Erasebook: Good Riddance, Facebook!

.:Erasebook: Good Riddance, Facebook!:.

Nation, let’s open things by saying this: I’m glad Facebook is shutting down.

According to Weekly World News, Facebook is shutting down on March 15. Of course, if anyone with half a brain could read that article, they could also read the other blurbs on top of the website, such as “US Trades Carrot Top For Canadian Pennies.” Just like The Onion, Weekly World News is certainly a reputable resource that we need to pay close attention to, lest we be caught unawares about the latest UFO invasion or the newest Michael Jackson sighting while he’s hanging out with Bruce Lee and Elvis Presley.



If that doesn’t tell you that this news site is all business, then there’s something wrong with you. This news is so filled with truthiness that nothing short of God coming down from the heavens and telling us all “Yes, my sons: it is true. Start saving your pictures from Facebook because the site will disappear soon, and I shall come down and cast judgment upon Mark Zuckerberg,” could make this news any more reliable than it already is.

Truth be told, I was genuinely surprised that DZXL spent about an entire radio show this afternoon just covering the impending demise of the world’s leading social network. With the frustrations Mark Zuckerberg must be going through and his desire to gain back his life, surely, shutting down a website with multiple shareholders who will go nuts at their cash cow disappearing right before their very eyes will be an easy decision to make and won’t be met by any opposition from the shareholders whatsoever. Surely, the whims and wishes of one man could easily override the rest of those working under him and those who have invested in at least 49% of his company’s worth. And surely, nobody will be willing to buy him out just to keep their cash cow going if he ever were this adamant.

Now, people have been going around in circles, claiming that the sky is falling. This is the end of Web 2.0 as we know it, all because Facebook, despite its wild popularity, has decided to call it a day. It’s just so unbelievable that it’s real. Just like the time Yahoo/Friendster/Facebook told us to forward a message to all our contacts or else they will all go out of business, or that time this Nigerian guy asked me some money so he could process millions of dollars into my bank account because of conflict in their nation. I’m still waiting for my first million from them, but they did tell me after I sent them a couple of thousand bucks that things will finally start to get going.

Ultimately, this could only mean that Friendster is rubbing their hands in glee to fill the void Facebook will inevitably leave. You read it here, folks: Facebook is shutting down. And because you read it on the internet, it must be true.