Saturday, July 31, 2004
Before heading off for the supposed audition that the Chua sisters had in Eastwood, I decided to just go online for the most part, and it was a refreshing surprise to catch Noey on Yahoo Messenger. We just chatted for a short while and all, as well as Melai and I (One of the WAVE listeners.), who gave an alternate but valid interpretation to the short story entitled “Si Bantay”...
After a while, I walked into a series of losses against a Type I Trinistax deck, as well as a Type I land destruction deck, that proved immensely difficult to deal with once the deck manages to destroy lands at an earlier point than turn three. Ah, well. I just stayed around in the store for a while, before Sacha texted me to meet her in KFC, where I ran into a college batchmate of mine, Pons. He was surprised (They always are.) over my career path, but it's all good. I was talking to her about how female dj's have more face value than most male dj's, although the newer breed tend to undermine that old stereotype.
A while later, Sacha arrives in KFC, and the introductions took Pons by surprise (That always happens, too.). After all, though Sach is a batch higher than I am, she's as old as I am, and Pons is over a year older than I am. Oh, well. In any case, hope his luck goes well in his Masterals in U.P....
Sach and I were talking for the most part about how things were going to go. She was wondering what was on my mind, and what a certain friend of mine had to say. I was being rather cryptic about it, until...
Sacha: Marcelle, you wanted me to be as brutally frank with you as needed be. I was hoping you'd be the same with me.
So I told her about it. About how I realized through this friend of mine that my emotions have been running on high lately, and how while that may seem quite problematic, it's better that I let them run their course, simply because it's happened before, and it's testament to the fact that in spite of all the things I've been doing lately, despite being seemingly superhuman, I'm still quite irrevocably human, after all. It is a bit of consolation to me that I still am, in all honesty.
Nonetheless, she recognizes the struggle I'm going through, and I'm glad she respects that. I value my friendship with Sacha. You might say that I was being extremely childish at that point, but I was doing my darned best to keep it all under check, to begin with.
Despite my being extremely vulnerable the past few weeks, I was glad that she still managed to understand me, and I just told her that I don't want to put myself into a position where I would end up grasping blades in an effort to get somewhere, no matter how clearly futile it is. I know how useless it all is. And I did not need to be given the false glimmer of “working my way up the ladder” the way certain other people already have. I really don't want to do that... at least, not at this point in my life.
I've been distressed for the most part, but she is arguably the only other person I know who willingly wants to talk about problems with someone who perceives her as part and parcel of the cause. It's nice and all, really.
On the lighter side of things, she's been doing splendidly with her Japanese, and she has been giving sample phrases, much to the delight of people. More on that later...
We then headed to her dorm, where her mom was supposed to pick her up. On the way there, let me just say that if I once said she gave the second best hugs I've ever had, she also gave the second longest hug I've ever had... that moment there, for some reason or some other, simply swept away all my bad feelings at that point. It felt good to be respected and trusted by a friend I've gambled a lot for in the past. There is no question that I would still be willing to do that in the future. As a friend, she is certainly worth it.
Finally, some measure of redemption.
.:Over The Dorm, Over The Fountain:.
While we were talking at her dorm, Sacha's mom arrived shortly thereafter, and she was conversing with me while Sach was gathering some of her stuff to move out of the dorm. Her mom is one of those people who seems to know what to say, no matter what the situation. I was glad to have spoken to her, and it was fairly interesting what ideas we managed to exchange even while on our way to Roxas Boulevard, as the audition for fire spinning was postponed yet again. Our discussions on the “Justice on Wheels” article that was used for the first long test in Dr. Ibana's class proved to be very interesting as Mrs. Chua had some very valid insights about the whole situation, as to whether or not “Justice on Wheels” would actually expedite the legal system.
Shortly afterwards, we arrived in Roxas Boulevard, where a new guy whose name escapes me joined Carl, Jo, and Erick (I spelled Jo's and Erick's name wrong the last time...) were with Kathy and the other girl spinner whose name also escapes me. I'm so bad with names...
Everyone who spun barring myself lit up that night... sigh.
However, some measure of consolation for me: for some freakish reason, I managed to do the weave! Yay! I can only do it when I 'm not thinking about it, though. It's like the way some Dance Maniax songs go for me... when I start analyzing the steps, it becomes problematic for me... and yes, I clobbered myself silly in so many places last night although there're some nice tricks I can now do, given only one poi in my hands...
Aside from a couple of sights for sore eyes (One of which Jo was fawning over like anything.), we were paying a lot of attention to the guys who were singing in Roxas Boulevard, as they were really butchering songs, in spite of the fact that the lyrics were there for them to see...
I'm hoding a fortune, when my sanity hangs by a thread...
Even more hilarious was Sacha's recitation of basic Japanese phrases and words such as “Yamete kudasai” and “Onegai”, as her anime pitch simply made the enunciation very... lifelike.
Friday, July 30, 2004
I’m actually flexible with partners.
When I did the show today with Anne, I realized that I didn’t have any more chemistry with her than I do with George. It’s simply a deal of getting used to the person I’m working with, and not really a fixed kind of chemistry that no amount of constant interaction couldn’t improve. I realized this, and I more or less figured out that George’s training “regimen” for me is a fairly good one that I hope I could continue.
Of course, Anne might be fairly disappointed to know that George was teaching me how to read slower than Anne wants me to, in favor of a more rounded voice. Ergo, I’d have to see how that goes, if and when I am sent back to the Drive and Grind. We’ll see…
Anne picked Lee for the Pond’s thing, so I had to change my answer in favor of Francis. Neither of us wanted to go for Diego. Poor guy… heh.
In any case, the show was fairly smooth… I didn’t bother bringing earphones with me this time, so I was fully devoted to doing the show with Anne, but I can understand that she was a bit disoriented with me around, as she was mostly doing spiels here and there on her own… I guess it’s because unlike me, she does the show alone since the short-lived tandem was broken up…
But damn, despite the changes, such as lack of portions and no more chatroom, I sure missed doing the show, and I enjoyed my time there.
.:Lunch With The Boss:.
Camilo and I had a lunch meeting with Dr. Ibana at Tia Maria’s today, and I must say that the food was very unglamorous. Tacos and chips and burritos certainly don’t do much for one’s poise while eating… still, the meeting was fairly productive, but Camilo’s quips were extremely funny, as well as even some of Dr. Ibana’s.
.:Today’s Quotable Quotes:.
Look at this guy, Socrates. He’s such a flirt. He’s a man-slut!
- Dr. Gus Rodriguez, on the nature of the early Socratic dialogues.
Kapag naka-coat si Sacha, kamukha niya si Princess Leia. Kapag naka-jacket ka, kamukha mo si Darth Vader. Bagay!
- Dr. Ibana, on my fashion sense. He’s the second person to tell me that me and Sacha are a match (The first were co-workers in WAVE who told my mom behind my back that I had a date for "I, Robot"). If they only knew… heh.
Bakit kung sinu-sino kasama mo, ha? Hindi naman “****” pangalan ng girlfriend mo, ah! Malandi ka rin, ano? Saka buwisit naman itong mga lobo na ito sa silya natin. Mukha tayong mga bata.
- My partner T.A., Camilo Nogoy, in reaction to my recent rash of interactions with other people and the balloons all over Tia Maria’s…
Even in the world of hypotheticals, I still blow...
I didn't expect you to agree wholeheartedly...
- Me and Maia in chat...
.:Good For You:.
I got hugged by Fr. Nebres! Twice! I’m bouncing… XD
Err… okay. I’m sure that your cheerup technique won’t work for me, and boy, you weren’t kidding about preferring “mature” men…
Hypothetically speaking, if I were to go for you, would I have much of a shot?
Not really. Hypothetically speaking, you'd be really low on the pecking order.
So hypothetically, my ego just got deflated.
Hypothetically, I'm sorry.
Hypothetically, I'm depressed now.
.:Conversations, Dance Maniax, Pizza, And Pasta:.
So Sach and I had a nice conversation regarding her seeming uneasiness as of late. I guess I was right in supposing that her personality was neither the settling down nor the motherly type. Oh, well. I understand how that works, but like she put it, if she doesn't know what she's missing, then she couldn't feel too bad about it, hence the ease of remaining celibate, among other things.
After a while, we then headed off to Megamall to play some Dance Maniax, and Dominique was there shortly thereafter. I almost finished Happy Hopper on Center Mode, but I really messed up at the very end. Oh, well. Can't do much about that, I suppose. I was fairly off during my go. I felt particularly lacking, as I felt really off. It wasn't long before we collectively decided to eat at Sbarro's, which was certainly welcome to me, as I was in the mood to pig out, which I certainly did. Sacha's lip got hit by a poi, or a hit near her face caused her to bite her lip, and it shows. Anyways, over dinner, we were talking about Philosophy for the most part, especially with Heidegger's notion of unfolding (Still lifted from Greek thought, if you think about it.), and its relation to being.
This is mostly stemming from Isaac Asimov's definition of what it means to be alive: if you can possibly die, then you are alive. It may sound circular, as I pointed out, but to deeper thinkers, it makes absolute sense. To the average ponderer, it just seems like a valid reductionist statement, but certainly far from sufficient in order to explain things. I put the idea forward that similarly, Heidegger spoke of the nothing in a via negativa sense. In fact, he wrote a book on it. Then we started discussing that.
