Introduction

In Mr. Mariano's lectures, it was quite clear that he was making a clear delineation between the viewpoints of Parmenides and Heraclitus . Inasmuch as the former is an advocate of the immutable One, Heraclitus was supposedly the advocate of the fleeting and temporal Many.

For the longest time, the debate between One Truth and many truths has persisted, yet has established nothing conclusively. There seems to be an incontrovertible conflict that exists between the two notions, as though only one can be possible and never the other. By saying Parmenides and Heraclitus are respectively the advocates of the One and the Many we naturally pit the two against one another, insofar as we do not seem to find any unity between the teachings of the two.

However, let us not allow ourselves to jump to conclusions. Heraclitus could very well have made an attempt to elucidate the idea of the One and the Many within his philosophy, and as such, does not necessarily repudiate Parmenides' beliefs. What we wish to see in this research is whether or not Heraclitus has managed to put the One and the Many together into harmony, and how he manages to do this. In looking more closely at Heraclitus' body of work, however small such a body may be, we will gain a glimpse into his insights and ideas without necessarily passing on judgment on his beliefs without having done proper investigation.

In the realm of ancient Philosophy, Socrates and Plato expertly manage to discuss the notions of the One in a refined sense, as though they have improved upon the existing work of Heraclitus and made it even clearer through the so-called “Last Days of Socrates”, albeit varied discussions on the One and the Many can also be found in “The Republic”. Despite that, Heraclitus’ notions still hold their own charm, and have a pristine forcefulness that Plato has not quite captured.

The modern secondary resource that we will employ in this elucidation would be Martin Heidegger, whose work, “Being And Time” , borrows immensely on the pre-Socratic notions of beings. His understanding of unfolding, or Aletheia, as it were, would be of great use to our line of research, as it appears that his notion of Aletheia ties in so well with the Logos. Heidegger's discussion on truth as an unfolding incorporates the notions of the One and the Many quite harmoniously.

On a parallel note, one of the most popular film franchises of all time, the Matrix trilogy, clearly borrows heavily from Heraclitean thought. In our attempt to extract Heraclitean thought from this material, we intend to find a very bold commentary about the role of the One and the Many in how they portray the conflict between Neo and the former Agent Smith. Through the film, we inadvertently gain a further insight into the Heraclitean ideas being tackled by this on-screen conflict.

Note that the Matrix trilogy makes hardly any assertions about Philosophical ideas in general. Rather, they simply make a creative spin on an idea that they are merely parroting from the original thinker, and rarely do they input any of their personal beliefs or ideas, so as to keep the Philosophical roots of the Matrix far more grounded. As such, the researcher's views and interpretations of the conflict between Neo and Smith is less of a speculative work into Heraclitus than it is an actual parallel discussion on a metaphorical level. As such, we are meant to take this discussion less as an interpretative work than it is a representation of Heraclitian thought.

The Wachowski brothers made no attempt to conceal the obvious allusion to the One vs. the Many in their depiction of Neo and Smith. As the researcher has noted this particular segment of the films with great interest and has even written two separate papers about it, then it is quite clear that the Matrix, while no doubt a box office success in Hollywood, is not necessarily without splendid substance at the core, though the core is clearly not of their original concoction.

The “Debate”

It would appear, on first observation, that there is quite a disparity between the opinions of Heraclitus with that of Parmenides. On the surface, Heraclitus' constant discussion of the very temporal and changing notion of the world clashes heavily with Parmenides' fixed and universal view of the One. Parmenides’ point of view is clearly expressed when he says:

One story, one road, now is left: that it is. And on this there are signs aplenty that, being, it is ungenerated and indestructible, whole, of one kind and unwavering, and complete (Researcher’s emphasis.). Nor was it ever, nor will it be, since now it is, all together, one, continuous. For what generation will you seek for it? How, whence, did it grow? That it came from what is not I shall not allow you to say or think – for it is not sayable or thinkable that it is not. And what need would have impelled it, later or earlier, to spring up – if it began from nothing? Thus it must either altogether be or not be.

Here, we are shown that as far as Parmenides is concerned, there is only One. Any seeming manifestations of the Many are mere illusions that beguile our mind, and as such, must be rejected. Heraclitus, in contrast, in his most famous fragment, would say that “On those who step in the same river, different and different waters flow.” , which clearly alludes to how things are in a constant flux in the world. Indeed, there is a latent conflict from these key fragments alone.

Then again, is there, really? Observe another fragment from Heraclitus that Aristotle quotes in “The World”. Here, Heraclitus proceeds to say that “things which are put together are both whole and not whole, brought together and taken apart, in har-mony and out of harmony; one thing arises from all things, and all things arise from one thing.” There is certainly an attempt to show a harmony between the One and the Many, yet we are not entirely certain how he comes across this. Suffice it to say that at this point, we are becoming more and more certain that there is really no true debate between Parmenides and Heraclitus to speak of, and further investigation into this would prove this point.

The Logos and Aletheia

One exceedingly brilliant concept that was raised by Heraclitus in talking about the Many was that everything was changing and fluctuating for a reason. This was to say that none of these changes in temporality are happening at random, but because there is an underlying principle that guides all of it, a method to the madness, as it were. This is precisely what we have come to know as the Logos, which translates as a unique play of three things: reason, word, and gathering. As each of these can alternatively stand for the Logos, it becomes quite interesting for us to note that the Logos is thus an ingenious way of putting these three concepts together in a very harmonious manner.

Martin Heidegger has a fairly interesting way of looking at the Logos, which will tie up later on with his notion of Aletheia. According to him, the Logos “as speech really means d?loun, to make manifest 'what is being talked about' in speech.” Here, we find a “letting” for a thing to show itself as itself, which, as we will later see, is closely tied to Aletheia. Nonetheless, the beauty of Heidegger's notion becomes more remarkable as we continue to realize how the Logos is operationalized for Heraclitus.

Let us now turn back to what Heraclitus himself has to say about the Logos, which further underscores the point that Heraclitus has never made an attempt to repudiate the notion of the One. Hippolytus this time quotes Heraclitus, “listening to the Logos rather than to me, it is wise to agree that all things are in reality one thing and one thing only.” Here, we see how Heraclitus points out what the Logos manages to do, and it becomes fairly implied in this fragment that the Logos becomes an underlying principle that makes all things, however many they may seem actually become one in reality, which is a complete repudiation of the notion that Heraclitus is focused solely on the notion of the Many.

Aletheia is the Greek word for “unconcealment”, and it is one of the words that Martin Heidegger puts to extensive use, borrowing heavily from the pre-Socratic understanding of the word. He uses this term in a revelatory sense, instead of a creative sense. He points out the revelatory sense in lieu of creative to repudiate any attempts to view truth as completely subjective or completely objective. He maintains a certain ambiguity even in his discussion of such. “To say that an assertion 'is true' signifies that it uncovers the entity as it is in itself. Such as assertions asserts, points out, 'lets' the entity 'be seen' (apothansis) in its uncoveredness. The Being-true (truth) of the assertion must be understood as Being-uncovering.”

In tying this up with the Logos, Heidegger's conception of Aletheia connects very well with the Heraclitian conception of the Logos in that both espouse an underlying principle of order to things. In this respect, we begin to see more and more why the One and the Many in Heraclitean thought are in harmony: despite the claims to an illusory changing world, we begin to see that the changes in the world are still guided by an underlying principle that ensures order and prevents a chaotic pace of things. Moreover, Aletheia, while seemingly passive in allowing things to manifest themselves as themselves, is actually not so, in the fact that there are things that cannot be truly themselves through our inaction, such as a river that gets polluted. In order for this river to reveal itself for what it is, we are called upon to extend our effort to make it possible for it to reveal itself as itself. Given the etymology for the Logos, at this point, the similarities between Aletheia and the Logos becomes nearly unmistakable.

Enter The Matrix

In the Matrix trilogy by the Wachowski Brothers, a peculiar battle between the lead hero and lead villain in the film, Neo and Smith, exists. When Matrix Reloaded came along, this was the battle between the One and the Many. Neo is the ultimate being in the Matrix, yet he encounters an infinitude of beings in Smith, and it was never clear who could possibly win in a battle such as that. If an immovable object were to meet head-on with an unstoppable force, then who would prevail?

But then, a closer inspection of what both characters represented led the researcher to the educated hypothesis, even before the trilogy was concluded, that this battle was an allusion to the conflict between one Truth and many truths. While it doesn’t take a genius to notice this allusion, it does take some measure of deductive reasoning to accurately pinpoint its implications on the ending of the film itself.

In the researcher's essay entitled “Neo Vs. Smith: The One Vs. The Many”, he points out how the One and the Many, given the point of view of William Luijpen , are supersumed by Aletheia:

Returning to the gap between the One and the Many, it can be resolved by realizing the twofold nature of Aletheia... by saying it encompasses both subjectivism and objectivism, we can then say two things about truth (Since it has Aletheia as a prerequisite.). Firstly, truth is relative, which agrees with the adherents to the Many. Despite this fact, truth may indeed be relative but it is not so in a relativistic manner. This is because truth does relate to a person, but this does not mean that what is true for one is automatically untrue for another... on the flipside, we can say that truth is absolute, but not so in an absolutistic manner. Truth cannot be absolutistic in a Platonic sense, because truth is a neverfinished event. If truth were absolutistic, then truth is already fixed, immutable, and finished for all time (A contradiction to the notion that truth is never-finished.). This absolutistic notion conforms to the idea of the World of Eidos, an idea that goes against the grain of unconcealment, as unconcealment works in temporality. If truth were absolutistic, what is the need to unconceal anything? It is already immutably true to begin with, from past, present, to future.

