Thursday, July 31, 2003

Let’s get two things out of the way that aren’t that important:

-Chris Jericho is amazing!!!
This jabroni was a babyface by default in Montreal Canada, and he was face-to-face with one-half of the infamous Montreal Screwjob conspiracy, Shawn Michaels. Naturally, the crowd was booing Shawn Michaels, who was supposed to be the babyface in the first place. Shawn worked the crowd, but by the end, Jericho managed to turn heel on the Montreal crowd and have them cheer for Shawn Michaels!!!

-Today’s Hot 10 was the Hot 10 signs you are the Antichrist. The funny top sign was, after hearing the entire Hot 10, you’d sneer and say, “Ha! They are sooo clueless…”

Anyways, two things have to be talked about today. Well, let’s go ahead and make it three…

.:On Moving On:.

I am extremely glad Maia and the rest of the charmed ones (I hope they don’t mind being called as such. J) are pretty much moving on already. Talk is cheap. There’s only so much words can do, and it’s high time they decided to just turn around and walk away from all of the pain already. It’s also high time somebody else did something DEFINITE too, for a change. There’s a new jabroni in town, and yes, I’m glad that it’s Dani. She really gives off a very positive aura around her, and she seems to be a genuinely nice person.

I waited for Maia at her dorm in U.P., and she got there around nine already. Obviously, that meant we wouldn’t really have much time to talk, but I guess it was good to hear from her, seeing how all the stress of the immersion AND the ruddy three long tests I have to worry about are clamping down heavily on me. Moreover, I have a Philosophy report I have to handle, and it’s not really easy, either. I’m still trying to see how best it will be for me to attack the problem, but I’m getting there. I do believe that Hume was trying to disprove God’s existence by showing the existence of evil, but then, I’d like to explicitate that a bit more… again, I’m asking: DO YOU THINK I SHOULD MAKE A SEPARATE BLOG FOR PHILOSOPHY? Seems to be the case that I really have to do so…

Well, due to some talks I had with other people, I realized that I became a lot less clingy because of Maia. I guess I owe her for that. At least, I can’t be accused of smothering my friends nowadays… err, yeah, I wasn’t there in La Salle this Wednesday because of the immersion and debating stuff…

.:On Letting Go:. (I felt tempted to go third person, but it’s not yet a done deal.)

A couple of months ago, I had a dialogue with Grace...

Marcelle: She’s hardly there for me. I wouldn’t be surprised…

Grace: Wouldn’t be surprised if what?

Marcelle: …if when the time comes that it ends, it’d be because I chose to do so, and not because I did something wrong that would make her want to drop me.

Don’t you just hate being a freaking psychic?

Small reasons. They’re all small reasons. From my not having her to ask for help from when I need her the most (Try talking about your problems with someone you’ve loved for years to your current girlfriend/boyfriend OR talking to the person you’ve loved for years herself or himself, and you’d know what I mean.), to the signs that we’re outgrowing each other’s wavelengths, it just leads me to one direction…

… I so totally want to drop her.

I never thought I’d see the day when it has to be ME who would do this. If anything, it’s usually the other way around: Abby dropped me. Andrea dropped me. Reinne dropped me. It’s ultimately ironic that now that I have someone who’s willing, it has to be me who would go and put a stop to it.

I dunno. Maybe I was too hasty. At the same time, I’m now more paranoid to just drop around such a title to the next jabroni who comes along and begins to mean a lot to me. Maybe that’s why even if at this point, I’m taking after another friend of mine (I’m sure she knows who she is.) lately, I hesitate to make any labels. I don’t want to be too hasty, and in reciprocation, I know I’m NOWHERE near her concept of one, either.

And I guess, when I got to the point that I wasn’t hurt when she wasn’t there for me, I began to realize that this wasn’t how I viewed this… I know it sounds a bit demanding, but I always expect something from this. I don’t expect much, honestly, but I think it’s my right to expect something, no matter how meager. It just happened with her that I stopped expecting anything. Is that really my concept now? No strings attached, I don’t give a flying freak what she has to do with her life? No. I suppose I just gave her a title, and yet I didn’t really live up to my end. Sure, she considers me to be this, but the numbers game tells me I’m just another one. And by now, that doesn’t really hurt me much.

But why all the big fuss over this? Maybe because in spite of everything I’ve been through, and in spite of my horrible track record with this (Excluding Grace.), I WAS NEVER IMMUNE TO THE PAIN. I wanted to be stoic. I wanted to not let it faze me, but I was deluding myself. I WAS NEVER IMMUNE TO THE PAIN. And that goes for everything. I’m over Abby, I’m cool with seeing her around with Bro, I’m perfectly fine with consciously telling myself to NOT love her, but I WAS NEVER IMMUNE TO THE PAIN. I’ve loved Grace all these years in spite of the one mistake I made, and though I feel I’ve made amends to her, everytime she feels bad about it, I realize that I WAS NEVER IMMUNE TO THE PAIN. I may be a gargoyle, but I am also human. My heart isn’t made of stone or ice. I never called myself Stonecold. Because I’m not. Because I recognize I am a human being who at the very least has enough backbone to say this out loud.

I want to give up. I want to let go. Maybe because I don’t want to be hurt with this. Maybe because I stopped being hurt with everything else about her, and the only thing that remains to hurt me is the fact that THAT title still lingers over her. And if I take that away, will I really feel better? Or do I just really need time to let her grow on me, the way Grace did? If I hold onto this, I know I will have to demand. I know I will have to feel for the person. And maybe I’m just not ready for something like that yet. Not when I feel that the person is slowly outgrowing me…

Sometimes, I’m afraid of the day you’d just outgrow me.

I don’t know. Maybe you’re outgrowing me…

… and maybe I really am, too.

Is there one defining thing that makes me want to drop this? No. It’s all a bunch of little things that have been too many to ignore that just add up to tell me I ought to walk away. I want to, but my feet seem to be cemented in place, hoping that things will change in due time. She tells me she wouldn’t really care if it’s one-sided on her behalf, but bah Gawd, I hated being put through that, so it sure as Hades makes me feel guilty to put HER through that.

Sometimes, she even makes me realize how evil I can be, and makes me wonder if Vince McMahon should be my eighth identity: Evil for the pure reason of being evil. Sure, Maia and I talked about it, but I didn’t feel so bad about it until I had to bring up my one summer mistake that I wish I didn’t ever have to put Grace through, and realizing I was capable of lying to my teeth. Not to Grace, but to somebody else. I was manipulative, malevolent, and downright diabolical. And I can still be just like that, when I have to, and it’s far from the righteous rage that the Phenom’s Fury® is all about: it’s more of an insatiable desire to just wreak havoc for its own sake. Bah Gawd, I wish none of you would have to see that side of me surface.

So there. I’m such a fence-sitter, aren’t I? That’s what’s eating me right now, and this leads me to…

.:On Holding On:.

One of the key points of my reflections led me to ask… Is Abby really being a friend to me just to redeem herself for having been mean to me in the past?

If she is, no thanx. I can live without a friend like that. No, really.

I wanted to ask that question to Abby, and I guess the answer was pretty much clear. Not to put myself over or anything, but this friendship of ours is made of tougher stuff than pity or self-redemption.

Frankly, I’m very much comfortable with that idea.

So Abby is a one-way best friend to me. Big deal. I do have expectations when it comes to her, and she more than bloody meets them. I don’t have to have her reciprocating the best friend deal just because it’s nicer that way. I’d rather deserve it if (Not when.) it comes along than lobby for it.

I’m getting less and less problematic with the idea that there will be pain no matter what; because bluntly speaking, the more I acknowledge the pain (In whatever degree it is.), the less inclined I would be to ever come running back to Abby one of these days. It’s not masochistic of me: it’s purely pragmatic.

I would be the first to admit that I’m a person never content with the status quo, and that makes me realize that regardless where I am, I will always ask myself the “what if’s”. Bottomline? Sometimes, I have to take my advice…

So here’s Marcelle’s advice to you, jabroni: SHUT UP, AND ENJOY.

Yeah. That sounds about right just now… wish me luck in my immersion, though. See you on Monday, jabronis!
.:How Smackdown Should Go... On So Many Different Levels:.

Michael Cole: Kurt Angle is making his way into the ring, accompanied by his manager, Paul Heyman! He’s got a match tonight with Brock Lesnar, tonight, for the WWE Championship!

Kurt Angle’s music pipes into the P.A., and as his music plays, the crowd is chanting “You Suck!” at him. Paul Heyman rubs his hands eagerly as Angle turns around and faces the pyros. He struts into the ring, and looks very smug about his match. He rolls under the ring, skips around the ring a bit, and takes off his Olympic gold medals, to a chorus of boos from the audience.

Tazz: Two of the most popular wrestlers are going to lock horns right now, Cole!

Brock Lesnar’s music starts up, and the pyros explode.

Tazz: Here comes the pain! Here comes Brock Lesnar!

Brock Lesnar makes his way to the ring, the glinting WWE Championship title across his waist. He looks positively furious and Angle stares him down. Lesnar’s slow, deliberate steps felt ominous. Heyman was looking at the Next Big Thing with a mixture of trepidation and awe.

Michael Cole: Brock Lesnar is the youngest WWE Champion, and he has proven to be quite an amazing athlete!

The bell rings, and Lesnar and Angle lock up.

Michael Cole: A lock-up to start this match, and Lesnar powers out, knocking Angle off his feet!

Tazz: Angle looks annoyed!

Michael Cole: Another lockup, but Angle turns this into an arm drag! Lesnar charges at him, and oh! Drop toehold!

Tazz: Angle is an amazing in-ring technician. Lesnar should be really careful about making rash attempts at getting to him!

Michael Cole: Angle slaps on a chinlock, and Lesnar is on his feet! He whips Angle into the ropes, Angle ducks a clothesline!! Off the ropes, Angle hits a cross body block! Angle goes for the pin, one, tw… Lesnar kicks out!

Tazz: It’ll take more than that to put Lesnar away. The Next Big Thing is one tough character.

Michael Cole: Angle throws a couple of right hands, and whips Lesnar into the ropes. Nice knee to the gut by Angle! Lesnar is hurting right now!

Tazz: Angle is on a roll! If he keeps this up, he’s going to win the match!

Michael Cole: Angle throws Lesnar into the corner, and runs towards Lesnar! Lesnar gives him a boot to the face for his efforts! Lesnar grabs Angle, but Angle throws an overhead thingamajig!

Tazz: An overhead thingamajig? What kind of move is that?

Michael Cole: Uh, I mean… an overhead belly-to-belly suplex.

Tazz: Honestly, Cole… I don’t know how you keep your job.

Michael Cole: Angle stomps a mudhole into Lesnar, and he’s really hurting now! Angle is using some knees to attack Lesnar’s vulnerable ribs!