Anyways, among other things, we were mostly discussing the upcoming fire dancing audition that will be held tomorrow at Eastwood city. Hopefully that turns out well, as last time, they were essentially stood up. Ah, well. I'm sure they'd do pretty fine there.
Dom has been kind enough to spring for me, since I wasn't near an ATM at the time. I of course will not let myself be treated so I owe him 300 pesos or so...
There was something Dom and I agreed upon that made me say the Punisher tagline again (After a high five, I believe.). I know it was a poignant point in the discussion, but it completely slipped my mind what it was about. I hope he can remind me what that one was about...
I let the two... err... never mind... go ahead afterwards before I trudged on home. Never mind what I think. Or what I feel.
I am severely annoyed over one of Grace's classmates in St. Luke's right now.
Apparently, in an effort to help out her students, their teacher in Biochem decided to hand one of their classmates via e-mail a copy of the test for the next day. This was done in secret as it was obviously illegal, but the teacher implicitly expected this student to let her classmates know.
Guess what? She didn't.
Worse, she seemed smug about knowing more about the test than the rest of the class did, then lamented that since it was they who needed this sample test, then it should've been them to have called or texted her about it. Who the Hades was she kidding? Nobody else knew that she was given those questions for dissemination until after the test. So how were her classmates supposed to even know about it? How annoying is that, huh?
I hope to Gawd she realized what she did. She essentially ensured herself a lot of enemies today...
You must realize how blessed you are with where you stand right now. One could only hope that you not only recognize that fact, but that you also never take that fact for granted.
You spin the glimmering world on its axis quite like no other, and yet Marcelle cannot say the same for himself. Your words matter. His don't. Your thoughts matter. His don't. You are in something real. He's trapped in an illusion. It makes Marcelle feel frustrated and helpless that you're blazing such a trail, yet he's genuinely happy for you. It's the age-old story of the invisible man, who is nothing more than a novelty.
Count your blessings, Fidelity. Marcelle knows you deserve them, and that is precisely why he refuses to stand in the way of your happiness. However, make no mistake about it: you have but one shot at the eternal: fail, and words cannot express how Marcelle may very well react to that.
You're a good person, Fidelity. There is no question about that. But something within Marcelle simply strikes him with such sorrow whenever he sees you illuminated as such. It frustrates him, because it's not supposed to be that way. He's supposed to be the gargoyle: not the hunchback. Alack and alas, it appears that things are not as simple as he hopes them to be...
Good luck to you, Fidelity. May the light be kinder to you than it has been to Marcelle, though moments inevitably come in his life when he wishes to be taken out of the darkness... and yet, he is hardly in the darkness, truth be told.
You're smart, Fidelity. You know who you are.
Thursday, July 29, 2004
Bad joke, I know, but... what if somebody bombed that Academic Convocation? What the Hades would happen to the Ateneo by then? Would we humble T.A.'s take over?
.:This Sounds So Wrong:.
Chatting with mainime right now, and...
voldemort02: No way! I'm committed.
mainime: I know.
voldemort02: It gets hard from time to time...
voldemort02: ... the situation, I mean.
mainime: I know what you mean.
Oh, gee whiz. =)
.:Well, There We Go:.
My boardwork with George resulted in some solid training. I was trying to see how to coax my voice to come out of my diaphragm instead of my throat, and I still haven’t gotten the hang of it. It’s just that I realized how long a way I had to go before I managed to feel that I’m doing a great job, as I heard Eric Mana’s voice clips from long ago. He wasn’t so bad back then, but the difference in his modulation was amazing. It’s like two different people talking when I listened to a voice clip he made recently, then a fairly old one.
I hope I can improve some more on that. Any ideas regarding the diaphragm thing would really be appreciated.
Apparently, this debate I’m supposed to be doing with Anne tomorrow is a repeat of the debate I did this morning with George for her show. Something about Ponds and the identity of Karel’s secret admirer.
A couple of talkies...
George: So, Kel... who do you like among the three guys?
Marcelle: Uhh... that sounded... gay.
George: I didn't bait you into that one, so I see.
And then... off the air...
Marcelle: Wouldn’t it be funny if it turned out that Lee was actually in love with Diego, and not Karel?
George: Considering that your mom is part of the client, I’d like to hear you say that on the air, Kel.
Maybe not… but we still had a fun debate nonetheless. I was rooting for Lee, she was rooting for the obvious choice (Francis, the best friend.).
I’ve had lots of bloopers and all for today, but the flow of the show is getting there. I just wish that I’d be sent back to my stint with Anne as soon as possible… lots of the people I chat with emphasize how different it is with me around…
I seem to be stumbling on my reading every now and then. George is making me slow down again, and I like it, but I’m sure I’d be asked to speed up again when I’m back with Anne. We’ll see how that slight contrast works out, all the same. In any case, I’m having a blast with my work, it’s just that I end up being late for my 1:30 class for the most part due to the heavy lunch hour traffic, ironically.
Had a nice time chatting with the listeners, especially Chy and Evitz. Evitz has gained yet another insight on how my mind/heart works… heh. Chy, on the other hand, is fairly homesick. Hope she feels better soon…
It seems that no matter what the government does, complaints can and will always persist, and it’s fairly clear that people’s memories tend to run short all the time.
As I was dropping off a bunch of packages at the UP post office, I saw this publication that was depicting GMA in a negative light prior to her SONA. They seemed so gung-ho about showing off how much they knew, how they felt that GMA is an illegitimate ruler who was currying the favor of the United States government.
In case these people have forgotten, they were praying for GMA in favor of Fernando Poe, Jr. during the last elections. Now, they got their wish. And they still complain. These people seem to forget as well that wrong or right as her act may have been, she pulled out the Filipino contingent in Iraq in favor of sparing Angelo de la Cruz’ life, clearly earning the ire of the United States. These people flip-flop the fence, don’t they? In one article, they lambast her for being the “puppet” of the United States. A few paragraphs down, they begin to berate her for incurring the wrath of the U.S. over pulling out our troops from Iraq. Hooray for consistency.
I’m not a fan of the precedent we have set in leaving Iraq, as now, we have given terrorists an open door to try their trick on other countries in hopes of making them pull out their troops as well. I realize that GMA’s act has put a lot of people at risk, and guys like Jay Leno and so forth may be politically incorrect about it, but it’s pretty understandable why they didn’t like what happened.
However, I was never a fan of the war on Iraq in the first place. The war was started over supposed weapons of mass destruction, weapons that were never found in Iraq after the war. If the crux, the sole justification for their assault on Iraq, does not even stand, then what is the point of the whole thing, whether or not it was a success? Clearly, there is something wrong here. Bush has almost successfully “wagged the dog”, to the point that we are all too happy that the coalition forces have won the war against Iraq to even remember why they supposedly went to war in the first place.
And they ridiculed France for their non-participation in the war? Shouldn’t we ridicule everyone else for falling hook, line, and sinker to this yarn from the United States? Eff them all. They seem to be forgetting the whole point of this exercise.
I simply cannot understand, for the life of me, why people never seem to learn when to pipe down with all their complaints. They never seem to run out of things to complain about with the government, even if it takes some serious flip-flopping of principles for them to do it…
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I didn't have a single class yesterday, but I decided to clear out some backlog first before I went to the shop, so I went off to fix a lot of non-academic stuff that I had to write for and all that. Truth be told, the whole free cut deal has been happening quite a bit already, and it was a welcome respite from all the stuff I've been doing. I hope that I can start on the academic stuff by next week at the latest. Lots of papers to do... twenty pages of this stuff is no laughing matter...
.:Morning Rush Again:.
I decided to finally go and try the call-in Hot 10 again after almost two months of being out, because of the obvious conflicts that can and will exist. Still, I figured that as long as I stayed unmodulated, I wouldn't be that conspicuous. I was right. I stuck to my old codename as well, Ertai, which was certainly better than calling myself “Marcelle”, or worse, “Kel”.
The Hot 10 topic was about the Hot 10 questions that can put the hosts on the spot. Amusingly enough, when it was my turn, I promised to be “tame”, and then asked them who they would go after if they batted for the other team. Brad decried my claim of being “tame”, and then they took quite a while to answer the whole thing. In fact, the thought still lingered with them towards the tail end of the show, as Boom bugged them about it...
It was good, really. The awkwardness between us is slowly evaporating now, if it hasn't already.
Lately, it's a rarity for me to be called “smarter” than somebody else, probably because I usually hang around brilliant people by default nowadays. So when Ronan kept on jokingly emphasizing that I was smarter, he didn't realize it, but he sure made my day through it.
In any case, we were talking about how sometimes, people felt vague bouts of angst or sadness or frustration. While someone I know was more or less of the opinion that it really was the case, Ron begged to differ. He had a valid point that he eked out of me: It's vague because I don't want to define it. That also stands for some other cases of similar nature.
Marcelle: It's a vague kind of frustration. I can't quite pin it down on something specific... or someone specific.
Ron: Believe me, Marcelle: you want to pin her down. On all fours, or on her back.
Yep, Ron's immoral support is overwhelming...
.:After A Long, Long While:.
I hung around the shop yesterday after I finished checking all those long tests. In any case, I was starting to teach a kid how to play RAW Deal, and also playing a nice League of Assassins VS deck that ran very smoothly, as its resource curve was excellent. There were so many combos for me to make do with...
My Magic deck was being trampled over by a Goblin deck, on the other hand. Oh, well. That's to be expected, so it seems. I hope I can get those mana accelerator cards I need, such as Sol Ring, Grim Monolith, Mana Crypt, Mana Vault, and so forth...
Nonetheless, there weren't too many quotable quotes in the shop itself that occurred to me, anyways. The main quotable quotes that I got were the ones that came around by the time Jason, Francis, and Martin were too busy with fiddling around with the Spycraft booster box they got, and then I hitched with Jess after the longest time of not doing so.
Here's the moment where I was telling her about my very useless time in Eastwood...
Marcelle: ... so there I was, in Eastwood, without cellphone batteries, and no Chuas in sight. I decided to borrow a battery from this girl at Starbucks, and after doing so, I didn't even ask her name or anything... she was cute...
Jess: Useless nga!
Marcelle: I can't remember her face, though. She's not that cute.
Jess: She probably won't remember your face, either.
Marcelle: You sure know how to boos someone's ego, Jess.
Jess: Okay, fine. Anything can happen, right?
Marcelle: Yep! Look at all those guys, I mean, girls! Girls who used to fawn all over Peppy during his high school days...
An honest mistake there...
Afterwards, here're a series of snippets that lead to a funny punchline...
Marcelle: So, have you heard that I'll be back at 6-9 this Friday and...
Jess: Yep. I read about it.
Marcelle: And then, there was this ultimatum I got...
Jess: Yes. You told me that over YM yesterday.
Marcelle: Plus, I had this realization that...
Jess: You told me during my birthday, remember?
Marcelle: I feel like such a parrot...
Thanx for the ride again, madame Jess. It was the perfect way to cap off what would've otherwise been a mundane and exceedingly boring day...
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Guess who'll be back with Anne this Friday at the Drive and Grind, 6 to 9 in the morning? ;)
Whether or not this return is permanent remains to be seen, but I'm really excited about this... =)
It might be a debate or something, though... let's see how that goes. Heh.
Dr. Leo Garcia still remembered me from the last time we met. I was just talking to George here and there about stuff regarding Calf Up people, and then we ran into Doc Leo. He then started chatting us up, as he apparently knew George a bit, too. Then, he asked me my line of interest in Philosophy, and then I realized that his definition of "film and Philosophy", while obviously different from mine (His focus was on the Philosophy of the film, not the story. Aesthetics, so to speak.), it was immensely enlightening for me. He then suggested a French writer whose name escapes me, as this writer wrote three volumes on film and Philosophy... that'd be immense help for me, no doubt.
I'm glad I ran into George and Doc Leo today. These people gave me my daily dose of intelligent conversation...
.:Huwag Mo Akong Turuan:.
Isang Tula ni Marcelle T. Fabie
Huwag mo akong turuan, sino ka ba?
Mas marunong ka pa sa akin kung makaasta
Tantanan mo na ako, hayaan mo na
Huwag mo akong turuan, maawa ka
Huwag mo akong turuan, huwag kang makialam
Para naman kasing wala akong alam
Alam ko na ang samahan nati’y oras na hiram
Alam ko na lumalapit na rin ang pagpapaalam
Huwag mo akong turuan, ‘di ko kailangan ng tulong
‘Di bale kung ang kapalaran ko’y panay urong-sulong
Kaya kong sumalalay sa sariling dunong
Mawala ka man, ang panahon ay patuloy na gugulong
Huwag mo akong turuan, matapos iiwang luhaan
Nang matutong ika’y mahalin, na isang kahibangan
Kaya’t ako’y nagmamakaawa: huwag mo akong turuan:
Na para sa iyo ako’y maging isang hunghang
Isang Maikling Kuwento ni Marcelle T. Fabie
Mga ilang buwan ko na ring nakikita ang tutang iyan sa labas ng pet shop. Araw-araw, dumadaan ako sa harap, at nakikita ko siya sa bintana. Nakakaaliw siya. Mapungay ang kanyang mga mata at tila’y nangungusap sa aking bilhin ko siya at iuwi. Bawat araw ko siyang nakikita doon na hindi ko man lamang siya nilalapitan, nadarama ko ang matinding pagnanais na mabili siya pagdating ng tamang panahon.
Sa unang pagkakataon na napag-ipunan ko na rin, binili ko rin siya. Isa siyang Beagle na maliit lamang at nakakaaliw pagmasdan. Ang amo ng dating. Tila ‘di makabasag-pinggan. Ngunit bibung-bibo kung makipaglaro sa sandaling nakarating siya sa bahay. Hindi ko siya inilagay sa hawla: hinayaan ko siya sa loob ng bahay namin, at binansagan ko siyang “Bantay”. Oo na, sabihin na nating talagang gasgas na ang pangalang iyan, subalit nararamdaman ko ang pagmamahal ni Bantay para sa akin. Sa kanyang paghimbing sa aking tabihan tuwing gabi, naiisip ko na kung kaya niyang magsalita, mangangako siyang hindi niya ako iiwan at palagi siyang nandoon para sa akin.
Ang una kong ikinabahala sa aking pagkupkop kay Bantay sa aming tahanan ay kung paano niya makakasundo ang aking alagang pusa, si Sofia. Matagal ko na kasama si Sofia: marami na kaming pinagdaanan, at kahit na minsan, nabubuwisit ang mga kasambahay ko dahil sa hilig ni Sofiang mangalmot kung saan-saan, mahal na mahal ko pa rin siya. Palagi akong nandoon para sa kanya, sa lahat ng mga pinagdadaanan niya. Mga ilang oras din ang ginugugol ko upang aliwin si Sofia kapag kasama ko ang aking pusa. Kumbaga, minsan, naiisip ko, baka ako ang alaga niya, at hindi siya ang alaga ko. Nakakaaliw, ngunit may angking katotohanan, kahit katiting.
Natakot akong baka kung ano ang gawin ni Bantay kay Sofia kapag nagkasama sila, subalit noong unang pagkakataong nagkasama sila, si Sofia pa mismo ang nangalmot kay Bantay, at ang kawawang aso pa ang tumakbo sa isang sulok, umiiyak-iyak, ni hindi man lamang matahulan si Sofia. Agad kong nilapitan si Sofia at pinagsabihan, bago ako umalis ng bahay. Sa pagdaan ng panahon, hindi ko nakitang lumaban si Bantay kay Sofia, na tila’y nauunawaan niya kung gaano kahalaga sa akin ang pusa.
Minsan, napilitan akong lumuwas ng Maynila upang makapagtrabaho para sa aking pamilya. Dahil sa kakulangan ng espasyo, napilitan akong iwan ang isa sa aking mga alaga. Napaisip ako: sino sa dalawa?
Narito si Sofia: ang pusang hindi maunawaan. Hindi siya kinahihiligan ng karamihan, subalit natuto na rin akong pagtiyagaan ang kanyang mga ginagawa. Narito si Sofia, ang aking “amo”, kung siya lamang ang masusunod.
Narito naman si Bantay: napakalambing na aso. Napakabait, at handa akong ipagtanggol sa kapahamakan (Kahit na hindi ko naman kakailanganin iyon.). Narito si Bantay, na tila’y nangangakong ako’y hindi niya iiwan o pababayaan.
Madaling magpasya kung sino ang aking dadalhin sa Maynila.
Pasensya na, Bantay.
Madame Jess celebrated her birthday yesterday, and I made sure to greet her on the air... =)
This time around, my boardwork with George went really smooth. It was a lot better than the last couple of times, as we seemed to know how to catch one another already, and we really managed to turn any of our bloopers into moments for comedy instead, which I'm sure must've helped the listeners get into it far better than usual.
I did try to board with Jda for a short while again, though, as I arrived early enough to do around over a half hour of additional work that really seemed enjoyable to me, to say the least. George teased me about me and Grace on the air, as I ran into her last Sunday in SM Centerpoint. We had to try and whitewash that a while later: I try my best to not mention that I'm taken on the air...
Nonetheless, things were amusing for the most part, especially that “down and dirty” tag, which I loved to deliver with some measure of feeling. My bloopers there were funny, as I said stuff like “Get down and dirty with us now”, which George quickly commented on, as I had to correct that one and tell them when they could... get down and dirty with us... heh.
George: So you had an ice cream date with a “friend” last night...
Marcelle: It's not what you think. A third person joined us after a while and...
George: Oh! A threesome?
Oh, boy. I got snagged there...
.:How Utterly Boring:.
You know what this is about, and what subject I'm referring to. Moving on... let's talk about something more worthwhile. Offhand, though, Camilo had a lot of scathing comments regarding Dr. Ibana... something about him not being too pleased over having to meet the person for lunch on a regular basis...
In the vein of being “boring”, Dr. Barbazza didn't show up for class today, either. Oh, well. That's too bad, as it means a free cut for us... oh, well. I figured I could've then headed to Eastwood to see the poi auditions, but then again, I figured wrong...