Here, the researcher implies the fact that given how Aletheia supersumes both The One and The Many, it was unlikely for the battle to end with only one victor. It was either that both Neo and Smith would perish, or that they would unite. Two months later, Matrix Revolution was shown, and the ending showed both Neo and Smith dying, and peace between man and machine finally happening. This proved the researcher's hypothesis, as he said near the end of his essay:

Hence, with the realization of how truth is BOTH absolute AND relative, we can say that the main reason Neo and Smith did not find a clear victor in their battle was because it was being implied that the eternal debate of the One vs. the Many could be led to one of two things:

1. The belief that it is a pointless debate and should not be carried on any fur-ther. This is a sort of concession of futility, or:

2. The belief that this debate leads us to realize that truth is both, not one or the other. This is a recognition of further possibilities, rather than a concession.

What can we then infer from this? Is this trying to tell us that the Wachowski brothers will either make Neo and Smith become allies, or both of them will perish? It’s highly likely for one or the other to happen, more than for Neo to ultimately triumph against Smith by defeating him resoundingly, lest the Wachowski brothers become accused of being advocates of The One, and thus, bi-ased towards that idea. Much less is it plausible for Smith to win against Neo (Barring resurrection undertones, though I recognize that it was done in the first movie.), lest we see yet another tragic ending, or Smith turns out to be the real hero of the story (Two endings that don’t spell “cash cow” to me, from a utilitarian point of view.).

Equally intriguing is the ship that took Neo to the Machine City in the last film was named the Logos, which clearly alludes to the gathering, the word, and the reason that managed to change the world to somehow bring peace between man and machine after all the strife between them. The clear allusion to the restoration of order made possible through the Logos points to the regard the Wachowski brothers have for this Heraclitian concept.

Clearly, as the Wachowski brothers do not engage in interpretations of the philosophical backbone that they use for their storylines, they are simply pointing out that the Heraclitean notions about the One and the Many are not in conflict at all, but are both encompassed by something far greater than the both of them: Aletheia. We have established through Heidegger how Aletheia and the Logos tie together, and as such, we then clearly see that because truth is an unfolding event, then the One and the Many are indeed in harmony with one another. Heraclitus, in this respect, is affirmed over two millennia later by the Wachowski brothers.

Conclusion

In the end, it is fairly clear why Heraclitus is arguably the most popular pre-Socratic philosopher to date. Through his works, arcane though he may appear to be, he has managed to provide us with a very clever way of looking at the world. It is not merely a participation between the world of ideas and the physical world, but an un-folding of Being. In that the world unfolds, the “Being of beings (Which “itself” is not a being.)” gives unto the beings in the world, and these manifestations reflect back to the Being of beings. It is clearly a two-way relationship, which is less demeaning to the physical world than the notion of the world of Eidos happens to be.

Through the Matrix example, we have established that inasmuch as there are fundamental differences between the One and the Many, they still belong to the realm of unfolding, or Aletheia. The Wachowski brothers have borrowed heavily from numerous thinkers, from Nietzche to Plato to Descartes, but in their allusion to Heraclitus, they have managed to depict a perfect conflict (That between the One and the Many.) that cannot end with only one victor or only one loser. Bleak though the end-ing may be, recall the hopefulness of the Oracle at the end of the film while she was looking at the sunrise. It is not that Neo and Smith have both perished in vain: they were merely taken in by something greater than the both of them.

Because of this harmony, we can say that Heraclitus' “fire”, as it were, is not merely advocating change, but given the method to the “madness” of this change, the Logos, we are given an underlying One principle to the Many different truths. Neither is regarded as less: without the Many, the One is of no use. Without the One, the Many cannot draw from anything else. In seeing how the One and the Many are indeed not in disharmony, we can thus learn to regard both in a new and unantagonistic light.

Bibliography:

Aristotle, and Robert Hooker trans. The World. Bloomington, Indiana Univer-sity, 1995.

Arius Didymus, and Arthur Pomeroy, trans. Arius Didymus: Epitome of Stoic Ethics. Text and Translations. Bloomington, Indiana University, 1995.

Fabie, Marcelle. Neo vs. Smith: The One vs. The Many. Online essay, accessed from http://matrixessays.com/archives/2003_07.php , 2003.

Heidegger, Martin, and Joan Stambaugh trans. Being and Time. New York, New York University Press, 1996.

Heraclitus, and James Hillman, trans. Fragments: the Collected Wisdom of Heraclitus. Washington, Viking Books, 2001.

Hippolytus, and Alvin Cambridge trans. Refutations. London, McMillan Publishing, 1984.

Luijpen, William. Phenomenology of Knowledge. Pittsburgh, Duquesne University Press, 1969.

Parmenides, and David Gallop trans. Parmenides of Elea: Fragments. Canada, University of Toronto Press, 1991.

Plato, and Alan Bloom trans. The Republic. London, Basic Books, 1991.

Plato, and Hugh Tredennick, Harold Tarrant, trans. The Last Days of Socrates. Chicago, Penguin Books, 1995.

.:Interesting:.

Apparently, Kathy's friends found my spinning style entertaining. I'm honored, really. Nonetheless, Kathy and I have been chatting here and there again, and it's been a fairly interesting set of conversations with her, thus far.

Also chatted with Maia and the conversation was similarly enjoyable, as I'm glad she's beginning to work things out with her ex already. It's good, really... I guess old habits really do die hard...

.:Boarding Alone:.

Wow. Yet another solo boardwork for me. I'm beginning to get used to calling myself “Kel the Mushroom”, but in any case, things have been fun for the most part. I've been playing lots of my favorite songs again, but I guess I miss playing “Unwell” and “Mariposa” for the most part... oh, well. The boardwork was fun, really. I sincerely enjoyed my time there, although I must admit that it's been fairly stressful to be handling the boardwork on my own, as it's always better to be working with a partner, as far as I'm concerned...

Lots of fun today, really. I hope Robbie wouldn't skip work on Wednesday again, though... then again, maybe I do. Sounds very promising, as Waveback Wednesday is always a great thing... heh.

I have this funny way of making transitions, though...

Marcelle: And that was “Burn” by Usher. Speaking of “Burn”, have you tried Listerine Active yet?

Schwing...

.:Fr. David:.

I honestly expected Fr. David to be older than he actually was, which explains why I was surprised to find out that I was mistaken in that sense. Nonetheless, I certainly enjoyed his class, as his editorial commentaries on different topics definitely keeps the class interesting. His style is a bit stringent and unique (When compared to other teachers I've had.) but I appreciate his approach, nonetheless. I think his being strict is just within reason, anyway, as his expectations seem to be not without ample qualifications...

.:Right Now...:.

I'm in the booth with George, doing G-Max in the morning. Nothing much, really. It's a good show thus far, to say the least. I'm enjoying the groove of things, really...

A texter told me I was a young version of Joe D Mango (Heard that before.), and then compared me to Boom Gonzales (That's a first. I'm honored!) all the same. Interesting text...

And yes, "Kel the Mushroom" is really sticking to me nowadays...

.:Published!:.

My RAW Deal article for Seeker magazine got published! The pics could've looked better, but then, it's fine as it is. I'm pretty happy with how the article turned out, though it was pretty clear that they didn't edit my work one bit, which was odd, considering the fact that I told them that one of my paragraphs in the article needed to be removed as it was too redundant... oh, well. No biggie.

Yes, I know. What a short post today. I guess there really wasn't much for me to talk about for today, anyways...

.:Beanies:.

Someone once told me that I look a bit like Oliver Twist when I wear a beanie... oh, well... it's a hard luck life for us. It's a hard luck life for us... heh. I love that song. I know it's from Annie, but it sure sounds about right, given the input... heh.

.:The Inspiration... Bwehehehe:.

Actually, last night was a very busy spinning night for us. There were officially only four spinners present last night: Jeff, Kathy, Krisette, and myself. The other spinning group (Kathy's friends.) was present, but they were only practicing in between sets. They lit up a brand new set of poi, though. Most impressive, to say the least. There were moments Krisette was hovering dangerously along batting for the other team while she was looking at Anna, though... heh.

In any case, I was rather primed to go that night. It was mostly singing night for most of us, as Dominique and Krisette were exchanging different songs, ranging from Elton John to Simon and Garfunkel. Of course, Krisette was still trying to drill “You're the Inspiration” into my head, in reference to someone... heh. I swear, joking around with Krisette on this topic would get me shot. Mr. and Mrs. Chua were there for a while, but then went to watch a movie. Ching also passed by for a few moments. Oh, well...

So there we were, spinning here and there, and Paulino, one of the guys from the other group, was telling me that he liked my seemingly “intoxicated” performance especially during the single poi bits, as it seemed, given my head movements, that I was either drunk or drugged while I was performing (Obviously not the case. Way too dangerous.). I guess I had to find a unique niche, given everyone else is better than I am in both groups, anyways... heh.

Paulino: So. Had any bad accidents yet?

Marcelle: None. I'm the most cautious spinner in the group.

Paulino: Given those neck wraps you've been doing, I find that hard to believe...

Hmmm... that's true, though.

When the other group got to performing in between sets, though, they were nothing short of impressive. I guess only Kathy and Erick could potentially keep up with those guys... but then, Erick wasn't there that night.

As usual, I was doing my DJ schtick. Heh. Funny stuff, really. And we had an extremely appreciative audience that night. Can't thank them enough for it, really.

.:Run-Ins:.

That night was a night of coincidences, all the same. Saw a lot of people whom I knew either from high school (Markee Jalandoni comes to mind.), or even someone who was my student for a day when I substituted for Mr. Bulaong one time. There was even a point where someone asked to take a picture with me, and Dominique promptly pimped me as the “WAVE dj dude”. Highly appreciated... heh.

To top even that, some 14-year old girls were allegedly calling me “cute” while I was spinning... must take comments like that with a grain of salt... heh.

However, I really enjoyed talking with Anj, that one-time student I had. She was very nice, and she really seemed thrilled with the stuff we were doing. However, later on in the night, Dominique made a comment about her that made me realize why he noticed all too well the design on her t-shirt... my goodness. Boys will be boys, indeed...

.:Dance Maniax, Revisited:.

I finally had a Dance Maniax session after almost a month of not trying, and Krisette was the one who ended up seeing my rather unorthodox dance steps. Nonetheless, it was fun, and before my turn, I tried (Really hard.) to teach her how to do it. Unfortunately, my attempt at teaching her how to play Dance Maniax didn't really pan out too well... oh, fudge. But it's okay. At least I know I still have the stroke when it comes to Dance Maniax... did pretty well with “All My Love” and “Locomotion”...