Tazz: Amazing ring psychology being shown by Angle here.

Michael Cole: Angle picks Lesnar up, and delivers a perfect snapmare! He follows that up with a bow and arrow stretch, and Lesnar is really in trouble now!

Tazz: Lesnar is trying to power out! He’s got it!

Michael Cole: Lesnar kicks Kurt, and goes for the F5, which Angle turns into an inside cradle! Lesnar rolls out before a count is even made!

Tazz: Lesnar’s in-ring presence of mind is simply amazing, Cole! He knows where he is all the time.

Michael Cole: Wicked clothesline by Angle! Another clothesline!

Tazz: Lesnar gets up right off and tries to hit Angle, but oh-hoh!

Michael Cole: Angle ducks and does a German Suplex! Another one!

Tazz: …and a third! Hat trick by Angle!

Michael Cole: Angle’s got him at his mercy! He’s heading for the top rope, and poses to the crowd, to a chorus of boos!

Tazz: Oh, man! Moonsault! Moonsault!

Michael Cole: Angle misses! Lesnar rolls out of the way! Both men are down, and the referee is administering the ten count!

Tazz: I think the first man to his feet will be most likely to win this match.

Michael Cole: Angle is up, and he tries to kick Lesnar. Lesnar catches it! Angle goes for an enzugiri, but Lesnar ducks! Wow! Some mat wrestling from Lesnar now, as he applies a series of amateur wrestling throws and locks on Angle!

Tazz: Both men have had quite extensive experience in amateur wrestling. Lesnar is an NCAA champion, while Angle is an Olympic gold medallist!

Michael Cole: The tide has completely turned in favor of Brock! Lesnar picks Angle up, and does a thunderous press slam!

Tazz: Angle’s in trouble!

Michael Cole: Lesnar charges towards Angle, and Angle is knocked out of the ring!

Tazz: Lesnar smells a victory coming!

Michael Cole: Brock rolls out of the ring, and Heyman distracts the referee! Angle gives Lesnar a low blow for his efforts!

Tazz: That’s smart thinking from Angle!

Michael Cole: That’s cheating, Tazz! Angle is now in control, and whips Lesnar to the ringpost! Lesnar is in busted wide open!

Tazz: That’s a lot of blood on Brock now! Angle rolls Lesnar into the ring, and goes for the cover! One, two, no! Kickout by Lesnar!

Michael Cole: Just how resilient is this man? Angle is getting frustrated, and he picks Lesnar up again. He whips Lesnar, Lesnar reverses, and he tries to spear Angle!

Tazz: Wait a minute! Angle pushes the ref in the way! The ref is knocked out!

Michael Cole: Angle goes after Lesnar, but he gets a kick in the gut! Oh, no! Here comes the pain! F5! F5! Brock has this match! He goes for the cover! One! Two! Three! Four!

Tazz: The ref is out.

Michael Cole: It’s just not right!

Tazz: The ref is stirring! One, two, thr… no! Angle got his shouler up! Angle got his shoulder up!

Michael Cole: What a long count! The ref is staggering to get up, but Heyman clocks him with a chair! The ref didn’t know what hit him!

Tazz: Paul Heyman is taking matters into his own hands now, and Lesnar’s looking at him! Angle pokes Lesnar in the eye, and holds him in place!

Michael Cole: Heyman swings the chair, and Lesnar ducks! Angle is hit by the chair!

Tazz: Oh, no! Oh, no!

Michael Cole: Heyman is looking at Lesnar with fear now. Lesnar picks him up for the F5! Ow!

Tazz: The referee missed all that, and he’s stirring now!

Michael Cole: Brock picks up Kurt, and here comes the pain! Another F5! The crowd is going wild! One, two, three! It’s over! It’s over! Lesnar has successfully defended his title!

Tazz: Angle is dumbfounded! He’s dazed, and he doesn’t know where he is!

Michael Cole: Lesnar makes his way out of the ring with his title, and Heyman is stirring. He’s helping Angle up, and the crowds are cheering Angle for his remarkable effort in this match!

Tazz: Whoah! Angle just pushed Heyman!

Michael Cole: Oh no! Heyman is down! Angle sets him up for an Angle Slam! Angle Slam! He locks in the Anglelock now, and he refuses to let the hold go!

Tazz: Angle is frustrated. Heyman hit him with the chair.

Michael Cole: This is uncalled for! Heyman didn’t hit him on purpose! Somebody stop this!

Tazz: Wait! Lesnar is running back into the ring, and he takes Angle out! Heyman regains his bearings, gets a chair, and cracks it in between Angle’s eyes!

Michael Cole: The crowds are chanting “Angle Sucks!” Can you blame them? Lesnar raises Paul’s hand! The audience is giving Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar a standing ovation! It looks like we now have a new alliance here!

Tazz: I can’t believe it! The crowds are cheering for Heyman and Lesnar!


Numba One Announcer Funaki is backstage, and he’s trying to figure out what just happened…

Funaki: Can you explain why you do that to Heyman?

Angle: Let’s face it, Funaki. I’ve outgrown him. I’m too good for the likes of him already.

Funaki: Are you sure? Maybe he’s actually outgrown you and your crybaby antics?

Angle: Shut up! You don’t understand! Nobody understands! All the things he’s been doing to me has simply been eating at me! Every little time he wasn’t there when I needed someone to bail me out, every little time he’d rather be around for his other clients than me. He doesn’t need me. He’s got more clients, anyway! I was way too hasty to make him my manager!

Funaki: I remember in an earlier interview, you tell numba one announcer Funaki that you thought this is one time you’d choose to drop a manager instead of the other way around…

Angle: Ironic, isn’t it? I’ve been dropped by my managers like a freaking hot potato all my life, and now that I’ve got someone willing to put up with me, I completely toss it away! My instincts have never been wrong. Don’t you just freaking hate being psychic?

Funaki: Is it really over?

Angle: Frankly, I don’t know. He doesn’t want to let go, and a part of me doesn’t want to. He got me the title the last time around. I thought I wouldn’t care by now, but I guess I STILL AM NOT IMMUNE TO THE PAIN.

Funaki: There you have it. Kurt Angle! Thank you for interview!

Angle: Go away, you silly little twit. You bother me.

Wednesday, July 30, 2003

Bah Gawd, I’m really harassed right now. I’m glad our practicum adviser decided to give us another week to submit our practicum papers, seeing how unlikely it is for me to print it all out by tonight. Nonetheless, I’m also glad I finally finished my yearbook stuff. Well, I guess you might say that I have a lot of people that I certainly must thank, and I suppose it’s a good idea to put them all in here…

Mich, thanx for the write-up. I know that you were pressed for time when you did it, and I sincerely appreciated the effort you put into it. I think I can say that with what you had to say, you sure read through me quite well. There’s one thing you wrote that I cannot, for the life of me, not include in any version of the write-up I pick: the notion of passion.

*jaded*, thank you so much for trying to help me out last night with Adobe Photoshop! I guess the computer simply decided it wasn’t my day, and thus refused to save any of my progress. Nonetheless, while all the worrying over that has caused me quite a migraine, I suppose I’m feeling a lot better now… I was glad to be at your house last night, by the way. Your dog is really cute, and I swear, your elder sister really looks and sounds like you… Grace and I didn’t have too hard a time looking for your house.

Noey and Maia, and Tsumenki thanx for all the suggestions on my senior’s page. Well, I finally managed to get it all worked out now, and you jabronis gave me a lot of input in that department. It was funny, though, that when I passed by Maia’s dorm yesterday, she was actually over at Noey’s, and I got an SMS from Noey that said: Nandito sa bahay ko si Maia ngayon. Selos ka? Hilarious, I tell you.

Abby, thank you very much for the help you gave me today. I know it was on such short notice, and I was glad that you managed to give me quite a crash course on Adobe Photoshop. As soon as I get one for my computer, I’m sure I’ll be having quite a lot of fun with it. I’m assuming Sacha wouldn’t be too happy to know that I couldn’t handle something as simple (For her, maybe.) as Photoshop… moreover, thanx for the wonderful company. I was pretty glad that short though our conversation was (Considering we were more busy fixing my bloody senior’s page.), I found it fairly meaningful. Reminds me why... oh, never mind. Also, reminds me why not... oh, never mind. And yeah, thanx for the hug. I needed that.

Lastly, and most of all, GRACE, thank you so much for all the help you’ve given me this past week. I know your friends are already beginning to get ticked off that you keep on going to my aunt’s house on my behalf, but I thank you for understanding that it’s merely because the circumstances are pretty bad for me right now. I really appreciate all the help you’ve been, especially when you drew that chibi art for me… I know that you’ve done just about everything conceivable for me over this past week, and I aim to return the favor to you soon. I really am happy that we managed to make the four straight days we met a set of mini-dates, and we managed to keep those moments we had rather meaningful, in spite of the lack of time. I owe you big time for the help, and I sincerely appreciate your being there for me as the only person who was willing to put up with me when I was a little too short-tempered because of that silly migraine I ended up having from working in utter futility over *jaded*’s house. You’ve been making my day for the past four days we’ve continually seen one another, and I really wish I knew how to pay you back as soon as possible in kind for all the help you’ve been. Bah Gawd, you’re really something else, Grace… and I love you for that.


I don't believe it! THREE straight long tests in two days? To think that I'll be gone this weekend... immersion stuff I have to do... wow. I am so hassled by all of this...

And yeah, Tsumenki, I'm sorry about scaring you last night... I'll keep in mind not to do it again...

Here’s my write-up, by the way:

A gargoyle is an amalgam of light and darkness. The gargoyle, ominous and brooding, invokes fear in those who see it. Ironically, the gargoyle also watches over the most glorious cathedrals all over the world: a silent guardian of the holy. Clearly, Marcelle is a gargoyle passionately personified. A loner by nature, but never lonely. From his mirthful side that has led to the infamous Chinese Prospects®, the Morning Rush “Scare Delle” antics, and full answers on his weblog to his Philo 102 Orals; to his more serious side that has made him intimidating to those who don’t know him enough but treasured to those who call him their friend, Marcelle has encompassed within him the highest of the high and the lowest of the low. This curious interaction of his extremes has made an enigma of Marcelle, and only God and Aletheia can ever hope to unravel his mystery.

Indeed, he, by any other name; from Ertai to Mister Vader to Voldemort; from the People’s Champion to the Phenom to the Antihero/Antivillain; will always be this jabroni known to most as Marcelle, the chiaroscur. It’s true. It’s true.

And my senior’s page looks like this:

.:Saturday, 26 July, 2003:.

