Friday, August 27, 2004

.:It Somewhat Hits The Mark:.

… but not quite. Still, the song has its merits.

Let Me Be The One
by Jimmy Bondoc

Somebody told me you were leavin’
I didn’t know
Somebody told me you’re unhappy
But it doesn’t show
Somebody told me that you don’t want me no more
So you’re walkin’ out the door
Nobody told me you’ve been cryin’
Every night
Nobody told me you’d been dyin’
But didn’t want to fight
Nobody told me that you fell out of love from me
So I’m settin’ you free

Let me be the one to break it up
So you won’t have to make excuses
We don’t need to find a set up where
Someone wins and someone loses
We just have to say our love was true
But has now become a lie
So I’m tellin’ you I love you one last time
And goodbye

Somebody told me you still loved me
I don’t know why
Nobody told me that you only
Needed time to fly
Somebody told me that you want to come back when
Our love is real again


Just turn around and walk away
You don’t have to live like this
But if you love me still then stay
Don’t keep me waiting for that final kiss
We can work together through this test
Or we can work through it apart
I just need to get this off my chest
That you will always have my heart


.:Boardwork Has Gotten Mighty Interesting:.

Last Monday, I “boarded” on my own. Tuesday, Chy, all the way from California, dropped in on our boardwork by giving us a call (Highly appreciated. Hope to see her this September...). Things were interesting with boardwork for the most part, then come Wednesday, Robi and I have had some chance to get a pretty decent rapport going on between us. This happened on the air after he played a Waveback love song…

Robi: Sigh… that song just makes you fall in love, doesn’t it?

Marcelle: With me?

Heh. Long-running gayness joke, neh?

In any case, our show went pretty well enough. Robi was still trying to bait me into revealing some “dirt” about myself. Amusing, really. I wasn't biting, though. I figured that in the off chance that some of my students would be listening, it would be best for me to keep my mouth shut already.

And today… my official “baptism of fire”, as I’m doing a full three hours on my own, since George isn’t around. No classes for two straight days. I’m handling the boardwork for the most part, although I didn’t pick any of the songs until the last hour, and Burn during the second hour.. It was fun, and I’m still sitting here in the booth, though. It’s pretty good. I’m having a lot of fun with the console, though it’s a lot less user-friendly as the RX console I so enjoyed working with in the past… oh, well.

Speaking of RX, good luck to Lani. She’s in the final round of Radio Idol…

Anyways, I almost had a heart attack this morning, as while I was just beginning to handle the boardwork, Artstrong comes right in the booth with some people. Apparently, he had a scheduled interview, and here I was, completely unprepared for it. I had no idea what to do. Luckily, they were kind enough to just leave for now and come back during Robi’s shift… heh. Saved!

During my last hour, I decided to play certain songs that really mean a lot to me... songs such as Emotions, Confessions Part II, If I Ain't Got You, Sorry 2004, Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda, and What If. I really felt good having those songs play. It was good catharsis, so to speak...

I stuck around for a while after my boardwork, and joked a bit with Robi (More gayness comedy. Helps when you have clean consciences… ;) ) before finally leaving. I got a lot of funny comments in, and it seems Robi and I happen to have quite a lot in common. He told me that I'll be doing the boardwork this Monday... sounds challenging to me. That ought to be fairly interesting, no question about it...

.:Kant Be Enough?:.

Dominique and I are of contrasting opinions regarding Immanuel Kant's Categorical Imperatives. I personally find it to be my sole basis for moral action, but Dominique feels that doing things for their own sake is, realistically speaking, insufficient. Inasmuch as he has a valid point there, I think it's best to point out that one still strives for the ideal, regardless of the difficulty. We really had a huge hump to overcome when it came to talking about the human being as being treated as an end in himself or herself, and never merely as a means. This is not to say that human beings do inadvertently become means to an end, but in respecting them as ends in and by themselves, we still maintain the dignity of the human person and avoid demeaning him or her.

This is really heavy stuff. But I live by it. I just figure that there are some things in life that I choose to do simply because of its own sake, and while that may seem noble, it's really not. It's the ultimate self-sustaining reason, as when one is asked “why”, the answer isn't “why not”, but rather, “why ask why”. How many times have I pointed this out already, neh?

Got a bit miffed when he started alluding to the lyrics of “I Am A Rock” by Simon and Garfunkel, though.

.:On Hold:.

I guess that's the best way to put it. My heart is on hold. We all know why. We all know the promises I made, and the fact that I don't break my promises.

And so, I won't be deleting from this weblog every single affirmation of love that I gave in the past. They were valid, and always given under the realistic notion that even if things were to change, they were still true when they were originally stated. In fact, the Kantian stuff was going around in the “justified” piece some months ago. As such, I choose to act in the way I see fit, in hopes of making heads and tails of my life.

Someone told me that these would be the longest days of my life until the time comes that I'm willing to dare again. But they're not. I have to simply cross these bridges when I get there. No point in worrying about them before it's there. Otherwise, I'd be vituperating on empty now, wouldn't I? My happiness will come if I deserve it. If I don't suffice it to say that I'll still be alive regardless.

Out of respect, however, my heart is on hold. And this promise is made for the benefit of more than one party concerned...

I wrote this quatrain, but I would admit that it needs a lot of work... the symbolism is so off... oh, well. I guess I'm not in one of those literary modes... what can I say?

.:Don't Fight City Hall:.
a Quatrain by Marcelle T. Fabie

Walk through the oak doors and call out his name
Get thrown out by the guards, and live in shame
You're nothing, he's everything, and that gets to you
Because there's absolutely nothing he couldn't do

It's hopeless, yet you dare challenge the status quo
Yet he's always a step ahead, your ego takes a blow
It's like a poison that eats you up from the inside
Grimaces of contempt that you can no longer hide

The mayor smiles at you, and laughs incessantly
It bites you that he can treat you so condesendingly
But he has the power, who do you think you are?
The people are behind him, his record unmarred

Give it up now. Your dignity is beyond salvation
But at least you still live, much to your irritation
Don't fight city hall, you'd only get outclassed
When city hall fights back, you know you won't last

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