.:Bonding:.

Apparently, a good chunk of the group hitched with Kathy homeward bound that night. The fun thing about the whole deal was that we were mostly conversing about kung-fu film stereotypes, as well as Zhang Ziyi and her detachable clothing in Hero. Oh, well. Really funny stuff, and I'd like to think that the group is getting somewhere as far as friendships go.

Kathy was initially hesitant to re-sign with Eastwood, but after the bonding session last night, she's actively considering it. No promises, though. I can't speak for her.

I honestly cannot be Kantian about spinning: it's not a moral question, after all. As such, if Kathy doesn't re-sign, I, as well as people like Peppy, aren't likely to keep spinning, either, as there's one thing we share with Kathy that would get jeopardized if she's no longer around: we spin because spinning is fun. The moment it stops being fun, the moment it becomes about other things, be it chicks (Or cats.) or the Benjamins, is the moment we'd reconsider this whole spinning deal.

It just gets disappointing when people don't see things that way and do things for all the wrong reasons. It's such a waste of time, truth be told. It does nothing but cause trouble, and it complicates things that weren't supposed to be complicated to begin with. Hence, needless to say, my respect for such company that night (From Dom to Kathy to Krisette.) has gone up by quite a significant notch. I'd like to think that in spite of being the youngest in the group last night, I still managed to carry myself decently enough, but it's not my call at this point, but theirs. I'll leave myself at their mercy for comment... heh.

.:I Miss Him. I Miss The Man I Was With You...:.

The Man I Was With You
by Jimmy Bondoc

Listen just hear me out
Yes I know we agreed
When we break up we'd never give in to this need
To admit to each other
I miss you

Listen just hear my cry
No I won't break my word
If I do say I miss you it would never be heard
Let my heart whisper
All that it needs to

Refrain:

How could you make me take a start?
Then just leave me here hanging
Can't even say how I'm feeling
How could you make then break my heart?
If I can't say that I miss you
Let me say one last thing

Chorus:

I miss him
And all the things he could do
Yes/oh, I miss him
Just as much as I miss you
Oh, I miss him
I know you're wondering who
Yes, I miss him
I miss the man I was with you
Oh I would never be the same

Listen just hear my voice
Can you hear all the tears?
That i'm planning to hide
For the next thousand years
Just as long as you know that
I love you

(Repeat Refrain, then Chorus, except last line)

How can I be blind then find the light?
How can I find the kind of right?
How could you take away my sight?
How could you lose me in the night?
Then you took away the heart in me
Now I'm losing this fight
No I would never ever be the same

Ooh.. ohh

Oh, I miss him
And all the things he could do
Yes, I miss him
Just as much as I miss you
Oh I miss him
I know by now you know who
Yes, I miss him
I know by now you know who
I miss him
I miss the man I was with you

Oh, I would never be the same

Sigh...

.:Nyahahaha:.

Please don't take me *too* seriously about this...

Mahirap Talaga Magmahal Ng Syota Ng Iba
by Apo Hiking Society

Mahirap talagang magmahal ng syota ng iba
Hindi mo mabisita kahit na okey sa kanya
Mahirap, o mahirap talaga
Maghanap na lang kaya ng iba

Ngunit kapag aking makita ang kanyang mga mata
Nawawala ang aking pagkadismaya
Sige lang, sugod lang, o bahala na
Bahala na kung magkabistuhan pa

I-dial mo ang number sa telepono
Huwag mong ibigay ang tunay na pangalan mo
Pag nakausap mo s'ya sasabihin sa 'yo
Tumawag ka mamaya nandito'ng syota ko

Mahirap talaga ang magmahal ng syota ng iba
O sakit ng ulo, maniwala ka,
Ngunit kahit ano pa'ng sabihin nila
Iwanan siya'y di ko magagawa

Mahirap humanap ng iba
O sakit ng ulo maniwala ka,
Ngunit kahit ano pa'ng sabihin nila
Iwanan s'ya'y di ko magagawa

Iwanan s'ya'y di ko magagawa
Iwanan s'ya'y di ko magagawa

.:Finally, Friday:.

And so there I was, just typing out a good chunk of my Heraclitus paper for Ancient Philosophy class when I discovered that Fr. David’s introductory class was actually going to be at 6 in the evening, which meant I couldn’t go there unless I missed out on going to Eastwood for my fire dancing bit. It’s quite apparent that I had to prioritize my fire spinning, so I just hung around Hobby Haven until Peppy and I finally left, and I had a few very fun games of Magic there. Needless to say, I was immensely pleased that I finally managed to defeat a Trinistax deck, simply by putting my Memory Jar + Megrim combo to good use. Oh, well.

At one point, while playing with Miguel’s Trinistax deck, we had this conversation…

Marcelle: Kailangan ko pa rin ng Strip Mine!

Miguel: Ano ka ba? Maghanap ka lang sa tabi-tabi diyan! May nagbebenta niyan ng singkuwenta pesos lang sa tabi-tabi!

Guy to my right: Naghahanap ka ba ng Strip Mine? Meron ako! 50 pesos lang!

Marcelle: Sa tabi-tabi nga!

.:Before Getting Spindizzy:.

While I was at Peppy’s house, I was finally introduced to his mom and his sisters. They were nice, for the most part. In fact his mom was fairly knowledgeable about the status of Ateneo Graduate school, as it seemed she took up graduate studies herself (W-ell… she does teach in Assumption…). Conversations were fairly funny, ranging from weird family members to Anton Sevilla’s plan of world domination… or at least, not having sex with his friends’ daughters who end up being his students while they’re his students.

Soon enough, we got there, and then I realized there were only a few people that night. There was Dominique, Kathy, Krisette, and Ching (Later on, John, her husband, showed up.). The full attendance at the end of the night added Carl, Herbz, and Erick to the list. Otherwise, not much that night. Spinning went a bit slower, though, as it was clear that things were running late and all, so we started spinning at almost nine. In any case, Krisette was laughing at me as she kept on glancing in a certain direction...

So there we were, spinning, and I was doing picture-perfect neck wraps already. I think Peppy managed to catch the neck wraps on video. That’s good… heh. For the most part, we were just joking around, and the stuff I’ve been hearing about Kathy’s interesting forays into life have been rather amusing. I suppose she’s suddenly decided to up her intimidation factor to further thin out the list of potential worthies… heh. Good for her. She’s not they type who milks people for fun, and is looking for something made of stronger stuff than that. Although “wasting one’s time” is not really my way of evaluating it…

At one point, while performing, I had to do dj duties again, and announced a couple of things for the most part. It was amusing, and the really fun part of the whole deal came along when Ching approached me (!) and told me that one of my former blockmates was actually watching me spin. The introduction from Hades® still has its lasting traumatic effects, though...

Pardon the seemingly racist dialogue. I’m more referring to the blockmate, not everyone in general.

Marcelle: So this blockmate of mine… was she fair-skinned?

Ching: Yeah, I think so.

Marcelle: Was she Chinese? Because if she’s not, I really shouldn’t bother much.

Ching: Well, she was with someone, if that’s what you were wondering.

Marcelle: That never stopped anyone.

Peppy: *Said something out of earshot*

Marcelle: But still… ::teacher mode:: hello there, Ms. Tan. Do you have a boyfriend?

Peppy: *cute Chinese student mode* Uh… no, sir.

Marcelle: ::still in teacher mode:: Plus points for you! ::winks, and does the gun finger click sign::

I wonder who that was… oh, well. In any case, the weather was cooperative, so we managed to do our sets fairly well enough, although I scuffed my face a couple of times by getting hit with the poi. Nothing serious, though.

At the end of the night, Krisette was singing “You’re The Inspiration” to me, with regard to her catching wind of something (You know what I mean.), even though the original no longer stands.

Carl, on the other hand, was giving me sound advice on how to look at my so-called privileged status. I guess it’s really a matter of seeing how the other party values things, and as such, my manner of valuation may be radically different from the other’s, but that doesn’t mean that one is entirely as good as the other, i.e. X does not always stand for just anyone in general. Or if it did, I guess not all people can be humanists or existentialists who believe less in the sum of the parts than in the entirety of one’s being. But that’s just me.

At least, given my non-serious attraction, I manage to take my mind off more *serious* attractions in the meantime... here's hoping that I don't get shot one of these days... heh.

.:Saturday:.

Wow. Research class was actually fun… I’ll just do quotable quotes here…

Dr. Barbazza: So, this is how we should indent our footnotes. We should format them just like the body text.

Marcelle: ::dawn of realization:: Ohhhhhhhhh!!!

Dr. Barbazza: Ohhhhhhhh… that’s in Turabian! Read your book!

Boy, that was beeyatchy… but then, I had a comeback of sorts… not in his direction, though.

Dr. Barbazza: So… what’s wrong with this sentence? "Driving along the road, the distant mountain loomed over us."

Marcelle: It’s a dangling modifier. The mountain wasn’t driving now, was it?

Dr. Barbazza: Correct. So how do we correct this sentence?

Marcelle: "Driving along the road, we loomed over the distant mountain."

Here’s something that’s even more asinine…

Dr. Barbazza: So, do we use he or she when referring to a general pronoun like a student? Or do we just stick to one pronoun consistently?

Marcelle: Sir, we could just put a footnote after each he that we use, and just indicate “or she” in each footnote…

Now that’s what I call shortcutting stuff…

And I never even knew that “thusly” was not a word, either. I will thusly no longer use it in my writing, irregardless of how often I used to rely on the term. Bwehehehe.

.:It Somewhat Hits The Mark:.

… but not quite. Still, the song has its merits.