Saturday was pretty fun. As soon as I managed to get to SM Megamall and meet up with Grace, we just waited for Isis and Maia to show up. Well, they went there because they wanted to hear a certain tape that I had in my possession. Apparently, they didn’t have very nice things to say in reaction to what they heard, so I tried to lighten the mood up a bit by asking them to go and try some Dance Maniax. Isis, who I have a hunch is actually a good dancer, declined. Maia was a little more willing to try it out, and that’s when the fun started. Anyways, I think Maia, while she had a hard time, seeing how this was her first attempt at it, actually had a lot of fun, nonetheless. It’s good to take her mind off of impertinent things that she really shouldn’t worry about for the time being. She has better things to concern herself with, in all honesty.

We then grabbed a bite at Sbarro’s, where Grace did not even know that her withdrawal from the bank cost her a hundred and ninety-eight pesos. Bah Gawd, to think she withdrew only a hundred pesos… what a waste of money. Still, Sbarro’s was great. I was craving for an Italian food fix for the longest time, and I finally got it. Isis and Maia were practicing their seduction skills again, and it was hilarious…

After that short time we were all there in SM, it was time for us to part ways, as I had a tourney to run, and everyone else needed to get home. It was quite apparent that Isis and Maia, in spite of what was bogging down on their minds, felt considerably better after the short meeting we had. They managed to purge a bit of their ill will, which is certainly good, and, in Maia’s case, she even managed to lash out a good deal on the Dance Maniax machine.

What happened in the tournament? Oh, nothing important, really. Ralph Tan won again, as expected.

.:Sunday, 27 July, 2003:.

Sunday was fairly more interesting. In what has become a rather expected but still surprising turn of events, a group of young officers decided to attempt a coup, which led to a lot of tension all over. The officers, according to some sources, decided to wire a good deal of Ayala center with bombs, which essentially put a prominent chunk of Makati in quite grave peril. What really got to me is that for a bunch of idealistic young soldiers who had their hearts in the right place, they ironically caused more harm than good by insisting on using such extreme tactics that are extremely terroristic in nature. Nobody’s denying that their grievances have just cause, but unless if you’re completely Machiavellian about this, the end, clearly, did not justify the means. The end did not justify the means all the more because the means managed to cause more harm and keep the objective from ever realizing fruition.

Anyways, needless to say, my mom was worried sick about me. I met up with Grace as soon as I left the house, and we managed to work a lot of things out. Unfortunately, something rather expensive and regrettable happened, although I must admit, it wasn’t such a bad thing, really. Still, I couldn’t help but not feel all too great about all of what took place, but I’m pretty glad Grace and I managed to pull through and get a lot of debris out of the way. Grace and I wanted to watch Bangkok Haunted, but unfortunately, we didn’t really have time for that. Ah, well.

Nonetheless, it wasn’t long before I had to go ahead and go back to my aunt’s house, even if there weren’t any classes on Monday. I was in the dark of what was happening at the time, and I didn’t really manage to think of the repercussions the coup attempt potentially had until I spoke to my mom on the phone. I can almost imagine DOT secretary Dick Gordon on the verge of tears this very moment, and the Ayalas likewise wringing their hands in despair over this huge blow to their collective reputations. When the chaos was confined to Mindanao, all this was still fairly tolerable. Now, when one of the most high-class sectors in the country proves to still be lax in its security, the panic becomes more clearly manifest.

What does this day hold in significance to me? Well, a significant breakthrough between me and Grace that still has me completely in disbelief, yet at the same time happy that we are indeed very much great in spite of the lack of “romanticity” from my side. At the same time, it’s high time I thought more about what was going on in this country of ours. I sincerely hope that there are no conspiracies in today’s coup attempt, or else, we haven’t heard the last of this.

Saturday, July 26, 2003

A note to Marcelle: avoid looking at denim brassieres. They seem to drive you crazy, jabroni.

Anyways, it looks like Marcelle is faced with a tough decision to make now…

You see, Wednesdays at La Salle has lately been his only respite from such a hurly-burly week. It’s pretty difficult for him to imagine not going there, simply because it’s amazing therapy, and more importantly, there are people whom he cares about that he happens to see there most of the time. As far as wanting to be there, there’s no question about it: he sure wants to.

Now, here lies the conflict: Marcelle has made it into the Ateneo Debate Society, and is now being threatened to relinquish something of great value to him…

… The ADS has decided to hold trainings on Fridays AND Wednesdays. Whoop-dee-freaking-doo, jabroni. Now, that’s certainly not good news to Marcelle.

The question is clear: is Marcelle willing to sacrifice his Wednesdays for the unguaranteed hope that he can eventually make it into varsity after all his hard work? He’d like to think so, but that is obviously not a sure thing for him. He would certainly want to make it into varsity, but it’s pretty clear that he has his work cut out for himself. It’s been his college dream to make it to varsity debate even just ONCE, just so Marcelle can prove that he really is more than just a catchphrase-spouting upstart who knows how to get under his fellow debater’s skin.

Well, decisions, decisions. Marcelle hopes to hear from the people who matter as to what they actually think about this… heh. Nonetheless, that’s basically the way it is for him, really. And he’s just glad that he’s got friends now who really support him.

But you see, Marcelle just feels he doesn’t belong in the ADS. Not because he’s not a debater, but because he just sticks out of there like a sore thumb. He’s probably unwanted, as far as the varsity debaters are concerned, and who can blame them (Especially certain people of a certain race… heh.)? Marcelle is a loner, plain and simple. Of course, as recent events have proved, this doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s lonely, but yes, he’s a loner…

Don’t expect him to show up in any barkada pictures in the yearbook anytime soon. That’s quite close to an impossible dream, jabroni. At the same time, the fact remains that it still eats at him. Can you really blame him, actually? He hated being a loner all his life, and even if he’s a bit more comfortable with the idea now, it still hurts that he’s a loner not by choice, but by bloody default.

With that in mind, Marcelle will be avoiding you for now. Yes, you. You know who you are. You probably read this from time to time, and while yes, Marcelle regards you as one of his closest, most special friends ever, being with you, speaking with you, just hurts too much. It’s just Marcelle. It’s not your fault. But it’s time Marcelle avoided walking on barbed wire all the time. The pain is too much for Marcelle to ignore already, and thank you for everything, but it just really hurts. Marcelle sincerely hopes that if you know who you are, you also understand why this is so.

Marcelle saw OLIVIER, Olivier today. Can somebody please explain to him what the Hades it was about? It was one of the most disturbing films he has ever seen, and he doesn’t think he can sleep well tonight. From incest to pedophilia, this is all just too much. There’s also the fact that Marcelle shares his name with a ruddy pedophile bastich. Ergghh… worse, Marcelle doesn’t even know if that kid was REALLY Olivier. If that wasn’t him, how did he know about the scar and have one? Or the mannerisms? It just doesn’t bloody make sense!!!

WWE Smackdown was fine… sort of. Zach Gowen has only one leg, but he can do a moonsault! Bah Gawd! And yes, Gail Kim is really hot…

Marcelle: There’s this new wrestler debuting on RAW tonight. She doesn’t really impress me. Here I was thinking she was actually gorgeous.

Grace: Really? Well…

Marcelle: Wait! She took off her shades, and omigosh, SHE’S CHINESE!!!

Grace: ::rolls eyes::

As for you, you know who you are. Marcelle sincerely hopes all this trouble just dies a natural death in the near future. Marcelle supposes that’s about it. No time to do that in-ring stuff again, much as he’d want to. He’d rather go and do this all straight away.

Thursday, July 24, 2003

Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday... for the past few weeks, it's been the only thing that keeps me going through the week barring speaking to *jaded*, Grace, or . I'm also glad the latter is willing to work some things out with another friend of mine, and that really just smooths out another one of the speed bumps I have to watch out for this week...

Yes, I'm still procrastinating, and I'm stuck at page 8 of a heavily unedited practicum report. I would think that an ample edition of what I have right now will produce a measly 7 pages of doom... doom for me, that is. Nonetheless, I'm sincerely hoping I can get to it, and I need to know if someone I know has a scanner I can scan on, oh, say, by Monday? Please? It's really important, for my senior's page... I hope some kind soul reads this, and is willing to let me go to their house and scan a pic/drawing, edit it a bit on Photoshop, then save it just in time for me to send it over to the people I have to submit it to.

Other academic hassles currently clamping down on me:

- A report we have to do for Philosophy. Even for me, that Hume article was REALLY confusing me, already.
- A long test in the same week for the same class.
- A lack of understanding for the symbol in Cinema Paradiso regarding the knitting that unfurls itself.

I saw Mr. Jim Paredes last Tuesday. It's good to have him back, but I'm disappointed with myself that I didn't get to go out and see how Mr. Sev Sarmenta teaches Jimmy P's subject... ah, well.

Anyways, moving on to Wednesday...

I guess I was having a wee bit too much fun with King Of Fighters to leave the arcade at UM right away and walk into McDonald's to see , , , and the rest. I even had to leave school a bit later because I had to check some things online. Anyways, in the LRT Line 2, I ran into one of those nice Chinese girls I know... too bad I forgot her name. But I digress.

As soon as I walked into McDonald's I saw Maia, Noey, Mac, and Sam. My umbrella got busted, but never mind that. In a rather disorienting break from tradition, I was given much-needed hugs from a few of them, and I was starting to feel a lot better already. You've heard me vituperate enough times about this to know why I value them a lot... but anyways, the mood was generally happier, as Noey was talking about being on TV, Maia was talking about being accepted in the choir, and Sam typing up like a whirling dervish something that sounded rather promising to me. And yeah, Mac must've gotten used to my yaoi innuendoes by now, and there's no point in analyzing it at all... dang, the things Marcelle does for ratings, eh? ::winks::

Moving on, it wasn't long before Noey and Sam left, but I was glad that they were there, and they certainly looked better in weeks. I guess they're beginning to see that there's no point in letting certain things get to them. While I want to remain neutral about all this and be unaffected, I obviously cannot do that when someone starts crying on my shoulder, whether figuartively or literally. I have to be there to help that person, right or wrong, at least just to keep them from feeling that low. So yes, I refuse to pass judgment on this matter, but I am making it clear that I do not tolerate seeing anyone visibly hurt, when it is within my power to change that.

Isis showed up a little while later, and I was glad she did. Nothing, really. I just found her being genuinely nice to me a huge comfort. I initially thought she'd be the biggest speed bump in the group as far as my getting to know them was concerned, but I'm led to the conclusion that there's virtually no speed bump in that regard. Unfortunately, amazing though her seduction skills may have been, it produced nary an effect on me... heh. Still, it was nice to have been playing along, as Mac was trying to one up me with him and Maia, and me and Isis. I naturally continued being stoic, only taking a break from that to ooze with anime sarcasm as I, with glimmering eyes, showed abundant interest in whatever Isis was trying to do... Happosai, anyone? While I'm again, not a very touchy person, I didn't feel the least bit uncomfortable with yesterday's situation... prolly because I'm not exactly the incestuous type, as I hope that I am now figuratively a brother to most of them. Anyways...

