Thursday, September 25, 2003

Free-Stylin', Profilin', Limousine-Ridin', Lear Jet Flyin' Son of a Gun...

Hey, jabroni! It’s your birthday!
We’re gonna act up now ‘cause it’s your birthday!
We’re gonna rip you apart on your birthday
But hey, we don’t give a hoot if it’s your birthday

So you wanna go and rob Mister Vader of his glory? You wanna ask Vader “What can you do for me”? Well, go to Hades, you little jabroni! Open up your eyes a bit, can’t you see? It’s over, punk, pay your dues! Mister Vader’s giving you an offer you can’t refuse. But Hades, you won’t listen, so what’s the use? Maybe you think you’re such a big shot, Mr. Short Fuse? You bastich, you don’t know what you’re getting into! Mister Vader’s come to collect and rip you in two! Don’t push your luck, ‘cause if you ever do; when Vader’s done, you’re prolly gonna sue. But so what? You think you’re such a blast? In Vader’s eyes, you’re even worse than last! Well, this verse sure is going nowhere fast. So punk, do what you’re supposed to, or Vader will kick your... ::points microphone to audience::

And what about you? You think Vader’s been annoying? Behind his back, you wanna do all your dissing? Well suit yourself, punk, ‘cause Vader’s just rhyming. He’ll turn around, commence the stabbing! If it’s not one thing, it’s another. Geez, why does Vader even bother? Can’t defend himself, everyone thinks he’s cannon fodder. Right, and now, Mister Vader’s out? No room for the ruddy benefit of the doubt? Don’t test Vader’s patience, for your own sake. Mister Vader’s taken more than he can take. You got a problem, take it to his face. Otherwise, you can stay in your place. You won’t get a thing by going subterfuge. You’d be better off ripping on Vader in Moulin Rouge. Well, it’s D.T.A., isn’t that a shame? Don’t hate the playa, hate the game! So what do you wanna do about it now? You sure picked a fine time to have a cow. No man is Vader’s friend if he believes his good intentions only when it shows. No man is Vader’s friend if his acceptance to contrary evidence never slows. That’s what C.S. Lewis said, the man sure knows. You got no faith in the Tolarian Equalizer, none at all? How sad of you to build up this wall. And then you rip on me, oh, the gall! Vader’s sure you’re having a ball. Well, accuse him some more, oh, that’s so rich. But if you refuse to hear him out, that makes you one slimy... ::points microphone to audience::

That goes for you as well. You wanna run your mouth off, and raise some hell? Hades, that’s pitiful, but that’s just swell. It’s not for Vader, the sound of that tolling bell. Do it some more, and have your fun! Mister Vader’s loading his gun. You want to tell everyone you’re the best thing since ages? Mister Vader’ll beat you so hard, you’ll regress your growing stages! What a waste of time, you were, Vader sees. You prolly have your brains around your knees! You can’t think of a thing to say? Well that’s just so ruddy gay. You don’t listen to any amount of reason. You’ve done nothing short of outright treason. It’s not like you, jabroni, can hope to be Vader’s match. You’re not the jabroni everyone came to watch. So you want to run your mouth off some more? Mister Vader’s showing you the door. Walk out while you got time, or hit the floor. Mister Vader might do something you will abhor. You’re a worthless piece of decomposing trash. Oh, wait: even that has some more class. You deserve every word of this bash. So in the end, you fail to pass. Because Freddie and Jason was just plain crass. And now, you can tell you’re out of luck. You’re walking around like some wounded duck. That’s just fine, ‘cause Vader doesn’t give a... ::points microphone to audience::

So to all of you punks who’ve been hating on Vader. You’re all backing down, you’re all gonna stay there. Because you know all too well that Vader’s right. But you jabronis all refuse to see the light. Don’t wait for the dog in this yard to bite. You might not be able to sleep well at night. Shaking in fear, over unleashing the Phenom’s Fury®. Mister Vader is judge, executioner, and jury. So while you still got time, back down while you can. ‘Cause when the wrath comes, you can’t face it like a man. You got until Saturday to save your soul. Beyond that, Vader’ll be chowing it down on an enchilada bowl. You have a shot at not starting this war. You don’t have to take it this far. Because if Vader acts it’s all too late. And he cannot be held accountable for your fate. That’s ‘cause you brought it upon yourself, you know. So Vader’s going to turn around and go. And one last thing before Vader walks away: DON’T CROSS THE PHENOM WHEN HE’S HAD A BAD DAY. That’s about all Vader has to say.

Word Life, yo.

No comments: