.:Separation Anxiety In High Gear Again:.

I don't think I can sensibly blog today. I feel rather... lost.

I guess it's because of separation anxiety. Never realized I've ended up creating this kind of an affinity with another person. Again. I empowered another person too much again...

And now, I pay the price.

If I didn't feel so rushed, this should've been in third person, for obvious reasons. I post in third person when I'm either very happy or very depressed. Consider this something that should've been posted in third person, and you figure out for what reason.

Someone asked me about you. I ended up being the rumor-quasher, and ambiguity-clearer. They now know the truth. Unfortunately for me, spitting out all that information felt like venom eating me up from the insides. I've still yet to come to terms with this whole deal.

It's sad, really. Because in the end, I proved that I knew you better than you gave me credit for. I made a wager with you, and I'm all set to be on the winning end of this whole wager. This is one time where I actually wish I was wrong. That your denial was really valid, and not a hopelessly futile attempt to deny what is already there. And it's already there. The waiting game is over.

Inasmuch as it should bring me joy that you're happy, I still ask myself why it has to come at the price of my own happiness. I don't understand why it always has to be that way. What would be mere rumors to people who bug me about you are cold, hard facts for me. Facts that I have to deal with. Facts that I have to live with.

Tonight, I shoot myself with the empty revolver again. And I die again tonight. Just a little.