Let Me Be The One
by Jimmy Bondoc

Somebody told me you were leavin’
I didn’t know
Somebody told me you’re unhappy
But it doesn’t show
Somebody told me that you don’t want me no more
So you’re walkin’ out the door
Nobody told me you’ve been cryin’
Every night
Nobody told me you’d been dyin’
But didn’t want to fight
Nobody told me that you fell out of love from me
So I’m settin’ you free

Refrain:
Let me be the one to break it up
So you won’t have to make excuses
We don’t need to find a set up where
Someone wins and someone loses
We just have to say our love was true
But has now become a lie
So I’m tellin’ you I love you one last time
And goodbye

Somebody told me you still loved me
I don’t know why
Nobody told me that you only
Needed time to fly
Somebody told me that you want to come back when
Our love is real again

(Refrain)

Just turn around and walk away
You don’t have to live like this
But if you love me still then stay
Don’t keep me waiting for that final kiss
We can work together through this test
Or we can work through it apart
I just need to get this off my chest
That you will always have my heart

(Refrain)

.:Boardwork Has Gotten Mighty Interesting:.

Last Monday, I “boarded” on my own. Tuesday, Chy, all the way from California, dropped in on our boardwork by giving us a call (Highly appreciated. Hope to see her this September...). Things were interesting with boardwork for the most part, then come Wednesday, Robi and I have had some chance to get a pretty decent rapport going on between us. This happened on the air after he played a Waveback love song…

Robi: Sigh… that song just makes you fall in love, doesn’t it?

Marcelle: With me?

Heh. Long-running gayness joke, neh?

In any case, our show went pretty well enough. Robi was still trying to bait me into revealing some “dirt” about myself. Amusing, really. I wasn't biting, though. I figured that in the off chance that some of my students would be listening, it would be best for me to keep my mouth shut already.

And today… my official “baptism of fire”, as I’m doing a full three hours on my own, since George isn’t around. No classes for two straight days. I’m handling the boardwork for the most part, although I didn’t pick any of the songs until the last hour, and Burn during the second hour.. It was fun, and I’m still sitting here in the booth, though. It’s pretty good. I’m having a lot of fun with the console, though it’s a lot less user-friendly as the RX console I so enjoyed working with in the past… oh, well.

Speaking of RX, good luck to Lani. She’s in the final round of Radio Idol…

Anyways, I almost had a heart attack this morning, as while I was just beginning to handle the boardwork, Artstrong comes right in the booth with some people. Apparently, he had a scheduled interview, and here I was, completely unprepared for it. I had no idea what to do. Luckily, they were kind enough to just leave for now and come back during Robi’s shift… heh. Saved!

During my last hour, I decided to play certain songs that really mean a lot to me... songs such as Emotions, Confessions Part II, If I Ain't Got You, Sorry 2004, Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda, and What If. I really felt good having those songs play. It was good catharsis, so to speak...

I stuck around for a while after my boardwork, and joked a bit with Robi (More gayness comedy. Helps when you have clean consciences… ;) ) before finally leaving. I got a lot of funny comments in, and it seems Robi and I happen to have quite a lot in common. He told me that I'll be doing the boardwork this Monday... sounds challenging to me. That ought to be fairly interesting, no question about it...

.:Kant Be Enough?:.

Dominique and I are of contrasting opinions regarding Immanuel Kant's Categorical Imperatives. I personally find it to be my sole basis for moral action, but Dominique feels that doing things for their own sake is, realistically speaking, insufficient. Inasmuch as he has a valid point there, I think it's best to point out that one still strives for the ideal, regardless of the difficulty. We really had a huge hump to overcome when it came to talking about the human being as being treated as an end in himself or herself, and never merely as a means. This is not to say that human beings do inadvertently become means to an end, but in respecting them as ends in and by themselves, we still maintain the dignity of the human person and avoid demeaning him or her.

This is really heavy stuff. But I live by it. I just figure that there are some things in life that I choose to do simply because of its own sake, and while that may seem noble, it's really not. It's the ultimate self-sustaining reason, as when one is asked “why”, the answer isn't “why not”, but rather, “why ask why”. How many times have I pointed this out already, neh?

Got a bit miffed when he started alluding to the lyrics of “I Am A Rock” by Simon and Garfunkel, though.

.:On Hold:.

I guess that's the best way to put it. My heart is on hold. We all know why. We all know the promises I made, and the fact that I don't break my promises.

And so, I won't be deleting from this weblog every single affirmation of love that I gave in the past. They were valid, and always given under the realistic notion that even if things were to change, they were still true when they were originally stated. In fact, the Kantian stuff was going around in the “justified” piece some months ago. As such, I choose to act in the way I see fit, in hopes of making heads and tails of my life.

Someone told me that these would be the longest days of my life until the time comes that I'm willing to dare again. But they're not. I have to simply cross these bridges when I get there. No point in worrying about them before it's there. Otherwise, I'd be vituperating on empty now, wouldn't I? My happiness will come if I deserve it. If I don't suffice it to say that I'll still be alive regardless.

Out of respect, however, my heart is on hold. And this promise is made for the benefit of more than one party concerned...

I wrote this quatrain, but I would admit that it needs a lot of work... the symbolism is so off... oh, well. I guess I'm not in one of those literary modes... what can I say?

.:Don't Fight City Hall:.
a Quatrain by Marcelle T. Fabie

Walk through the oak doors and call out his name
Get thrown out by the guards, and live in shame
You're nothing, he's everything, and that gets to you
Because there's absolutely nothing he couldn't do

It's hopeless, yet you dare challenge the status quo
Yet he's always a step ahead, your ego takes a blow
It's like a poison that eats you up from the inside
Grimaces of contempt that you can no longer hide

The mayor smiles at you, and laughs incessantly
It bites you that he can treat you so condesendingly
But he has the power, who do you think you are?
The people are behind him, his record unmarred

Give it up now. Your dignity is beyond salvation
But at least you still live, much to your irritation
Don't fight city hall, you'd only get outclassed
When city hall fights back, you know you won't last

I'm doing the boardwork all by my lonesome. Ergo, I'm too busy to blog properly. I'll do it tomorrow, but I'll type my entry out as soon as I get home. Heh. It's fun, but hectic. Multi-tasking is getting the best of me...

.:It Hits Home...:.

Something I read a long time ago...

Yehey! Wala na kami.

Yehey! Wala na kami. Wala na akong aalalahanin, wala na akong iisipin...

Pero hirap akong matulog sa gabi dahil bumabalik yung mga alaala noong magkasama kami. Naiisip ko kung paano niya hawakan yung kamay ko, yung tipong nagsasabing hindi niya ako iiwanan. Kung pa’no niya ko yakapin, yung nagsasabing lagi niya akong poprotektahan. At kung pa’no niya ako halikan, yung nagsasabing mahal na mahal nya ako.

Yehey! Wala na kami. Hindi na ako iiyak pa...

Pero kapag gabi nagagawa ko pa ring umiyak, dahil nami-miss ko siya. Nami-miss ko yung mga ngiti niyang nakakaloko, mga jokes niyang corny, mga tingin niyang nakakatunaw, tawa niyang nakakabaliw, pangungulit niya sa akin at kung anu-ano pang kapraningan na ginagawa niya. Nami-miss ko yun...

Yehey! Wala na kami. Wala na akong tatawagan, hindi na ako magte-text sa kanya, at makakaipon na ako ng pera para sa sarili ko.

Pero sa tuwing hawak ko ang cell phone ko, lagi kong hinahanap ang pangalan niya. Lagi akong nate-tempt na magtext sa kanya, o di naman kaya, tumawag. Nangangati lagi ang darili ko na pindutin ang “Write Message” i-type ang message ko, i-scroll yung button para makita ko yung number niya, at tapos ipe-press ko yung “Send”. O kaya naman, i-scroll ko yung button para mahanap yung name niya tapos ipe-press ko yung “Call”. Kahit na alam ko na mauubos na ang load ko at wala na akong pambili ng credit (dahil kabibigay lang ng nanay ko). Kahit na alam kong hindi naman sya magre-reply at hinding-hindi nya ako tatawagan. At kahit kailan hindi na nya gagawin pang magparamdam.

Yehey! Wala na kami. Magkakaroon na ako ng time para sa sarili ko, sa pamilya ko at sa barkada ko.

Pero sa tuwing lalabas ako ng bahay, kasama man ang pamilya o barkada ko, siya lagi ang naaalala ko, na sana, kasama ko siya ngayon. Magkahawak kamay na namamasyal, naglolokohan, nagkukulitan, at nagtatawanan. Tapos, walang katapusang usapan kung saan kakain ng lunch, kung sa Jollibee, McDo, KFC, o sa Max’s. Kung pupunta ba sa isang game arcade para maglaro ng video games o di kaya naman, kung maglalaro ng basketball, bowling or billiards. Tapos, i-hahatid niya ako papauwi sabay nanakawan ng halik habang nasa biyahe.

Yehey! Wala na kami. Hindi na ako magpupuyat sa kakatutok sa computer, aabutin ng madaling-araw kaka-chat sa kanya.

Pero sa tuwing may ise-search ako sa Internet, bubuksan ko ang Yahoo Messenger, MSN Messenger, ICQ, at MIRC dahil baka sakaling dumating siya. Makausap ko man lang, makikipagkulitan uli at baka sakaling magkaliwanagan kami at maibalik ang dating “kami”.

Yehey! Wala na kami. Wala na akong girlfriend, pwede na akong tumingin sa iba at tumanggap ng manliligaw.

Pero sabi ko sa sarili ko, hindi na ako magmamahal pa uli. Dahil siya lang ang mahal ko. Siya lang ang nakaka-kumpleto sa araw ko, siya lang yung inspirasyon ko sa mga bagay-bagay. Siya lang yung nakakaintindi sa akin kapag may problema ako. Siya lang yung nakakapagpatahan sa akin kapag umiiyak ako. Siya lang ang buhay ko, siya lang, wala ng iba.

Magmamahal din ako, pero hindi muna ngayon, hindi muna...

.:Let Him Grieve:.

Don't tell Marcelle she was never worth his time, because he never gave her enough of it.

Don't tell Marcelle she wasn't good enough for him, because she was too good for someone like him.

Don't tell Marcelle that this too shall pass. He knows that all too well.

Don't tell Marcelle that he can now love someone else, because he doesn't want to.