Marcelle, you're not falling in love with her. You're gloating.
Better the latter than the former at this point in my life, then.
And yes, they're in Filipino for a change.
Met up with a nice old/new friend, Kristil Go, formerly from the Ateneo Debate Society. I think she also came from Grace's high school Alma Mater, STC... no pictures, though. Maybe next time.
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
I'm a gangsta, baby!
.:I Can Breathe Now:.
The minor tempest on both counts has been weathered already. It was all a case of being “silly” and “unreasonable”, which is far better than a case of being “unforgivable”. Ah, well.
Apparently, I should've asked Dr. Rodriguez about some help for my work in the first place. He apparently had some good ideas, and told me that Max Scheler and Jean-Paul Sartre were good references to cross with Rene Descartes' notions about emotions and human freedom, considering how the latter attempted to grasp the nature of humanity through purely cerebral means. It should prove to be interesting, to say the least.
At the same time, I still don't have a mentor, but at least I more or less have a good idea where I want to go with my Philosophy. I wish I could do something exceedingly productive (More like... fulfilling. I don't know... write a book, perhaps?), and then maybe I'd get somewhere with my teaching career. We'll see...
Finally, some activity on one of the literary boards I joined. Of course, only one person has been commenting, but I'm glad the person in question appreciated my poetry style. I tend to still stick to rhyming poems, in spite of the fact that freeverse is so in vogue nowadays... ah, well. The person commenting apparently liked “Of Seers And Bards”, as she seemed to have a lot of fun trying to decipher it here and there...
.:The Precious Blueberry:.
Sach and I decided to set up an ice cream day yesterday, and we initially thought about going for Shakey's, as we heard about their ice cream bar. Unfortunately, after much mathematicizing, we realized that unless Kendra decided to come along and help us make a physics-defying ice cream concoction, then we were not going to get our bang for our buck: the ice cream bar was a one-time big time deal. Considering that I had thirteen scoops the last time we had bottomless ice cream, and considering she had eleven, we realized that the best option was to instead go to Bon Appetit again and simply have their eat-all-you-can ice cream there...
Unfortunately, when we got to it, we realized that things weren't so great there, either. There were only three flavors available: vanilla, mango (Which we didn't like.), and ube (Which would make for purple-colored lips. Not glamorous at all.). As we didn't feel like fighting over what was left of the vanilla and for the sake of variety, we stepped into the grocery beside Bon Appetit and look for better ice cream. Dominique was on his way while we were having funny conversations left and right about her birthday plans and all (Which I won't preempt.), as well as my theory on why drizzling rain is more dangerous to one's health than “slightly pouring” rain (As if there's such a thing, which led to a small debate on the veracity of such a label.).
With that being said, Sach was keen on getting Crinkle, and I didn't mind at all. However, we decided to wait for Dominique before getting anything, so to pass the time, we dashed off to Shoppersville in order to see if there were any better ice cream flavors. Soon enough, I found an Arce freezer. I eagerly looked for my favorite Arce flavor, Blueberry, and felt disappointed as I went through stacks and stacks of ice cream...
Marcelle: ... ube, avocado, quezo real, macapuno, caramel...
Sacha: Errr... Marcelle, you want to move that glass panel? You're reaching over to the other side of the freezer already.
Marcelle: Gee, you're right. Rocky road, coffee crunch... I give up. There's no finding it here... pistachio, blueberry... I... hold on! Blueberry!!!
Yes, I found my precioussssss...
So Dominique arrived shortly thereafter. We then figured out that the best thing to do was to eat the ice cream in Bon Appetit. Of course, this was being shameless, as we not only brought in outside food, we also brought in outside food from another grocery, and not the one Bon Appetit was part of. Still, the waiter was kind enough to let us get away with it, and after ordering a pizza, we just went off and went for the ice cream. Funny conversations abounded especially about the sad ending to last Saturday, as Sach was apparently stuck in school for until nine in the evening. Nonetheless, things were rather amusing for the most part. I think the kicker was that we were brazen enough to try eating the ice cream like that in Bon Appetit...
I more or less informed Dom about the apparent cessation of certain long-term plans in favor of more contextualized realities...
Dom used to have this severe sensitivity about his craft that it didn't take much for him to get jealous about someone else's progress...
Dom: Hi there! You're a staffer for our college publication, right?
Dom: Any new stories?
Girl: Yeah. Someone sent a couple of short stories...
Dom: (To self.) Oh. Someone else write stories. (To her.) Really? Why didn't you publish it?
Girl: The editor-in-chief thought it was so good that it can't be original.
Dom: (To self.) Omigosh! I'm sooo outclassed! (To her.) Really? What were the stories about?
Girl: Something about a guy fighting a shark and a romance story about spiders...
Dom: (To self.) Wait... aren't those my stories?
How many people have you heard ever getting jealous of themselves?
.:Hilarious Dialogue Snippet:.
Sacha: I was one of the judges for a contest in UA&P, and I think the Opus Dei people were shocked at the judge who was wearing a sleeveless blouse and a miniskirt.
Dom: I don't think I was wearing a sleeveless blouse and a miniskirt there...
Our topics last night were extremely varied. One moment we talked about cards, the next, about our future plans. Then our respective senior projects, and then how we managed to get away with commuting in lieu of taking our own car or something to that effect.
One of the most hilariously recurring topics was about wrestling. Dominique kept on asking me stuff here and there about wrestling, and Sach was completely clueless about what the two of us were talking about. Then, the fateful thing happened... like Pavlov, tinkling the bell for the dog to salivate, he asked me about X-Pac. I naturally told him his attempt to return to the WWE, his subsequent breakup with Chyna over that, and the fact that Chyna is contemplating releasing a sex tape of the two of them. The imagery of X-Pac doing the DX sign on the back of Chyna's neck is disturbing. And I'm spreading that imagery around lest I suffer the curse alone...
Topics were a bit off-color sometimes, but mostly still maintaining a certain amount of grey matter. It was fun, to say the least. Dom is a genuinely nice guy, and I wouldn't be surprised if what the future seems to hold for him does come true. I guess he's the one with the less duplicitous intentionalities, so I suppose there you go. That ought to speak for itself. Yep...
Funny way of describing wrestling though: the manly soap opera. Right, Dom. Two half-naked and sweaty men getting it on in the ring? Yep. Manly.
Best of luck to Sach for her audition at Eastwood this evening...
Monday, July 26, 2004
I meant that literally.
.:Mr. Noah's Ark:.
Rarely do you see her pout…
So barring the semi-ultimatum… (Details of which I am not at liberty to spill.), Grace and I finally went and watched this puppet show that her school required them to buy tickets for. Fact of the matter is, the puppet show was actually fun, and I could hazard a guess that it was certainly a hit among the children. Gary Valenciano did the voice for Noah in this musical puppet show, and I must say that I immensely loved the wittiness the guy portraying had.
God: Noah, nobody's perfect. Except Me. But I'm God. And, Noah? God bless!
That was a classic line, without a doubt.
Anyways, Grace and I met up at my dentist before going to Music Museum for this rather unusual performance, and my main gripe is that the food in Music Museum costs an effing arm and a leg. I mean, come on! 84 pesos for a freaking Iced Tea? It's not even bottomless! What the Hades are these people smoking? Barring that, Grace and I had a lot of fun, and I must say that I'm exceedingly grateful to her that she's been there for me as both my girlfriend and best friend, hearing me out with my current situation. She wants to talk to a certain person before it's too late, lest misconstruances persist. Smart thinking, really.
For the most part, the date was uneventful, except for the fact that Grace's classmates were exceedingly nice. One of them, Lester, kept on ribbing Grace about her height, as we were more or less as tall as one another. Still, you can tell that Grace is “one of the boys”, as she's the only girl I know of in her class who openly looks for H... which is hilarious, as she tends to look for it for comedy value, to begin with.
Throughout the puppet show, Grace and I were struck by a bad case of LSS, as Mr. Noah's Ark was very much a musical. Let me just say that the beat of the songs were catchy, and I only regret that Gary Valenciano was nowhere to be found after the show (Apparently, everyone's voices were merely recorded.), so I didn't get to see him... but that's fine, I suppose. We ate out at Steak Joint after the whole thing, and then went straight home.
I felt a lot better after meeting up with Grace. Wish we could meet up more often, though, because that line last Tuesday by Rey about med school students ending up with one another because they're all they have really does unnerve me a bit...
Of all places for me to find this, I found this inspirational idea from Archie comics. This was a story featuring Betty, and I'd want to lift it and sort of contextualize it, but the idea is definitely coming from Archie comics. Heh. I suddenly got paranoid of being potentially called a plagiarist...
In any case, what I got from the comic book was simply a very interesting look at how Betty manages to get things done despite not being a natural for this or that thing. It was never really her character to be a genius (That's Dilton's stereotype.). It was never fully established that she excelled in sports (But Big Ethel was a natural for it.). It was never pointed out that she was a great thespian either (But Reggie, being a ham, obviously was. Or thought so.). In spite of that, nobody really calls Betty an idiot, a non-athlete, or a bad actress.
