the reason for this post, check this site out for your convenience.

Look at her for a few moments, then read on.

This girl in the picture, for all we know, could be the most brilliant computer scientist ever. For all we know, she could've won every single Programming competition she joined. For all we know, she could be God's gift to the Philippine I.T. Industry. For all we know, she could be bringing glory to our country in the realm of computers, and she would be representative of exactly what women in I.T. are: progressive, and as good as, at times even better, than men can be in that industry.

But you know what? If the Philippine Computer Society would have their way, everything about this girl's potential renown and skills would account for only 40% of her worth. The girl in this picture, simply put, cannot be “Digital Pinay 2005” because she's not popular, she's not sophisticated, and she is not beautiful. PCS is essentially saying “You may be good with computers, but if you don't have charm, then bully for you.”

I am not involved in the I.T. industry. I come from a background of Communication Arts and Philosophy, which pretty much means I have nothing against beauty pageants, per se. Communication Arts people live for beauty pageants, particularly those who handle events. Aesthetics is part of Philosophy. Besides, beauty pageants make no bones about being Beauty pageants and consider charity and other functions secondary to being beautiful. Vain as it might be to place looks over anything else, it is still being honest. That's why it's a beauty pageant, not a charity contest, or a friendship contest.

I know everyone who's lambasted “Digital Pinay” has said this already, but it bears repeating: Digital Pinay is a beauty pageant. To make any pretenses that it is a search for the best girl to “represent” women in the Philippine I.T. Industry is a travesty, because its criteria insinuates that beauty, poise, and popularity combined are more important than actual skill. Theoretically, the most beautiful, sophisticated, and popular girl could represent Philippine I.T. even if she doesn't even know how to run a typewriter.

“But Marcelle,” some people might say. “Research shows that looks do count in work! Even DJ's, who were originally assumed to be 'better heard than seen' are now seen sashaying around all over the place like models!”

It's true. Research does show that aesthetic appeal tips the balance in the favor of those who have it. That's precisely why in the United States, resume's are submitted without photographs, in order to avoid this potential source of bias. Research has shown that there are just some people whose looks really prevents them from being trusted. Ask any Arab-American who is unfairly thought of as a terrorist while walking to his local 7-11 store. It happens all the time.

Despite that, just because something happens all the time does not mean it's right.

One of the things that turns me off about most network marketing companies, no matter how good the product may be, is that the hook to get into you it is, for the most part, based on a lie. Almost every single person who recruits you to their network would never tell you until you're in their “Business Opportunity Seminar” that it's a network marketing company. In fact, if you ask them outright if it's networking company, they'd either blatantly deny it, or simply make up some acronym and say that it's a multi-national company that's starting in the Philippines. Hogwash and codswallop.

That being said, Digital Pinay's hook is based on a lie: that whoever becomes Digital Pinay is not a beauty queen, but the “future of women leaders in the Philippine I.T. Industry”. Right. And vital statistics, looks, poise, and text votes are all part of being the future of women leaders in the Philippine I.T. Industry. Of course they are, research would tell us. But that doesn't mean that they should be.

To go an a tangent to professional wrestling, one of the most heavily criticized characters (For being politically incorrect and downright tasteless in the face of 9/11.) in the WWE right now is someone named Muhammad Hassan, an Arab-American who says exactly what’s wrong with America’s paranoia over Arab-Americans, yet whose onscreen character is extremist in his approach to “educating” the “rednecks” of America. Instead of being cheered for saying the right thing, he gets booed for proving himself wrong through his actions. Like Hassan, Digital Pinay’s attempt to find the next I.T. Industry leaders is simply self-defeating, because they perpetuate the very myths they supposedly want to dissolve.

In the midst of changing courses mid-stream, Mr. Querubim has decided to throw the barb that he would rather “work for a boss who was less intelligent but more personable”. I honestly don’t think that the criterion of “popularity”, i.e., text votes, covers being “personable”. Being popular is rather different from being personable. Ask any reporter for the Manila Times before it closed down in 2000 or 2001. They know how popular former president Joseph Estrada was, but they also know that his being personable is certainly up for debate. If popularity doesn’t cover it, much less would poise, which is a beauty contest standard, to begin with, and not a standard in the workforce. Clearly, their argument for personality flies out the window, because their current criteria cannot represent this notion. Hades, even a simple Miss Congeniality is more telling of personality than “poise” or “popularity”.


You are reading the words of a person who is not part of the I.T. Industry. You are reading the words of a person who wanted to get a friend into the pages of FHM just for kicks. Despite these facts, he is still vehemently disagreeing with this cockamamie idea, and it's clear why: this whole travesty is clearly an insult to the intelligence of all who become aware of it.

Considering how the I.T. industry is generally regarded as progressive, for the who's who of this so-called forward-moving industry to regress like this is such a disappointment. The finger of shame is pointed on you for even thinking for one moment that this was a good idea, regardless of your intentions. The road to Hades, after all, is paved with good intentions.

If the PCS wants to push through with this mockery of a pageant, then I am in no position to stop them, but I will be one of their harshest critics. I abstained from mentioning their organization on the air when I spoke against the idea, but I just may not refrain from doing so anymore if they would insist on this.

If they really want to push through with this, they will only prove how far they are regressing from all the so-called progress they have made over the years. The mainstream may welcome the I.T. Industry more with this move, but at what cost? Digital Pinay 2005, whoever she may turn out to be, will simply be pimped out to the mainstream and to the international I.T. community. Even if you disagree with my choice of words, you cannot disagree that it is still going to happen.

