.:It Hits Home...:.

Something I read a long time ago...

Yehey! Wala na kami.

Yehey! Wala na kami. Wala na akong aalalahanin, wala na akong iisipin...

Pero hirap akong matulog sa gabi dahil bumabalik yung mga alaala noong magkasama kami. Naiisip ko kung paano niya hawakan yung kamay ko, yung tipong nagsasabing hindi niya ako iiwanan. Kung pa’no niya ko yakapin, yung nagsasabing lagi niya akong poprotektahan. At kung pa’no niya ako halikan, yung nagsasabing mahal na mahal nya ako.

Yehey! Wala na kami. Hindi na ako iiyak pa...

Pero kapag gabi nagagawa ko pa ring umiyak, dahil nami-miss ko siya. Nami-miss ko yung mga ngiti niyang nakakaloko, mga jokes niyang corny, mga tingin niyang nakakatunaw, tawa niyang nakakabaliw, pangungulit niya sa akin at kung anu-ano pang kapraningan na ginagawa niya. Nami-miss ko yun...

Yehey! Wala na kami. Wala na akong tatawagan, hindi na ako magte-text sa kanya, at makakaipon na ako ng pera para sa sarili ko.

Pero sa tuwing hawak ko ang cell phone ko, lagi kong hinahanap ang pangalan niya. Lagi akong nate-tempt na magtext sa kanya, o di naman kaya, tumawag. Nangangati lagi ang darili ko na pindutin ang “Write Message” i-type ang message ko, i-scroll yung button para makita ko yung number niya, at tapos ipe-press ko yung “Send”. O kaya naman, i-scroll ko yung button para mahanap yung name niya tapos ipe-press ko yung “Call”. Kahit na alam ko na mauubos na ang load ko at wala na akong pambili ng credit (dahil kabibigay lang ng nanay ko). Kahit na alam kong hindi naman sya magre-reply at hinding-hindi nya ako tatawagan. At kahit kailan hindi na nya gagawin pang magparamdam.

Yehey! Wala na kami. Magkakaroon na ako ng time para sa sarili ko, sa pamilya ko at sa barkada ko.

Pero sa tuwing lalabas ako ng bahay, kasama man ang pamilya o barkada ko, siya lagi ang naaalala ko, na sana, kasama ko siya ngayon. Magkahawak kamay na namamasyal, naglolokohan, nagkukulitan, at nagtatawanan. Tapos, walang katapusang usapan kung saan kakain ng lunch, kung sa Jollibee, McDo, KFC, o sa Max’s. Kung pupunta ba sa isang game arcade para maglaro ng video games o di kaya naman, kung maglalaro ng basketball, bowling or billiards. Tapos, i-hahatid niya ako papauwi sabay nanakawan ng halik habang nasa biyahe.

Yehey! Wala na kami. Hindi na ako magpupuyat sa kakatutok sa computer, aabutin ng madaling-araw kaka-chat sa kanya.

Pero sa tuwing may ise-search ako sa Internet, bubuksan ko ang Yahoo Messenger, MSN Messenger, ICQ, at MIRC dahil baka sakaling dumating siya. Makausap ko man lang, makikipagkulitan uli at baka sakaling magkaliwanagan kami at maibalik ang dating “kami”.

Yehey! Wala na kami. Wala na akong girlfriend, pwede na akong tumingin sa iba at tumanggap ng manliligaw.

Pero sabi ko sa sarili ko, hindi na ako magmamahal pa uli. Dahil siya lang ang mahal ko. Siya lang ang nakaka-kumpleto sa araw ko, siya lang yung inspirasyon ko sa mga bagay-bagay. Siya lang yung nakakaintindi sa akin kapag may problema ako. Siya lang yung nakakapagpatahan sa akin kapag umiiyak ako. Siya lang ang buhay ko, siya lang, wala ng iba.

Magmamahal din ako, pero hindi muna ngayon, hindi muna...

.:Let Him Grieve:.

Don't tell Marcelle she was never worth his time, because he never gave her enough of it.

Don't tell Marcelle she wasn't good enough for him, because she was too good for someone like him.

Don't tell Marcelle that this too shall pass. He knows that all too well.

Don't tell Marcelle that he can now love someone else, because he doesn't want to.

Don't tell Marcelle that he's being obstinate, because he wants to be so.

Don't tell Marcelle that this is a joking matter, because he lost his sense of humor.

Don't tell Marcelle that he's doing the right thing; because if he did, then this wouldn't have happened. He knows he went wrong in this relationship. He's to blame.

Don't tell Marcelle that he will find someone better, because he never deserved anything good in his life, anyway.

Don't tell Marcelle that you've had worse, because that doesn't make it better for him one bit. He doesn't take joy in your misery, past, present, or future.

But let him grieve. Four and a half years is no laughing matter. He still loves her. She still loves him. Sadly, sometimes, love isn't enough to keep people together. But oftentimes, love is enough to make people to want what's best for the other. And that's what they want for one another... the best.

She will get the best. Chances are, he won't. Because he doesn't deserve it. Because he put a stopper on his heart. He doesn't deserve to be loved any longer. Marcelle has lost his smile, but all he can do is grieve in the present.

Let him grieve. He treasured this relationship so much, but he treasured her even more. He'd rather lose her than keep on hurting her by keeping her by his side. He'd rather be walking wounded, walking alone, than wounding someone else by walking with her. He treasured this relationship more than the world. But he treasured her even more.

Let him grieve. He's free, but then again, he's not. He shackled himself even before he got to this point.

Let him grieve. He has all the love in the world to give to nobody now. He doesn't want to love again. Maybe he will in the future. But not now. Especially not with the only other person he knows he could learn to love.

Let him grieve. Let him die to himself. Then let him live again. He's entitled to that much, lowlife though he may be.