Saturday, June 26, 2004



Friday night was more or less memorable for me, considering how much fun I inadvertently had throughout the whole night. The people who contributed heavily to that would have to be Madame Jess, Jason, and Mikko...

Thing is, in spite of the serious nature of our pow-wow session last night regarding my... err... potential stalker. I was talking to Jess firstly, because the person was already asking me why I wasn't replying to her text messages, wondering if she did something wrong. Ironically, Jason was warning me about her already moments before I received the text message, so you could predict Jason would be telling me "I told you so!"

So I was planning on giving her a lengthy follow-up reply. I wanted to tell her that as a friend, I'm low-maintenance, and I expect my friends to be likewise. I was supposed to tell her that I'm really glad to be her friend. But what? I of course was setting her up for that big "but", and yet I had no idea what to say afterwards...

Marcelle: But what, Jess? But I'm taken? But I don't want to lead her on? But I'm just really snobbish from time to time? But I'm gay?

Jess started laughing after that last part. Apparently, joking about being gay is funny when you're not... I think.

Anyways, that was more or less how it worked out. We had dinner at Miggy's, and I loved the beef barbecue there. We then had coffee (Okay, they did. I rarely drink at Starbucks, and when I do, it's cream and not coffee.) at Starbucks, and the fun thing is that while we were there, some Chinese girl who looked vaguely familiar was in front of us, and she looked really pretty. I didn't want to assume it was someone I knew, so I gave her missed calls instead of approaching her. Eventually, she checked her phone, and I realized that it was my Chinese Philo classmate last summer, Rhea.

She turned around and saw me, which amused me a lot, as I promptly stood up (I think the other people like Chicco and SJ were thinking how pathetic I was for checking her out, then became a bit surprised that I actually knew her. Not impressed, just surprised.) and chatted with her for a bit. She told me how she was so bad in Filipino, considering how she came from Cebu and all (I didn't know that.), so she needed to load rev out of the Filipino Philo class she got. Still, she seemed to be okay, as she was looking really fine... and then when I left to go with the other HH people, she actually hugged me.

Mikko: Naka-iscore pa ng yakap ang p#7@...

Ah, well. No big deal, but I swear, my reputation in HH is so tarnished, as to them, "it's always what we think when it comes to Marcelle"...


Jason: Thanx a lot for the sober advice in between all the laughs we had last night. I more or less know how to handle the situation now.

Mikko: Thanx for the funny new ringtones I got. They really lightened the mood for the most part.

Madame Jess: Thanx for the ride to Shaw, and the short "bonding" session we had. It's good to be able to talk with someone who has a good head on her shoulders from time to time...

.:Academic Quandary:.

Looks like I'll be doing a lot of reading up on Heidegger, Aristotle, Luijpen, and Plato (HALP!) and try to use the Matrix Trilogy as a backdrop for their concepts on freedom and choice. It's an interesting topic, and I'm glad Dr. Barbazza allowed me to do the work, provided I focus on the Philosophical text much more than I do with the films.

I was outlining to him and the rest of the class a while ago why I chose film (My Comm background says it all.), and then told them that I could use Sartre for LOTR; Nietzche for Spider-Man 1 and 2; or Lao Tzu, Bruce Lee, and Confuicus (LBC) for Not One Less, Enter The Dragon, and Meteor Garden. Of course, the last one I mentioned was the Matrix Trilogy, and while the class liked the idea, Dr. Barbazza was far from impressed. Ever the academic heavyweight, he is more excited than the Allegory of the Cave than he would be with Neo's awakening. I could understand that, and I believe that my compromise is clear: I don't do pop culture because it's easy. I do it because it leads people who normally don't care much about Philosophy to actually start looking at where all these ideas really sprang from, and then be even more engrossed with the real text than the lead-in film.

I like the premise for this, and I've already started on it. For me to bypass the thesis, I need to write four separate papers, each of them following a theme, and for me, the theme would have to be film, as I already finished one paper on it already...

.:I'm So Flattened:.

From Chy, one of our international listeners...

The sweetest guy (by far) that graced the airwaves. I know it was a tough first week for him but looks like the dj shoes fit him perfectly. What a pro! Aside from his witty, candid remarks on air, what draws listeners to him is the
fact that this guy is no airhead. Talks with sense, writes really well. He's not smug and would often laugh at himself whenever he fumbles on air. This makes him more appealing. I could imagine him turning the bright shade of red whenever this happens. So cute. His boyish looks, charm and nice attitude will definitely propel him to greater heights. Oh and one last thing people, he makes wearing braces look soooo darn sexy!
(Gyeh? - Marcelle):) Now... they say models have the x-factor, pop icons have the 'it' factor, i dunno how they call it in the radio world... but kel definitely has the perfect mix. So if there's such a thing as a jock-in-a-box, it should say 'KEL' as its label. :) Take care! mwah!

This, by far, is one of the most heartwarming affirmations I have ever received in my life. I know I've a long way to go, I really do. Still, people like Chy make me realize that though I still have a long way to go, there're people who'd gladly walk with me towards that destination, hopefully with the knowledge that all of us would be better persons through it. I really don't know how else to reply to this, except thank you for the kind words and well wishes, hope you do well soon, and... sexy braces? Eh?!?

.:Indulge Me:.

I skip the third person for now because it's not so big a deal, really. Pretend I didn't know that you were reading this.

I sometimes feel a bit out of place whenever I have a good friend, and then he or she would introduce me to his or her barkada, who, while would all be nice people, certainly are not obliged to accept me as one of their own. Fact is, this has gone on for so long, that I have never really had any group of friends I could genuinely call my barkada. Never. And while I recognize that it's not so bad to be a loner for the most part, having good friends yet assuming that you are far from being in their "circle" (And this doesn't apply to only one set of friends I'd have. This applies to a Hades of a lot.) simply because you didn't quite grow old with them, or studied the same course as they did, or liked the same things that you did.

That explains why I wasn't close to my block. I didn't quite enjoy the things that they did. That explains why I can't consider Cyril, Ato, and the rest as my barkada all the same. I didn't quite spend years knowing them, as most of them are high school friends. That explains why I'm not... you know the rest of you.

I hope to gawd nobody so much as thinks of asking me to be part of their barkada just because they effing read this, because that defeats the ruddy point of this exercise. I'm throwing out this frustration not because I want it to be remedied. It won't be remedied if all I elicited were sympathy from people. In fact, searching for a remedy would bring me farther from finding it, so I'm just tossing out a lamentation, and I'll be done with that.

If you've read this far, thank you. I ask you to take no heed to me, but if you genuinely think I'd make it somehow in your circle of friends (There're three different circles that come into mind right now as I write this.), the least you could do is...

... to let me earn it.

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