See You At The Crossroads

.:Tomorrow Is Judgment Day:.

It's my oral exams tomorrow, and I'm dreading it with each passing minute.

I've reviewed all I can, but I still feel the need to articulate it in front of a person who knows what I'm talking about. Outside of that, I feel really scared, because a good chunk of my future in the academe hinges on the success of this oral exam...

I know Dr. Angeles will not give me a quarter of mercy if I screw this up, and what makes me feel really terrified is the fact that my apprehension to use pragmatic examples has led me to a very dry script in my head of how I'd answer her oral exam questions. I feel I'd be doing nothing but regurgitate what the text says mainly because I'm consciously avoiding saying anything metatextual at all.

Will this be sufficient? I don't know. But I think it's time I manned up and sucked up the failure in case I don't get it. The quizzes and all, maybe I have something to hold onto, but these oral exams? I don't have an excuse if I botch this.

.:Where Do I Go From Here?:.

By the end of this week, my wonderful schoolyear with Reedley International School ends.

I'm tired. I could use a vacation, but I could use the money I get from working more, especially since my mom's migrating to Thailand today, and it's up to me and my brother to handle the affairs of our house. Yes, I already gave up my room in Cityland Shaw, and I moved out last Thursday.

I'm lined up to do transcribing for Krisette, but given how it is for me, and how the clients go through her, I somehow doubt I'd be staying in that job for long. To be honest, the more K posts about how horrible some of her clients are, the more worried I get that I might be biting off more than I can chew.

I still have my shows and all, but I'm still in no position to go full-time as a professional performer. I still want to finish my Masters, and I don't want my day job to be the one bit of "work" I enjoy doing the most. I worry that it would start being more like work and less like fun if I became a full-time professional host/mentalist.

I applied to teach in Ateneo. There's the Communications Department, the Philosophy Department, and the English Department, but at the rate things are with my latest academic hurdle, my prospects there don't look too hot, and after my experiences here in Reedley, teaching English again seems like a major headache. I love doing it, but damn, I'd stop right then and there if I didn't. It's exceedingly stressful. If I had a choice, I'd rather teach in Philosophy primarily. Communications is a close second.

What if I don't get in there? What then? I still have to finish my M.A. I still want work experience that would be pertinent to whatever I'd best be doing for the rest of my life, so transcribing really is a stopgap measure just to keep me from ever being genuinely unemployed.

And this is where I hit a crossroads.

Yesterday's great news about 99.5 really got me to thinking. I woke up to a text message from JayBee, and it turns out that the old Campus Radio Air Force is back with the same format on a new station. I left behind radio because I wanted to teach. It's simply a case of "if I'm not doing one, I should be doing the other", and now, more than ever, I worry that I won't be teaching come the 2008-2009 school year.

Enter the allure of making a return to radio once more. Quite honestly, I underachieved as a jock. I didn't have enough opportunities given to me, and I really didn't mind it until I reached the end of my rope. I was hardly a blip on the radar as far as radio personalities go, and the resurrection of Campus FM really made me think that maybe I have a chance to pull off something like that.

But even with that in mind, there are hurdles yet again. Even if I feel I'm still capable of being a jock, and capable of going on the air and ad libbing, but there are only so many stations I see myself going to.

First of all, I don't see myself going to one of the masa stations. So there goes Yes, Star, Love, Energy, Barangay LS, I-FM, and RR.

Secondly, I'm very reluctant to go to radio partners ever again, not only because of my bad experiences there, but because there's a certain person who I'd rather not see there. It's a family kind of thing, really. Ever since the whole issue with Dickie, Patty (Not her air name.) is definitely someone I can't see myself approaching ever again. That takes out Jam, WAVE (No, duh.), Magic, Mellow Touch, Campus FM (They hired a bunch of jocks. Doubt there's room for one more...), and Max FM.

Thirdly, I am not a rocker. There goes RJ 100, Underground 105.9, and NU 107 unless they're cool with posers. =P

Lastly, any other station I can possibly apply to doesn't seem to have openings. But I'll still try now, wouldn't I?

This is definitely an interesting time for me. I just hope I make it through in one piece, and by the time June rolls by, I know what I'll be doing for a living by then...