So to the PCS, look at that picture up there again for one moment, and tell yourself: if she were the most brilliant computer scientist on Earth, would the fact that she won't look so good in business attire, or heaven forbid, a bathing suit, be enough reason for you to deny that she ought to be your “Digital Pinay”?

Mr. Querubim is pretty much trying to turn the tables around his newfound critics in disclaiming that what they are establishing is “not” a beauty pageant. After having said all this, I have to reconsider my stand and agree with him. How true. It’s not a beauty pageant. Whatever it is, it’s far more devious, far more subtle, and is not even good enough to be regarded as a beauty pageant. Beauty pageants, at least, are organized with more thought, with better public relations, and in the vernacular, with more delicadeza.

Whatever Digital Pinay is trying to be, it is clearly doing one thing among others: perpetuating lies that all of us in the past have fallen for hook, line and sinker. The lie that looks and popularity, and not skills and personality, are precisely what make women leaders. The lie that women are so emotional that poise has to be imposed upon them, lest they prove the so-called strong, silent men right. They may twist the truth all they want, but until they realize that the very foundation of whatever they’re trying to do is built on the back of lies, PCS will infamously stand for “Philippine Computer Sexists”.

And that, my friends, is true.

.:Today's LSS:.

I like this song. I like the two segments between The Rock and Mick Foley that sort of involved this. This is just a song you have to sit down and ask yourself about every now and then...

This Is Your Life
by Switchfoot

yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
yesterday is a promise that you've broken
don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes
this is your life and today is all you've got now
yeah, and today is all you'll ever have
don't close your eyes
don't close your eyes

this is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
when the world was younger and you had everything to lose

yesterday is a kid in the corner
yesterday is dead and over

this is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
when the world was younger and you had everything to lose

don't close your eyes
don't close your eyes
don't close your eyes
don't close your eyes

this is your life are you who you want to be
this is your life are you who you want to be

this is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be
when the world was younger and you had everything to lose

and you had everything to lose

.:This Will Be A Long Recap:.

As I was practically not blogging for quite a while, I am going to be making up for it all today in one felling swoop. Let's get to it, but first...

My stalking skills have gotten better. I have just stalked Sadako.

Saw this girl walk into the LRT last Tuesday night, and I just had to take her picture. This shot is rather unflattering, though, because her eyes make her look like Sadako in this shot. Nonetheless, I might've seen this person before, though...

At the same time, look at these things of beauty...

Unlimited Ancestral Recall
Beta Ancestral Recall

Okay. Onto my recap.

.:Friday, 14 January, 2005:.

Classes were fine. Fr. Ferriols was exceptionally funny today, although he was leading us lambs to the slaughter because we had a long test to deal with on Wednesday. Nonetheless, it was all good, really.

That girlfriend of the month in a certain magazine looks like Daph... hmmm... and I ran into JayBee in Gateway Mall recently.

At lunch, Dr. Ibana, Jacqueline Jacinto, and I had a meeting at Gayuma, as was the weekly tradition for us. It was interesting, to say the least. I found out Jack wanted to go to law school but is still thinking twice about it, and that her boyfriend is in Ateneo Law, and is actually Don Umali's friend. In any case, things were fine for the most part, as I just stayed around the store for a while before going home. Grace and I then planned a trip to Avenida to purchase more films on Saturday.

.:Saturday, 15 January, 2005:.

So there I was on my first day doing Saturday boardwork with Jean, who was now using Gia as an air name. I don't really know, considering how it's been a while since we were officially working together, but the main thing I noticed about her was that ever since certain things have happened , she has been a bit different. Not necessarily worse, but different. There's a lot of playing up on a “loveteam” though, the way I told her that since it's been a while since I last worked with her, I was “Officially Missing” her, since the song playing was Tamia's “Officially Missing You”.

After my boardwork, I had a dental appointment. No need to talk about that... heh.

Afterwards, Grace and I headed off to Avenida again, where we had our fill of lovely DVD's. I was seesawing between getting films like Seven Samurai and Lost In Translation, but I still got quite a few titles: Kill Bill Vol. 2 (Clearer copy.), American Wedding, You Got Served (For Grace.), Supersize Me, Fahrenheit 9/11, Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (Clearer copy.), Audition (From the director of Ichi the Killer.), House Of Flying Daggers, Life Of Brian (!), and The Classic (From the director of My Sassy Girl.). I really had a lot of fun searching for all these films there, particularly the ones that I knew I couldn't find anywhere else, anyways, such as Audtion and The Classic.

It was fun hanging around with Grace, really. I was so happy that we found the time to do this, because I'm really turning into such a film buff (Current mainstream for the most part, and Asian films only, though. Maybe a few European films, but nothing Fr. Nick or Peppy and other Monty Python enthusiasts haven't shown me.), as some of my friends have observed.

.:Sunday, 17 January, 2005:.

My boardwork was mostly solo actually. Jean arrived a bit late, and apparently she was so underslept from partying the previous night. Nonetheless, the boardwork wasn't so bad. I was getting the hang of the songs we play during the morning, although there's still nothing quite like my noontime boardwork. Heh.

After the boardwork that was just absolute weirdness for me, I went to the 7th Realms Vintage tournament in Game Frog at Metrowalk. I found the tournament pretty entertaining, even if I did pretty miserably... heh. I went 2-4, and my counter-t3ch for Oath Of Druids decks never turned up in my match against the Oath deck: the Orchard never showed up. I also had a few play errors that could've been avoided. Regardless, it's all good. I enjoyed myself there, and it was fun talking with these players, as they were really nice people. One of the members, NeoTemplar, was also fond of GTO, and commented about my avatar.