The answer is what stunned me the moment I read it: because if she can't excel at something, she tries harder. And that idea hit me: that's what I've been doing for years.
I never claimed to be a genetic genius. I bled for my grades. Rarely do I find a subject that I just completely breeze through because I'm such a natural for it. I was never a splendid debater, either. In fact, I had no high school experience. In spite of that, I was unofficially recognized as one of the best non-varsity debaters in the ADS because I tried harder, whereas guys like Bobby Benedicto hardly needed to make an effort to excel in it. I wasn't exactly lawyer material, yet I pulled out all the stops, and hopefully earned Atty. Perez' respect in his class last semester, by trying harder.
It's all about the interplay between potentiality and actuality. Just because everyone and their mother knows Charles Tan had the potential to graduate Cum Laude without much effort does not mean that someone who graduated With Honors by spending sleepless night after sleepless night trying to get there is less worthy than Charles would've been had he met that potential. Not to take away anything from his potentiality, the actuality, in this case, is the proof in the pudding: and there's no need for one to beat himself up over it because his achievements required effort, vis-a-vis other more natural geniuses, who don't even break a sweat while at it.
This is not to say that I have found the meaning of life through reading Archie comics (Maybe. But that's a long shot.). Still, the realization that people who are “superior” to me in different aspects are still people I can somehow keep up with through effort makes me realize that effort is every bit as important as natural aptitude, and regardless of one's potentialities, his effort will certainly make a difference. I am not capable of memorizing a poem upon first reading, nor am I capable of finishing a research paper within three days. Realizing my limitations, the challenge is to try harder. To best myself over and above besting others. It's solid advice, and though I can't guarantee that I'd take it to heart, I recognize that it makes so much sense.
Let's not forget the good old Avis tagline: We're Number 2. That's why we try harder.
Morning inspirations was brought to you by... oh, gee. Force of habit. =)
Saturday, July 24, 2004
We made a break for it in spite of the horrible rain, and got into Peppy's vehicle. Soon enough, we were out and ready to pick Sach up, and then...
... the traffic jam hit.
Apparently, the road towards the U-Turn slot was flooded all the way to the waist. It was particularly annoying, because lots of people insisted on waiting it out instead of backing off to let the people who wanted to U-Turn go for it. And so, we were stuck in there for an hour in traffic. Sacha actually went on foot and brought us food, sat in the vehicle for a couple of minutes, then set out on her own to her house via LRT and MRT (Yes, she arrived sooner than we did.). All this while Sacha was scaring Peppy that since he and I would be alone when she left... then maybe the soap-dropping begins? I dunno.
Seriously, we were stuck there for the longest time, just talking and talking, and it took us just under three hours to get to Sacha's house, when it normally takes us under one. We got there, and we were the first guests at the house anyway, so no big deal. And then soon enough, the other people started showing up, and along with the usual suspects of Carl, Sean, Dominique, and Kathy's friends, there was Pan-M, and two new poi spinners (Who were doing exceptionally well as first-timers.), Eric (Not Vidal.) and Jun. Both seemed to be martial artists, so no wonder they were doing exceptionally well.
Kathy was showing off some of the videos she got from the internet of poi-spinning, and what got my attention much more, staff-spinning. I was doing exceedingly well using a staff in contrast to how I was with pois. If anything, I suppose I can do decently enough with that, and I can guarantee I wouldn't set myself on fire if in case I set my staff on fire. Wait... that didn't quite sound right...
It seems my reputation now precedes me with them... especially when it comes to off-color stuff and the Punisher... imagine how it'd be on my first day as a teacher...
Marcelle: I used to be a student like you guys. And I have to say, I suffered. A lot. And now that I'm your teacher, you have my word: it's your turn. But don't worry. This isn't revenge... it's punishment. ::sudden perkiness, big smile:: Okay! So for today...
Sacha lit up her pois for the first time last night. She wasn't doing so bad, really. She just stuck to the basics and all, but at least she didn't burn herself or anything to that effect. Good for her. I wasn't too keen on doing pois, flaming or otherwise, simply because of my... mind-numbing experience from last time. I stuck to one poi, though.
A couple of times, I was almost hit at dangerous places when Pan-M tried to play around with his staff. V-ery scary...
.:Fall Into The Depths Of Darkness; Despair:.
A Villanelle by Marcelle T. Fabie
Fall into the depths of darkness; despair
Succumb to the abyss where not even hope can renew
O, how fate can indeed be so unfair!
Castles and moats; eons of care
Crumble into dust; they always do:
Fall into the depths of darkness; despair
Kingdoms; dynasties: they now lie bare
Lost their prestige; lost their grandeur!
O, how fate can indeed be so unfair!
Knights and warriors fight in vain; aware
And by their own sword they fall, for they too, if you knew:
Fall Into the depths of darkness; despair
Kings; lords: even they wouldn't dare
To see a futile cause through and through
O, how fate can indeed be so unfair!
And now their sad state I so do share
A sorrow; a void; for in the end, I too:
Fall into the depths of darkness; despair
O, how fate can indeed be so unfair!
You effed up big time, Marcelle.
Now, you can only hope, nay, pray, for redemption.
Brilliant, Marcelle. Bloody Brilliant.
Friday, July 23, 2004
For a change, neh? After my boardwork with George this morning (Which wasn't... pretty. We can hit off a good convo, but I just don't have much chemistry with her.), we had talks over how my schedule should be, and how comfortable I was working with JDa last Tuesday. Realizing that I built my schedule around the Drive and Grind... let's not jinx it by calling it, but you get the idea.
We had a fire drill during our boardwork, and because of the stuff weighing down my mind, I ended up going down despite the fact that I wasn't supposed to be doing that since it was our boardwork... ah, well.
Funny point of conversation during Dr. Ibana's class, where me and Camilo were teaching assistants, though…
A couple of times, some girls go out of the classroom to maybe freshen up or something. Two of them, one Chinita, the other otherwise, smiled at me on their way out. I naturally smiled back. Camilo (Who’s gay, if in case you didn’t know.) slaps my arm, raises his eyebrow and says…
Ikaw ha. May girlfriend ka na, pero ang landi-landi mo.
.:An Overdue Thank-You Note:.
This time, it won't be unsent®...
I may have seemed like an ingrate the past couple of weeks that you've been commenting on my most mundane of posts and your incessantly wonderful advice, but I guess I was mostly looking for the perfect opportunity to thank you for all of it. I realize this isn't the perfect opportunity, either, but I may as well thank you now.
There're times when I feel so down in the dumps, and I have to admit that a simple insightful comment from you more often than not makes my day. I suppose that's because I find it very refreshing that a relatively new friend like you seems to know me far better than most other friends I have. I treasure that. I sincerely appreciate that. Sometimes, I jokingly wonder if you're the only person who comments in my LJ who actually takes me seriously. You have no idea how much all those insights mean to me...
If there's ever a chance that this jabroni can humbly return the favor to you, don't hesitate to ask. Inasmuch as you were always there, willing to listen to me from my moments of Brilliance to my Divine ignorance from time to time, I'd want to be able to do the same for you, though I recognize I'd prolly have to fall in line. :)
Take care, Jess. And enjoy your prizes for “What's Showing”... :)
RX has started this Radio Idol contest, and I must say that some people there really have banked mostly on lakas ng loob more than anything else, especially talent. Some famous last words from some of the rejects…
If I were given a chance, to became your new DJ idol… I know I will not have any regrets for the rest of my life…
I think God gave me this talent to speak, and I want to share it with the world…
Everyone I know tells me that I have a really good voice sound. So I decide to give it a try…
Why do I have the feeling that if I auditioned there, I wouldn’t be “worthy” myself, either? Heh.
For my current Black deck, I suppose I need the following cards:
4 Sculpting Steel
4 Grafted Skullcap
4 Isochron Scepter (?)
4 The Rack
4 Chains Of Mephistopheles (Ha!)
2 Cabal Coffers
1 Vampiric Tutor
1 Voltaic Key
1 Demonic Tutor
1 Grim Monolith
1 Sol Ring
1 Mana Crypt
Isochron lock with Black and White... would that work? Hmmm... sounds good enough to try...
This time around, I won’t even say to whom this letter should go to… but it should be pretty clear to whom this letter is for…
Thank you so much.
You’ve given Marcelle a reason to wake up in the morning.
You’ve given Marcelle a reason to smile and feel that he’s actually worth something.
In the middle of the night, you go out of your room, into the other room, and put a blanket on him the moment he starts shivering in cold. Then you kiss him on the forehead for good measure, look at him lovingly while he’s asleep, then go back to sleep yourself.
In the darkest of hours, you were there for Marcelle, no matter how impossible it seemed for you to be there.
You’ve stayed with Marcelle all these years, in spite of every quirk, weirdness, or idiosyncrasy he managed to show to you throughout that time. It’s hard to remember the last time he was actually glamorous in your presence…
Most of all, thank you. Because you loved him, and you still love him.
And you know what? I love you, too. With all my heart.
