by Alanis Morrissette
That I would be good even if I did nothing
That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
That I would be good if I got and stayed sick
That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
That I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
That I would be great if I was no longer Queen
That I would be grand if I was not all knowin
That I would be loved even when I numb myself
That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
That I would be loved even when I was fuming
That I would be good even if I was clingy
That I would be good even if I lost sanity
That I would be good
Whether with or without you..
.:An Open Letter From He Who Has Been Swept Under The Rug, The Unsent Series, Part XV:.
Ever felt so unimportant? So... unappreciated?
There are moments when Marcelle does. People who claim to really appreciate his friendship, ironically, are precisely the people who know best how to make him feel as though he's simply some expendable, trivial speck to them. The kind of person whom the can just smile at, give some generic anecdotes to, then whisk under the rug the moment the opportunity for it arises
Marcelle's not out here to make himself as some important figure who should be given all due attention and respect. All he really wants to point out is that despite his aspirations to the contrary, he is still very much human, and you have all the power in the world to hurt him. He bleeds. He takes offense. He can't bring himself to come to terms with the distressing fact that despite all that you've gone through after all this time, he still doesn't rate enough with you for him to matter.
Is this a plea for attention? Who gives a damn about attention? Akin to the last time he wagered, would it really be expected that people would care about this? That's beside the point. The point is that Marcelle cares about you. The point is that Marcelle is here, willing to go out on a limb for you, and yet all that and even more means nothing to you. You look on, unaffected, disinterested, all the while secure in the fact that he simply cannot find it in himself to turn his back on you the moment you need to put him to use.
Some people call him admirable for being there for you through thick and thin. He realizes that it's more stupid than admirable for him to carry on like this. Despite that realization, he's still dumb enough to still be there for you. To still care and to hope that somehow he can earn his keep with you as his friend, while you go on with your life, oblivious to his meandering existence because he's little more than an insignificant speck that you couldn’t be bothered to concern yourself over.
In the end, dear friend, what matters more than your happiness? What's a little insignificant thing like Marcelle's happiness, so long as you're happy? Let him pay the price for being your friend: misery.