I wanted to play my budget Doomsday, but unfortunately, DC777's package that contained Unmask was in the post office by Friday afternoon, preventing me from managing to claim the package because the post office closes at around 4:00 PM. Oh, well. It was all good, though.

It was funny that the deck I ran was pretty t3ched out, though. Due to lack of Power 9 cards, I had to make some key substitutions for my 7/10 Split deck. I managed to get some great game wins here and there, though. Sundering Titan is plainly brutal.

.:Monday, 17 January, 2005:.

I was rather motivated to finally get a piece of power, so my uncle and I were really driving to get an Ancestral Recall on E-Bay. The previous night, we were outbid by someone in the last ten seconds of the auction, as he most likely had an auto-bid option available to him. It was frustrating as time ran out on us and we didn't get the Ancestral Recall, but that was replaced by a sheer effort to win the next auction we gunned for. I was on board when I was monitoring the auction, and it just ended with us winning the card for $417.26, with shipping. It was splendid, truth be told, and little did I know that we were going to follow that up quite successfully.

The Recall looked to be in mint condition, and was unplayed. Looking at its scan, I find the card to be simply beautiful. Still, I owe my uncle big time for this favor. I then restarted my own E-Bay account and set my sights on another Ancestral Recall in hopes of selling the Unlimited one I just won. This was because another seller was selling a Beta Edition Ancestral Recall.

I then went to Grace's house to finish a paper I was translating from English to Filipino and then printed it out. It was interesting, because I was practically running Gabby's Dictionary all throughout just to make sure I was getting things right. Grace just looked on at me type like a madman, but it was all worth it, even if I was ticked off as Hades at the sumbish who decided to not submit the two paragraphs he was supposed to translate. In addition to my one paragraph and the fact that I had to edit the whole translation for cohesion, I then had to translate those two ruddy paragraphs myself. Grr...

And, yeah. I saw “Supersize Me”. Let' just say that I'm glad I haven't been into fast food lately, and it not only saves me money, but it turns out it keeps me healthier as well.

.:Tuesday, 18 January, 2005:.

The auction for Ancestral Recall number 2 was supposed to end at 3:12 AM on Wednesday. I had an interesting time talking to Jeff and Elgine in my class, so truth be told, I was fairly occupied. It wasn't so bad, really. It's just that most of the interesting things that happened during my day happened in the middle of the night when I was doing the bidding myself instead of my uncle. Before I left for home, I left a bid of $286 on the Beta Ancestral Recall.

Grace had an interesting experience, though. Apparently, the taxi driver she took with her sister was trying to channel Madame Auring, as he attempted to predict that Stephie, my goddaughter, was going to be a good kid, and that her mom had a similar attitude, but she and her husband wouldn't work out. He then told Grace that she was hard-headed, that she was dumb when it came to her lovelife, and that she and her boyfriend don't get along because she gets jealous easily, while his boyfriend is very close to girls. His conclusion was that Grace and her boyfriend won't end up together.

Excuse me? The only input he got from Grace and anyone else in the cab were birthdays. While he made some great guesses on attitudes of people here and there, I think it's a bit too presumptive of him to just tell Grace out and out that she and her boyfriend won't work out and end up together, fortune teller or not.

I'm Grace's boyfriend, dammit. It doesn't matter to me how good a fortune teller you are, but leave Grace and I to ourselves to find out if we truly are meant to be together. Believing in what you have to say will only be a self-fulfilling prophecy, so I choose to reject it, regardless if you'd end up being right or not after all has been said and done.

I've pretty much given my own share of doomsaying when it comes to my relationships already. I don't need anyone else to add to that.

.:Wednesday, 19 January, 2005:.

And so I woke up at 2:45 in the morning, armed only with Grace's internet connection details on my computer. I went online (Free internet from 2:00-7:00.), opened E-Bay, and as expected, the auction was already at $325, $5 over my maximum bid. I then waited a few minutes before bidding all the way up to $356, as it turned out that whoever I was up against had a max bid of $350. I then spent five of the most exciting minutes of my life refreshing and refreshing the window in anticipation of any snipe bidders and getting my finger ready on a new max bid of $390.

Two minutes were left, and lo and behold, there was no movement. I waited a few seconds, then nudged my max bid to $370 so I wouldn't be just one bid away from losing. Ten seconds into it, I maxed out to $390, only to realize that I won the auction the moment I bid $356. That was the end of that story and boom, I just won myself a Beta Edition Ancestral Recall for a mere $356.

I then went to class, and it was our long exam for Metaphysics with Fr. Ferriols. Needless to say, I did pretty well this time, as I was using good analysis and very insightful analogies to get my point across. I think this really went well.

Boardwork was fun. I was there with Pam, who became my partner for that day, which meant I had to use a playlist instead of play the songs I liked for Waveback Wednesday. Despite that, it was fun. Pam and I ended up talking about that “Digital Pinay” competition on the air, and how the organizers seem to have forgotten that the I.T. industry houses brilliant minds and would see through any flimsy attempts to make this glorified beauty pageant come across as the search for a “true representative” of the “future leaders” of the industry, an industry that I certainly am no part of, which underscores how severely skewed this whole setup is, that it doesn't take a degree in Computer Science to realize there is something fundamentally wrong with building something based on a manipulation of the truth. More on this later.

When it was Jda's turn to board, I stayed around for about an hour as she tried to tell the listeners about how I shelled out $356 for a single card. It was also amusing when we just talked about movies, movies, and more movies off the air, and how she spoiled the ending of “Lovers In Paris” for me. That's an inane ending, but it doesn't really matter much, as the girl in “Everyone Has Secrets” is the girl in Channel 7's “Stairway To Heaven”, and she is sooooooo hot. It was actually Grace who pointed out to me how this girl was just... wow.

Currently playtesting my Standstill Juggernaut deck. It's pretty fun, but I feel like using Stax more right now... heh.

.:Thursday, 20 January, 2005:.

Nothing much here, really. I had fun with classes, but the fun really started the moment classes ended. Me, TJ, Ryan, and a seminarian headed to Mang Jimmy’s, and we practically gorged ourselves on tons of rice and seven different viands. At the same time, we were talking about all those things guys talk about, if you know what I mean, and they were dumbstruck at my mad 1337 stalking skillz. Needless to say, the conversations were extremely interesting. Due to their interest in seeing one of my students. Heh.

All in all, a fun night, really.

At least the recap is over and done with, though...

Heh. Silly me. I left my diskette, so my blogging will have to wait. Lots of things to blog about, though.

Today's LSS? No lyrics, as I'll post them with my post next time, but it's "This Is Your Life" by Switchfoot. Love the song...

First day of boarding on a Saturday... my partner is nowhere to be found...

I now also board on Saturdays and Sundays, 6-10 AM.

Here's my LSS for today. It just works for me, really. I love Avril Lavigne's songs when she's not pretending to be tough...

Why
by Avril Lavigne

Why, do you always do this to me?
Why, couldn't you just see through me?
How come, you act like this
Like you just don't care at all

Do you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall?
I can feel, I can feel you near me, even though you're far away
I can feel, I can feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

Hey, listen to what we're not saying
Let's play, a different game than what we're playing
Try, to look at me and really see my heart

Do you expect me to believe I'm gonna let us fall apart?
I can feel, I can feel you near me, even when you're far away
I can feel, I can feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

So go and think about whatever you need to think about
Go on and dream about whatever you need to dream about
And come back to me when you know just how you feel, you feel
I can feel, I can feel you near me, even though you're far away
I can feel, I can feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me

It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

.:Today’s LSS:.

While I’m a HUGE fan of Gary Valenciano, I can’t help but feel he bastardized this song. Nonetheless, refer to the heading “The Others” in this post to know why this is my LSS for the day…

How Did You Know
by Chiqui Pineda

I remember so well
The day that you came into my life
You asked for my name
You had the most beautiful smile

My life started to change
I'd wake up each day feeling alright
With you right by my side
Makes me feel things will work out just fine

Chorus:

How did you know
I needed someone like you in my life
That there's an empty space in my heart
You came at the right time in my life

I'll never forget
How you brought the sun to shine in my life
And took all the worries and fears that I had
I guess what I'm really trying to say
It's not everyday that someone like you comes my way
No words can express how much I love you

(Repeat Chorus)

.:It's Been Great:.

Ran into *jaded* yesterday, and I must say that I was glad that I did. It's been a while since I met her, and she's been a really great conversation, even though it lasted for just a few minutes.

Sacha has also been nice to me online. She gave me a good site to consult in case I get stumped here and there trying to translate some words from English to Filipino.

Met an old classmate of mine in Chinese Philosophy, Len Go, while I was on my way home after Levinas class. She was on her way to Gateway Mall. Interestingly enough, she wanted to watch Kung-Fu Hustle. Just about everyone I know wants to watch it. Even Ces, who apparently had new braces.

Interestingly, I've been in touch with that WAVE listener who recognized my voice from Radio 1, and today's Hot 10 was likewise very interesting... let's just say that people seem to be very good at the "Hot 10 things to say to someone with a broken heart"...

Levinas class was fun. My classmates are beginning to notice my fondness for balut, and they agreed with me that removing ellipses from Book 5 of Harry Potter would've cut the page count by 200... ;)

.:Honesty:.

While talking to her last night, Ces was a bit careless while bending down to pick up her bag after class...

Marcelle: Uhh... Ces?

Ces: Yes?

Marcelle: ::motions to cover his chest::

Ces: Oh. Thank you. There's nothing to see, anyway.

Marcelle: I wouldn't know...

.:The Others:.

Being schooled in Heidegger the previous semester, it was quite a leap for me to suddenly listen to Emmanuel Levinas, who seems to be clashing head-on with Heidegger's philosophy, particularly in his focus on the other instead of the self, which is Heidegger's crux, for the most part.

Ironically, what I really wanted to write about since last year will have to wait, as I still can't find the strength to go about it. This, however, is equally insightful.

What is the deal with giving so much premium to the other, to begin with? What have they done that merits them such regard? Why in Hades are we responsible for them, to begin with? While we were talking about the nature of the other, and how we encounter them through time not in a continuous line from past to present to future, it became clear that Levinas saw time as a pulse. This pulse is an instant in the present, that is separate from the past and the future, but still connected, nonetheless. Levinas furthermore likens the future to both a threat and a promise: a threat for what harm may come, and a promise of redemption.

Redemption from what? What are we to redeem ourselves from? Levinas makes it clear that we do become redeemed from our solitude. Moreover, we realize that the other is the other insofar as we do not control the other. Regardless if this is the personal Other, or simply the object other, we do not fully control the other, especially not the Other.

Yet why does it seem to be the case that despite not being able to control the Other, the Other still seems to impose, or to sound less negative, contribute so much to our being? From everything we do, we are clearly never fully “self-made”. It is simply impossible, and quite almost an oxymoron, in fact.

This reminds me of that Chiqui Pineda song, “How Did You Know?” While the song may sound overtly sappy, the removal of the romantic overtones of the song spell out a clear message: a call to the Other, thanking the Other for doing what the Other does in our life, whether good or bad, and asking the Other, “How did you know/I needed someone like you in my life?”