Thursday, July 22, 2004
I know the song sounds like food to some, but this song by Five For Fighting just hits me right here... it's dead-on with how I feel.
by Five For Fighting
I'm Dying, Dying to wake up without you, without you in my head again
I'm Dying, Dying to forget about you, that you ever lived
There's a shade come over this heart that's coping with laying down to rest
I'm Dying to live without you again
I'm Dying, Dying to find a distraction, get you away from me
I'm Dying, Dying to reach a conclusion, so that the world can see
It's the same old story of love and glory that broke before it bent
I'm Dying to live without you again
The first time you left I said goodbye
Now there's not a prayer that can survive
Dying, Dying to die just to come back so we can meet again
Dying, Dying to say what I always should have said
It's a strange emotion this but there's still hope in this
As long as there's a breath...
I'm Dying and I can't live without you again
It's a strange emotion this but there's still hope in this
As long as there's a breath...
I'm Dying and I can't live without you
I'm Dying and I can't live without you again
Dear Brilliance, Dear Argonauts,
Marcelle concedes defeat. You just have no idea how hard it is to smile when the tears are welling up in your eyes. You just have no idea how hard it is to stay strong because you expect no less but your personal bright ray of sunshine from him. But if that's what'll make you happy, then so be it.
You win, Brilliance. You win, Argonauts. Marcelle can only deny himself a chance to frown, a chance to wear a long face, and instead put on a smile and be the one to chase away your cloudy days. After all, Marcelle was always good for a laugh. That's all he was ever really good for.
You win, Brilliance. You win, Argonauts. While all of you blaze the trail, Marcelle stays here, with a knowing look, willing you on to excellence. It's a wonder how clueless you are to what he asks for in return when he practically gets down on his knees for it. But that's Marcelle being weak. You don’t want that. That's impossible. Marcelle is supposed to make you smile. He's supposed to make your day and ask for nothing in return. Marcelle is supposed to be everything except human when it comes to you.
You win, Brilliance. You win, Argonauts. Marcelle is backing off lest he compromises his friendship with you. Brilliance, you're smarter, you're more popular, you're more lovable than Marcelle can ever hope to be. Argonauts, you've got far closer friends within your circle than Marcelle can ever hope to have. Ultimately, Brilliance, ultimately, Argonauts: you're better human beings than Marcelle can ever hope to be. Marcelle was merely deluding himself that he was really close to any of you. It's just an illusion. Everything's just an illusion.
You win, Brilliance. You win, Argonauts. Marcelle isn't everything you want, much less need. But he's always a bit useful, isn't he? In the end, though, he means nothing to you. An insignificant speck... the irksome stain in the underwear of life.
You win, Brilliance. You win, Argonauts. Marcelle refuses to lash out at any of you. Because he wants you to be happy. He'd rather that he gets hurt,than he be the cause of your distress. He doesn't want to emotionally blackmail you, either. Yet, why the denial? Was he really that abhorrent to you? Dammit, what does it take, Brilliance? What does it take, Argonauts?
And so Marcelle holds the revolver in his hand again, and pulls the trigger. Empty, as always. And he will do this again tomorrow.
You win, Brilliance. You win, Argonauts. And Marcelle, as always, is the big loser.
In between games of the VS system, Magic, and a few moments of showing RAW Deal cards around, I managed to have the time to go there and more or less get a good grasp of how the different decks I've been playing do actually work. I kind of liked the Arkham Inmates worked. They had some really powerful combos that just made their opponents stop in their tracks the moment they get hit with it. Bane and Joker working together is an example of that...
Afterwards, I just hung around with DenMarc, Jason, and Jess, as the latter two had dinner (The chicken salpicao, which Jess generously shared with me, was nothing short of splendid.). They were joking around for the most part, and then decided to watch “I, Robot” (The review of which I hope to come up with soon.) at Robinson's Marikina. I just hitched with them up until the LRT station.
I'm too drained to transcribe the comedy gold. Probably because I'm in no laughing mood right now.
.:RAW Deal Is A Family Game?:.
Let us try and prove that theory… visually.
The latest RAW Deal set, entitled Divas Overload, is all about putting the female wrestlers in the WWE to the forefront. The first picture is proof that women wrestlers can be every bit as technically sound as their male counterparts…
Putting the “pow” in powerbomb… eat that!
The next picture showcases how gentlemanly Scott Steiner can be. God knows how hard it is for Stacy to enter the ring, given her back problems…
It’s all about camera angles.
See? WWE RAW Deal is a very family-oriented game, despite allegations to the contrary!
.:Today's Song Of The Day:.
by Vertical Horizon
Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why
But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listenListen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say
But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for
Out of the islandInto the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did noticeBut you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return
I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and
I don't know why
And I don't know why
I don't know
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Too many things swirling around in my head today. I'll put off blogging untli maybe tomorrow... I'm sorry. I just am too weighed down by immense joy and immense sadness at the same time to think as clearly as I would've wanted to...
On the plus side, Grace and I managed to meet up on our monthsary last night... I guess that really picked up my day from the dismal that it was turning out to be towards the end... but I can't talk much about why it was a dismal day to begin with. I don't want to betray someone's weaknesses in public...
Lots of new poems/short stories in mind for me to write eventually... ah, well.
And my mom believes I have more chemistry with JDa than Anne... of course, that's mostly a matter of opinion...
.:Song Of The Moment:.
I heard this over today's Monster Riot... I guess it just hit me hard, considering it's the girl's point of view... I guess this song still has its magic for me. And for the record, Lisa Loeb in glasses? Rowr.
by Lisa Loeb
You say I talk so all the time so.
And I thought what I felt was simple,
And I thought that I don't belong,
And now that I am leaving,
Now I know that I did something wrong 'cause I missed you.
Yeah, I missed you.
And you say I only hear what I want to:
I don't listen hard,
I don't pay attention to the distance that you're running
Or to anyone, anywhere,
I don't understand if you really care,
I'm only hearing negative: no, no, no.
So I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up,
And this woman was singing my song:
The lover's in love, and the other's run away,
The lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay.
Some of us hover when we weep for the other who was
Dying since the day they were born.
Well, this is not that:
I think that I'm throwing but I'm thrown.
And I thought I'd live forever, but now I'm not so sure.
You try to tell me that I'm clever,
But that won't take me anyhow, or anywhere with you.
You said that I was naive,
And I thought that I was strong.
I thought, "hey I can leave, I can leave."
But now I know that I was wrong, 'cause I missed you.
You said, "I caught you 'cause I want you and one day I'll let you go."
You try to give away a keeper, or keep me 'cause you know
You're just scared to lose.
And you say, "Stay."
You say I only hear what I want to.
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
… few things make me sadder than seeing someone I really care about cry. That’s all I can say about it.
Isn’t that cute…
So Sach and I watched “I, Robot” last night, as Grace was studying for a bunch of tests (Must make sure to take her to a movie soon…). On the way to Galleria, there were three of us: Eric, Sach, and myself. We were having interesting conversations, and Sach was wondering how romantic it could’ve been if it were Eric and me watching the film instead. Makes sense to me… ah, well. Still, some internal conflicts kept the whole trip from being as smooth as we would have wanted it to be… can’t be remedied, unfortunately.
Anyways, before heading out to Galleria, Sach and I had some fun going for Dance Maniax. We had two games each, and I must say that she’s really finding her niche in Double Mode, although I just don’t like some of them since they don’t have the steps for me to show off with. Heh. We then went to Flame Burgers near the grocery after a while to have a burger “dinner”.
When we got to Galleria, I found the two of us seats since I got in ahead of everyone else as Jean (Who happened to know Sacha, strangely enough.) and I were hosting the event. The hosting bit was pretty fun, really. I was telling Sach to finally seal a certain “deal” with me that night, and there she was trying to make me squirm and all again. We were then looking at the games during the premiere, and I joked that she might have to join the Pharmaton contest, if needed be. I then egged her on some more over the deal, and then…
Sacha: I guess I can give it a try, then.
My face broke into a smile.
Sacha: I meant the Pharmaton thing, of course.
My face fell flat. It was soooo bad that my eyes were getting watery in frustration and laughing at the same time over being hoodwinked like that. I set myself up for that. Still, it was all good. Jean and I didn’t have to get her there in the end, as we managed to get the requisite contestants with my “teacher” banter and we even managed to make the crowd applaud for the old man who joined the Pharmaton contest…
Sach was all giddy over the cat in the film, though… not spoiling much else for now. We were really having fun looking at each other throughout the film. But that’s all there was to it. Looking.
After the film, I guiltily let Dominique take Sacha home. Here I am, inviting her, and not even providing a way for her to get home. Ah, well. There’re just some things I can’t do for even her… heh.
.:It’s A Start:.
It was my first day on G-Max today, but George wasn’t there. Instead, it was me and Jda, who really managed to get some measure of chemistry with me on the first try. It was nice, really. We managed to really complement each other’s styles, and the banter was pretty interesting. A while later, Robbie the Rascal showed up, and he then started talking to me as well. When the conversation turned to a co-dj’s in-house activities, however…
Marcelle: Too much information.
Robbie: So the only thing virgin about you are your ears?
Jda: We don’t even know that.