Again, Isis went with Mac, Maia went with me. This time, however, Maia didn't go straight home to her dorm, so we ended up taking a bite at Greenwich, where she got to the point where she realizes that she usually complicates things for herself a little too much more than how she ought to. As if on cue, Avril's song, "Complicated", just plays over the P.A. system. At the same time, I was beginning to scare her out of her wits with how well I can roleplay a gay guy, from the voice, to directing some lines such as...

You think he loves me?

Of course... waitaminute. Why'm I telling you that? Without you in the way, it'll be all open season for me...

Then I told her about my uber-weird dream about Grace getting a new boyfriend without my knowledge, Tsumenki telling me all about it, then finding out that the new boyfriend IS Maia's current boyfriend, plus that damning conversation I had in my dream...

Vash: Okay. So my dare is to kiss this French guy (Yep. That's you-know-who.)on the lips. Err, can I do that, Marcelle?

Marcelle: Sure. Go ahead. I don't mind.

What? What? What? ::eyes widen::

It's been a great day, and I'm glad to know that I can actually be useful to my friends from time to time. While I don't consider myself to be a nice guy (As far as people who cross The Ministry® are concerned...), I at least know I can be of help to the people who matter.

I'll be meeting Grace in a few hours' time... I hope I can do more of the same for her.


A new plug: Isis!

Can you say "It's about time?"
I wanted to review One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, but let's keep it to just one old movie for review, shall we? I really feel way too lazy to actually bother with that other film, though it also warrants an A+ in my book. While I loved that movie, Cinema Paradiso struck me harder...

Cinema Paradiso (Director’s Cut):

They paved Paradise and put up a parking lot…

This is a bit of a synopsis based on Fr. Nick’s handout:

Cinema Paradiso is the story of a lifelong love affair with movies of a young boy named Toto, in the small Italian town of Giancaldo. Enchanted by the flickering images, he yearns for the secret of the cinema’s magic and is elated when Alfredo, the projectionist, agrees to reveal the mysteries of moviemaking to him. Toto looked to Alfredo as the closes thing to a father, as he himself is fatherless. The movies become a secondary mother to him, for they teach him everything he felt he needed to know about life and romantic love. When the day comes for Toto to leave Giancaldo, Alfredo makes him promise never to look back but keep moving forward. He leaves behind the woman he loves, Elena, and with a heavy heart, follows Alfredo’s advice for the next thirty years, until the day a message arrives that beckons him back home to a secret that will change his life forever, and he will learn in the end that indeed, life is not like the movies…

Alfredo died. And now, his return to Giancaldo will throw him into a cacophony of emotions, all clamouring at him, as the past, the present, and the future all roll into one to haunt him… and humble him.

Well, that’s my near rip of Fr. Nick’s introduction, with a few ideas of my own thrown in…

In a small town such as Giancaldo, Cinema Paradiso was certainly a haven for the townsfolk, where they are blessed with a respite from their daily mundane lives. Here, their lives carry on, whilst the lives of total strangers unfold in the screen in front of them, and this inimitable magic of Cinema Paradiso was what moulded Toto to believe that life was going to be a spectacular movie for him.

But movies are often too splendid or too horrid for life to be its exact counterpart, for interspersed with the highs and the lows of life are long, agonizing mundane moments that seem to not fall into place with everything else; whereas the economy of time in a film requires the coherence of nearly anything they depict onscreen. Toto did not realize that his life was far from being like any movie he has ever seen. In his dealings with love, he realizes how hurtful it is to be given a promise that will be broken, more so a promise thrown into the air, but all the same broken. At the same time, Toto discovers the pang of pain that comes with realizing that those whom you least expected to were the ones who actually kept their promises.

The rusty anchors by the sea were the people who watched the movies embodied by the deep blue sea in front of them. While the sea is constantly beautiful in the scene, the rusty anchors were simply fading away. It was clearly saying that unlike films, life is not as timeless in real life as they are portrayed onscreen to be. Life unfolds to us, and not everything that unravels of our lives is being watched by everybody else, unlike a cinema. When Toto’s mother left her knitting and it started unravelling itself, that reminded us of how Toto’s life unravelled without those whom he held dear to him watching.

I really felt that the film was really tugging on my heart strings when they showed the cinema being demolished in favor of a parking lot. It was really an emotional tug-of-war between the ways that the small town has been accustomed to all these years, and the new, upstart law of the land that has taken its place. While the elder residents of Giancaldo were in tears as Cinema Paradiso crumbled into a mere memory, the younger townsfolk of Giancaldo even found it as a moment of amusement. How would Alfredo have felt had he still been alive?

There was more to be said about Alfredo than the mere notion that he was like a father to Toto. If it wasn’t for him, it was rather likely that Toto and Elena would’ve ended up together, but instead, Alfredo never told Toto that Elena came to see him during his last day in Giancaldo. It was painful, indeed, but Toto had to realize that Alfredo did what he felt was best, and his separating Toto from Elena was but a small step towards leading him to the path back to reality: that indeed, life is not like the movies.

So yes, Toto was a success in the film industry, and yes, Toto never knew for himself how he and Elena could’ve turned out to be (Especially in the original version of the film, since Elena and Toto never met again there.). In spite of these facts, Toto was a better man from it all. Alfredo believed in the story of the princess and the soldier: would it not have been better for the soldier to never know if the princess would have kept her promise to love him? While it’s not a flawless argument, it’s hard to disagree with it. Yes, to never know is painful, but Toto never saw the point of it all, and NEVER listened to Alfredo’s words: NEVER LOOK BACK. Over the years, he did, and that was the ONLY reason he was hurting for that long.

Alfredo really showed his mettle in that film. I must say that he was my favorite character, seeing how in spite of his pathos of being a poor, uneducated man, he still managed to touch Toto’s life and lead him to a far better life than he could have ever possibly had if he never had a mentor like Alfredo. Alfredo was well justified in trying to separate Toto from Elena: with Toto’s life all ahead of him, and knowing how passionate Toto was, Alfredo knew that it wasn’t good for him to face the world while nursing a potential broken heart. Here was the one person who knew what Toto really needed at the time, and he was right.

Toto couldn’t deny the mixture of joy and gratitude that he felt when he was watching with teary eyes the collection of kissing scenes at the end. Over the years, the parish priest of Giancaldo personally saw to censoring so much as a kiss on film, and a good deal of the spliced scenes remained with Alfredo. He promised to give the collection to Toto: a promise Toto himself had forgotten. Ironically, Elena also gave Toto a promise: that she would never love another. But she did. In the end, the princess broke her promise, after all.

But Alfredo didn’t.

Yes, there was sadness in his tears as he lost the closest thing he had to a father, but he realized in the end that Alfredo was doing what his so-called limited intellectual capacity told him was truly best for Toto, and had Toto truly taken Alfredo’s advice and never looked back, everything would’ve been perfect. Those kissing scenes Toto was watching symbolized the very bond between Alfredo and Toto: a human, imperfect bond (The scenes, after all, were deemed sinful by the parish priest.) that was not anything like the movies, but was truly a tale worth telling, nonetheless.

I concur: while I haven’t seen the original, edited version of this film, I can tell that with the focus on Toto and Elena more prominent now than the focus on Toto and Alfredo, THIS IS A DIFFERENT MOVIE ALTOGETHER. But it is no less as splendid, I believe.

What’s not to love about this movie? Of course, I really agree with Abby when she told me that taking out Toto’s meeting with Elena thirty years later would’ve made the impact of Toto’s discoveries a lot more significant. While it seemed like a rather long film, I still believe that it was simply amazing how the medium attempted to distinguish itself from what it is attempting to imitate (That is, film imitating life.) to the point that it almost demeans itself. The self-deprecation is what got to me. Instead of making me see cinema as mere escapism, Cinema Paradiso instead pointed me to how powerful the medium itself is. Where else can you hear about a film that was made to say that life wasn’t like film?

Marcelle’s Evaluation: A+

Tuesday, July 22, 2003

My aunt has decided to forgo being an aunt and becone a full-pledged bastich by whining about anything and everything that has to do with me...

From whining about her electricity (Uhh... I at least turn off TV's when I don't use them. Your son seems to like watching three televisions at the same time.), to whining about food (Uhh... you offered me the food, and you whine that I take it? What?), and she doesn't even have the decency to throw her problems at me. She has to go and act up on my bloody mom, who, for all her faults, does not need to hear my aunt whining about something she caused, anyway.

My aunt wonders how I could subsists on a budget on food that's smaller than 500 bucks a week. Newsflash: unlike your overweight and underdisciplined slob of an excuse for a son, I DON'T EAT STEAK EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK. In fact, I do recall three food groups, and your family seems to have forgotten about fruits and vegetables altogether. At the same time, her annoying little son who talks to the TV more often than he talks to anyone else is fast approaching the unbelievable feat of being wider than he is tall. She, on the other hand, will stil lbe acting around like some silly prima donna who has friends in high places. For all the good that does her. Damn, I'd hate to be there when her poor kid grows up.

So here I am, completely bummed out because I still feel so bloody lazy in the face of trying to finish my silly practicum report. I really have to finish that thing by Friday, at the latest, and then further work on my graduation stuff.

At least, I already have a creative post in mind for my grad pic... I just need to borrow a certain kind of belt to complete the look, and I'm pretty much all set.

Tsumenki, thanx for the songs last night. I really felt so much better after all of that. :) Take care, jabroni.

I feel so drained. I hope next week yields better writing from me, as I seem to be a little bit too occupied with work that I keep on putting off anyway.

Grace and I met up last night to discuss our options about the food and all. I'm glad she was there for me, because she really mawde my day, and thank goodness I managed to see her safely to her ride home, knowing how hard the rain was. I just couldn't help but get out of the house to actually keep her company while the rain was just dying down...

Nonetheless, what makes me happy is that Philosophy didn't have a quiz, and at the same time, film class got cancelled. I'm done with the paper for that, anyway, so lets' see what I can work on next. heh.

Catch you jabronis soon. Wednesday sounds so good to me... I'll go home and not mind my aunt make a total blubbering git out of herself... maybe my mom should do the same, after we prove to her how silly she's getting herself worked up over nothing really happens to be...

Monday, July 21, 2003

This was a great weekend. I'm glad my mom was trusting enough to let me sleep over at Madame Sky's and Ichi's house, after the housewarming party. Anyways, we had a pretty good time there, although there wasn't really much going on, as any activities we might have had were easily tamed down, especially when we got to our Truth or Dare, where the worst anyone can do was have a guy grab another guy's backside and mash it a bit...