Whether or not we would like to admit it, the Other is needed in our lives, not in the sense that we would die without the Other, but because we desire to be with the Other, in varying capacities, though it may be.

The fact that we do not control the Other, yet the Other is capable of coming “in my life at the right time” for the most part, is what makes the Other special. That led me to my second point when I made a comment to Dr. Garcia: we are responsible for the Other because truly, we don't deserve anything that we get, good or bad.

In the most crass of ways, and I know I talked about this just the other day and some time before that, even, we know that we never merited our existence. Anything we get, good or bad, is irrelevant when contrasted to the fact that we have never done anything prior to our existence (Well, duh, unless you believe in reincarnation, and even then...) to merit it. It is as though life is a handing to us of a “capital”, a capital that we never earned, yet we spend it as best as we could as though it were our own. Of course there will be obstacles or perhaps other people who will keep you from maximizing your capital, but you see, whether you lose all of it or get a thousandfold, you never deserved that capital to begin with.

That being said, I have to credit that notion to Dr. Barbazza. It was he who pointed out to me that I have no right to assume that just because I exist, then the world owes me something. Nor do I have the right to ask God why he cannot make this or that better for me or for anyone. A man may say to the universe that “Sir, I exist,” but the universe could very well reply, “Yes, you do. But that has not created in me a sense of obligation.”

My responsibility to the Other comes from the mere fact that while I realize I can never earn the capital that was bestowed upon me, my obligation to the Other is the least I can do to somehow “pay it forward”, for clearly, I cannot truly pay it back to the ultimate source of this capital. This is precisely why we are responsible to the Other.

At the very least, your parents were Others who brought you into existence, regardless if it may have been in the backseat of a car, or it may have been in Italy.

.:Hurly Burly:.

I have a whole onrush of ideas flowing into my head, but none of it seems to make sense. For now, I'll chalk it up to the fact that writing my storyline for Battle Royale has been disappointing with the second chapter as my swamping work has made it impossible for my creative juices to flow easily. I sincerely hope that next week will turn that around, and I can submit a completed v1.2 of my second chapter to my beta-readers...

Some ideas I'll leave here...

- Last words
- Bounty
- P.A. system
- Kunai (Idea courtesy of Peppy)

See you jabronis soon...

.:I Shall Try:.

Yesterday was a Waveback Wednesday, and I really enjoyed my boardwork. Had a conversation with Abby for a while during my time on air, and then I headed to Grace's house a little afterwards, as I finally saw her pet dog at their store after a couple of months (He still knows me!), and then we watched "Eurotrip", which was a hilarious film, to say the least.

In any case, there's little to blog about today. I'm still a bit tired and all, but I intend to do the bulk of my writing by tomorrow, hopefully, and then upload them sometime over the weekend or something...

Nonetheless, I just realized one thing... we were put into this planet, and yet we never did anything to deserve it. Prior to our existence, we have never earned anything. That being said, I honestly feel that anything that comes in our life, good or bad, cannot be blamed on the cosmos. We have no right to say "we deserve better" in the final analysis, because we deserved nothing prior to our existence. Our very existence already is a gift that is too good for all of us.

But that's just my opinion.

.:Today's LSS:.

So many people who seem so apathetic to you? Ever felt that you're carrying the whole world on your shoulders? Well, this song just hits the spot, then.

Unaffected
by Hoobastank

There never seems to be
Because what i believe
A moment i'm not trying
To show them who i am
Why can't they understand
The things that they're denying?

They're denying.....

Chorus:
So what should i do
Just lay next to you
As though i'm unaffected
And who should i be
When they're judging me
As though i'm unaffected?

A chance they'd never give
To ever want to live
The life that i am made of
There's nothing left to prove
My heart's forever true
What is it they're afraid of?

Afraid of.....

(Repeat Chorus)

Before they even saw my face
The knew that i was not the same
And decided i was not the one for you
For you.....

So what should i do?
I'm not unaffected
And who should i be?
I'm not unaffected

(Repeat Chorus)

Unaffected...
Unaffected...
Unaffected...
Unaffected...

.:Today's LSS:.

Refer to today's Film Review to find out why...

Knockin' On Heaven's Door
by Bob Dylan

Yeah yeah-eh yeah~~
Yeah yeah-eh yeah~~

Mama, take this badge off from me
I can't use it anymore
It's getting dark too dark to see
Feels like I'm knockin' on heaven's door

Chorus:
Knock...knock...knockin' on heaven's door
Knock...knock...knockin' on heaven's door
Knock...knock...knockin' on heaven's door
Knock...knock...knockin' on heaven's door

Mama put my guns in the ground
I can't shoot them anymore
That long black cloud is coming down
I feel like knocking on heaven's door

Chorus

.:Notions:.

Apparently, Elgine, my nice student in class, doesn't know about the Pink Table story yet. Well, that's interesting... heh.

At the same time, I ran into Rhea and her boyfriend last night at Hobby Haven. Rhea's really nice, and she was learning how to play Neopets while I was at the store. Jason and I were taking turns at making offhand comments regarding company she kept, though...

.:Drained. Burnt Out:.

Given my dismal efforts as of late resulting in rather disappointing grades, I feel rather saddened, as it's pretty clear that the C's and C+'s I've been getting are inexcusable. I may not be as grade-conscious as I was back in college, but I still maintain some measure of dignity in my work. Moreover, graduate school considers anything lower than a B to be failing, so whether or not undergraduate subjects are subject to the same standards, it still feels like I'm failing, regardless. Dr. Miroy even had to talk to me about it, which really made me feel miserable.