Anyways, it was all good. The boardwork was fairly smooth, and hopefully it’d be that way when it’s me and George already. I’m sure some of the listeners were weirded out hearing the both of us there at the same time… it was all good, though. We had a lot of fun talking off the air and all, and I especially enjoyed talking to the chatters that morning. Their support for me despite being transferred like that was nothing short of overwhelming…
I made Randy Mesa, the editor of Seeker, win our promo… heh. And then, I bought a big bag of nacho chips, some cheese and salsa, then took it to Ateneo. Well, what was left of it, at least… Eric, Sach, and a few other CS people dug in… heh.
Monday, July 19, 2004
.:Book Review: Angels And Demons:.
It's a review. You pretty much know what that means. SPOILERS AHEAD!!!
Angels And Demons, by Dan Brown
Robert Langdon's first adventure seems to actually be leaps and bounds more gripping than the Da Vinci Code, albeit the puzzles aren't quite as fun to figure out on your own, as this time around, one would mostly be required to have stock knowledge of various buildings and specific works of art referred to in the book.
The story starts with Robert Langdon being summoned to the CERN by the director, Max Kohler, who wants him to discreetly look into the murder of one of his colleagues, Leonardo Vetra. It appears that Vetra has been murdered and then branded by an ambigram containing the word “Illuminati”. What is terrifying about this is that the brand reads both ways, up and down, hence, an ambigram.
All of a sudden, Robert Langdon finds himself in Rome with the late priest/scientist's adopted daughter, Vittoria Vetra, who wishes to find the man responsible for her father's death. The man is actually a descendant of the Hassassin, and is doing the bidding of a mysterious mastermind known as Janus. Apparently, Leonardo Vetra's experiments in acceleration chambers has led him to prove that matter can be created from pure energy and in converse, enough antimatter to level a whole city has been created. Predictably enough, this antimatter gets stolen, and is now planted somewhere in the Vatican city, about at the same time that the conclave is happening. A mere fifteen days prior, the previous Pope has died, supposedly of a stroke, and now, the camerlengo, Carlo Ventresca.
In the middle of a dangerous time bomb's threat upon the city, the preferiti, the four cardinals who are expected to be elected as the next Pope, have gone missing, and the Illuminati are now threatening to kill them and brand them one by one each hour with various ambigrams. It is now up to Langdon and Vittoria to find a way to race against the clock and save not only the four missing cardinals, but also the Vatican itself.
It is important to point out that this story is extremely gripping, although admittedly quite a bit of the same pattern as the Da Vinci Code. Again, there is a mysterious mastermind who is behind everything, and again, one is unable to be given a definite sign until the last possible moment as to who it is. However, as I have already read the Da Vinci Code, the final twist was no longer much of a surprise to me, although this was mainly because I saw the possibility that this particular character would've turned out to be Janus after everything happened. Nonetheless, the story was particularly amazing, as it really led one to consider the possibilities and the motivations behind all the actions. The way Dan Brown wrote this book was nothing short of electric. There was a sense of danger and excitement with every page.
I actually felt satisfied, far more satisfied this time, with the identity of Janus. Unlike the Teacher in the Da Vinci Code, it made perfect sense that Janus was whom he was, simply because his character really fit into it, and the way we were given glimpses into his mind provided a really good picture of what was going on with him. It was brilliant how they managed to make all the loose ends come together in the end.
I am a fan of Dan Brown now, more than ever. This book is definitely well worth every cent.
Marcelle's Evaluation: A+
A Story Fragment by Marcelle T. Fabie
It was Kier Hart's first match and he was successful. In spite of the skepticism leveled upon him because of the reputation that preceded him, he managed to acquit himself quite well, and actually make quite a buzz in the industry. The WWE itself has been calling him up over the last couple of weeks, and he finally decided to sign a contract with them.
In a matter of a mere month and a half from his tenth successive win in Japan, he finally signed a contract with the WWE, who sent him straight to RAW. They wanted to make a star out of him, and unlike most other new talent, the only gimmick he really needed to get over was the fact that he was a member of the Hart clan. He makes an astonishing face debut to a fairly receptive crowd. Slowly but surely, Kier's dreams were finally seeing fruition. He isn't even at his prime yet, and already, all the breaks are coming his way. And then came the creative meeting.
There's just a sad advantage to workers who can actually attend these meetings...
Vince McMahon: That new kid we have on RAW. What's his name again, JR?
Jim Ross: That blue chipper, bah Gawd, is Kier Hart, Vince.
Vince McMahon: Didn't Hunter have a match with him last week?
HHH: I did-ah, Vince-ah. I don't think that kid's ready for the big leagues yet-ah. I had to carry him throughout our match, and he killed the heat on the show last Monday-ah.
Paul Heyman: Hold on a minute, Hunter. If I recall correctly, they were popping heavily every time he landed some offense on you.
HHH: What do you know-ah? I was the one wrestling the kid, not you-ah.
Vince McMahon: Nobody asked your opinion, Paul. Your jurisdiction is purely on Smackdown.
Jim Ross: What do you suggest, Vince?
Vince McMahon: Send the kid to Heat for the next couple of months or so. If things don't go too well for him, give him some time back at OVW for more development.
Paul Heyman: But the fans love this Hart!
Vince McMahon: On to the next agenda for tonight... pipe down, Paul.
Apparently, the Montreal incident still lives on...
A Story Fragment by Marcelle T. Fabie
It was a far from average brood of five. The result of two broken clans that came together, and yet the varying temperaments that come together have shaped each and every one of these individuals radically. These aristocrats, as they were, would find themselves quite together yet quite apart all the same. Each of them were sent on a journey, and each of them took a different path.
The youngest was still too naïve and too underaged to really know what lies ahead for him. His eyes are resplendent of a kind of wisdom beyond his years, yet there is still so much he has to go through. The youngest is still in need of molding, in need of shaping. He has yet to take the first step towards his true journey, and so the moment he turned to go, they called him back.
The fourth seems to have never grown beyond childhood. The genuine bard in the intertwined clan, it is unsure to this day if his name will end up being recognized in the realm of musicality. His melody is of a dark, and jagged element, yet he still manages to carry some aura of certitude around him. Juvenile as he was, he set out in his travels, like a wandering minstrel, singing arcane hymns that none could quite ever really understand.
The third is in love with love, and is tossed to and fro by his other siblings, one moment desiring to be like one, the other desiring to be like one other. He seems to have no direction, no rhyme or reason, yet his idealistic spirit keeps him afloat in the midst of the confusion that he finds himself completely immersed in. He contents himself with following whomever he thinks is getting somewhere worthwhile among his siblings.
The second is the only woman: the sole rose among the thorns. She thinks she knows where she's headed, yet she's merely going where she is told to. She has successfully deluded herself into thinking she wants to go where she is headed. It would be quite a shock for her when she wakes up from this delusion. And so she walks on towards a well-lit path, completely oblivious to the fact that they are lighting it for her.
The eldest is the lone wolf who knows where he's headed, yet is the only one whom they refuse to will on. He sets out on a search for Truth, and finds himself locked in this curious trap he has formed for himself.
Loneliness haunted him each step of the way, and in his journey for Truth, he realized that loneliness is far from good company.
In the darkness of the forests, he was left blinded and lost. He knew where he wanted to go, but the darkness kept him. Finally, in his moment of desperation, he found a Torch. The Torch spoke to him.
”I will be there to guide you. Take me with you.”
The eldest took the Torch and found in her a companion that he could treasure. The Torch kept him from losing his way, and kept him safe from the wild beasts in the dark forests.
”You have done well, my Torch. Please stay with me forever.”
”I will. I promise.”
The Torch kept on burning, and the eldest continued on his way. It was only a matter of time before the Torch burned out on him. And so he was lonely.
He was still in the midst of the dark forests, and yet he took to the skies in the night, and saw the Moonshine and the Starlights. They called out to him.
”We are here for you, valiant wanderer.
And so the eldest wanderer took to them. He felt companionship with them. But he realized that it wasn't quite enough. They were far from him. And he knew he could never reach them. The moment that he found himself out of the darkness and into the desert, he found that they no longer offered him any consolation.
And again, he was lonely.
In the desert, he found a fellow traveler. She was silent. But she walked with him. But he knew this eerie silence could not last. She never broke into a smile. One day, he decided to speak to her.
”Do you travel the same path as I do?”
She looks at him with weary eyes, and in that instant, he knew what was going to happen next.
”I am tired. I am far too jaded to travel the path that you take. It is far too painful for me.”
It was clear that they had to part ways, for she was in too much pain to travel the path that he has chosen to travel. She was Scarred, and she was on her way to elsewhere.
Finally, after further traveling on his own, he found a great library. Perhaps his quest for Truth would be sated here. And so book after book, tome after tome, scroll after scroll, he pored over them. He knew, he understood, he grasped all that his intellect allowed him to. He was smitten by this onrush of knowledge, by this flow of ideas.
”Fame and glory will be yours. This knowledge that you possess will make you great. Join me, great traveller. All will revere you.”
But he knew Brilliance wasn't enough.
Inasmuch as he would be rewarded with fame and renown, he realized that at this point in his life, as it was with his past companions, Brilliance, as powerful a companion as she may be, would not lead him to Truth. He realized that Truth doesn't want to be found for any sake beyond herself. There was something more than that. Something far more primordial.
