Thursday, July 08, 2004

Do You Know Where You're Going To?

I know I don't go and talk about dates (Genuine or otherwise.) in this much detail, but there are so many revelations that came to me over the course of the whole date...


During the break in Dr. Barbazza's class last Tuesday night, Rey, one of my classmates there, had a funny retort regarding Sacha's idea that the Sciences and Humanities don't quite go together, if only based on Doc Ock in Spider-Man 2...

Rey: Tell her that it's not about Science and Humanities to begin with. Tell her it's about you and her.

Of course, this would've been a nice retort if I actually intended to court Sacha, neh?

And one moment in the second class I taught as well...

Marcelle: Good doesn't convey just one idea. Being honorable is good. Being intelligent is good. Being plea... I mean, pleasure is good.

Not rephrasing things can be a bit problematic from time to time... heh.

.:Separation Anxiety Addressed:.

Dinner with Sacha last Tuesday night was splendid. While Dominique apparently came by earlier, and had dinner with Sach already, she was kind enough to eat along with me by munching on a Dove chocolate bar while I tried out her amazing formaggio lasagna. I was impressed with how that turned out, to say the least. Nonetheless, the dinner was really good. More important was the conversation over dinner, though...

I'd be the first to admit that Sacha's imminent departure caused a lot of separation anxiety on my part, as let's face it: Sach is the closest friend I still have in the Ateneo. Couple that with the fact that in contrast to her, I can't afford to leave the country for an extended period of time simply because I would jeopardize everything I have with me at this point. WAVE, my teaching career, all of these things will be at severe risk if I made a decision to study abroad, even for just one year.

I sometimes ask myself what it would mean for a Marcelle Fabie to become the best friend of a Sacha Chua. While I don't expect to ever earn that distinction, I see no harm in hoping that given ample time and opportunities, I would end up being worthy of such a distinction, in spite of not really making any concrete efforts to get to that point. I know that the alpha male in me wants to consider so many different things left and right, but my friendship with Sacha is for the long haul, geographical and topical barriers notwithstanding. It's a mutual (In a non-romantic sense.) and implicit understanding of what being friends with one another entails, and what both stand to gain from such a friendship.

I know I'd miss Sach terribly while she's gone. But I know that our friendship will remain and that's the important thing in this whole equation.

.:Affirmation And Redemption:.

One thing I'm glad Sacha did for me last Tuesday night aside from the dinner itself would simply have to be the sheer amount of affirmations she gave me. I especially felt honored, because she more or less told me in a roundabout way that while she and I are in different fields, we more or less are intellectual equals. I guess choosing Sacha as my academic yardstick makes perfect sense, then. While I don't see myself overrunning her in that department, I don't think I'd be overtly behind her, either, albeit there is less room for recognition in the particular field I chose, and I tend to forget a lot of my own achievements over time... Still, I'm not a cute girl, either, and that factor did help Sach along just a little bit... heh.

Sacha's encouraging persona was something that really made me feel great. While she has that capability of intimidating people (Especially those her age.) because of her sheer strong personality, I guess I'm more inclined to respect her than be intimidated of that. We have a sense of mutual respect for one another, which made me feel that I wasn't really the “intellectual lightweight” that I assumed myself to be... she even somewhat helped seal the deal for me regarding going into teaching, as being my yardstick, and seeing the kind of enjoyment she got from teaching, and the sheer rapport I built up with her students in spite of the fact that I was merely a sit-in, told me that teaching was my road to fulfillment. Of course, GTO also had something to do with it...

I guess that's something I never quite won from my previous yardstick... she never did seem to regard me as an intellectual equal, and to this day, maybe she's right. I mean, she seems to be doing so fine in the world of advertising right now, while I, on the other hand, am still learning the ropes in the scholarly world. Sacha's confidence in me actually makes me feel rather surefooted myself, and it really changes my way of looking at things. Because while I know my so-called achievements seem to pale in comparison to Sacha's, it's not about competing with her. It's about growing as a friend with her. The kind of intellectual discourse that goes on between me and her is a rarity I sincerely treasure. Very few people I know could possibly challenge me to put the faculties of my mind to use better than she could.

And I know that I tend to be guilty of selling myself short a lot of the time, but I guess it's because I tend to be surrounded by greatness...

Sacha: Marcelle, you have the license to be arrogant and confident about your teaching and your knowledge around me. You've earned it.

.:Philosophical Clashes:.

Though we come from different mindsets, though we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things, my being a pluralist immensely helped Sacha get a good feel for how I handle my friendships. Sacha likes to see people in their element: how they are at work, how they carry themselves in a group of many in a setting where they can keep their guard down. It helps for her. She doesn't pick a friend just because such a person has been nice and all to her. It's understandable. Being a friend with an implicit desire to be repaid for such kindness does not bode well for a friendship.

Yet, she recognizes that my almost-stalker approach at getting to know friends is equally effective to me as her methods are to her. Given a very good background in Psychology, being one on one allows me to better grasp one's personality. The unwritten requirement in such an approach is that one should be able to read into the meanings of seemingly innocuous actions, as these things are a lot more observable than in an extended setting. That's the advantage I happen to have over her.

Sach and I tend to have varying ideas on topics such as this, although in the end, she thanked me for my persistence in spite of her meanness to me when I was trying to befriend her. I know that I seemed so asinine to her at the time, but I did believe at the time, and I still do, that she was well worth the trouble to befriend. She may not like my means to the end, but inasmuch as my approach is unorthodox, it is still a perfectly reasonable approach.

.:A Moment:.

When time ran out on us as visitors in Sacha's dorm were welcome only until ten in the evening, we headed out to McDonald's for ice cream. She offered coffee, but it made no sense to me to take coffee, as I wanted to sleep the moment I got home. Nonetheless, we spent some time in McDonald's. She had a choco fudge sundae, I had a caramel sundae. Vive la difference.

Sach is cute when she acts all childish and gushes over ice cream. Of course, her doing that while talking about how she... extricated certain problems from her system showed how ruthless she could actually be when given the opportunity. It's no secret that I find Sach to be a very fetching lady, and I suppose being called “nice” is good enough in return. I don't expect to find out that I would actually be her type, whereas someone more up to her speed and actual wavelength, in spite of any mismatches, would be far more apt for it.

Sach was optimistic about the survival of our small circle of friends without her presence, and I pointed out to her that the common denominator for most of the group ironically holds it together when it should be sending them at each other's throats, but maybe we'd see that when she's more... open to relationships... when she's already Dr. Sacha...

Anyways, it wasn't long before we had to go already. On our way out, she then tiptoed and gave me the hug to end all hugs (Figuratively speaking, of course.). It was cute, really.

Some time ago, I told myself that before it would be too late, Sacha and I deserved to have a moment, and this was it. As expected, it wasn't a romantic moment (As if...), but a moment nonetheless. It was more or less a gentle reminder to the both of us that though we're relatively recent friends, the time we've known each other, and the quality of our dealings with one another has made a significant impact on the both of our lives.

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