Tuesday, September 07, 2004

.:The Notebook:.

So Grace asked me for “one last date” as a “couple” before we were “officially broken up”, and I naturally obliged. I figured that it was the least I could do for someone that special to me. (One has to wonder how things would've panned out if the film were “Now That I Have You” or “Alien Vs. Predator” instead... heh.) In any case, we watched “The Notebook”, and I need some time before I can attempt to review it, as I was too attached to the film emotionally to evaluate it fairly enough...

Anyways, so there I was with Grace, and we were watching the film. And then, some lines struck me. When the narrator, for instance, was asked by his children to “go home with them”, he replied...

I don't want to. Here with your mother, I am home.

Ouch. Ouch. After that one, another line hit me. This time, this was Lou delivering it, played by Jacob Marsden, aka Cyclops. He was saying this to Allie...

I have three choices, then. First, I could shoot him. Second, I could beat the crap out of him. Third, I could leave you. But you know what? I hate these choices. Because none of them would get me you.

Later on...

It's all right. People never forget their first love. I understand.

Grace was melting at this point in the film, and needless to say, I myself was struck by the whole thing. I held her hand. A realization was beginning to hit me at this point...

Grace and I do love each other. So why am I holding myself back from being in a relationship with her?


Fear of hurting her. Of betraying her. Of being a failure to her as a boyfriend. Indeed, so many fears, because of the risk that's involved.

But then, isn't a relationship meant to involve risk? Otherwise, what's the point?

The logic of it all overwhelms me. Or rather, the method to the madness overwhelms me. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened next.

I asked Grace if she was willing to take that risk, inasmuch as I am likewise taking a risk, given her medical school and such.

She smiled back at me, and held my hand. Right then and there, I knew that this was a return to Grace.

Words cannot express how happy I am.

.:It's Not About Taking Back What I Said:.

Things haven't really changed, so I realized.

But then, let me be happy. Insomuch as you let me grieve, let me be happy this time.

Doomsayers and masters of hindsight alike are bound to say their piece about this whole thing. The former would wonder how long it's going to last this time. The latter would say that it's not like we really were “broken up” to begin with. We hardly acted that way.

Say what you wish, but those two weeks were fourteen days of Hades. It feels so much better now that I belong to her once again.

I guess I just needed to remember... to let the future worry about the future, and to let the past worry about the past. Let Grace and I cross the bridge when we get there. At this point, it's all about the present.

Forget talking about the “end”, whether or not it'd come. This is the last time I'd even want to address it, if I could help it. The more we think about it, the more it comes closer to reality. I can only break the cycle this time around.

Are things for keeps this time? Let time tell. Will things repeat themselves over the course of time? I can only hope otherwise. Let me be happy. Let Grace be happy. Spare us the reality checks, because I'm the undisputed master of that. I'm my own worst critic, after all.

In spite of the openness, know one thing to be certain: there is only one person whom I can say without any hesitation or reservations that I love her, and that person is Grace. That alone should explain why I feel that she is worth shelving away any fleeting notions that may get in the way of my giving her 100% in this relationship.

And where does this leave otherwise? Why, precisely where it should be. Right where it is, right where it has always been.

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