Thursday, July 23, 2009

It Boggles The Mind...


For some reason,I had a massive traffic spike the other day thanks to this post, and I don't even get why. I mean, I wasn't the original source of the article. It came from Craigslist, and what I actually read was MGK's point by point retort to the whole bit.

As a guy who averages 30-60 hits a day, I was surprised to see myself get 2000++ hits yesterday, majority of them going to the "Nice Guys" article, and most of them actually agreeing with it.

I looked at myself, knowing full well that I disagree with the notion of "nice guy = someone looking to get physical reciprocation". As a straight-edge person, that's not quite in my itinerary, so I naturally am disinclined to agree that real nice guys act like that.

But you know what? It did make me think some things over...

.:Bitter Ocampo Moment:.

This is no mystery to most of you, but I've been single for a few months already, and I'm not going to take this opportunity to besmirch the person I once called "My Beloved". It really just happens that at some point in one's life, they want to try and make something work so bad, they fool themselves into believing that the person they're with is "the one", and that they're worth the effort.

Looking at the comments on the "Nice Guys" post, I'd like to think that in most respect, I do fall under being a "nice guy," if you strictly meant a "nice guy". Of course, I wear my heart on my sleeve, so I don't fall under the article's definition, as while I do take rejection badly, I still put my neck at risk all the time, thereby ensuring I'm not this kind of a nice guy.

But then, in the end, when you give your all to someone, then realize that you're being asked to change so much that the new "you" is miles and miles away from the old "you", can you really say that you were loved by that person?

Can you say that being a nice guy, being walked all over by someone who doesn't know what the Hades she wants in life, only to be told "it's not what I was looking for" after two years, was really worth it? That you gave everything, and have nothing to show for it?

I always believed that good things happen to good people, but I guess a dash of cynicism and realism woke me up to the realization that for some people, being nice is an excuse for them to walk all over you, to take you for granted, and ultimately, to even question your worth because hey, you're unfailingly there for them. I shudder to think that you'd have to be a little aloof, a little stand-offish, and perhaps even a bit of a douchebag just so you can catch the attention of certain people.

It's hard to paint in broad strokes, really. I don't think it's true that women in general want the bad boy types, but certainly, some of them do. Conversely, I see some who try to finally give the "nice guy" a try, but are ultimately turned off by the banality of everything, when it comes down to it. Perhaps it's just me, but there's still a bitter taste left in my mouth when I realized that after two years, I'm just really not what she was looking for. That all the supposed affection and effort was merely an act of self-delusion on her part that I was actually worth anything, to begin with.

But again, it would be unfair to resent her for that, as painful as it may be, because I know she wanted it to work. Against all odds, she tried. But sometimes, wanting something can only take you so far, if you simply don't love that person. It's inevitable. It's terrible. But it's reality.

And as I always say, of course I understand her, far better than I thought I possibly could. But understanding doesn't make it hurt any less.

And now that "she" has happened to me, does that mean I stop being a "nice guy"? Does it mean I just start being a bastard, disrespecting women, even being misogynistic?

Of course not. That would be a disservice to one who found me worth two years of her effort, and having been a douchebag to her would've certainly assured me that I'd get zero seconds of her time. I wanted to be good for her. I wanted to be the one who can make her happy. I cannot erase who I really am: a hopeless romantic, as stupid as that may make me.

And so, this "nice guy" is still recovering. Bitter, yes. Angry, no. She deserved the effort I gave her, and though the future remains unclear, I believe that I'd be hard-pressed to find a single person in this planet who is completely unworthy of love and affection, no matter what.

... except myself, of course.

I guess they're right. Nice guys do finish last. But this is what I chose to be, no matter what the consequences may be.

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