Wednesday, April 15, 2009

An Unsent Lyrically Speaking Scribble...

.:The Unsent Series, Volume 2, Part VI...:.

Dear Audacity,

I hope this is the last time I'd ever have to talk about you again like this. I know this might be harsh. I know this might be very bitter. I'm sorry. But it's been eating me up inside for months already, and I don't have anyone to run to. Because you were the only person I ran to whenever I felt down, or scared, or hurt. You were the only person I trusted this much. You were the only person who owned my heart this way.

I guess that's also why you're the only person who can break my heart this way.

For now, I hope this song captures precisely how I feel.

.:I Wish You Could Hear This Song Right Now: Lyrically Speaking Scribbles, Part XIV...:.

Want You To Cry, Too
by Keno

I, I never asked you why
You never even cried
When you said you don't love me anymore...

You take it so casually. And that's what kills me. It's not that I want you to suffer, or I want you to be unhappy. I just wanted this, all of this, to have truly meant something to you. But I suppose that's too much to ask of you now, isn't it? We've done this dance so many times already, that it never seemed like it would truly end. But now, it has ended.

It just seemed to be unfair
It never seemed so right
That up to now I've never seen you cry...

You wonder why I don't believe you ever loved me. I guess this is the reason why I don't. Looking at you, living your life so happily, admitting that I'm the furthest thing from your mind, I couldn't help but feel wretched. In the end, what can I do? It is what it is, and I can't force you to feel something you simply don't feel.

I want you to cry, too
I want you to see it from my side
That you took away my very hope,
The happiness and pride

I don't want to end up realizing that it was just me, all over again. I don't want to feel that everything I've done and worked for is nothing but a farce, a cruel joke and a waste of time. I'm tired of giving my all, and realizing that I'm not the one you wanted. What you wanted was someone I could only possibly be, but in reality, was someone I never truly was.

I want you to cry, too
Put yourself in my place
Instead of telling me
That this is the best way...

It's best for you. Not for me. That's why I am letting you go. Because that would be best for you. Please don't think that telling me it's good for us would make me feel any better because I know that's only half-true.

I stopped wishing long ago
That you would just come back
'Cause you never even looked from my eyes

I know you're happy now, knowing you're rid of me. Congratulations. Now pardon me if I'm going to be exceedingly bitter about it. Because I'm not going to pretend that I'm all right. I'm not.

And I stopped dreaming with my heart
You took away that part
Without even a tearful goodbye

I hoped on empty. I wanted to fool myself into believing you cared enough, but if you truly did, then you would've fought for this. Maybe it's because you don't care enough, or I'm simply not worth it. Does it really matter what the reason is when in the end, I'd still be all alone? I think not.

I want you to cry, too
And find the reason why I don't want to love anymore
And find the answer to why I'll never open my doors again

I don't know how I let myself be so blinded again. I keep on repeating the same mistakes, and I never seem to learn. I promised to myself back then that if I'd ever love again, I'd leave something for myself this time. But then, I had to prove to you how much you mean to me. There was no way I could do that and have you, apparently. I gave my best, but I guess my best wasn't good enough.

I want you to cry, too
I want you to cry, too
Can't you understand
I want you to cry, too...

Then again, who am I to force you to feel anything for something that never truly meant a thing to you. You've left me so many times already that I've already lost count.

I hate that I love you, despite everything that's happened.

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