Don't tell Marcelle that he's being obstinate, because he wants to be so.

Don't tell Marcelle that this is a joking matter, because he lost his sense of humor.

Don't tell Marcelle that he's doing the right thing; because if he did, then this wouldn't have happened. He knows he went wrong in this relationship. He's to blame.

Don't tell Marcelle that he will find someone better, because he never deserved anything good in his life, anyway.

Don't tell Marcelle that you've had worse, because that doesn't make it better for him one bit. He doesn't take joy in your misery, past, present, or future.

But let him grieve. Four and a half years is no laughing matter. He still loves her. She still loves him. Sadly, sometimes, love isn't enough to keep people together. But oftentimes, love is enough to make people to want what's best for the other. And that's what they want for one another... the best.

She will get the best. Chances are, he won't. Because he doesn't deserve it. Because he put a stopper on his heart. He doesn't deserve to be loved any longer. Marcelle has lost his smile, but all he can do is grieve in the present.

Let him grieve. He treasured this relationship so much, but he treasured her even more. He'd rather lose her than keep on hurting her by keeping her by his side. He'd rather be walking wounded, walking alone, than wounding someone else by walking with her. He treasured this relationship more than the world. But he treasured her even more.

Let him grieve. He's free, but then again, he's not. He shackled himself even before he got to this point.

Let him grieve. He has all the love in the world to give to nobody now. He doesn't want to love again. Maybe he will in the future. But not now. Especially not with the only other person he knows he could learn to love.

Let him grieve. Let him die to himself. Then let him live again. He's entitled to that much, lowlife though he may be.

.:Boarding Alone:.

Robbie was absent yesterday, so I had to take over the boardwork. Sir Randy was helping me out here and there, and I had a lot of fun doing the boardwork on my own for some of the stuff. I was actually talking on air while manning the board, which was something I haven't done in quite a while from the time I left RX... still, it's all good. Funny text message I got, though...

You're there, Kel! You're like a mushroom... here, there, and everywhere! Hope you're having a good day.

Dominique was requesting for a song to dedicate to Sacha, though... "Time After Time", or "Tiny Dancer". Man, talk about out of the current playlist... heh. But I'm still grateful for Dominique's willing me on.

.:I Still Can't Believe It:.

The rose among the thorns is leaving on a jetplane…

And so, it was the last night before Sacha left for Japan, and it was a rather interesting night. I got there ahead of everyone else, but unfortunately, Sacha wasn't there, and I essentially screwed myself out of a chance to speak to her for one last time before she left. It's sad, really. Apparently, I let opportunities pass me by, as I didn't go to Landmark to look for her, or go and take the time out to really talk to her while we were removing tags from the stuff she's been buying.

I feel a bit disappointed, but it's my job to understand that no matter how long ago I told her about setting aside this time to talk to her, everyone was too caught up in the occasion, and everyone deserved to spend time with her. I'm no exception. I'm not special or anything.

The attendance was: Peppy, Dominique, Carl, Zeus, Jerome, Sean, and Erick. For the most part, everyone was trying to help out in replacing the hard drive on Sacha's Fujitsu Lifebook. It was pretty amusing, though. Sacha looked really aghast whenever we joked about cutting the hard drive door open, or drilling it. It was amusing how she looked, really. It seemed like she'd really cry over it...

Weird dialogue, though...

Come on! Screw it in! Faster! Faster!

Damn. It's too tight!

Yeah. The head is too round to screw already...

Heh. We were of course talking about opening the hard drive door...

.:The Final Salvo:.

I would have to admit that I was being a bit selfish and all last night when I was hoping to talk to Sacha, but then, I hope that it’s clear that I was being that way because I delayed talking to her until Monday, only to encounter a sudden change of plans that threw it all into disarray...

I apologize for that. I was being a mite insensitive, but I hope that my explanation makes it clear why I was being that way.

Nonetheless, a bad rash of coincidences prevented me from talking to her last night. I tried calling her, she was packing. She tried calling me, I was already asleep. I hope we can talk online in the near future or something. I didn't really intend to say anything earth-shaking or something like that, but what I wanted to say meant the world to me, anyways... she knows what I said. No need to put it here.

I'm faced with the risk of hurting myself over and over again in the position I'm putting myself in, but I'd rather have it this way than to put myself in complete hopelessness. Pain is only temporary. I'll transcend this somehow.

Farewell, Sacha. I know you'll blaze your trail there, and I will be there behind you every step of the way. I'll miss you terribly.

Sigh...

.:It's A Par-tay:.

So en route to Sacha's birthday celebration, I was attacked by Peppy's sister's dalmatian. Heh. No biggie.

Anyways, we got to Sacha's house, and only Cyril got there ahead of us. It was interesting for the most part, because they were talking about L5R and stuff, and I got lost in the conversation quickly enough. Sach was kind enough to entertain me a bit there, as she has been nothing short of wonderful to me as a friend that night.

She then got changed and wore something that loosely resembled a see-through Kimono top, and a red leather dress and stiletto boots. Typical dominatrix outfit, really, but it was certainly an eyeful... heh.

Soon enough, Dominique got there, and it turned out that the celebration will be at the second AdPhoto studio, which wasn't so far from their house. We got there, and we helped out preparing stuff for the most part. It wasn't long before the people started going there, and it was exceedingly interesting when I saw the guest list... people like Anton Sevilla, Hope, Yaiba, Kendra, and other people I knew showed up, and it came as no surprise to me that given this potential cash cow occasion, what with all the Chua relatives there, Kathy decided to demonstrate fire spinning.

Unfortunately, she also decided to include me in the lineup. I was wearing a formal outfit, mind you. Still, I did fairly well enough, especially with the genuine neck wraps I was doing with the single poi acts...

It was fun, really. Met a lot of people like Hope that certainly made the night more interesting...

.:Quotable Quotes:.

At one point, Krisette was all alone, and nobody was talking to her. Kathy called my attention to the fact, and then...

Marcelle: Okay. I'll entertain her. ::starts gyrating::

Krisette: Get away from me!

Later on, as Kathy gave me some sumptuous cookies, and after she discovered that the whole thing was gone by the end of the night, she was fairly shocked over it...

Kathy: You finished all those cookies in one night?

Marcelle: Oh, no. People were asking me for some of them.

Kathy: Now why'd you do that?

Marcelle: Because I didn't want to deny them the pleasure of eating your coo... wait... let me rephrase that.

Even more interesting would be the stuff I overheard from a certain sibling duo who both had a yen for Sacha in the past...

Look at her outfit! She's such a weird geek.

I think I'm falling in love with her again...

.:Meanie:.

It's funny, really... then again, maybe not.

So I finally got introduced to Ching, the eldest Chua sister. What was really crazy was how Kathy made the introduction, making me seem as though I was so gung-ho on meeting Ching, and in full view of the husband. I swear... Kathy seemed to have a vendetta against me when she made that introduction. Ching was looking real uncomfortable about it, and I have this sad feeling that I made quite a baaaaad impression at that point...

Of course, her husband was looking at me funny throughout the introduction. Man, I so owe Kathy one for that...

.:Videokay:.

Yes, we had videoke again after the party. Peppy was doing mostly boy bands, and I sang only two songs, really: Di Na Natuto, and You've Got A Friend. I guess it makes sense, really. Both songs have their merits, and I managed to hit most of the high points of the former song...

Sach had a sore throat by the end of it, but I don't think it's so bad. It's just odd hearing a husky-voiced Sacha, really. Still, I was taking some time away from everyone else, as while I was still full from the food and one beer, I was really off that night. Kathy and Krisette were trying to figure it out, but never mind... Cyril hit it right on the head already at one earlier point in the conversation... Kathy was too busy having fun with her Visayan accent, though. She just held onto it for the most part... heh.

It was a wonderful night, really, despite my being pensive and all. I was glad I somewhat managed to make Sacha happy in my own way...

.:A Special Date:.

Grace and I have not gone to mass together for years already, so our “date” last Sunday was definitely special. We ate at Tokyo Tokyo again, and after having our fill, then headed off to the church in Aquinas school.

The mass focused on the notions of salvation, and I must say that I really was struck with the whole sermon, especially around the part where the priest talked about the inevitability of failure in trying to follow Christ. We will fail, but we have to rise again and try harder.

I figure that such a challenge applies to other things, too.

Grace and I then spent the next hour after the mass just talking to one another and trying to see where we stand. I know that our current state of affairs is rather odd, but I'm just glad we're taking things one step at a time. I know I made Grace very happy last night. How ironic that these moments of enlightenment had to come at this time, when it's all but moot already...

God knows I love Grace. It's something that no amount of prodding can extricate from me, because I realize that she is the one person who has turned my life around for the better, and taught me how it is to love for its own sake.

Perhaps this is the only way for me to truly appreciate what she is to me... how sad.

.:Read My Mind:.

Burn
by Usher

Intro:
I don't understand why
See it's burning me to hold onto this
I know this is something I gotta do
But that don't mean I want to
What I'm trying to say is that I-love-you I just
I feel like this is coming to an end
And its better for me to let it go now than hold on and hurt you
I gotta let it burn

Verse 1:
It's gonna burn for me to say this
But it's comin from my heart
It's been a long time coming
But we done been fell apart
Really wanna work this out
But I don't think you're gonna change
I do but you don't
Think it's best we go our separate ways
Tell me why I should stay in this relationship
When I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby
Plus theres so many other things I gotta deal with
I think that you should let it burn

Chorus:
When your feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might bruise you
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
Been knew it was through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

Verse 2:
Sendin' pages I ain't supposed to
Got somebody here but I want you
Cause the feelin ain't the same find myself
Callin' her your name
Ladies tell me do you understand?
Now all my fellas do you feel my pain?
It's the way I feel
I know I made a mistake
Now it's too late
I know she ain't comin back
What I gotta do now
To get my shorty back
Ooo ooo ooo ooooh
Man I don't know what I'm gonna do
Without my booo
You've been gone for too long
It's been fifty-leven days, um-teen hours
Imma be burnin' till you return (let it burn)

(Repeat Chorus)

Bridge:
I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry (ooooh)
I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry (yeah)

Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh oooh
Ooh ooh oooh (can ya feel me burnin'?)
Ooh ooh ooh oooh ooh oooh

So many days, so many hours
I'm still burnin' till you return

(Repeat Chorus)

Something's wrong with my diskette, preventing me from uploading my post about the weekend...

