Wednesday, January 14, 2004

.:Taking The Good With The Bad:.

Today was what I might say a bittersweet day for me, what with the good-luck/bad-luck succession of events that happened to me, as well as the past few unaccounted for days, for that matter. You might say that in keeping with the manic-depressive pattern I had last Monday, this promptly followed.

+ People I never expected to acknowledge me as their friends on Friendster did so anyway. I did not expect my former best friend, Gladys, to accept my invite, not because we had problems with one another, but unavoidable circumstances, i.e. an overprotective father who didn’t want her talking to any males at all ended that friendship abruptly, as I had to stop contacting her to protect her. Pauline, on the other hand, was someone I had a passing sentiment over, who seemed to have completely denied my existence from third year high school up to her high school graduation. So while I still get hit by a pang of depression seeing these people, along with someone aforementioned in a previous entry, I guess it still does have its perks.

- It still stings like Hades. Running into Adi on a regular basis on campus is not very enjoyable, either, knowing that you could’ve been greeting one another very nicely. I still cannot move beyond this, because I believe it’s not something that should be irreparable, so I’d rather go on and hope. Perhaps before we graduate? If not, perhaps she can just tell me outright so I stop wasting my time?

+ Not only can I now train regularly on Tuesdays because of Brad’s schedule change, but I am now at level 4 in Radio 1. More on this in another section.

- Was supposed to tie up some loose ends today, but instead will have to wait for one more week, if I’m lucky.. God knows how long it’d take for people to come around.

+ Reviewed amply the day before my Pol Sci 100 long test. There’s no way I won’t know how to explain this or that concept.

- I ran my head into the wall with my Pol Sci 100 long test. I answered the first question well, but was murdered by time constraints on the second question, essentially resulting into my inability to finish the second question, stuck at only one page for it, whereas the former had at least three, probably four pages devoted to it. If there is no consideration for this, considering this is our only long test in the subject, it’s buh-bye Cum Laude for this jabroni… it would’ve been easy to take if it were a matter of not knowing this or that. Instead, it’s a matter of not having enough time because the teacher did not inform us of the time remaining, and with most of us using cell phones as watches, we couldn’t check.

+ Got two successive A’s with Comm 107, under Atty. Perez. He’s apparently not as scary as he was initially rumored to be, as he gives due credit to his students if they actually do things well. Meet his standards, and he won’t deny you what he deserves. Fair enough.

- Somebody on OB was never one of my biggest fans even before I was there, but it appears he does have it in for me. I didn’t log out of one of the computers I used in most likely Megamall, so he decided to post under my identity to show me how bad that could be. I shouldn’t be too alarmed or worried, but it’s still a negative experience, nonetheless.

With these conflicting occurrences over the past few days, can you blame me for not knowing whether or not I should be happy? Ah, well. The perils of having exceedingly busy days…

.:Something Interesting On The Air:.

I trained with Chico and Delamar today. No, scratch that. I just hung around with them and Brad for about an hour and a half, actually. Things were going fine, really. Brad was busy with his GBA SP, and I was just talking a bit with him over how things have been going on with me and how he’s been doing. Funny. People have been making up Friendster accounts for him (As any given celebrity would have a few, mostly not real.).

A mental note for me: if I’m asked to pinch hit on Radio 1 on any other occasion, I will have to ensure that my buddy (In this case, Chico…) is informed about it, so that there wouldn’t any be potential mishaps if I do screw up on the air, and my buddy can take responsibility of me (Which of course, Rico Robles did not do as he left me alone in the booth.).

Anyways, I was checking the rankings given to the Radio 1 people, and I was apparently already at Level IV! Not bad, really, considering the fact that I only started late last year. I was pleased as punch with that knowledge, and was exceedingly grateful for it, and then the good news did not stop there. The privilege of being Level IV, aside from being one step away from Level V, is that I can now participate on air with Chico and Delamar when Brad isn’t around, which essentially means I will be on air with the dynamic duo at least every TUESDAYS, 6-9 IN THE MORNINGS. Yes, more shameless plugging, but what do you expect? This is a dream come true! Seven or so years ago, I was just listening to them, now I’m practically boarding with them! I’d really appreciate if you jabronis would listen to me, hopefully this coming Tuesday. If I manage to find the willpower for it, you can expect me there on Thursdays as well. Maybe even Saturdays… heh.

.:A Bit Of Relaxation?:.