A lot of people were dodging questions left and right, and that's a shame, considering that it was Truth or Dare, after all. Someone didn't even take a dare, while my sense of respect for one of the people there was heightened, when he refused to betray the name of someone asked of him, and instead chose to kiss another guy (On the cheek...). I was asked to do a lap dance with Madame Fire as my subject... that was an all-time low for me... erggh.

There really wasn't much going on there, actually, but I at least enjoyed my time with the people there. It was pretty great, actually.

Anyways, I suppose things have been so hectic for me lately. I didn't realize that the practicum paper was actually worth fifteen bloody pages, and that's not going to be easy for me. I have to finish my film papers today, then finish my handwritten stuff for the practicum today as well... afterwards, that's when I go for the rest of the practicum report, which I hope I can accomplish quickly enough.

I even asked some of my friends to do writeups on me just for the Hades of it. I don't know if I'll submit what they have to say, (Though I wish I will. Depends on what I get, really.) but I just really want to know what these people whom I regardes as special to me actually think of me... abby didn't want to write, but I at least have a general idea of what she intended to say. Ah, well. Those are the breaks, I suppose...

I really haven't much else to say right now. I'm too drained, and I guess next week, when the darned practicum report is over and done with, I can relax.

Friday, July 18, 2003

.:No Wonder Suicide Rates Are Up:.

Fr. Nick Cruz has shown Marcelle FOUR straight depressing movies:

1. Au Revoir Les Infants (Goodbye, Children)
2. La Lengua De La Mariposa (Butterfly's Tongue)
3. One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest

And the killer that really made me want to cry:


This movie is so good, it deserves a review, no matter how old... I'll come up with one by tomorrow, I hope.
A few OOC things before I go into this attempt at a... well, I don't know how to call it yet... suggestions?

I'm happy to have met a few new people last Wednesday: Hope, Marty, and Dani were all nice people...


.:This Is How RAW Should Really Be… On So Many Levels:.

*Interpret all this as you choose to…*

Jim Ross: We’re taking you backstage as it seems that Hunter Hearst Helmsley is indeed leaving Evolution! Bah Gawd, there goes one of the best stables the WWE has ever seen!

Jerry Lawler: The Evolution was really rising among the ranks with Triple H, Randy Orton, Ric Flair, Batista, and Arn Anderson. Looks like Triple H couldn’t share the spotlight!

Triple H walks towards the camera, sees Ross and Lawler, then scowls. He heard what the two had to say, and he didn’t look one bit pleased with it.

HHH: Who do you think you’re talking about? I am THE GAME-AH!!! Evolution owes its success to me-ah! And now, let’s see them go around without my guidance. Randy Orton? What a young arrogant punk. Ric Flair? Ha! He’s washed out! Batista? He’s got more muscles in his head than anywhere else! Arn Anderson? Don’t even get me started on him. The fact of the matter is, I’m the only one in Evolution that the people wanted to see-ah!

Jim Ross: Now, Hunter, we know that you’re upset everyone seems to be looking past you, but…

HHH: Looking past me? LOOKING PAST ME? What do you think you’re talking about? Those morons are HOLDING ME BACK-AH!

Triple H turns around and walks towards the ring, as Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler await his arrival into the ring. It looks like he has a lot to say, and there’s no question that this is going to be quite a night…

Unexpectedly, a familiar music hits the arena, and it’s not Triple H’s entrance music. Blue mist begins to feel Madison Square Garden, and the people know who’s got something on his mind. It’s none other than…

Jim Ross: Bah Gawd! It’s Mister Vader! Mister Vader is here, and it looks like he has quite a bone to pick up with Triple H!

Jerry Lawler: Mister Vader looks pretty pumped up tonight!

Mister Vader saunters into the ring and gives a few high-fives to the fans at ringside. He enters the ring, and with a flourish of his hands, an amazing blue explosion engulfs the ring, and the blue mist is still spreading all over the arena. Mister Vader steps into the ring, goes from corner to corner and raises his arms to the jubilation of the crowd. He motions for a mic, puts it closer to his lips, and…

Mister Vader: Finally, Mister Vader has come back to Madison Square Garden!

Jerry Lawler: Haha! Cheap pop! Cheap pop!

Mister Vader: It looks like somebody’s head got a little too big for his hat. HHH, you’re running your mouth off, and you had the audacity to go and insult your own kind, Evolution itself. You laid them all out with your trusty sledgehammer, which apparently, is your only way of overcompensating for your toothpick!

Jim Ross: Did I just hear Mister Vader insult Triple H’s… err…

Jerry Lawler: No, JR! Don’t say it!

Mister Vader: You talk tough, jabroni. But it’s pretty obvious you can only do that hiding behind that sledgehammer of yours. You think you can take any of the rest of Evolution on without any help from that? Well, Mister Vader doesn’t think so because you sure are the most yellow bastich to walk God’s green Earth, jabroni. You roody-pooh excuse for a human being! You think you…

Triple H’s entrance music suddenly blares, and he is met with a chorus of boos from the audience. He holds a mineral bottle in one hand, and a sledgehammer in the other. He pours the mineral water over his head, then marches to the ring. He takes a swig from the bottle, chucks it into the audience, then sprays it into the air. He stares down Mister Vader intently, and neither man blinks. There is no intimidation at all.

HHH: Vader, I don’t ever recall you having to stick your nose in MY business. Why don’t you save yourself some pain, and get out of this ring before I go medieval on your rear end?

Mister Vader: You know, Hunter, maybe you’re right. Maybe Mister Vader has nothing to do with this, so if you want to take out your frustrations on somebody, why don’t you go for… hmm… Randy Orton? You have a match scheduled with him tonight, don’t you?

HHH: A match? Against Orton?

Before Hunter you knew it, Orton jumps him from behind and lays him out with a flurry of punches. Hunter tries to fight back, but Orton’s jumpstart gives him quite an advantage.

Jim Ross: Randy Orton, a third generation superstar, getting a few shots in just before the referee asks to ring the bell to start this match.

Jerry Lawler: That’s not fair! Triple H wasn’t ready yet!

Hunter tries to knock Orton from his mounted position and succeeds. He then gets up, and Orton hits an Irish Whip, which Triple H promptly reverses. Orton bounces from the ropes, and gets caught with a leaping knee to the face.

Jim Ross: The Game is showing some veteran skills in reversing that whip into one of his favorite moves! That was simply amazing!

Orton rolls out of the ring to catch a breather, as Triple H regains his bearings and pursues him outside. Hunter gets a hold of Orton and whips him into the steel steps, as Orton cries out in pain.

Jerry Lawler: Ow! Right into the solid steel steps! There ain’t no give there!

Suddenly, Ric Flair runs into ringside and tries to separate the two.

Jim Ross: What? It looks like Ric Flair is trying to break this up! What’s he doing? I thought he has an axe to grind with Triple H! Here is the man who sacrificed so much for Triple H’s sake, put his body on the line for all those chair shots and finishers Hunter was supposed to take instead! It looks like Flair doesn’t want to just call it quits, but the referee has seen enough! He’s declaring this a no-contest!

Jerry Lawler: Now that’s weird! Why is he trying to… oh!

Jim Ross: Bah Gawd! The humanity! Triple H assaulted Flair with a sledgehammer while his back was turned to Orton! Randy Orton is stunned, but it looks like the Cerebral Assassin is not wasting his time! He’s hightailing it out of the ring!

Jerry Lawler: Flair is wearing a scarlet mask right now! He’s been busted wide open! I can’t believe H would do such a thing!

Meanwhile, backstage…

Terri Runnels: Mister Vader! Can I interview you?

Mister Vader: Consider yourself lucky, Terri. Vader is in no mood to make fun of you right now.

Terri Runnels: Mister Vader! It looks like your attempts to stay out of the affairs of Evolution have really failed.

Mister Vader: Vader just wants to be there for those in his Ministry.

Terri Runnels: If you don’t mind my saying so, I think you really want something in return.

Mister Vader: From whom? Triple H? That steroid freak? Vader doesn’t need to curry the favour of anyone, jabroni! He just wants to be there for the Ministry. Ric Flair was distraught over Triple H’s departure, because Hunter was like a brother to him already. He cared about Hunter, and made him his own protégé. Yet what does Triple H pay Natch back with? A sledgehammer shot?

Terri Runnels: You keep on referring to this… Ministry of yours. I know I’ve known you all these years, and I don’t see why you have to take it upon yourself to be there all the time.

Mister Vader: You know, you never even asked Mister Vader for help in all the time he’s known you. You think Vader is THAT worthless?

Terri Runnels: It’s not that. It’s just that I’ve always been…

Mister Vader: … self-sufficient?

Terri Runnels: Why, yes.

Mister Vader: You know, you could’ve been Vader’s manager, but instead, you chose Goldust. Vader finds that odd. You’ve known Vader for far longer, and there’s hardly any difference between him and Goldust, to begin with.

Terri Runnels: But, you see…

Mister Vader: This interview is over.

Thursday, July 17, 2003

I have a fairly long post waiting in the wings... I have to type it on MS Word first, though... heh.

Check this out tomorrow, okay, jabronis?

Tuesday, July 15, 2003


.:Random Thoughts:.

I finally decided to go ahead and borrow a Java book from a friend of mine. Hopefully, this’ll help me even just a bit with keeping up with Sacha’s class. That’s one less thing to be harassed about, and I must admit that the past few days have really been getting to me. There’s just so much stress lately, seeing how I had to do a thesis proposal that just didn’t feel so right. I know that the topics I wanted were unlikely to be approved, but this is a total shift away from what I had in mind…

I bought a new cartridge of Monster Rancher 2 Advance. I sincerely hope that it will not fizzle out on me like my older cartridge did. I spent good money for that one, you know. I only have Pokemon Sapphire and Yugi-Oh Worldwide Edition in my sights now… FF Tactics Advance won’t be coming along for quite a long while, sadly. If I have the extra cash, a second copy of Street Fighter Alpha 3 would do me wonders. I sure would like to go head-to-head with someone on that game…

Grace recently quit her thesis group. Apparently, one of her groupmates was being such a nuisance with her holier-than-thou attitude, and Grace was better off working with her friends in another group, anyway, Nonetheless, lots of luck to her. She apparently will need it…

I’ve been feeling rather lethargic the past few days. No matter how early I slept, I was doomed to have to wake up feeling underslept the next day, simply because my body clock refuses to cooperate with me for a long slumber. It’s pretty irritating, really… nonetheless, I suppose I’m just feeling fine.