.:Stuck In A Moment I Can't Get Out Of:.

Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies... sigh.

Paalam Na
by Rachel Alejandro

Nais ko lang malaman mo
Ang laman ng aking puso
Baka di na mabigyan ng ibang pagkakataon
Na sabihin ito sa'yo
Di ko ito ginusto
Na tayo'y magkalayo
Ngunit di magkasundo
Damdamin laging di magtagpo

Chorus:
Paalam na aking mahal
Kayhirap sabihin
Paalam na aking mahal
Masakit isipin
Na kahit nagmamahalan pa
Puso't isipa'y magkaiba
Maaaring di lang laan sa isa't isa

Sana'y wag mong isipin na
Pag-ibig ko'y di tunay
Dahil sa'yo lang nadama
Ang isang pag-ibig na walang kapantay
Ngunit masasaktan lang
Kung puso ang pagbibigyan
Kahit pamamaalam
Ang siyang bulong ng isipan

(Repeat Chorus)

Darating sa buhay mo
Pag-ibig na laan sa'yo
At mamahalin ka niya
Ng higit sa maibibigay ko

(Repeat Chorus)

Finally, the triple-short story has been edited enough for public consumption... let's see what the people think...

Time to revise the Unsent Wanderer...

.:Three's A Crowd:.

Poor guy. He has no idea at all. Here we are, waiting for some Chinese "fast" food, and he's cramping my style. I had no idea Martin would be here. I was supposed to meet Geneva for dinner and then take her home.

It's a busy night. Service is bordering on horrible. We can wait, though. Martin looks pensive. Something's eating him, but I ignore it. I learned over time that you never give him help if he doesn't ask for it. Otherwise, you just feed his angst. I then try to talk to Geneva about migrating to Germany after five years, but she wanted none of it.

As soon as I stopped talking, Geneva quickly changed topics, and was now giddily talking about work. McCann is lucky to have someone like her. Beautiful, affable, and lovable. I've been a patient man, and she is well worth it.

Geneva smiles at me. Her fingers linger gingerly across my palm.

"Are you all right, Paul?

I smile back and nod silently. She presses her hand on mine. I take an innocuous glance across the table, and silently wish he'd go away.

.:Two's Company:.

Paul is such a darling. He finally gave his silly talk a rest. Must remind him I'm not too fond of leaving the Philippines. Was getting slightly miffed over it. The odd scent of burning dimsum emanating from the kitchen aggravates my impatience with the inane topic.

It's not like one is already committed. He forgets we're not yet together. Geneva Cortez is a budding legend in the industry. Migration would shatter everything. For him to expect me to leave all this for him is absurd.

Paul's far from perfect, but he's special. Casual ribbing is disturbing him. I smile at him, then hold his hand. He must be so disappointed...

But he's safe. Maybe it can work. Maybe I'll even fall in love. Maybe I already have.

"Ahem."

I look across the table and realize that I completely forgot about Martin. Poor guy.

He must be famished.

.:One's Misery:.

I was glad Paul and Geneva were amenable to this, despite the inconveniences. I love Chinese food. Warm, inviting, sumptuous. Chinese food is the comfort food, in my book. It's been a long day, and dinner would do me wonders.

Across me, they talk about migrating to Germany. Do I really have to hear this? I'm starving...

"Fine. Let's change topics."

Thank you, Paul. He looked sad when Geneva winced at the mention of migration. Geneva shifts gears, and Paul looks at her with utmost interest. If they came any closer, they'd fog up their glasses. I'm feeling out of place. I need food...

I set myself up for this. I went here with Geneva, knowing full well that Paul would take her home afterwards. Good. I don't have a car, much less the will to take her all the way to Cavite from Ortigas. Still, I feel a bit guilty that her so-called best friend hasn't been doing his job lately. But a friend would be of more use on a full stomach...

There was a moment of uneasy silence, before Geneva turned to Pauil and asked him how he was holding up. She then holds his hand in hers, and they look smilingly into each other's eyes. I feel a lump in my throat, and I try with much futility to swallow it.

Now, I'm hungry.

.:Finally, Pictures Again...:.

The conniving duo...


It's Bollywood gone wrong...

.:Role Reversal:.

Anyways, I was in all black (As I usually am now when it comes to spinning.), and the people at the Philosophy department noticed it. While I was going online, Dr. Gus asked me to take over for his class for a few minutes and lead the class into discussing the Phaedo among themselves for a bit. It was actually fun in that I managed to do a bit of Dr. Rodriguez impressions and all, but overall, I was glad that it went along smoothly. I'm feeling more and more confident about my chances of eventually really making a career out of teaching...

Mr. Bulaong's been bugging me again about “playing with fire”, though, and a couple of people have been giving me sensible things to intellectually munch upon in the meantime, and as such, my gratitude goes out to Markpoa, Madame Jess, and Kathy for that...

.:Spinning Around:.

As the stage area in Eastwood was fairly occupied due to some San Miguel Beer event later on in the night or something, we had to make do with a slightly smaller but more people-frequented area in front of the cluster of restaurants and cafes by the walkway. I got there a bit late, but I didn't really miss much, as the only people there were Kathy, Krisette, and Dominique (Herbz followed later on in the night...). My sticking around Hobby Haven that afternoon and coming across two copies of Orim's Chant more than makes up for it, apparently... now, I only need to find two copies of Wrath of God, one copy of Lightning Greaves, one copy of Feldon's Cane, and I'll be all set for my experimental pure White control deck.

Still, I was exceedingly happy that I've been able to do some pretty good runs with the poi, even though the drizzle and dwindling supply of fuel got the best of us in the end. As usual, Kathy was wearing her favorite pair of shoes that always seem to invite the rain to come around. Defiant as she was, she went ahead and danced under the rain for a while, anyway, her severe sickness notwithstanding. Love for the business, I swear... but hey, it works for me as well.

I've been somewhat bonding with Krisette and Dominique through the Philosophical stuff I was poring over last night, as I was clearly devoting my time in between sets to reading the Phaedo more closely, and I was struck by the brilliance of Socrates' argumentation on why the soul should be immortal, given certain assumptions. It was amazing how he came across it: assuming (I bypass his proofs, but he did give proofs for it, anyways.) that the soul is that which is needed to bring one's body to life, then we can say that the soul brings life. Now, any absolute cannot possibly become its opposite: something that is absolutely even cannot be absolutely odd.

Even then, it is not necessitated that one must be another's opposite for it to become impossible to admit the other. For instance, the absolute three is not the opposite of the absolute even, yet as the absolute three carries with it the absolute odd, then it still cannot ever be even.

With that in mind, the soul carries with it life. The opposite of life is death. If absolute life can never succumb to death, then the soul, being the carrier of life, cannot succumb to death, either. Ergo, the soul must be immortal.

After munching on that food for thought, I got a bit daring with my spinning, doing neck (!) wraps while the poi was on fire several times, all the while taking the utmost care not to botch it up and tangle the poi around my neck while it's on fire. Oh, well. I'm glad it worked out well, though I'd fairly admit that I was a bit dismayed that I botched up a certain round at one point, as the poi simply flew out of my hands. Must make sure to be more careful about stuff like that next time... could've gotten me into trouble if I were a bit more unfortunate.

Nonetheless, tonight was a good night, and I'm grateful that I'm beginning to get into the groove of things, not merely with the spinning, but more so the people I spin with. Kathy and I sort of see eye to eye on the intimidation hypothesis about her, and Krisette, well, she's a bloody intellectual, arguably even more diligent than I am (And she praised my diligence? Ha!), given her career path of teaching Grade School. She should really not forget to wear a beanie when she spins, though. Her hair got scorched a bit at one point.

Must remember that wearing that wraparound beanie makes me look less like Scott Steiner in chain mail than it makes me look like a Muslim woman. And I don't mean that derogatorily... except for the fact that I'm not supposed to look like a woman to begin with... they had a good laugh at it for th emost part, though.

We've ended up with a nice tagline for anything we might be doing out of the ordinary at this point... “It's 2004. We don't judge.” Nice catch-all statement, whether it be about preferences, approaches, or appeal. Kathy intimidated this guy in Seattle's Best, though... off-hand comment... heh.

I'm glad, really. Things have been going rather well, although my literary output has taken a backseat in favor of my academic output. It's about time I did that...

.:E-mail From Sacha:.

She wanted me to blog this out for you guys... something's wrong with her blogger account, so she says... in any case, I'm glad she's having fun in Hong Kong, and things are running smoothly enough for her there. Interestingly enough, when I first visited Hong Kong, I was also in the Kowloon Hotel... ah, well...

In Kowloon Hotel carefully tapping out e-mail on small noisy
keyboard, thanking my lucky stars that this hotel is clued enough
to provide free Internet access in the room. Or at least I hope
it's free. ^_^

Spent last half hour typing nice long post in my old blogger
account, only to find out that Netscape Navigator 4.0 isn't
really supported. Blogger crashes and burns horribly
_after_ you hit the Post button, which is _so_ not fun.
LiveJournal won't let me create an account, and jroller doesn't
even want to load. Am in Javascript hell.

Still, Internet access is Internet access. Am absolutely
grateful to Jijo and company for free.net.ph . Would be
lost without horde, the groupware system that actually
works without a hitch.

Have had very little sleep. Stayed up late finalizing party
plans and feeling guilty over last-minute invitations. Left
contact information with the house so that they can follow up
with people who haven't confirmed yet. Hope everything works
out on that end, as am looking forward to party this Saturday.

Napped on plane to Hong Kong. Am close to perfecting fine art
of sleeping while standing up, although neck still somewhat stiff.
Flight too short for movies. Pity. Long-haul flights have
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind; would not have minded watching
that again, perhaps.