I'm drained and tired already of everything that's been going on in my life. If I had a choice, I would simply have not wanted to take M.A. studies, but my desire to teach makes that choice quite difficult. I sometimes feel that I'm not really as intelligent or brilliant as people assert me to be. Rather, I feel that I merely push myself harder to excel in the thin that I want to excel at, and right now, it's as though I'm pushing on empty. I feel like a void in me just refuses to be filled up: a void that simply takes its toll on me, as it does now.

I feel that I've been putting all my effort into this, and my only refuge was supposedly my blogging, where I could pour my heart out in hopes that a kindred soul would at the very least give a damn.

How wrong I was.

And so I pour my heart out again, like a whisper in the wind that falls into emptiness. There is nothing melodic or poetic with these words, especially when I am faced with the cold and harsh reality that no matter what I do, no matter how many times I pull the trigger on this empty revolver aimed at my head, I will always die just a little with each day. And on the day I can no longer die just a little, I die alone.

Maybe I deserve it.

.:A Raw Review: Windstruck:.

After watching this film, I just can't bring myself to review “Ocean's Twelve” or “Kung-Fu Hustle” any longer. This film sent me on an emotional roller coaster, and I still haven't gotten off.

Despite the risk of being extremely underslept again if I watched “Windstruck”, I still went ahead and popped in the DVD last night. I won't do a conventional review here, the way I tend to review most films. Not since “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”, or “The Notebook” did a movie affect me so deeply on an emotional level that I just end up breaking into tears and become an emotional wreck. Yes, I practically cried myself to sleep after seeing the film.

Yes, there will be spoilers. Lots of them.

What makes “Windstruck” work for me is simply the honest emotionality that I found in the film. What may seem like just another trite and rote love story to others hit home to me, if only for the sheer intensity of the emotions that were all over the film. I was too lost in emotions to care about plot holes, or bad pacing, or the overt number of emotional climaxes in the film. I just fell for all of it hook, line, and sinker.

I haven't done research on it yet, but this movie certainly felt like a prequel to “My Sassy Girl”, although oddly enough, the first encounter between Gyunwoo and Kyunjin was definitely different from the latter. Moreover, Kyunjin definitely did not seem like a cop in “My Sassy Girl”, nor was she ever called by name throughout the film. That being said, I think the director was just toying with MSG fans…

Regardless, while I was watching “Windstruck”, I liked how Myungwoo and Kyunjin's love story developed. There was an instant chemistry between them, and their relationship was just extraordinarily sweet without being cheesy. Kyunjin's unapologetic ways, Myungwoo's wide-eyed awe at the significance of linking pinkies when making promises, all added to the emotions in the story. I personally loved how Myungwoo kept on comparing himself to the wind. It was an important plot point that they followed up perfectly.

For those who've seen “My Sassy Girl”, they know that the girl's previous boyfriend there died, and Gyunwoo was the cousin of the girl's late boyfriend. Simply put, if you were introduced to “Windstruck” as a prequel, then you would know that Myungwoo would die somewhere in the film. Myungwoo's death wasn't what triggered an emotional response from me, though... I mean, he almost died in a previous scene, then finally died in a police chase scene. Truth be told, what got to me was how Kyunjin then wanted to kill herself after he died.

Why is this significant? In the scene where Kyunjin was telling Myungwoo about the significance of linking pinkies, and how the prince in her story actually died and only kept his promise to return before leaving forever on the 49th day, my suspension of disbelief readied me for ghosts. However, at the end of the story, the princess died next to the prince, and Myungwoo jokingly asked if Kyunjin would do the same thing if he died. Kyunjin vehemently said no.

Kyunjin would then keep on trying to commit suicide, only for circumstances to stop her (She should've tried Strepsils...). Finally, it all came to a head in the end, when on the 49th day, she saw a paper plane flying in the air: the exact paper plane Myungwoo made when they were out in the country. It flies into her room, and then the moment she opens the windows, the wind blows and all her little windmills in the room begin to turn, and the book Myungwoo gave her that he drew flip animations on was being flipped by the wind. While the camera turned and turned around her, I was practically melting already, as she kept on saying Myungwoo's name, asking him if it's really him.

For one last time, they meet. At this point, Jun's acting was just phenomenal, as she practically made me feel exactly what her character was feeling at that point, a mixture of joy and sorrow, over the realization that this will be the last time she will see Myungwoo. That Myungwoo will not want her to follow him when she has so much to live for. And finally...

Myungwoo! I'm... sorry.

You don't have to call me that. My name is Myungwoo.

I saw this coming, but given my recent emotional state, I just really needed a movie that will give me all the excuses to cry, and as sappy as it may sound, this movie certainly did just that.

“Windstruck”, without a doubt, is a keeper of a film. If you have a heart, then this film is for you.

Perhaps someday, I will be like the wind, too, in the end. That I may love someone without any hesitation, willing to promise my all, my life, my eternity. The wind, after all, is quite in the same boat when it comes to love. You can't see either of them, but you can feel both of them, in their own unique, respective ways.

Marcelle's Overall Rating: A+

.:Today's LSS:.

Chico and Delle had an interesting Hot 10 this morning... something about the Hot 10 song lyrics that reflect your life. I've been doing that for quite a while already with my daily LSS, but I never did get in the Hot 10 despite having sent in around three entries or so...

This song was used as an entry, and I love it...

Best I Ever Had
by Vertical Horizon

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now

Chorus:
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely

Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better

(Repeat Chorus)

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

What was it you wanted
Could it be I'm haunted

(Repeat Chorus)

.:I Feel So Lazy...:.

In case I don't write my film reviews for Kung Fu Hustle and Ocean's Twelve, forgive me. I've been feeling awfully lazy as of late, and the only productive thing I've been doing is making additions and subtractions to the Battle Royale fanfiction death list.

