Wednesday, September 22, 2010



Really, wake me up when September ends.

Each passing day has been me just going through the motions. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more alone, really.

Ever played this game? Sometimes, I look at my life in the same way. Just an endless routine with the only logical outcome after everything has been said and done being one’s inevitable demise. It’s a very sobering thought, really, that this daily routine isn’t becoming the thing of wonder we try to look at with wide eyes, but a dreary, never-ending cycle of just existing.

With each passing year, I look forward to 29 September less and less. When I think about other people like Thons, and the courage it must have taken for them to do what they have done, I can’t help but think if I’m really the coward by choosing to go on and on in the one and the same, and not breaking free from the cycle, much like the guy in the game did.

This has been a very dreary year. A year where my heart, my friendships, and even my dreams have taken a beating. I don’t know how much more I can take, but I’m still walking wounded, and I don’t know where all of this is headed after everything has been said and done.

So yeah. Wake me up when September ends. In the meantime, every single dream that I dream is the exact same dream as the day before – except I can no longer tell if I’m awake or asleep. All I know is that everything feels wrong, and everything feels like it’s going awry.

But whatever. Ignore the raving idiot writing in his own corner of cyberspace. There is no cry for help here, because if I do find it in me to do what has to be done, I wouldn’t bother announcing or threatening it anymore.

I just will.

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