Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I Gotta Go My Own Way... Lyrically Speaking Scribbles, Part XIII

.:Lyrically Speaking Scribbles, Part XIII:.

Yes, I modified the lyrics. Some of them just don’t fit. But I love the song too much to not use it.

I’ve had this on my plate for the past week or two. Even if some of the thoughts are a bit dated, I know the song still hits home and rings true to me.

Even if we’re not together anymore, she’s still My Beloved. I may learn to love again in the future, I may see other people, but I can never call another woman “My Beloved” again.

I will take nothing but good memories from what we had, and her friendship as well. It’s going to be difficult and the transition so far has had its own twists and turns, but this is for the best.

I Gotta Go My Own Way
by Vanessa Ann Hudgens and Zach Efron

I gotta say what's on my mind
Something about us
Doesn't seem right these days...

I can’t help but feel that there’s so many things going on in our lives right now, and we aren’t being the best that we can be for each other. With each passing day, things have been going crazy, and that month away from you just made you think that this really won’t work.

Life keeps getting in the way
Whenever we try, somehow the plan
Is always rearranged…

It’s hard to cope with the things that have been eating at what we had. I know it won’t be too long before you have to go away and forge your own path elsewhere, and everything I’ve built here would be put into jeopardy if we had to keep this up. In spite of that, I would’ve wagered it all if you only asked me.

But you care too much. You love me too much. So you never will.

It's so hard to say
But we've gotta do what's best for us
We'll be okay…

If it were up to me, I’d never want this to end. But clearly, it’s not up to me. There’re so many things that we have to work out, and much as we want each other, we’re still not right for each other. You’ve shown me this much. I’m not doing right by you, knowing full well that you could be so much happier if I did things the right way.

This is bigger than the both of us. That much I am realizing now.

I've got to move on and be who I am
The time isn’t right, dear
I know you understand…

I’m trying to understand why it has to be this way. If we’re so happy with each other, why can’t we stay together? Yet as the days go by, I realize why…

All those fluffy things you hear about love? Utter hogwash. Love doesn’t conquer all. It’s only as potent as the circumstances governing it.

We might find our place in this
World someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way…

I will never want to hold you back from the path you choose. But then, that means that we can’t be together now. The door may be open, but I have to get that idea out of my head and heart, lest I never function normally.

I’m thankful you aren’t making this difficult on the both of us. Yet sometimes, I wonder how much easier it was when I just ended on bad terms with someone, because once you’re with someone else, you can just write off the ex with ease.

Now? That’s not quite the way it is… it’s bittersweet, but a reality we both face.

Moving on doesn’t mean leaving each other behind.

Don't wanna leave it all behind
But I get my hopes up
And I watch them fall everytime…

We keep on screwing things up because the circumstances just aren’t right for us. Your parents would never approve of us while we’re both here, and I’m still in the middle of a lot of crazy stuff going on in my life. There’s so much getting in the way, and we both end up disappointing ourselves when things don’t go our way.

What good am I here if I’m not making you happy?

Another colour turns to grey
And it's just too hard to watch it all
Slowly fade away…

You said it best, My Beloved… we shouldn’t have to wait to hate each other, for the water to run dry, before we do this.

We still have so much to offer each other by being still a part of each other’s lives despite not being together anymore.

I'm leaving today 'cause I've
Gotta do what's best for us
We'll be okay…

I know we’ll be okay. I believe it.

What about us?
What about everything we've been through?

I ask myself that sometimes, whenever I ask why this had to end. But I guess that’s why we have to end this. Because I know I don’t want to risk trivializing everything we’ve been through in trying to fight city hall when it’s not our time.

What about trust?
You know I never wanted to hurt you…

I never wanted to hurt you. I know you never wanted to hurt me, either. But there’s just really never a right time to say goodbye…

And what about me?
What am I supposed to do?
I gotta leave but I'll miss us
I'll miss us…

There’re too many questions for the both of us to have to face. But I guess the good news is we don’t have to face them on our own any longer. Not now. Not ever.

I've got to move on and be who I am
(Why do you have to go?)

I’m twisted because one side of me’s telling me that I need to move on. But on the other side I want to break down and cry. This is not easy. This is never easy. But it is my hope that in writing this, in getting this out to the world, we can show them that you and I could love with all my heart, and though it didn’t work out how we wanted it to, we can still make something good out of it.

We just don't belong here
I hope you understand
(I'm trying to understand…)

I can’t pretend this is making me happy. You know it’s not. But I’m hopeful that this will be, at the end of the day, something that will make us better people.

I can’t help but keep thinking… we had the right love at the wrong time.

We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now
(I want you to stay…)

There’s just so much going on right now, and I’m glad we’re past pointing fingers at each other. We gave it our all. We did everything we could. In the end, what keeps us apart is simply bigger than us.

I wanna go my own way
I gotta go my own way
I gotta go my own way
I gotta go my own way…

I can’t think of anything more poignant to say, save that I still believe you are my once in a lifetime. I’m happy and grateful we were together for as long as we were, and the future may be uncertain, but I know we have done what is right for the both of us.

Thank you, and you know that I’m letting you go because I love you. I know that’s also why you are doing this…

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