However, rest assured that I will make sure to review any other films I'll see from now on, even old ones like Windstruck, Walking Tall, and Eurotrip...

Nonetheless, I still feel awfully lazy for the most part... tentative grades are A+ for KFH and A- for Ocean's Twelve, respectively.

.:Farewell To You, Our Friend:.

Hey Erick!

Not quite the greatest limerick
In case you ever feel sad or sick
Don't forget to e-mail me real quick
Voldmeort02@yahoo, the addy that'll stick
Or webcam me, fire-spin that wick
Don't worry, I won't look at your...

That's sort of a little rhyme I wrote on Erick's scrapbook, as he is about to migrate to Canada by the end of this week. That being said, Kathy, despite an early flight the very next day, took the time out just to get the spinning group together for one last time before Erick left for good. We had spinning, but the stories we had to tell proved to be rather interesting, more than anything.

For one, I told them about the stories that happened over the weekend, particularly when I nearly put my foot in my mouth by commenting about some Chinese girl I saw, who turned out to be Oz's friend. I was about to open my mouth when he approached her. Good thing I didn't say anything yet...

Erick apparently decided to detonate an explosive worth the gunpowder of 80 pla-pla firecrackers in Bocaue, resulting in quite a ruckus with authorities. He turned into a "primary suspect" of what was thought to be a terrorist attack, as the cellphones they recorded the explosion in registered uber-bright lights upon explosion, and one of the phones' microphones even got wrecked due to the loud register of the sound. That, plus the fact that Erick's girlfriend was laughing along giddily over her boyfriend's little escapade made me realize that CNN would become his personal blog when he gets to Canada...

The Specs Appeal discussion made the rounds again... heh. I kinda freaked people out when I did my schtick again. It's 2005. We do not judge.

Kathy even gave me a begrudging compliment, what I would label as "the most un-heartfelt compliment I've ever received in my life". She had to admit that I looked better than a certain person she knew, but then, that offers little consolation to me. Heh. Tsk, tsk. After two "dates" with her "gay friend", and yet, she's still antagonistic of me... it's all in good fun, though.

In any case, spinning was fun for the most part, although Peppy and I were laughing our heads off over the crazy stories Kathy had about her dad. At the same time, it's been a while since I met up with Carl, and though I had a lot of stories to tell, most of them are in my blog anyways...

All the power to Erick. I hope he enjoys himself when he gets there...

.:Today's LSS:.

This song goes out to a good friend of mine...

Semi-Charmed Life
by Third Eye Blind

I'm pack and I'm holding,
I'm smiling, she's living, She's golden and she lives for me,
She says she lives for me, Ovation,
She's got her own motivation, she comes round and she goes down on me
And I make her smile, it's like a drug for you
Do whatever you what to do,
Coming over you, keep on smiling, what we go through.
One stop to the rhythm that divides you,
And I speak to you like the chorus to the verse,
Shop another line like a coda with a curse
And I come on like a freak show takes the stage
We give them the games we play, she said

Chorus:
I want something else, to get me through this,
Semicharmed kind of life
I want something else, I'm not listening to what you say,
Goodbye.

The sky it was gold, it was rose
I was taking sips of it through my nose
And I wish I could get back there,
Some place back there, smiling in the pictures you would take
Doing crystal myth, will lift you up until you break
It won't stop, I won't come down, I keep stock
With a tick tock rhythm and a bump for the drop
And then I bump up, I took the hit I was given
Then I bumped again, And then I bumped again
How do I get back there to,
The place where you said

(Repeat Chorus)

I believe in the sand between my toes
The beach gives a feeling
An earthy feeling, I believe in the faith that grows
And the four right chords can make me cry
When I'm with you I feel like I could die
And that would be all right, All right
When the plane came in
She said she was crashing
The velvet it rips, in the city we tripped
On the urge to feel alive
But now I'm struggling to survive
The days you were wearing
That velvet dress, you're the priestess, I must confess
Those little red panties, they pass the test
Slide up around the belly, face down on the mattress, One
Now you hold me
And we're broken
Still it's all that I want to do
Feel myself with a head made of the ground
I'm scared but I'm not coming down
And I won't run for my life
She's got her jaws lockd now in smile but nothing is all right, All right

(Repeat Chorus)

.:Here’s Grace’s Korean Friend, Pola:.

Can you believe she’s 27 years old?!?

.:I Can't Believe I Forgot About...:.

... Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Let's put it this way... that film really meant a lot to me, to say the least. For me to forget about including it in the Top Five films of the year is a travesty.

.:A Series Of Odd Events:.

Quite believably, I ended up hanging around with Grace for four straight days, considering how after all that “speaking tongues” and “oh, yeth, yeth, yeth!” discussions with my Levinas classmates in Gerry's Grill, I was practically with Grace from Thursday to Sunday on various dates.

However, quite amusingly, I was hanging around with Kathy last Friday and Saturday as well. Consider it the mismatch of the decade, to say the least. Heh.

.:07 January, 2005, Friday:.

After hanging around Hobby Haven for the first time since the new year started, I headed off to Glorietta to supposedly watch “Kung-Fu Hustle” (Review of this film coming up, along with the review for “Ocean's Twelve”.) with Kathy, Grace, Peppy, Krisette, and some of Kathy's friends , only to discover that by the end of it, only Grace, Kathy, and I were watching. That was funny, considering Kathy was almost technically a chaperone that night, and if in case Grace didn't show up, I think Kath and I may as well call the movie night off... heh.