.:What? What?:.,

I’m not a really emotional person anymore, but unlike most other people, I have very little catharsis from going into a frenzied rage. The best way for me to purge any of my ill will is through letting it all out in sorrow rather than anger. Afterwards, I always feel a lot better. Hades, I remember the time I used to go around like that with everyone. Now that I’ve been more restrained (Not because I choose to, but because I simply became so.), I rarely ever shed a tear for anything. And I rarely shed a tear in front of anyone. I certainly do myself a favor when I do with a friend I can trust. Grace is obviously the first name that comes to mind. Abby would be another. I’m just glad that there’re two more, at the very least, considering that … well…

So what got to me, anyway? Well, you might say that I was feeling really down because of Ranma ½. It’s just disheartening to see how mean Shampoo was to Mousse, and it reminded me of myself. How pathetic I once was, and how shades of that still remain in different manifestations.

Mousse: Do you really hate me that much, Shampoo?

Shampoo: Yes. I hate you. H-A-T-E you. Hate you.

Hades, that stung, you know. I never thought I’d feel so struck by an anime, and I never thought I’d feel so irked towards Shampoo, my favorite anime girl who doesn’t wear glasses. But it just got me to thinking about the recent past...

You win. The both of you win. Nigh everyone in the block thinks I’m wrong and you’re both right. Story of my life.

It wasn’t supposed to be that way.

I didn’t deserve that kind of treatment.

You deserved it more than he does.

Oh? And it’s your prerogative to determine that now?

I just didn’t think that you should go and torment him like that.

You saw me read the note. You’re insinuating I don’t know how to read?

It’s not that. We just wanted you to say something. But you kept quiet.

Of course. I’m not close to you anymore, nor was I ever close to him.

Look, I love that guy, okay? He’s one of my best frie…

Thank you for reminding me what I’m not.

And that was it.

I was never part of her support system. No matter how well she knows I’m always there for her come Hades or high water, no matter how well she knows I’m reliable when it comes to advice, or merely listening to her vituperate, no matter how well she knows me period, that never gave her any incentive to count on me, so it seems. I’d daresay she’d ask me to help just before she strikes a bargain with Hades himself.

As a friend, and at the risk of sounding utilitarian, I absobloodylutely hate being useless. And that’s what I seem to be to her. That’s what eats at me. I hate the feeling that I’m just a white elephant to someone I regard very highly. I hate the feeling that I’m not worthy of being trusted, despite all the proof I’ve shown her that I am.

Thank you for being there for me. I feel so much better that you listened to my vituperating about all of this last night. I can’t help but think how different my life would’ve been if I wasn’t looking for hentai last year, and I would’ve never found OB, nor would I have found a friend like you. I don’t want to jinx it yet by saying it, but you’re getting to that point… I think you know what I mean. Thank you so much.


This is the reason why I don't call my best friend, who's named JB, as JB. This is why I call her *jaded*.

I met up with Carina, JB's sister. This JB, on the other hand, is one of the Calf Up people, along with Cyril, Ato, and the like. And he's a guy, unlike *jaded*, who's a girl.

Anyways, Carina is actually in my film class. Pretty cute, but I wonder if she knows all the things her brother has to say about her... ah, well.

Saw Daf today. Further reminded me what she's doing in a certain place in this blog... heh. But no worries. I don't see any chance for me and her in this lifetime. She's a great friend, though. Rather enterprising, I might add.

Went for my PREPARED speech for Ateneo Debate Society screening today COMPLETELY UNPREPARED. I spoke about legalizing prostitution, and I did pretty miserably. I didn't even hit five minutes. Crud.

Wednesday, please come soon...

Monday, July 14, 2003

Know Your Role, And Shut Your Mouth.

The past few days just whizzed me by. While I guess I really didn't go through much this weekend for me to go and talk about, I still have to say that my weekend, as seemingly uneventful as it appeared to be, was still a good one, nonetheless. Saturday was another RAW Deal tournament which yielded yet another victory from our top player, Ralph Tan. Until the next expansion comes along, I can't imagine how they intend to stop Trish Stratus... which leads me to the question, is this really a problem of metagaming, after all? Trish doesn't really seem to be much of a problem, if you think about it. Why is she racking up all these wins? Not enough Ric Flairs or something?

Anyways, Rob was playing my Chyna deck, and everyone was complaining how irritating his playing style was. I owe it to him to let him know about it. So I hope that Rob reads this, or I'll tell him about it tomorrow:


Rob, the problem with your playing style is that it annoys the Hades out of the other players. I understand it's a play-to-win situation, but you just don't realize the fact that your playing style doesn't help you win. Using the same deck against the Dude Love deck that eliminated you in the last round, I realized that your playing style was bordering on just nailing the time limit, netting you a loss for your efforts. You didn't bother reading up on the other cards, and kept on poring through them, which led many to think you were stalling. I don't mind the playing errors much: that comes with the stress of the tourney, but you had a couple that made me want to just take the deck from your hands and play the game for you. Against Dude Love, that oversight you had with his Beating The Odds cost you the game. If you had 2F, you could've very well played Clutch+Apply. That'd set you up for enough fortitude to start hammering down some good maneuvers, and eventually winning against him. Instead, you passed. Why? Is it just a mere oversight? No. IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT PLAYING THE DECK THE WAY IT WAS BUILT.

The fact is, I saw how ineffective your playing style was. Just because I built Chyna like that did not mean you can bank on her infinite loops to keep you alive. She was supposed to play maneuvers constantly, because you needed to get to 10F really quick. You thought Managers weren't needed because she can't hit that number. Well, she can't hit that number because of your playing style. I was playing against the other people later with the same deck, and I hardly lost to anyone. Why? Because the deck was meant to be played as Aggro-Switch. Not Reverse Switch. You could've done better by keeping up an attack. What's an Elbow to the face, anyway? You'd just reshuffle your maneuvers back, and that Elbow will not leave their hand anytime soon, anyway. What's the point of insisting on playing like a coward?

Rob, I'll be frank with you: I built that deck the way I did because it works best that way. It was meant to be played a certain way, and I kept on telling you that fact. But no, you refused to listen to me, you took out key cards that could've saved you (Try stopping Multi's with only your ability, and no Managers.) in the long, run. Next time, you either listen to me, or you can go make your own deck to irritate the Hades out of the other players without any help from me at all. Wait. There's another problem my other players have with you: worst of all, YOU KEPT RETRACTING YOUR OWN MOVES. That is illegal, Rob. You were bordering on cheating, and if you repeated it one more time with me watching, nothing personal, but I would've disqualified you on the spot for that. To Hades with the cash prizes or the belts. I'm not fond of people who bend the rules and undermine my authority.


Sunday was fairly fine. I was looking around with Grace for a keyboard compatible with my Cassiopeia, to no avail. A Cassiopeia actually costs 14,000, but the more I look at it, the more I wonder why it costs that much... heh. Nonetheless, we then had a dinner party at home, and nothing much really happened. I hope this week can be a bit more eventful, I tell you... I'm a bit exhausted and all, you might say. I can't wait for Wednesday. It's my only respite from this mad, mad week ahead of me, what with all the worries about my thesis, which Abby was kind enough to listen to...

One of my uncles asked me about Grace after she went home...

Uncle Roland: Gaano katagal na kayo?

Marcelle: Four years.

Uncle Roland: Ganoon? Pakasalan mo na!

Marcelle: Hindi puwede mag-dodoktor pa yun.

Today wasn't much, either. I just rushed to fix my thesis proposal... that's about it.

I guess tomorrow should be a promise of more interesting content, but no guarantees... heh.

Friday, July 11, 2003

To Marcelle's LJ friends, just read what he has to say HERE.

Otherwise, well, nothing much has been happening with Marcelle. He spoke to an old friend last night, and that sent him on a downward spiral. If there's one thing he hates, it's being judged without any room for redemption. That just plain stings. Thanx to that, though, Marcelle ended up working things out with *jaded*. At least Marcelle is sure that she can handle herself well enough, so there's no need to worry about her...

Nonetheless, it sometimes feels that Marcelle's trapped between a rock and a hard place. This isn't the first time. Marcelle's real friends are few and far in between, which essentially means he can't expect them to get along... nonetheless, it could only be hoped that this is a temporary setback, and the gargoyle does not have to rise again...

For now.

Thursday, July 10, 2003


.:On WWE RAW:.

WWE Raw (A rather delayed episode, mind you. The Philippines is two or three weeks behind.) was a fairly entertaining episode. I think if Randy Orton continues to polish his in-ring skills, he can easily get over with the audiences. Main problem with Orton right now is that if he gets too popular, Triple H is liable to lean on him to kill his heat, so that only good old Paul Levesque will have the main event status on his shoulders all the time. It's pretty disappointing how he squashes all these up-and-coming wrestlers. Moreover, I'm particularly saddened over the treatment they've been giving Kane lately.

The man has been busting his behind for this company for the longest time. He was up-and-coming, and he was always just toeing the line to get into the main event status all these years. For crying out loud, for a seven-footer, his ring skills can put some of those other smaller wrestlers to shame! He works his matches well, has good stamina, and his charisma is always there. So what's keeping this guy from getting over? Obviously, it's because he's being held back. He's been subjected to an atrocious necrophilia storyline, now he's being forced to unmask. It's disgusting how they're keeping him from breaking into the main event.

Ah, well. Let the McMahons kill their own business and learn the hard way what the fans REALLY want...

.:On The Wednesday Thingie:.

I am feeling so much better now, after a wonderful Wednesday that started and ended with a ton of coincidences...

As soon as classes ended, I knew that Wednesday was going to be a far better day than Tuesday. This was easily proven upon receiving my History long test. Out of 100 points, I didn't get 100... I got 102, which gives me a whole lot of breathing room for the next long test she'd try throwing at us. I was pretty happy about it, but then, let's face it: my teacher is still the most boring peace of roody-pooh trash to walk this green Earth... and yes, I know that's an understatement.

I made my way to La Salle with lots of time to spare. What was amazing about this was that I already neglected to take the LRT (Line 2) because I wanted to take my time. Interestingly enough, I was in La Salle by 1:50, and the first coincidence happened: I ran into Thundersenshi, one of the administrators from OB.

Thunder: Ano'ng ginagawa mo dito? Di ba, Atenista ka?

Marcelle: Shh!!!

I walked into McDonald's, and Maia was there by her lonesome. We just talked a bit, and I could see her spirits were picking up. She has until Friday to work on her voice for her inevitable audition, and I hope that turns out well for her... nonetheless, we weren't alone long enough, as Melina shows up, and she starts gushing. She has her reasons to be happy right now, and I see no reason for her to disbelieve that the signs are pointing favorably in her direction. And I do feel honored... about something. I don't want to say it yet, lest I jinx it. Nonetheless, I'm honored.

Melina was so happy she decided to treat Maia to Starbucks, and there we were, waiting for Harle to follow. We then had a nice time continuing our conversations, as they seemed to be analyzing the male psyche, in attempts of making heads or tails of how it actually works. Let's just say that's an exercise of futility...