Snagged a couple of Japanese-language information kits from airport.
Don't have my dictionary at the moment, but katakana and hiragana
fun to read. Brochures keep saying "Shopping". ("Shoppingu", to be precise.)
This is Hong Kong, after all.

Dropped luggage off at hotel and headed straight to Wanko. Spent
rest of morning picking out suits. Have around four sets now.
Nice. Professional. ;) Saleslady very enthusiastic. Managed to
talk us into getting another dress, although still have to find
some kind of beige sweater to match it.

Had lunch at Oliver's Super Sandwiches. Baked potato okay, but
not spectacular. Next time, will get triple-cheese hotdog
instead, as seems better value. Actually, will try to swing
for McDonalds instead, as is much better value. For some definition
of value; we're talking about McDonalds, after all.

Picked up a few tops from other stores. Will go back and check
other stores out after short nap. Seem to have forgotten about
need for short nap due to unexpected Internet access in
room. Priorities, priorities.

Weird computer. Suspect it's Win 3.11 based. Classic widgets.
Vaguely remember using Netscape Navigator on Win 3.11 (together
with Trumpet Winsock) to surf long long time ago. Miss Mozilla.
Miss Firefox. Oh well.

Know any blogging engine that supports NS4? Waah.

At least I can still browse most websites.

Will write again soon.

- Sacha

.:Still Readjusting:.

So if Robi has his “Robi’s Reflections”, I’m going to have “Kel’s Quandaries”? How about “Kel’s Conundrums”? Sounds great to me… the two of us have been doing well on the air, with all the jokes we’ve been tossing around for the most part. We tend to have a good rapport, especially when he started talking about not knowing anything about making women “happy”… sarcasm just oozed out of me on instinct. Heh.

If a female goose is a gander, and a female fox is a vixen, what would you call a female peackock?

Ha. Very interesting portion… that “Clean or Green” portion of his is really funny…

.:Bonding?:.

Of all people for me to bond with, it had to be Kathy, Sacha’s sister. She’s been very nice to me the past couple of weeks, and I’d daresay that it's almost uncharacteristic of her to be so. Nonetheless, I appreciate immensely her being nice to me, and for actually taking the time out to listen to one of her sister's friends.

.:Card Hunting:.

I went to Galleria, then to G4, and I was looking for a lot of cards for my Magic decks. Interestingly enough, someone warned me against how ineffective Orim’s Chant happens to be as a deck concept… and the guy proved it to me, anyway, as his red-blue Isochron deck was running circles around me unlike the Orim's Chant deck I ran into in the past... still, I got a lot of good cards for my decks. Things ought to be interesting with my new additions... heh.

Then all of a sudden, I ran into some OBers... Ichi, Madame Sky, Madame Thunder, and GroundZero walked into Neutral Grounds, and then we just had a quick exchange. They were all so into Ragnarok, and I was completely out of place, so I decided to not eat with them in Italiani's anymore... 'sides, I was on a tight budget, so never mind. I guess it's not easy relating to Ragnatalk... I was completely lost. Incidentally, Ichi reads MPH, apparently. That's why he knows a certain person I wasn't expecting him to know...

Ah, well. I guess OB isn't as home as it used to be... but I'm still there.

.:Drained:.

Emotions run high. Sometimes, it gets the best of me. Other times, I keep it all in check. But it's been draining me completely. Here I am, trying to fight to remain, yet being pushed to the edge at the same time by forces outside of my control...

I really am at a loss right now.

Another Used To Be
by Joe

I brought you here
So that I could express the things I've been thinking bout
Give me your ear cuz I don't normally do this
So bear with me through this
There are so many things
That I wanna say
But let me start by simply saying
I think you...

Darling Just Because
(Chorus)

I used to love someone that I didn't like
We used to wanna break up every other night
I used to think relationships were a lot of stress
I used to think that pain was a part of happiness
Now all that's changed since you've come my way
But I don't want us to become
Another Used To Be

I hope what I'm saying
Don't discourage you in any kind of way
Cuz I do believe
That you have the potential to be everything I need
I hope that you can really understand
That I would hate to be with someone new

And tell her what I'm telling you
(Chorus)

Cuz it would only be
Another waste of time
And nothing more but to take rage
out on my mind
Another memory part of history
Who could forget cuz it keeps on haunting me
Now that you're here it's evidently clear
I don't have to worry
I dont ever have to have this worry again (again)

Oooohhh
(Chorus)

I used to be the one
(Chorus)

I used to be the one
(Chorus)

.:Disclaimer Revisited:.

This is my weblog. Public? Yes. Personal still? Definitely. As long as I avoid slandering people outright, my discretion usually tells me what should and should not go into this weblog. If you feel that I invade your privacy so, if you wish me to avoid mentioning something we talked about, feel free to tell me “off the record”, and I will gladly leave it out of here. Otherwise, I leave it up to my discretion what is and what isn't fair game for my daily recollection.

Yes, I am human, and my discretion is prone to error at times. Nonetheless, let this serve as disclaimer enough to people who have decided to read up on my blog, especially the archives.

.:Yellow Cab:.

Funny stuff happened there yesterday... really funny stuff... I guess I should realize when I'm invited and when I'm gatecrashing, and know the difference well enough... heh.

.:Poof:.

Sach is probably in Hong Kong by the time I upload this. I hope she'd have a safe trip and she'd enjoy herself. Same goes for Mrs. Chua. I also hope she works out that lingering thorn in her side… I understand her consternation over it…

.:Sinking In:.

After class, I headed to the library to settle some problems I needed to work out, and then proceeded to Hobby Haven, where I discovered a fun new game called “Guillotine”. Rules questions abounded once again, and it was clear that Wizards of the Coast refuses to make a simple game... oh well.

Then, Peppy and I headed off to AdPhoto for that Overdrive recording thing of the fire spinning routine. Kathy was rather under the weather, so there was a bit of a problem there. She kept on lamenting how she wanted to just die already, because “what does not kill you makes you wish you were dead”. More amusingly, the bulk of the interview was being conducted in Filipino, so I had to stand as the de facto spokesperson, since I was the most bilingual in the group... or at least, the most talkative bilingual in the group... heh. No need to put myself over too much, I guess.

In any case, the routines we were up to were quite fun to do. I was doing a single poi routine with my back bent over, as though I were staggering drunk, and it actually looked professional. My wraps were fairly okay, but one of the neck wraps got botched, and Mr. Chua (Yes, I know his first name, but I'm still more comfortable calling him Mr. Chua.) was telling me that I should get a turtleneck next time I try those wraps...

The attendance was relatively low. Only Carl added to the original count of the usual suspects, as while Dominique showed up, he also left shortly afterwards. He didn't even get to Roxas, where the Overdrive staff was interviewing us and all. The questions were all rather interesting, and they let one of the hosts light up after some practice. I remembered that there were some blogworthy commentaries throughout the night, but I don't remember most of them exactly. For the most part, things aren't so bad, though, really.

.:Hilarity:.

Without naming names... One! Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! Two! Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!

The last thing one should do is to say something potentially explosive about someone to another person who will more likely than not tell this person about such a comment... oh, well.

Free cut yesterday, so I got to work earlier...

.:My Voice! Gakk!:.

I’m losing my voice… for the rest of the week or so, you can call me Sean. Bwehehehehe.

.:More On Yesterday’s Boardwork:.

It was fun going on air with Robbie the Rascal yesterday. We were mostly joking about wanting to go on a date with Brent Javier, and how much he wanted to get in touch with us instead of Pam…

A moment later, Pam starts slapping Robbie around while they were on the air. The funny thing is…

Robbie: I like being slapped around like that…

Marcelle: I did not see that…

Robbie: Oh, look. It’s Kel and his virgin eyes… *drops to a whisper* That’s the only thing that’s virgin about him…

Marcelle: It’d really hurt otherwise…

All in all, a good first boardwork… Carl even saw me at work, as he claimed his prize at the station. Amusingly enough, he sold the tickets for 200 bucks each… lucky guy…

.:Whoosh!!!:.

I got to Ayala in record time, and even had enough time to buy some key Magic cards for my decks before getting picked up by Kathy for the spinning gig. In attendance in the vehicle: Peppy, Sacha, Krissette. We drove onwards, then after getting to the venue, we started setting up. Apparently, Krissette found the other weblog already… heh. She had a pretty interesting reaction to my writing…

In any case, a while later, we finally got to Market! Market! and started getting organized. We had to work on some routines and all, and it wasn’t long before Carl, Erick, and Zeus showed up unexpectedly, albeit they were a welcome reprieve, considering how tiring the spinning got soon enough. Dominique, as expected, showed up a little later on. Things were pretty much okay… the Fisherman’s Friend mints were a hit, though. Helped Sach ease her colds a bit, as the menthol was going through her nose and all…

.:Spin City:.

So Peppy and I started off the spinning, and we were generally having fun. Soon enough, all of us got into the act, and it was going pretty well, as Market! Market! was a really nice place, although that picture of Jollibee they have is a bit disturbing… (I’ll post it next time.) in any case, we were there, and we started doing macho dancing routines mixed in with our regular spinning stuff. When I got my hands on a single poi number, I managed to get that neck wrap thing down to pat, and it looks pretty impressive when you wrap the chain around your neck while the freaking poi is on fire.

In any case, we continued spinning inside the mall, though I shifted so safety duty for the most part inside, and I accidentally singed Sach at one point there… my bad. Sorry about that!

Lots of weird stuff with the macho dancing, I swear… Erick and Peppy had really… explosive acts inside the mall… Mrs. Chua was also there, and she eventually sponsored dinner for us.

.:Over Dinner:.

Carl, Erick, and Zeus left after the gig, and that left Mrs. Chua to sponsor the rest of us to dinner at some Italian restaurant (Pasto was the name of the place, I believe.). The food was great, without a doubt, but the conversations were even more interesting. Dom had a very dirty pair of hands, and then…

Dominique: How black is your blouse, Sacha?

Sacha: You’re mean!