Albeit it ended on a sour note, with my Pol Sci 100 long test over and done with, there is still no rest for the wicked, as I have an oral examination coming up for Philo 104, then a paper and an e-mail requirement for Com 107. More or less, I will be pretty occupied towards this week, and after that, I’d have a bit of breathing room still. I will definitely have to raise hell if my Pol Sci 100 teacher refuses to give considerations to us, because I believe a significant number of her students were unable to competently answer the second question in her long test due to time constraints, and her lack of indication as to how much time remained.


.:The Unsent Series, Part I:.

by Alanis Morissette

Dear Matthew I like you a lot I realize you're in a relationship
With someone right now and I respect
That I would like you to know that if you're ever single
In the future and you want to come visit me in california
I would be open to spending time with you and finding
Out how old you were when you wrote your first song

Dear Jonathan I liked you too much I used to be attracted to boys
Who would lie to me and think solely about themselves and you
Were plenty self-destructive for my taste at the time I used to say
The more tragic the better the truth is whenever I think of the early 90's
Your face comes up with a vengeance like it was yesterday

Dear Terrence I love you muchly you've been nothing
But open hearted and emotionally available and supportive
And nurturing and consummately there for me I kept drawing you in
And pushing you away I remember how beautiful it was to fall asleep
On your couch and cry in front of you for the first time you
Were the best platform from which to jump beyond myself what
Was wrong with me

Dear Marcus you rocked my world you had a charismatic way
About you with the women and you got me
Seriously thinking about spirituality and you wouldn't let me get away
With kicking my own ass but I could never really feel relaxed and looked out
For around you though and that stopped us from going any further
Than we did and it's kinda too bad becasue we could've had much more fun

Dear Lou we learned so much I realize we won't be able to talk for some time
And I understand that as I do you
The long distance thing was the hardest and we did as well as we could
We were together during a very tumultuous time
In our lives I will always have your back and be curious about you
About your career about your whereabouts

After “Unwell” comes the new song of the moment…

Sometimes Marcelle would just want to say something to someone, but chooses not to instead. Would telling the person the truth outright yield anything of positive consequence? Or would it simply prove be better to just throw it into the air? There are times in Marcelle’s life when he comes across someone he’d have a hard time forgetting, if at all, and there are some things that while are not better left unsaid, are more importantly better said where it should be said: coming from the heart, devoid of fears, insecurities, apprehensions, of them spurning you to your face for what you have to say. And so with this in mind, Marcelle has decided to write whenever he feels like it what he would refer to as the Unsent Series® : random notes and letters he would’ve wanted to tell someone, but would rather just throw it into the air.

If you’d read the message directed to you, Marcelle would guess that you would know it’s about you.


.:Dear Torch:.

For the longest time you’ve only been someone that Marcelle used to love. He looks at you, happy where you are now, and he wouldn’t begrudge you of that. Because he cares for you. And in all the years that Marcelle has known you, few things mattered more to him than his friendship with you.

He’s glad he’s been closer to you now, more than ever. He’s glad that he doesn’t have to hold a torch for you any longer. In his times of weakness, though thoughts of “what ifs” cross his mind, Marcelle accepts how he is fated to be with you. “Never say never”, but why ruin the good that the both of you have, walking your separate paths?

He’ll always be around for you, come rain, come shine. You’re the first person Marcelle ever truly regarded as his “best friend”, and time won’t change that fact, nor will it ever truly eradicate the esteem Marcelle holds you with.

Godspeed, Marcelle’s Torch. Godspeed, though the flame no longer lives on.


.:Dear Why:.

You meant so much to Marcelle. You came by in his life, unexpectedly, and you touched the life of his Divine as well. With you in their midst, an extricable bond was forged. Or so the three of you thought. The Leviathan has torn you asunder, and while Marcelle and the Divine still stand as one, you faded away, but was never forgotten.

In the back of Marcelle’s mind, he had to ask himself where he was to go from there. And while he recognized the need to not hurt you by keeping his distance so that you may be spared from any further agony from the Leviathan, he still can’t help but wonder how things would have been had he did things differently. Would he still have been able to call you what he and the Divine once did?

And now Marcelle has found you again. And now Marcelle asks himself: why? Would he truly want to find you again, or would he simply be better off leaving behind this past for the both of you have perhaps outgrown each other? You, the ambitious, the motherly, the ever-popular; Marcelle, the hopeful, the arcane, the self-inflicted pariah.

Until you meet again, Why. Perhaps the years have not truly quashed the bond the three of you have forged. Perhaps.

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