Funny. Coincidence number two then happened: I met by pure chance a high school friend of mine whom I knew was in La Salle. April Tabones, to be exact. (Mel, imagine if you didn't decide to go to Starbucks. What were the chances, neh?) We talked a bit, and then she told me that another old friend of mine (Way back from Grade 4.), Kathryn Pauso, was going to be there in a while, too. How could I pass up a chance to meet Ms. Cute-Genius-Girl-In-Glasses (Though she's wearing contacts now...)? Nonetheless, we went back to McDonald's for a while, and it looks like more good news coming from I-Sis this time. She's genuinely happy, but she has apprehensions about her situation... apprehensions that she should really avoid thinking about right now, because it's really not doing her any favors.

After a while, I had to meet up with Kathryn already, and we talked a bit here and there. Funny thing is, she mentioned something like "talking for the sake of talking", and how I spoke to her without any hidden agenda. W-ell, I did kind of like her a bit back then, but it was never anything serious at all, I suppose... heh. So I guess I don't have to feel too guilty about it then. Nonetheless, nothing much there, really. suddenly showed up with her friend, and while I hardly spoke to her in person, I'm glad she seemed pretty jovial today. She had a slight mishap later, but then I think she's feeling better now. I really enjoyed speaking to Kathryn, I must say. We haven't had the chance to do so in almost two years.

When I got back to McDonald's, I was just freaking the Hades out of Mac with all my yaoi references. I think the poor kid is going to be traumatized by the end of all this. Charliedoggie and Voltee showed up momentarily, while all of us were talking, and since I saw they were all in good company, I took it as my cue to try a bit of KOF 2K2. Not bad, though I didn't rack up any winning streaks. Still, my Billy Kane is improving a fair bit.

I got back there, and the conversations pretty much still revolved around lovelives, and the complications involved. Nonetheless, at least I saw a remarkable improvement in Maia's disposition, as she realized how she must reciprocate an age-old gimmick played by men who want to feel loved all over the world... but a Korean-French girl? That sounds rather... interesting to me, I must say. Bottomline is, Maia doesn't need to win Ms. Universe to be special to someone. The irony of that is, Ms. Universe doesn't always end up being special to someone, either. Or has Sushmita Sen gotten married yet?

As soon as I-Sis left, the final three were again Mac, Myself, and Maia (F4, move over! Here comes 3M!). It was more lovelife discussions, albeit I guess I was just telling them plain facts that I've observed over the years. Things like attitudes of guys and girls towards one another, while I don't claim to be a grizzled love veteran, I at least know a thing or two about how these setups work. We decided to leave the place a bit earlier, and it looks like Charlie was pretty preoccupied with a certain online game, so there.

The ride home was pretty long, interspersed with a lot of singing. Of course, I couldn't help but think up more segues for songs, and I was having a grand time doing just that. Meanwhile, you might say that while we were laughing along with one another's jokes and all, it was seriously a time for me to just go back into my little shell and ask myself if I'm fulfilling my role as a gargoyle. The answer is clear: yes I am. I was about to go home with at least six considerably happy people, although I can't claim all the credit for myself. At least I wasn't there to cause their sadness... that's a change of pace. Heh.

When I took Maia back to her dorm, she did mention the fact that the area near her dorm was particularly scary. I'm not particularly afraid of the dark (Try heights.), but I understood why she said so. U.P. is not the nicest place to be in the middle of the night... we sat down for a while to talk a bit more, as I didn't feel like going home just yet. Topics ranged from people we miss, some quirks of some people we know, tears, and the value of a hug. Needless to say, I'm glad I took the time out to be there in La Salle this Wednesday... and I suppose that I'll be there as much as I can.

I got to speak to Grace as soon as I got home. She was fairly worried, but she was happy that I'm beginning to gain my step back. I'm extremely grateful to have her for a girlfriend... while I wouldn't be able to blame her if she did get jealous of my hanging around La Salle every week, I'm thankful she doesn't. She knows that I know where I stand, and the picture in front of me still clearly depicts me with her. No question about that.

Christelle, on the other hand, advised me to avoid speaking to one of my close friends for the moment. I guess it's because in spite of the great day I had, she was more than enough to completely get me all down again. Is it a twinge of jealousy I detect within me? Maybe. But then, it's the kind of protective jealousy one would get when you seem to be losing something dear to you to somebody else... it's complicated to explain without divulging too much. Needless to say, for my own happiness (I should learn to follow my own advice and not keep myself from being happy because of myself.), and for hers, I'll avoid her for the moment. It's all for a good cause.

It's been a great day. I just wish I knew how to make that clear... ah, well.

Lest I forget... I'm thankful to all the people I met today, but these four people really took the cake today...

Kathryn (Though you're not reading this.), thanx for the wonderful conversation. I haven't heard from you in about two years, and it's good to see that you haven't lost your witty edge and unique personality. I wish you all the best, and don't sweat the lack of a lovelife (Though I really think you're not worried.). You've better things to do with your time right now, so I see... :)

Maia, thanx for being a great person to talk to. I enjoy listening to what you have to say, and don't ever think lowly of yourself. Enjoy what you have while it lasts, or you'll be griping about it when it's no longer there. Enjoy it well, and it just might last far longer than you expect it to.

Christelle, thanx for hearing me out about my situation right now. You might say that I'm a bit disoriented with the way things suddenly changed, and how I wish I didn't just go and let myself get affected. I'm not going to get in the way of her happiness, but I'm still going to make sure that she'll just be all right. The gargoyle will stand in the background, as it always should.

And Grace, you know I love you so much. Thank you for giving me such a high degree of trust. I know that we're not sailing smoothly right now (Through problems that do not involve us together, but affect us nonetheless.), but we'll always be there for one another. Thank you for believing in me, and being the center of my Earthly life's circle, as my faith in Him is the center of my Spiritual life's circle. I'll see you soon.

THURSDAY, 10 JULY, 2003:

Undercurrents seem to be all over the place. And I'm not telling why.

Somebody in OB has been murdering my language of choice. I've half a mind to tell that person off, but then, that person prolly wouldn't even understand what I'm talking about. No wonder that person used to be associated with someone we all used to know... errgghh. Nonetheless, I'm keeping my mouth shut, lest I scare the poor silly prat away.

Philosophy was AMAZING! I'm tempted to say "Barbazza is GOD", and I just did! Seriously, I hardly understood what Kant's point was. I saw what he was saying, but I didn't understand how it repudiated St. Anselm's Ontological Argument. The answer was clear, after Dr. Barbazza explained it... and I'm glad I've been listening a lot to him in class. At this point, I'm so tempted to go and just make a separate blog for my Philosophical thoughts already... what do you think? Should I go for it, or should I just throw in my Philosophical thoughts with the rest of my blog? Here's what I realized, in shorthand:

It appears (Though I know there's a counterpoint, let's not go there yet.) that St. Anselm failed to take one thing into consideration: in order for his postulation of God's supremacy to be true, he HAD to prove God's existence FIRST, not the other way around. Fact is, it was implausible for him to make a jump in his logic from talking about God in the realm of thought, and then assuming that God is. The existence or non-existence of something is independent from its qualities. A triangle will always have three sides, BUT this says nothing of a triangle's existence. When one says a triangle is, he adds to the value of the triangle. Looking at it in money, the idea of $100 may have its respective value, but REAL value is added to it when the $100 IS. That is, your idea of $100 can't buy you a booster box of RAW Deal, but $100 that is can buy you one, and net you around $25 change.

.:Besides Philosophy:.

I finally decided to go ahead and join the ADS this year again. Whatever happens, I am resolving to not let it get in the way of my schoolwork, so if I end up overcutting this org because I've been too busy with my thesis, so be it. I'd rather have it that way than lose my cum laude just because I wanted to get into the varsity or something, which I can't really enjoy, anyway, since I'm about to graduate already...

Funny how often I have to compete with my cousin during dinner time for TV supremacy. I watch Ranma 1/2, he's trying to watch Gundam. Or Zoids. Or Beyblade. Or Crush Gear. At least I'm not competing with him on Meteor Garden or something... heh. Mind you, The Poor Prince is actually VERY funny, and Lavander has a really cute Chinese girl there. I'm avoiding MYX for now, lest I have an LSS of "Broken Vow" or "Can't Lose You".

Speaking of LSS, I like Nina's Nescafe song. And I LOVE that new McDonald's advertisement. Sheer genius, and I'm glad they made something like that. It really warms the heart. Actually, same with the new Globe commercial... ah, well.

One last Meteor Garden-related thing: Grace decided to change my Yahoo Profile pic so that I now have a pic of Jerry Yan (aka Dao Ming Sz) for my picture. Apparently, it wows the women... everyone's been giving her IM's when she's chatting as me... I wonder what happens if I used my own picture?

SHE was there in Calf Up, and SHE was grating on my nerves again. Ergghh. May my patience extend even further.

To the person named "Eric" who commented on my Charlie's Angels review: thanx for clearing that one up. Do I personally know you? Eric Vidal? Eric Quizon?

I'll sit in on Sacha's class tomorrow. I'm going to see what I can do to get the hang of Java, even if it kills me. Heh.

Wednesday, July 09, 2003

You might say that after what happened at the start of yesterday, there was nowhere for me to go but up... and thank goodness I was right...

- Let's face it. I was glad to be there at the RX Station yesterday, regardless if it was at the cost of getting zero in a quiz. Chico and Delle didn't have a single visitor today, prior to me, and my experimenting with my hair gave them quite a boost... I was glad I was the number two answer there, though. "I learned from the Morning Rush that what your detractors have to say are far less important than what those who believe in you have to say."

- While yes, my worry for my friend has been growing bigger and bigger, I must say that I should give her credit where credit is due, and acknowledge that she has a good head on her shoulders. I'm sure she'll be just fine, as long as I'm always around for her...

- I can almost say that I now have a friend that I can really count on. I hope that same friend can likewise count on me... I don't want to just go and dispense with the term "best friend" anymore, but I do believe I'm getting there...

- I got published online in The Matrix Essays. My article is entitled "Neo Vs. Smith: The One Vs. The Many".

- I managed to speak to Abby, and she found it amusing that people are turning to me for advice. Seeing how I've been asking her for advice for years, I can't blame her. Yes, I guess nothing can be done about my situation with her brother (That we're not on speaking terms.), but live and let live, I suppose, will be the order of the day, as far as that goes. She wasn't comfy with the idea that she can still affect me quite a deal, but then, I wouldn't want Sach to see me with my 5566/Pineapple hairstyle now, would I? Let's not tarnish my rep any furher. Besides, I'm not going to La Salle with that kind of hair, either... heh. I suppose it's good to be speaking to her on such normal premises now... though of course, I have to be defensive and say that the people who matter the most will naturally affect me, so that includes her...