Marcelle: You can hold her by her shoulders, and tell her how much you’d miss her, then stroke her hair while you’re at it. That’d really clean your hands up in a hurry…

Krissette then gave me an evaluation about my poetry, and she figured that I had a severe lack of imagery when it came to my writing. I guess that’s because I tend to write with some image in sight already, and I tend to take it for granted that anyone else who’d read my poems would see it as such. She liked “Gone” (The Flashfic.), but what was really amazing was… (Pieced together dialogue. Not an exact transcript.)

Marcelle: Say, Dom. If you narrowed your eyes a bit more and put your hands together, you’d look like Jollibee!

Dominique: So I’d be twirling around in a really awkward way like so?

Kathy: Don’t joke. I know someone who spins poi that way.

Krissette: *CACKLES*

Dominique: I never heard Krissette cackle like that.

Marcelle: What a vicious laugh!

Dominique tried drawing the guy in the restaurant on my triple short story… (The one I’d post soon enough… still need some more editing.) he has no idea how well he captured the whole thing…

We ended up talking about Canada and migration, though. I was talking about how nice it would be to get married there, and then they realized that gay marriages are legal in Canada, and they put two and two together… Am I glad Mrs. Chua doesn’t get freaked out with all the gayness…

.:On The Way Home:.

We all thanked Mrs. Chua for the sumptuous dinner (And I ended up getting thanked for sponsoring the Fisherman’s Friend mints, which was a hit with everyone by the end of the night.). Herbz showed up in the middle of dessert, and just looked at us going all literary and artistic there…

Anyways…

Kathy: We have to try and go back…

Marcelle: Have you seen Peppy do that? When it comes to taking things from behind, Peppy’s the best.

Kathy: Marcelle!

Marcelle: I meant driving. Have you ever seen him go in reverse? It’s scary!

Peppy: They don’t call me Mach -5 for nothing.

Oh, well…

It’s been a good day, overall. I just hope the people who’ve been sick recently get well soon… myself included.

So I'm here in WAVE right now, boarding with Robbie for the first time. We get along, but on air, we don't quite have a schtick or something going yet. We'll work it out soon enough, I suppose. I managed to get a lot of stuff done already, such as my Heights work and all, but no go as far as the academic stuff go, unfortunately...

Free cut, so I got here a bit earlier. Robbie the Rascal is a really cool guy... this ought to be interesting... and I still do the show with George @ G-Max in the Morning. After this, I head off to the Chua residence for a spinning gig. What a busy week...

Currently here at my aunt's house, family bonding/picture taking after mass at Union Church... I'm uploading this...

.:Good Luck On Friday The Thirteenth:.

Just a bit of serendipity that happened in rapid succession last Friday...

I was walking towards Hobby Haven, when I saw Diane Sayo inside Ice Monster with some of her former blockmates. I just found it really interesting when I met up with her, as she was being harrassed and all by law school, and stuff like that, and we were just exchanging stories in rapid pace, as she had to go back to her friends, of course. She ended up bonking me on the head when I started talking about the usual suspect, though. I guess I need to sit her down for that conversation. It doesn't really make a lot of sense without the backstory.

I noticed that I wasn't as stunned by her, anymore, though. It's not that she changed or anything, really. She's still that nice and sweet friend I've known since fourth year high school. I think it's more that I recognize that some things are just simply a matter of deja vu, and I have to break the cycle that I still perpetuate at this point...

Then, when I got to Eastwood (Made it just in time to hitch a ride with Kathy, Krizette, and Sacha.), while I was getting them food in McDonald's, I ran into Lani Lao, a Radio Idol survivor, and a friend of mine from college. Hope things turn out well for her, though. I told her to check out the fire spinning and all, but she's going to play basketball with her boyfriend, I believe... interesting. Never knew she was sporty.

I also ran into Mr. Dave Lozada in the plaza last night. I guess he was a bit amused to find out that his former student is doing fire dancing. I myself am still amused over the fact... who would've thought it, neh?

Lastly, I ran into one of my “students” in Dr. Ibana's Ph 104 class, who was mystified over his teacher's “sideline” during the weekends... talk about a lot of run-ins, really...

.:And The Superstition Persists:.

I'm still lucky. I'm still lucky. If I keep telling myself that, Maybe it'd come true.

First of all, being a Libran, I am not a superstitious person. It says so on my horoscope.

In spite of that, Friday the 13th last night was marked by a lot of really nasty occurrences that put my peacekeeping skills to the test. From the moment I was in the car with Kathy, Sacha, and Krizette, the tension was already flying. Sacha looked depressed, Kathy was irritable, and Krizette seemed plain disinterested. Needless to say, people weren't in high spirits, even though there was this highlighted conversation...

Kathy: So there's this stupid girl who didn't know how to commit suicide...

Krizette: Yeah! She bought a whole bag of Strepsils and popped them one by one into her mouth. She woke up the next morning with a bad headache and a sore throat, but very much alive...

Marcelle: Gee, I don't know who you're talking about...

Tensions were clearly running high, and a matter of deduction told me who was being perturbed by whom...

Even during performance time, everyone was off. Jo was waiting for someone who never showed up; Kathy was doing almost all the sets, probably to spite Eastwood over the contract or something; and for almost half of the performance, I was stuck at Seattle's Best Coffee because it rained and I was sick already. So much for my new Punisher t-shirt...

Ranulph was also there, by the way, so with him, Peppy, Jayca, Carl, and Dom, you know more or less the whole roster last night.

By the end of the night, Sach seemed lower than a snake's buckle. For once, I felt compelled to hug her because I figured that she needed it.

.:Level Up!!!:.

I can do the windmill now! Yay! Now, let's see if I can do the alternate wave, the overhead butterfly, and transitions, and I'll be set. Heh.

.:It's Been A While:.

Abby and I have rarely been talking seriously for quite a while, and I figured that both of us had our own worries to deal with over the past week. I understand perfectly well, in all honesty. She's having a blast with her work as of late, and the imminent shakeup of things for her are certainly going to throw into disarray the groove she was getting into already. Well, now she knows how I felt when my time schedule in WAVE got switched around... heh.

I hope Abby works things out with her work, though. It'd be nice to see if she'd ever end up teaching in Ateneo when she goes for M.A. studies, though. If not, it'd be nice to see her try and teach in the collegiate level, wherever she may choose to go...

Good luck, my best friend.

.:Retreaded:.

So I had a day of rest instead of persisting in going to class last Saturday. I guess I was so under the weather, but the good thing is that I set myself up quite well enough to not have to be so affected by my not-so-great condition by the time I got to Eastwood to go fire spinning.

The tournament didn't push through this weekend. Apparently, things weren't going too smoothly for everyone, but at least I managed to work things out nonetheless. I'm only picking up three sets of ARUS this time... so there. After some funny conversations with Hanz, Arvin, and Lloyd, I then took a cab to Eastwood, and things were already picking up when I got there. Everyone in general was in higher spirits than the last time. Of course, the attendance that night was significantly lower: Sacha, Kathy, Dominique, Krizette, Pan-M (!), and myself. Of course, Mr. and Mrs. Chua were there this time.

Spinning went so well. I was doing far better than I used to, as I was doing my moves right for the most part. More interestingly, I ran into another one of my students in Dr. Ibana's class, who was stupefied over the stuff we were doing. Other than the rain, the only annoying thing about Saturday night were the hecklers we got at one point in the performance. Kathy was tempted to hand them the poi and see for themselves if they can do the stuff we do...

.:R-e-s-p-e-c-t:.

While Kathy is honestly far from my type (In spite of being Chinese.), I cannot help but realize that I have loads of respect for her and the things she does at this point. From teaching a klutz such as myself to do relatively well in fire dancing, to all the things she still manages to do that I wouldn't even dare try, she has more than earned my respect.

Respect of this level, more than any other distinction, is arguably the second most difficult thing to win from me. Trust, being my prerequisite for love, is obviously the most difficult thing for me to give to anyone.

One of the most interesting things she did last Saturday night was when it was raining and nobody else dared to spin since it was raining so hard, she then decided to spin under the rain on her own. Suddenly, singing in the rain no longer works... more like spinning in the rain. Impressive, without a doubt.

I'm sure she wouldn't even know I've been singing her praises like this behind her back. To keep myself the unflappable, unimpressed individual that I make myself out to be around her, I'd like to keep it that way. ;)

.:Ideas And Notions:.

So while everyone was under the shed given all the rain, lots of things were happening that turned out to be pretty interesting. For one, tic tac toe and sprouts and other mathematical games became the order of the day. Pan-M was really bored out of his wits, and it wasn't long before Sacha ran out of games and started cracking corny jokes instead. Then, the whole thing turned to drawing and word games, such as anagrams...

Nonetheless, I was conversing with Sacha's mom, and I told her about running into one of my students...

Mrs. Chua: So you're becoming popular now, Marcelle?

Marcelle: It's not about popularity, ma'am...

Sacha: I thought it was about punishment, Marcelle?

I swear... that wasn't even on my mind... oh, well.

Sacha's been feeling significantly better this night, and we had a lot of fun with all the stuff we were doing throughout the night. She'll be leaving for Hong Kong this Wednesday and will be gone until Friday, apparently. Ha. I don't see myself doing stuff like that easily...

The way I see it, Krizette and Pan-M seem to have been hitting it off quite well. They've been conversing with one another fairly well, and there was word going around that Krizette was more comfortable with Pan-M than she was with the rest of us. I'm surprised Kathy didn't react so violently, either... still, at one point in the conversation...

Pan-M: I'm sorry. I just really get along so well with Krizette. It's some kind of a chemistry...

Marcelle: I'm sorry. Something got in my eyes and made them roll on instinct.

Kathy: You say I'm mean, but you're a pretty nasty b*st*rd yourself, Marcelle.

Marcelle: Not really.

Kathy: A mean beeyatch, then?

And later on...

Marcelle: If you weren't sisters with a really good friend of mine, Kathy, I'd have called you the “b” word already.

Kathy: I called you that last time, right?

Marcelle: Well, yeah.

Kathy: Bagay, sister!