In utter despair, the eldest fell to his knees and began to do something that he has never done before: put his hopes in finding Truth outside of himself. And then an inner peace swept over him. An inexplicable tranquility, and a promise that things would be far better than he believed they could be. He finally had a realization, and this realization humbled him. Still on his knees, he prayed for guidance.
Cast your burdens upon me, those who are heavily laden. Com to me all of you who are tired of carrying heavy loads. Come to me, and I will give you rest.
At long last, Truth was knocking at his door. The gift of the Divine. At that moment, he knew that he was saved by grace.
I had to bow out of last Friday's poi training simply because I was too tired to go to Sacha's house and then head to class at nine in the morning the following day. It honestly seemed a wee bit difficult for me, so I decided to pass on it instead. Nonetheless, what I found to be rather amusing about the whole thing was the fact that there was this weird coincidence wherein some macho dancers got arrested on the same day, which led them to conclude where I really was.
From what I heard, the cute eldest sister of Sacha was there, although in addition to being very cute, she's also very married. In any case, I called Sach at her house that evening then got to speak to Dominique, who seemed to be having a lot of fun ribbing me here and there, as well as actually dropping some cryptic lines on topics regarding God knows what. I was too particularly perturbed at the time to really let most of the conversation register with me... ah, well.
.:Annoying As Hades:.
The new Sable deck I built is definitely annoying the Hades out of most of my opponents. It's not easy to try and lock horns with a superstar who just refuses to stay down, what with the Rock's ability adding onto her already potent arsenal-eradicating ability. These enforcer superstars really are doing well...
I suppose the whole deal has more or less made my opponents realize why I'd have been the top player in the country had I not been eligible...
Imagine a new music video for Seether’s song featuring Amy Lee, “Broken”.
While the song blares in the background, pictures of Necropotence, Tolarian Academy, Ric Flair, Cable, Mind Over Matter, Ancestral Recall, and Strip Mine are flashing all over the screen. That’d be such an interesting video to make…
’Cause I’m brooooookkkkkeeeennnn…
.:It's Been A While:.
Grace and I had a very simple date yesterday, and I must say that I'm exceedingly pleased over how it turned out. I know that I was guilty of being fixated over certain ideas and people yesterday, but I'm glad I managed to redeem myself to the point that she took it all in stride. I guess there really isn't much to say about that. I'm just glad that I made her happy for one day, as I'm pretty certain that her studies will really be giving her quite a headache, considering how much she still has to do... ah, well. I hope she'll be doing just fine...
Friday, July 16, 2004
Ran into sir Jude Rocha a couple of days ago. As expected, he was proud to have heard that one of his Radio 1 wards (I was under Chico as his "Buddy", but sir Jude was my "Big Buddy".) made a break into radio (For at least six months in my case... heh.). I'm glad he really was supportive of me.
However, let's just say that by the looks of it, I sure have my work cut out for me right now. I really have quite a lot on my plate at this point, although I did inadvertently miss today's production meeting in WAVE because I had classes during the time.
However, the tradeoff is that I have an Ancient Philosophy long test today, and I am now swamped with checking a whole stack of long tests, as it is quite apparent that I'm in for one Hades of a weekend.
I like the feel of the faculty lounge, though. Very cozy place... of course, considering my partner's efficiency, I feel like such a delinquent compared to Camilo...
I also found it flattering that someone saw the sonnet entitled “The Light Of Darkness” as a supposedly “very deep” poem. I’m flattered. I distinctly recall writing it in reference to Miriam Defensor-Santiago after Edsa III… so I guess it could mean more than that to other people, especially since the one who made the comment wasn’t in the country when Edsa III came around…
More quotable quotes with Jess this morning, though. Something about having some manly bonding with Robbie... or was it manly bondage? Oh, never mind.
Looks pretty harmless, doesn’t it?
Tonight was dinner with Sacha and Sean, as we all enjoyed a nice spot of lasagna, courtesy of Sach. Marvelously done lasagna, as always. I really did like it a lot. In any case, I certainly enjoyed dinner with the two of them, as we really had an interesting discussion that ranged from my fiction ideas to “Angels and Demons” to a bit of review for my Philosophy long test tomorrow, and whatnot. We did talk about disturbing ecchi all the same, and some spots of lee7 speak, which turned out to be quite hilarious for the most part.
Anyways, we almost went for the ice cream bar at Shakey's but we were pressed for time. Our discussions on the ultimate “aphrodisiac” was also a bit interesting, nonetheless...
Sean: So you know what the ultimate aphrodisiac is?
Sach promptly coughs in her drink. Oh, well. Disbelievers. Heh. Nonetheless, we were more or less just having fun and intelligent conversations, and there wasn't much of a difference from how our group things usually went (Unlike my one-on-ones with Sach, which usually inadvertently produces exceedingly funny moments.), although more subdued and pressed for time. Things went smoothly for the most part, though.
I of course had to go back to my old line of “If Sach can get away without a pair, then give me long hair, and I can teach in ICA” bit…
Nonetheless, I must make a mental note that the pinky bit is soooo passé.,,
.:The Great Pretenders:.
A story fragment by Marcelle T. Fabie
(Note: This is a work of fiction. Keep that in mind.)
She walks silently and sits across him on the table.
“So, what's on your mind?” she playfully asks him as he fidgets a bit nervously. Quite uncharacteristic of him, truth be told. He's usually very calm and collected.
“Will I ever see you again?”
“What makes you think otherwise?”
“Oh, I don't know...”
“Then, if you don't know, what is there to worry about?”
“I guess you’re right...”
”I know I’m right.”
She looks at him with a measure of amusement. He seems to have no idea how to conduct himself as a million and one emotions tug at him from all directions all at the same time. She knows he doesn't like being governed by his feelings this powerfully. It ruins his image of being in control of himself at all times. But she knows him far better than she lets him on.
“I don't love you. Not at all,” he begins. His eyes stare at her dead-on, without blinking.
“Good. Neither do I. You're not quite my type.”
She looks at him some more, and he seems like his usual self again. It doesn't seem like he's bluffing at this point any longer. He's been extremely candid throughout the whole deal, and there's really no reason for him to hide how he really feels. Especially not with her. She's probably one of the most understanding people he's ever met.
He knows that she's fooling herself. She wants to believe him, but he realizes that in the back of her head, it's such a flattering thought that he, the unflappable, is liable to be just another one of them. He doesn't like that moral victory. Nor does he particularly think that it would be of any help to the both of them, either. He's unsure, and the messy things going on in his life right now do nothing to give him a sense of clarity. Is this what he fears it is? Is this what he hopes it to be? All he can be certain of is that he can never be sure of anything when it comes to her.
It's a battle of wills. It stings his ego that he isn't quite as irresistible as he thought he would be, although he finds it cute that she treats him with such an immense amount of respect. It annoys yet also pleases her that he's not too impressed by her appeal, either. One's amusement over being a goddess of sorts can only take her so far. In spite of their unbearably grandiose notions of self-worth, they amazingly hit it off well, but now the moment has come.
Neither will budge.
And so, they become friends. And chances are, they will stay friends, until someone learns to be humble for a change. Then, things might get interesting the moment that happens.
.:Live Through Me:.
A Sonnet by Marcelle T. Fabie
I have not failed, I have gone the distance
Yet I cannot quite be who you want me to be:
Another you, for within your well-laid plans
You will never allow me to simply be me
These are your dreams, they're not mine at all
Woeful Architect of delusions of grandeur
Live through me, and all else who may fall
For the greatest ruse: the promised cure
Oh, vile, vile Engineer of this Herculean sham!
As they all believe that you have set them free
To do your wishes, their minds are damned
But I know too well what they cannot see
That you will accept me for the way I simply am
Only if you can manage to live through me
Thursday, July 15, 2004
A Sonnet by Marcelle T. Fabie
A return to Grace; a joy unknown
God’s greater glory in its Fullness of Fullness shown
Lost, now found; dead, now risen
The final triumph over the infernal denizen
From the fall to victory at last,
Ride into the sun with glimmering wings at dawn
Strength from Within; hold on fast
Know that you are indeed Destiny’s son
For none else can there be save the Magis of being
Dear old Loves; return to the fold
‘Fore Chronos strikes and sees me old
Where would one want, with wisdom unweaving?
Or ancient Bliss beyond feeling sight?
A return to grace; a return to Blight
A Quatraine by Marcelle T. Fabie
You're not ugly, believe what I say
(Other planets find you great anyway)
I'm trying to make gold out of dirt
It's a compliment but it just might hurt
You definitely are making a statement
Green hair, with matching ornament
(But whatever the statement you're making
It sound a lot like you're cussing)
You, on the other hand, you're pretty
(Pretty awful, if you ask me honestly)
Don't worry; I had a friend who had worse
(Actually, I'm talking about his racing horse)
Don't say that; you're not one bit fat
(Oof! Do you mind getting off of my lap?)
You're not dumb, you have a brain
(But you don't use it; isn't that insane?)
I meant well when I called you ugly and rude
(Those are the only good qualities you exude)
He's not horny, he's just dysfunctionally erect
(But that's just being politically correct)
People say only what others want to hear
Funny how those statements now seem clear
And that is what euphemisms are about
End of the lesson, over and out