- Lastly, Grace has been such an angel to me. I've been so distressed yesterday, and there she was, patiently listening to my every word. I'm so glad that she understood me and how I felt about the day. Grace is the best person I can ever ask for in my life right now, and I thank her for being there for me.

Tuesday, July 08, 2003

It's been a bad start to my day, but I'm beginning to feel a bit better...

- After coming from the RX station, I made a mad dash to class that I would've made on time had I found the entrance to the LRT... wouldja believe? I got lost! I had to take a jeep!

- I lost my favorite BLUE sunglasses when I got off one jeepney during a traffic jam to make a scramble to the first one that moves... I was that desperate, that I ended up ignoring having lost my sunglasses. My favorite pair.

- I walked into my Philosophy class FIFTEEN SECONDS LATE for a quiz. Had I made it earlier by fifteen seconds, or maybe even ten, the prof would still be waiting for the papers to get to him, and he'd give me half a minute to answer, more than enough time for his really easy quizzes. So in short, my running around to get to school like a madman still fell flat, and I failed the quiz... urkk.

- The night before, I had a bad feeling about a certain friend of mine. You know how it is with me and my intuition... I've never been wrong before. I hope this is a first.

- In addition to that, I had quite a tongue-lashing from my mom for not calling her and not informing her about anything I've been up to, or even answering her calls on my cellular phone. Arggh.

Overall, it's been a lousy day so far, but I guess it can only get better... breathe... breathe... I need to save a little less than 200 pesos for a new pair of shades... I feel it's such a waste, though. I'm just thankful quizzes are a mere 10% of my grade, but I still need that A...

Sorry. Haven't had a bad day like this in almost half a year...

Monday, July 07, 2003

Quick post...

I'll add to it tomorrow.

Welcome back, Melchoir! I hope you have a good time here in the Philippines... and you owe me a Guilty Gear rematch. :)

I've not much else to say. I think I'm just glad that I've been able to go help out a few friends, and Ekai went on air with Chico and Delamar today... pretty interesting, actually. This seems to be a sequel to the story of somebody else I know... ah, well. I know that things are going just fine right now...

I even aced the first part of my history exams, and I think I can get an A for history if this keeps up. Nonetheless, I know I've been trying to make a lot of my friends happy, and I end up resenting the fact that I'm beginning to feel like Harry Potter again... too heroic for his own good.

Ah, well.
I finally got to edit this to fit in a single post... whoopee! :)

Neo Vs. Smith: The One Vs. The Many

(Main resource: William Luijpen’s “Phenomenology of Knowledge”, and my Blog's March archives.)

It was fairly clear from the get-go that the Matrix was more than just your regular gun-slinging, kung-fu busting action film. The movie actually had a good deal of depth on it, which was picked up by fewer people than the Wachowski brothers hoped for. Nonetheless, with the sequel, more of the same undertones end up creeping their way into everything in the movie that didn’t involve the closing credits.

One such point of reflection was the battle between Neo and Smith. One might wonder what the point of their encounter was, if Neo could just take down Smith indefinitely, yet Smith can just keep replicating himself. If this were the case, and we were faced with a deadlock, what then, is the point to the entire battle?

It would do us good to point out that one of the longest-running debates in the history of Philosophy has been the dispute on the existence of one Truth vis-à-vis many other truths. Was Truth really absolute? Or was truth merely relative? In Luijpen’s article, he outlines the role of Aletheia, or unconcealment. This concept of Aletheia stems from Plato’s “Allegory Of The Cave”, which speaks of the world of Eidos and its interaction with the physical world. Aletheia, according to Luijpen, is the illumination in the open space regarded as Lichtung. As we all know, this was a concept borrowed from Heidegger.

Let’s make an analogy here: Lichtung is the most basic truth there possibly is. Now, imagine a mug of Swiss Miss chocolate. Assuming you’re fond of it, you’d say that Swiss Miss is good. Take away the marshmallows, it’s still good. Take away the milk and cream, it’s still good. In fact, you can take away the water, but Swiss Miss is still good. But then, we hit Lichtung: you take away the mug, (Let’s not be too strict on the possibilities here and eliminate, say, spoons, or other similar apparatuses.) and you can’t really enjoy your Swiss Miss anymore.

Now, going back to Aletheia, truth cannot possibly exist without unconcealment. As the old cliché goes, a tree that falls in the middle of the forest with nobody to hear it does not make a sound. While Aletheia itself is NOT truth (Or Truth, if you’re so inclined.), it encompasses truth, as it is a requirement for it, as Lichtung is a requirement for Aletheia. But I’m sure you already know that.

Now, what makes Aletheia tie up with the idea of the One and the Many? First of all, we must realize the standpoints both the One and the Many hinge themselves upon. In the case of the former, it believes that there is only One Truth that can be accepted, and regards such Truth as absolute, in that it cannot be disputed, in that it is immutable. This fits in nicely with Plato’s concept of Eidos.

On the other hand, the Many believe in truth as relative: what is true to you is true for you and for you alone. It promotes a certain chaos in that nothing can ever be contested simply because everything holds true to someone on a personal level.

Returning to the gap between the One and the Many, it can be resolved by realizing the twofold nature of Aletheia. It’s fairly clear that the Wachowski brothers took a stand in favor of Luijpen and Aletheia by letting the fight remain in a deadlock, because Aletheia actually encompasses BOTH the One and the Many, as far as their basic elements are considered. By saying it encompasses both subjectivism and objectivism, we can then say two things about truth (Since it has Aletheia as a prerequisite.). Firstly, truth is relative, which agrees with the adherents to the Many. Despite this fact, truth may indeed be relative but it is not so in a relativistic manner. This is because truth DOES relate to a person, but this does not mean that what is true for one is automatically untrue for another.

Truth, in this case, is relative because truth is an event. When an event occurs, that event relates itself to those who are witness to it, and truth is communicated in this respect. Truth, after all, is anthropocentric (People-centered.), and if this is the case, we cannot expect something to be true (In our milieu.), but has yet to occur in that of another’s milieu to be likewise true for them. This does not take away anything from the truth that relates to either society, nonetheless. If, theoretically, the Philippines were closed off from other nations, only the Philippines would believe that a bloodless revolution (That of EDSA) is possible.

On the flipside, we can say that truth is absolute, but not so in an absolutistic manner. Truth cannot be absolutistic in a Platonic sense, because truth is a never-finished event. If truth were absolutistic, then truth is already fixed, immutable, and finished for all time (A complete contradiction to the notion that truth is never-finished.). This absolutistic notion conforms to the idea of the World of Eidos, an idea that goes against the grain of unconcealment, since unconcealment works in temporality. If truth were absolutistic, what is the need to unconceal anything? It is already immutably true to begin with, from past, present, to future.

To clarify, Aletheia is different from the World of Eidos. The latter speaks of an immutable, final, and perfect “otherworld”, from which the physical world draws its existence by participating as imperfect copies of perfection. The former, on the other hand, sees a Being of beings (Which itself is not a being. But that’s a different story altogether.) that unfolds “itself” in all of being in temporality. The Being of beings will give unto all beings, but what becomes of these beings contributes back to the Being of beings, so that more can be said about “it”. Unlike the latter, Aletheia is a two-way process.

Thus, truth is an absolute moment, as for when one person speaks a truth, that person is then bound to that truth, and for all of history, the fact that this thing is indeed true cannot be repudiated (So long as it conformed with the state-of-affairs.). This is because when one stands before an unconcealedness, then this unconcealedness is irrefutable. At the point in history that this truth is born, it acquires a transhistoric value, in that its veracity will carry over time . That is, tomorrow, it will still be true that The Rock has captured the WWE Title an unrivaled seven times. It is absolute in this sense, but what if the Rock wins the title again? It is still true, in spite of this, that The Rock, for a time, was a seven-time champion.

Therefore, truth is historical. Truth is born out of a specific event in time, a specific event in history. Likewise, truth is a never-finished event, simply because what is true today can be built upon to form the truth of tomorrow. This explains the progression of how man has been defined, or how professional wrestling has gone from their non-scripted, shoot-style matches to today’s era of “Ruthless Agression”, where shock value and crash storylines are all the rage, giving little emphasis to in-ring action. Truth is also historical in that it is possible only in a particular phase of the knowing subject’s personal history AND in a particular phase of the collective history of mankind’s pursuit of truth, consisting of every personal history. For instance, in the 1980’s, American video game players did not appreciate Legend of Zelda, a relatively complex game the Nintendo Entertainment System was coming out with at the time in contrast to Super Mario Brothers. At the same time, Japanese players, advanced by half a decade of gaming in comparison, were more inclined towards them. After five years of gaming experience, the games were then screen tested for a second time among American gamers, and their approval of Legend of Zelda shot up.

The recognition of truth as historical, however, does not justify historicity: the belief that what is true today, is the truth for today, but tomorrow, it will not be so. If one were to adhere to this as true today, will it still be true tomorrow? This interesting notion means that the proposition of historicity is self-contradictory. Seeing that historic truth is not in congruence with historicity, we can say that truth is transhistoric, in that the things we see as true today lead us further down the road of unconcealment, carrying what we have already unconcealed, thus far. Transhistoricity explains the absoluteness of truth, in that it is an absolute moment of truth, and its veracity as an absolute moment carries over in time. The transhistoricity of truth also shows how an event, which may have not directly happend in a particular society, can be passed on to them, to the point that it also becomes a common experience with them, such as now, the whole world knows that there is such a thing as a bloodless revolution by hearing about EDSA.

Hence, with the realization of how truth is BOTH absolute AND relative, we can say that the main reason Neo and Smith did not find a clear victor in their battle was because it was being implied that the eternal debate of the One vs. the Many could be led to one of two things:

1. The belief that it is a pointless debate and should not be carried on any further. This is a sort of concession of futility, or:
2. The belief that this debate leads us to realize that truth is both, not one or the other. This is a recognition of further possibilities, rather than a concession.

What can we then infer from this? Is this trying to tell us that the Wachowski brothers will either make Neo and Smith become allies, or both of them will perish? It’s highly likely for one or the other to happen, more than for Neo to ultimately triumph against Smith by defeating him resoundingly, lest the Wachowski brothers become accused of being advocates of The One, and thus, biased towards that idea. Much less is it plausible for Smith to win against Neo (Barring resurrection undertones, though I recognize that it was done in the first movie.), lest we see yet another tragic ending, or Smith turns out to be the real hero of the story (Two endings that don’t spell “cash cow” to me, from a utilitarian point of view.).

Of course, seeing as I’m far from an authority on Philosophy (I’m only a Communications major…), I leave it to you, who probably know better than I do, to agree or to disagree with my opinion on the reason Neo and Smith ended up in a deadlock.