While waiting for Grace, Kathy and I were talking about a few things, particularly the plan for Saturday, as we intended to go firespinning, among other things such as hunting for DVD's. She was also talking to me about stuff that's been going on in her life recently, which naturally piqued my interest, to say the least. Nonetheless, we had a good plan to carry out for Saturday.

When Grace got there, it didn't take long before we fell in line to watch the movie. Even before writing the review, I can already say that it was one great film that everyone ought to try and see...

.:08 January, 2005, Saturday:.

Saturday was supposedly the day that Grace and I would meet up at her house to go to NBI and get my clearance. Unfortunately, when we got to Taft, we were informed that the clearance center was relocated near Avenida, and the moment we got there, to our horror, we found out that they were closed. That being said, there was about a couple of hours before my dental appointment, so we found the silver lining in the cloud and proceeded to look through the numerous DVD stalls throughout Avenida.

There were some great bargains here and there, as was the case when we found Spirited Away and Grave of the Fireflies in one DVD, for only forty pesos. The whole street was practically a DVD zone, so anyone who wants to try their luck looking for films here and there ought to give Avenida a try. It's open only until January 31, though, so better not waste any time.

After a thorough run-through, all we found was “Naked Weapon/Kill Bill Vol.1”, “The Day After Tomorrow” (Not-so-great copy.), “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” (Not-so-great copy.), “Eurotrip/Along Came Polly”, “Spirited Away/Grave of the Fireflies”, “Kill Bill Vol.2” (Not-so-great copy.), “Walking Tall” (Not-so-great copy.), “Collateral” (Not-so-great copy.), Taking Lives (Not-so-great copy.), and “Iron Ladies 2” (Doesn't play.). Some shops still weren't open, and prices vary. The not-so-great copies tend to be cheaper, though, and are still perfectly acceptable for the most part.

Grace and I found a VERY interesting video, though… the title?

Specs Appeal: Girls With Glasses, Vol. 10.

It’s an X-rated video featuring only girls with glasses… interesting.

After my dental appointment, I headed to the Chua residence to meet Kathy. To my amusement, I got there as she was headed out already. She was in the car, so had I made it two minutes later, I would've missed catching her. She was off to meet a friend, Fie (Hope I spelled her name right.), because she wanted to talk to Fie about a few things that she was initially intending to do in reaction to certain stimuli beyond her control .

So when we got to Greenbelt and just sat around Seattle's Best, I ran into Gerald Moscardon, who was actually working with Daph now. So yes, I saw Daph yesterday, and that was the first of a whole bunch of great people I ran into last Saturday, mostly sights for sore eyes. Daph was pretty, as usual... heh.

After some coffee at SBC, Kathy found out that she had to move meeting places with Fie, because some people she was hoping to not run into would be where we were soon enough. We went up to another coffee house in the second floor, I believe, and there I ran into Bev, who was with Ces. Yes, second run-in with Chinese people... Camie also passed by a few moments later, but my fixation was with Ces... heh.

One of the people Kathy was initially avoiding walked past us and then acknowledged Kathy. So much for being covert. The guy was Fie's brother, by the way, so there goes the neighborhood... ah, well.

Shortly afterwards, Fie met up with Kathy, and I was introduced as “Kathy's gay friend.” Nice first impression, Kathy. That's splendid. :P

So there we were, talking about various things, and Kathy was being given some sane advice by Fie about not doing anything rash and playing things by ear. Fie was right, and I was agreeing with her for the most part, though. I really liked the way Fie looked at things, actually. She had a pretty valid point, in my opinion. Nonetheless, Kathy kept on bringing up her need for sanity and all...

Sanity then led her to purchase a whole bunch of DVD's from Makati Cinema Square, while I settled for only one DVD: the Matrix Trilogy compilation. Perfect. I don't need to be bothered with looking for good copies of each.... heh.

After the whole DVD hunting thing, the three of us went back to SBC to finally face the music, so to speak. Daph was still there, so there's a perk with that, as Kathy then tried to get me into trouble by saying how much she heard about Daph through me when I introduced her to Daph... evil woman, always asking me to read her mind rife with five letters... heh.

So I finally got introduced to “Joe” and “Madrigal”, aka Oz and Bunky, two of Kathy's friends through Ching and John. They were playing a guitar and singing, while I was just there looking around, which was the least I can do, all things considered. Fie and Bunky left shortly after Kathy laid out all her cards, and Oz and I found a similar taste in film. He's seen “Everybody Has Secrets”...

Marcelle: That film is so funny! I mean, he scores with all three sisters! The eldest was married... wow. Remind you of anything? Of course, in the film, it was the middle child who was really hot, so the comparisons end there...

Kathy: Shut up, Marcelle.

When we had dinner at the food court, lo and behold, I ran into Daph again. Wow. Talk about sheer luck. I loved it.

In any case, the three of us just kept on having interesting conversations ranging from the infamous “Patrick Allegation” to the “Ladder to Success” to stories about how Kathy's dad values his camera more than his drowning daughter... Oz likes comics, apparently, and is also fond of movies. Works for me. I think Kathy's blessed to have a keeper of a friend like that. Same thing about Bunky and Fie, I suppose.

I got home at midnight already, feeling rather pleased that I did my good deed. Of course, whilst Kathy is worried about people seemingly getting the wrong idea about her all the time, I suppose that's the last thing she'd have to worry about when it comes to me... I have all the right ideas when it comes to her... nyahahhahahhahaha...

.:09 January, 2005, Sunday:.

I was home for most of the day, but one thing about today stands out, really...

Grace and I finally shopped for a Battle Royale DVD. Me so happy about it...

Ichi the Killer is awfully gruesome, by the way... saw a scene where a guy cut off his own tongue, nay, slowly lopped it off... wow...